Can You Hear Me Now?

• Our Rec. Therapist stumbled across my blog. HI LORRAINE!
• Today at lunch, while Clive was struggling with his chef’s salad, Blanche pointed out to him, “you have tomato on your nose”. So he wiped his face. “No, it’s still there.” So he wiped more. Suddenly, Blanche realized it was a large mole or something. “Uh… you got it!” Then she looked at me and shrugged “I guess it wasn’t tomato”. LOL
• I forgot to mention that yesterday Michelle brought me a couple magazines, including a Consumer’s Report with “What Digital Camera is Right for You?” on the cover. I thought that was really thoughtful!
• As for listing the menus each day so my friends can decide what days they want to join me for meals, I can’t remember from one day to the next what’s on the menu unless it is right in front of me. Which it isn’t when I’m over here. I think the memory loss that runs rampid in this joint is contagious. Dinner tonight was sausages or salmon and I didn’t like either, which is rare. Sunday is their yummy Mac & Cheese, that much I remember!
• Sophia did go home today, but her boyfriend seemed very overwhelmed about all the responsibility she will be. I hope it goes well for her, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see her back here on Saturday. In the meantime, I have a nice, quiet, private room!
• Marge is behind me talking to her stuffed dog right now. “Are you tired, little one? Are you tired?”
• There are 150 people staying in this place (all units combined). Someone told me that number the other day. And 97% of them are named Margaret.
• Jocelyn the nursing student thanked me for being such a “great, nice client”, but her instructor wants her working with someone else now. Someone “sicker”. I bet she’s just tired of wiping my butt and wants a different view. Ahahaha! (sorry).
• Karen works again tonight, her last night until Monday. I looooooove her. I always sit up at her desk until bedtime and we talk. Every time she has to run and do something she apologizes to me, “sorry sweetie, I’ve got to go (do whatever)”. Well, you know, you are at work! No need to apologize! Hee hee
• My AFO (ankle/foot orthotic or something like that) came back today. I gave it a test run and I think it’s going to be GREAT once the swelling in my foot goes down and I get proper shoes to wear with it. It really does lift up my toes for me!
• My parents, brother and friends are Godsends and I am so grateful to all of you, you have no idea. I just need to stress that point.

Helloooooooo! So it’s Thursday. My roommate is going home today, but they are keeping her bed reserved for 48 hours in case she needs to come back. So, you know what that means, I HAVE A PRIVATE ROOM FOR TWO DAYS!! Yeehaw!

Yesterday i went for more X-rays and was told all looks good. The Doc said “come back and see me in 4 weeks”. I gasped. I want an extra special miracle speedy recovery for my wrist so i can go home. He said “you’re going to be in that cast for 4 more weeks!” I explained my situation and how I really want the okay to use my arm more and get home. He said if I put weight on it, the bones will shift, i will need surgery, and will be here longer, so just BE PATIENT. I did manage to talk him down from 4 weeks to 3 weeks to finally 2 weeks for my next X-rays though! So we’ll see.

When I got back here, I asked about getting day passes for the weekend or something, as long as people are there to assist me, can I go home for a few hours to work and visit my kitties?? So, yes, I will be going home Saturday afternoon and then again on Monday with my parents. I called a couple clients and made arrangements for them to gather up work for me and bring it by. Now the test will be… will I actually work, or just cuddle and play with my kitties??

Yesterday Michelle came up for awhile and brought me some bottled water. That is easier to keep drinking from than the little plastic cups they give you here. We visited for awhile and she met Blanche too. Hooting owl lady was quiet that afternoon, so she missed out on that.

Dorothy came by to visit her mom before she gets discharged today. Dorothy likes to make comments about their home life to make sure I hear it all. She said “I won’t see much of you mom, after you get home”. And Sophia said “oh, i know dear, it’s hard for you”. Dorothy - “it’s not hard for me mom. Your boyfriend is a DICK and treats me like shit and I don’t need that. What is his problem with me, anyway?” and then they banter back and forth and every time Dorothy makes a point about the awfulness of Sophia and her boyfriend she glances my way to make sure I heard and am listening. You know what I mean? They both want to keep in touch with me because they like me so much, but I don’t want to be in the middle of their problems. I don’t need the stress of other people’s problems sucking me dry. Been there, done that, way too many times!

After Dorothy left I received a text message from Jason. I have no $$ left on my phone so I couldn’t text him back, so i went out to call him. While i was calling him, he was calling me via the front desk, so i got his voice mail and he left a message for me here saying it’s “her most favourite person in the world”. lol The Unit Clerk made me guess who it was. (Didn’t take me long!) Eventually we connected and talked for awhile. They’re going off on tour for awhile now, but should be visiting me when they get back… I sure hope so.

So far today I’ve had breakfast with Blanche; Rose has been replaced at our table by a man named Clive, who has Parkinson’s Disease and scoliosis. VERY nice man, but so hunched over and barely speaks above a whisper so very difficult to understand. Then I did my morning wheelchair exercise class. The rest of the day, who knows?

I better go say goodbye to Sophia, she’s leaving in less than an hour!

Yesterday I got a really nice surprise when my friend Pam showed up to visit me! I tried to explain to Sophia that she is the sister of the boyfriend of my friend that had visited the night before, but I think her brain exploded on that one. Pam loves to garden and cook, and she brought me flowers from her garden (and catnip for my kitties!) and a big piece of banana/strawberry bread she made. It was yummy. As Sophia said, “Donna, your friends spoil you!” Pam and I sat outside and yacked for awhile and had a nice visit. She’s so cute and tiny! She told me some crazy stories about her cat’s antics. I can’t wait to get home to my kitties!!! GOD I miss them.

I’m still running into my old boss Sharon here every night, but her father is going home tomorrow so that will be it for that. I never did see her son, darn it, but I saw her daughter who is now 28, tall, thin, gorgeous and sweet. She is getting married in August. Sharon raised a couple great kids, but I can’t imagine where they got their good looks from! Haha

Speaking of going home, there are a lot of discharges this week (I’m not one of them!) Rose actually went home today, which is a scary thought to me… she lives alone, and even though her son and others will be “checking in regularly”, it only takes a split second for something serious to happen. The woman has no memory, and has choked a few times while eating recently - I have been there to call over help and several staff end up wheeling her away and helping her, but what the hell will happen when she is alone?? She won’t remember that she chokes on toast easily and will very likely make it for herself. I wish they would just send her to a nursing home with 24 hour care.

So Blanche and I have an empty seat at our table for now. I just hope it isn’t filled by anyone like the woman who hoots like an owl and yells “”PRAISE JESUS! OH HELP ME, JESUS!” all day or the 96 year old woman who tells everyone she doesn’t belong here, yet carries around her little stuffed dog and thinks its real.

Napolean Dynamite is working on the cable lines in the rooms this week. Swear to God.

Tomorrow morning I go for more X-rays, and hopefully a latte. I’m working on getting set up with a LifeLine “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” alarm thingy, a stripper pole beside my bed, (well, that’s what I’m calling it. They consider it a “sturdy pole” to help me pull myself out of bed) and Meals on Wheels. I’m pretty sure, anyway. This is the place to be when you need that sort of help arranged, so I’m starting to ask for it. My leg brace is back at the shop getting adjusted again and I hope to be using it soon… the little test run I did yesterday proved that it does indeed help my toes lift up, so that’s good.

Okay, no visitors expected tonight, so I’m gonna go grab a French Vanilla and await the shift change at 7:00. After that I get my SHOWER tonight!!! PRAISE JESUS!!

F.Y.I., I just went through my entries since I broke my wrist to change the names of the patients I have been yacking about to aliases (including your comments). Probably not the smartest idea to use their real names!

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I was on the computer here most of the morning, and then after lunch I wandered downstairs where I caught Blanche in the little store stocking up. I swear, that woman has more stuff in her room, I don’t know where she puts it all! She said “they take credit cards here. You want anything?” hehe I let her buy me a box of Crunch n’ Munch (she insisted) while her daughter helped her bag up all her tissues, combs, Tide, Bounce, Blistex, junk food, etc. She spent $39 and I bet she does that often in there! I told her we should blow this popstand and take her credit card to a MALL!

After shopping, Blanche, her daughter and myself got French Vanillas and chatted in the downstairs dining area. Blanche’s daughter is an accountant (CA) who works from home, so that’s good to know! She could tell by some of the smartass remarks I sent Blanche’s way that “hmm… you know my mother quite well”. lol

Then I went up to my room to rest. My right foot is as puffy as a balloon, so I need to put it up when I can. So I just laid back and did my breathing and visualizing of my bones healing up, getting strong, and me doing handstands.

At 4:30 they start gathering everyone up to go for supper. Suddenly my brother walked into my room, so I said “hey, you got money? Join me for dinner!” You can eat with guests in the downstairs dining room, and they can buy the same meals we get quite cheap. Last night was great - full roast turkey dinner, mashed potatoes and all the fixings. My brother got his huge plate for about $5. Then he bought a few desserts because there were so many, so cheap, and of course I just say “I live here” and show my ID bracelet and get it free. He asked the cashier if they get many people in here eating that have no other reason to be here, (not visiting anyone), because it’s good food and so reasonably priced. She said “not really, we don’t advertise!”

After dinner Darren bought me another French Vanilla and wheeled me outside to the beautiful garden. We are situated beside a river and wonderful landscaping. They take great care of this place.

My bro left around 6:45, and shortly after beautiful Lisa walked in! She looked so pretty with a flower in her long hair and her cute dress. Everyone I introduced her too would literally GASP and say “she is SO BEAUTIFUL!” Rose said she looked like summer.

Lisa brought me food left over from the students at her recital that afternoon, including a container with various pieces of cake… I LOVE CAKE. She hung out with me for awhile and I took her to Blanche’s room, where we talked with her and watched some Rockstar auditions. Rose came up the hall too, so she got to meet my meal table mates. I gave Lisa a few of my gorgeous roses to dry out for me, and then the nursing staff offered her a bunch more from their collections because “we just throw them out when they die anyway”. So Lisa left with a big bouquet of flowers almost as beautiful as her!

And of course, she met my roommate on her best behaviour (I said “bring her a cookie and juice and she’ll love you forever” lol). Today I got a lot of the life story/background on Sophia from her daughter, Dorothy, and it ain’t pretty. She’s been a drug addict, alcoholic, heavy smoker (hence all the oxygen she needs… she can’t smoke here but as soon as she gets home you can bet she’ll start again, because she will forget the negative affects). She has been addicted to pain killers for 40 years, as is Dorothy - she’s been through it all too. Sophia’s 72 year old boyfriend (she was married twice and now has been living with this guy for 22 years) back at home is “not all as sweet as he appears to be”. He is a gambling addict and has been draining Sophia’s bank account for 20 years. He hates Dorothy and doesn’t let her visit. Dorothy says Sophia is aware of all this, but all the women in that family have been male dependent their whole lives so she just doesn’t care, as long as he is there. Dorothy is trying to break the male dependency cycle in her family now that she is single again (3 marriages) and has adopted her (heroin addict, “unfit mother”) daughter’s two little girls. It’s a pretty messy situation and I have heard a LOT about it all! As Amanda Marshall says, “Everybody’s got a story that will break your heart”.

So anyway, thanks so much for hanging out yesterday, Darren and Lisa. So far today I’ve eaten too much and exercised, heard some of Dorothy and Sophia’s story, and yacked with a nurse for ages. Now I need to go lie down and put my puffy foot up for an hour or so before dinner. I really do like it here, it’s a nice place with great nurses and staff; no complaints from me except occasional boredom and patient dementia. I just really want to be home so I can be with my kitties and work! I’m getting so far behind with my clients… I’m gonna be busy when I finally get out!

p.s. Thanks for the message Kim, I’m gonna call you back tonight!

I’ve got a bit of time this morning with nothing exciting to talk about yet (just finished breakfast, it’s going to be a beautiful day, I can’t wait to get outside with a French Vanilla and visitors!) so i’m going to write about how I ended up here in the first place.

As I had written in the entry before I broke my wrist, I was on the go and needed to slow down. Funny how our bodies know when they need to force you into that.

So, Friday June 9 I worked at the pub. I came home, and decided I would be spending a quiet weekend at home still resting. I just wanted to go to the mall for my latte and some weekend munchies. So I took my scooter out and did just that. When I got home, I parked my scooter outside my door in the hallway, because I need to go inside first to put the kitties behind a closed door before I drive it in, otherwise they run out. So I grabbed my purse, left everything else in the hall, came inside, closed the door, threw my purse on the counter and headed towards a kitty to put in my office. Suddenly I just tripped over myself because my right foot didn’t lift up, and I went down. I automatically put my left arm out to break my fall, and the SECOND I landed I yelled “SHIT!!” because I knew I had broken my wrist. So there I sat in my front entrance hall, with a broken left wrist resting on my leg and a useless right hand. What to do, what to do…

I was close to my door, which was unlocked, so if someone heard me they could walk in and see my predicament. The doors are wood and it is easy to hear anything coming from an apartment in the hallway. In fact, I could hear the guys that live across the hall talking in their apartment. Surely, if I yell, they will hear me, too.

So, I started yelling. And Screaming. I yelled and screamed everything from “HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!” to my name, apartment number, what happened, please call 9-1-1, I can hear you guys I know you can hear me, somebody help me please, etc. etc. I sat on my floor screaming and yelling for over an hour. And I could still hear them talking in their apartment, the buggers.

I finally gave up because I was tired of screaming and was now frustrated and crying too. And my wrist was puffing up. I saw my purse on the counter and the strap was hanging down, so I used my bum and legs to hop towards it, trying not to move my wrist. I used my teeth to pull the strap and get my purse to the floor. Then, trying my best to use my right hand and teeth, managed to wiggle open the zipper and get out my cell phone. The KEYS WERE LOCKED, and to unlock them you need to hit two keys very fast. “Very fast” is not something my right fingers/hand knows. But I kept trying, using my knuckles because that hand was contracted into a fist, and after about 20 tries I finally unlocked it. WHEW. Then my knuckles hit 9-1-1-send and by the time they answered i was crying so hard (from pain, frustration, and just plain “I can’t believe I actually managed to do this”) that they could hardly understand me. The phone was on the floor and I was leaning over it trying to yell my address out between sobs!

I fell at about 5:30 and by 7:30 the ambulance was finally there. I was so relieved to see them that I was crying so hard… I can imagine how pathetic I looked, sitting in the middle of my hallway bawling like a baby, mascara running down my face. Anyway, they calmed me down, put me in a splint, administered an IV and started feeding me painkillers. My kitties were all over their equipment and trying to get into their bags lol. One paramedic worked on me while the other one put my latte in the fridge and fed my kittens! They got me on a stretcher and put my scooter inside.

We drove to the hospital, and once there I had considerably calmed down. A nurse wiped my face (”what, you don’t like that black goth look?” asked my paramedic lol) and helped me call my mom. I went for x-rays (ow ow ow), told I had a nasty fracture, got knocked out with those heavy drugs (that truth serum stuff!) while they set me in a cast. By then my mom and Bob were there, and so began the discussions of “what to do with me”. The doctor was ready to just send me home, but excuse me, I have no use of my right arm. So then we waited for Home Care to come talk to me. While waiting for that, my mom and I got talking about the fact that even if home care came every day to shower/dress me and stuff, I still can’t walk without assistance and am obviously at danger for falling, and I can’t put weight on my wrist to use my cane or walker. And then there is the whole going to the bathroom routine, I certainly can’t do that myself! So we talked to the doctor again and made it clear to him that I need more help than just home care once/day, and my parents work and can’t do everything for me even if I stayed there… mom would wipe my ass (you sign up for that when you decide to have children. Even when they are 38), but she can’t stop me from falling. hehe

So, we waited for another woman from Transition Services to come talk to us. She finally came and said they had a bed for me over at this care facility, so I could stay here to recover. I just had to wait for the EMT guys to take me over in an ambulance, but since I was in good hands now, my mom and Bob left (it was after midnight).

So now I am alone, lying there waiting for EMT. Alone with my own thoughts. Alone to think about what had happened and what the next few weeks hold for me. I can’t use my arms/hands. I can’t feed myself. I can’t dress myself. I can’t get up from a chair or bed by myself. I can’t go to the bathroom by myself. I.CAN’T.DO.ANYTHING. And I started feeling sorry for myself and crying. And CRYING. A nurse came over and asked what was wrong. That just made me cry harder. “Are you hungry? do you want a sandwich?” to which my response was to start hyperventilating, I was crying so hard. I was thinking “I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING FEED IT TO MYSELF!!!”

She tried to calm me down and get me to take deep breaths. It didn’t work. I just had to get it out.

When the EMT guys arrived, they talked to me nicely and said I could cry as much as I want, they wouldn’t think any less of me. I just told them to talk to me about anything, so I had something to distract my thoughts away from my own situation. So one guy started telling me about his schooling, and then he grabbed a red marker to sign my cast. I asked him to draw a heart over my wrist to send it “love vibes” and then write the word “heal” inside it.

So by the time I got to this place, it was 2:00 a.m. and I was much calmer. The nurse that admitted me, Karen, is AWESOME. I really like her and any night she works I hang out at her desk and we chat until I go to bed.

So anyway, that is how I got here, and things are a lot better now. After my feel-sorry-for-myself episode the first night, I got over it. The staff here are great and so helpful. I am now feeding myself and my fingers move good, but I still don’t have the strength to do more than that. It takes 6 weeks for a broken bone to heal enough to put weight on it so I just need to be patient…

Yes, last night my parents snuck Pita and Pepper in and brought them to my room. I did manage to get in some kisses and cuddles, but a new place means new things to explore and jump on and turn into toys, so they were pretty busy. A couple staff came in to see them and pet them too, as did my old boss Sharon. Party in my room!

Sorry Lisa, I meant 2:00 that AH showed up, not 1:00. it was about half an hour after you left!

They weigh us every Saturday. I am gaining weight here but I just don’t care right now. Food is my comfort, I enjoy it, and I’m in need of that these days, so sue me. i’ll worry about it when I get home.

So, after all the fuss to make sure my sandals got here so I could try walking with my brace before physio closed up for the weekend, I still can’t. The velcro straps pop open when i step, and she even extended the velcro with more, but it didn’t help. my feet are so swollen and puffy (i think from not walking much and not enough water) that i think i will need to wait until i get home and can go proper shoe shopping and find some that work with the brace. I may need to buy two pairs of all shoes now to get a larger right one! Bah.

Today I skipped lunch here because i talked my folks into bringing me pizza from my favourite place that is close to our chiropractor (where they were this morning, so it wasn’t out of their way!) Cabbage rolls was on the menu here so… YUCK. Anyway, while I was waiting for my pizza delivery, a couple arrived delivering tons of flowers. The man’s mother had been living here and died recently (not here, they had moved her to a hospital ’cause she was VERY sick), and her funeral was yesterday. They brought all the flowers here because they said Martha would have wanted that, to brighten everyone’s day. So the front desk, TV room and conference room have these gorgeous, huge arrangements in them. Then they put a DOZEN pink and white long-stemmed roses on the table beside my bed, and said “if anyone asks, they were delivered by an angel”. Wow. They are sooooooo beautiful.

My roommate has taken to having more conversations with herself. They go sorta like this:

(in a whiny Little Kid Voice): Oh, I’m in pain, ah ah ah ah, eh eh eh eh, it hurts!
(in a Loud Mean Voice): SHUT UP! STOP BEING SUCH A BABY!
(LKV): but it hurts!
(LMV): SHUT UP! YOU BIG BABY!

and so it goes.

My parents are coming again tonight, bringing me some pillows from home because i’ve been instructed to keep my feet up above my heart when laying down, and the pillows here are so flat, plus there always seems to be a shortage of them.

Lisa and Russ should be coming tomorrow! And maybe Ken!

I’m taking my mid-afternoon computer time. Today’s notes:

• I loved the blouse Blanche was wearing yesterday, it’s a really nice white flowing cotton she says her daughter got for her in Turkey. i asked her to leave it to me in her will and she said she would. hehe
• My roommate is supposed to be going home next friday. it can’t come soon enough… let her family put up with her talking/yelling at herself and weird noises! she has her nice moments, of course. i got her a cookie the other night and she almost cried.. “you’re so sweet, can i pay you?” i told her you don’t pay people for being nice to you lol she really likes me because i am nice and patient with her… i do realize she is older, in pain, and not all there in the head. that doesnt make it any less annoying for me though, so i just vent elsewhere!
• It took them awhile to come get me after dinner last night (i have to wait for someone to walk with me). Blanche, who arrives at all meals fashionably late and leaves last, said they must have forgotten about me. I said “oh, they’ll realize sooner or later how quiet it is down at their end and realize they’re missing something” haha
• Today has been a great day so far. Jocelyn was here again to help me out, Lisa came by with the sandals i need to walk with my new brace AND she brought me some awesome stuff… including the sunflower painting Emma did for me, a photo album she put together with pictures of my kitties, and a box of Purdy’s chocolates! THEN, around 1:00 AH came by with Tim Horton’s coffee and visited for awhile.
• I have the most thoughtful friends on earth.
• Now I’m off to join in the “ice cream social” before walking with my new brace. Later tonight my mom and Bob will be here and we’re making another attempt to sneak in the kittens. Cross your fingers!