Can You Hear Me Now?

I was so shook up by the time I reached the hospital for my physio appointment the other day, I almost didn’t go in. Well, that’s not quite true, of course I went in, but I laid on the table and just breathed for about 10 minutes before anything else. This was all thanks to Access Calgary and their lovely Handi-bus vehicles. Holy shit! Those are the worst vehicles on the road. When I was able to go out with just my walker, I had a Doctor’s note in my file to never send me a Handi-bus because they have absolutely no shock absorption and toss you around like a rag doll (once I hit my head pretty hard on the window) plus they have no air conditioning. When you’re stuck on a city-wide trip in the summer that is brutal for MSers. Then in the winter, they open the back up to let the ramp down and leave it that way while they go looking for their next passenger. Not fun to sit there when it’s -30 outside. So anyway, I managed to keep myself as “car only” for many years, but now that I need to go out with my scooter (and soon my power chair) I have no choice in the matter. A few times I have lucked out and a wheelchair van has showed up, which is nice, but usually it is those horrible clunky Handi-busses. Tuesday was especially awful because I got a bit of a city tour, going waaaaay past my destination to pick up another two people and drop me off on the way back. There were many, many speed bumps, tight corners turned at too fast a speed, and very uneven concrete roads. At one point I felt one of my wheels lift up and I thought I was going to topple over. I flew up in the air several times. I screamed… twice. And to think, with the Calgary Stampede so close, I’ve been thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve been able to ride on a roller coaster. At least on a roller coaster you’ve got bars around you to feel secure. Yikes. I was scared shitless.

The rides are always horrible, especially over speed bumps, but I usually get direct trips to the hospital because it is so close. I have never had to deal with a run like this. Now I am afraid to book a trip to anywhere further from me in the city! Maybe it will be better in a wheelchair. If you’re on a 3 wheel scooter they want you to transfer to a seat for safety reasons, but I am unable to do that so I stay seated on my scooter and feel pretty uneasy about it. Although on Tuesday the bus was too full for me to transfer even if I could, with 3 ambulatory passengers on the seats, a person in a wheelchair and me on my scooter. I guess I have another reason to seek out a 4 wheeled scooter again. one of these days I’ll get on that… for now I’m still awaiting the arrival of my power wheelchair and then I need to get to work on setting up self-managed care. Oh, and next week I have an appointment to get my ankle/foot orthotic looked at to see if there are some changes they can make to it so I can actually put it on and wear it. Hey, that only took three years! Hopefully if it works I’ll be walking safely and more often again. My Home Care nurse/coordinator has been fighting the good fight for me on this one for over two years. Finally someone listened! I need to get a shoe for it this week.

The above was written a couple days ago! Yesterday I found my shoes. In fact, it took me all of 30 seconds to find them. I needed a shoe with velcro straps in a size bigger than I wear, wide. I rode into Payless Shoes (where, it turns out, my scooter sets off the security alarms, and they didn’t stop until I left. That was nice). The only aisle that had room for me (the store was busy. And did I mention I set off the alarms? The staff must be used to it because they were not phased) just happened to have women’s size 9-1/2 at the end. I spotted some black running shoes, and when I pulled out the box they just happened to be a wide, with velcro straps across the top. Sold! That was easy.

Before that, however, I spent an hour in a periotontist chair getting my gums scaled. They are in such bad shape, she could only do my top teeth and they needed to freeze my gums. The hygienist lectured me (nicely) about taking better care of my extremely infected and inflamed gums. I know, I know. I’m going to have to get my daily home care “plan” to include dental hygiene assistance. My main excuse for not spending time on my teeth is the difficulty standing at the sink, brushing my teeth with my one good hand while trying to stay balanced. But there is lots I can do seated while watching TV. I solved my one handed flossing woes ages ago, so I really don’t have an excuse. Just DO it.

So after I got home I went back out to the mall to pick up an Oral B Vitality to use until I get a replacement head for my Sonicare (dad took it to find one for me) and the shoes. As I was riding my scooter up the mall, a lady came along beside me, smiled, and said “hope you’re having a good day!” or something very friendly like that. She stayed beside me and said “it’s so great to see you out and about.” She didn’t mean me exactly, it was more of a general statement about people with mobility problems being able to get out on motorized scooters and chairs. I ended up stopping and chatting with her for a bit. She told me she used to take care of this older gentleman until “they put him in the Fanning Centre” (assisted living facility). I asked, “oh, you’re a caregiver?” and she said she’s not officially, but loves to do that sort of stuff and take care of people. She started listing people/family she has cared for over the years. She used to be a waitress but isn’t able to do that anymore (I didn’t ask why, maybe I should have? Did she poison her customers?) so now she cleans houses. She offered herself up to be of assistance to me if I ever need it, “clean your house, do your laundry, cook, paint your nails… I do everything except build houses! And I don’t charge a lot. I really just love helping people”. She wrote down her name and number with “cleaner, handy, loving girl” under it. So…. Angel sent from above, or total whackjob? I’m sure I’ll find out ’cause I know I’ll call her at some point. She seems to be around my age, one of those people a little rough around the edges with a heart of gold. In fact, she TOLD me she has a heart of gold, so there ya go. Will be interesting to see if she really is as kind and giving as she appeared to be, and if in the future when I get into self-managed care I end up hiring her! As she left, she told me and my completely frozen, drooling mouth, “you have a very pretty smile”.

I’m doing better since I cut back to 10 StemEnhance per day. I was definitely detoxing before, so I feel normal again. Dare I say I’m noticing it’s a little easier to get up from the toilet, my chair, my scooter, etc.? No, I won’t get too excited yet. But that has been quite noticeable the past few days compared to the past year! Shhhh.

Oh my God, my friend Emma in Toronto (for now, until she is done school in a couple weeks and then goes back to Montreal until she heads to SCOTLAND for school in the fall, where she got a scholarship at some music industry school, and I am making no sense, but oh my God it is so exciting and I am so proud of her and the corruption I thought I caused her at age 15) did the coolest thing the other day. We were talking over Skype, and since we both have MacBooks, Emma suggested we try iChat (Skype was very fuzzy). With iChat there is a “share screen” feature, and we were able to go on the other person’s computer. Like, I was able to snoop through Emma’s files and emails and listen to her iTunes and everything. Unbelievable. I totally freaked out, that was the coolest thing ever.

Okay that part was written yesterday, and I am determined to finish this up tonight.

This morning I went back to the mall and returned the Oral B Vitality, because, really, I can live for a few days with a normal toothbrush until I get my Sonicare replaced. I didn’t really need to spend $29 on a toothbrush. But, if you don’t have any other kind of electric toothbrush, it’s supposed to be a really good one for the price.

I was saddened to hear of Farrah Fawcett’s passing this morning, and totally shocked by the death of Michael Jackson! Woah. I used to LOVE Michael. I owned “Off The Wall” and a family I babysat for gave me “Thriller” for Christmas when I was 15. I played them over n’ over n’ over. While curling my hair to look like Farrah’s. It’s a bad day for childhood icons.

However, my greatest love from my teen years, John Taylor from Duran Duran, is alive and well and guest starring on “Samantha Who?” tonight! Woo hoo!

I’ve also been keeping up on the goings on in Iran, via following a few reliable sources on Twitter and my favourite news source, The Daily Show. I’m not able to watch all the video footage because the screams are too much to handle. I did watch most of the footage of Neda’s death but I closed the browser when the blood started pouring and I heard the screams. I made the mistake of clicking on a link and watching a video in the first couple days of the aftermath, when the Basij were storming dorms and attacking/killing students. That was a mistake and that boys face and the screams will haunt me forever. This NY Times blog has great coverage if you’re interested. One of the guys in Iran I’m following on Twitter said yesterday “we must go - don’t know when we can get internet- they take one of us, they will torture and get names - now we must move fast.” Good Lord, can you even imagine. We are so lucky to live here.

My mom is coming to stay with me this weekend. That will be nice! She can help me organize in my office and we’re going to watch “The Reader”. I was going to rent it last weekend but my mom said “no! Wait until I come!”

One of these days I will get around to emptying out my memory card on my camera. Until then, Pita still likes to hang out on me and my MacBook.

This is just a quick update to ease the minds of those worried I may be making myself worse by taking StemEnhance. I had a nice long chat with a health and wellness coach on Monday. She is a holistic health practitioner and has been doing that for 24 years, only about two years with Stemtech. (Her story - brain injury in 2000, doctors told her if her brain didn’t recover in two years it never would. She started StemEnhance in Sept. 2007 and within weeks was remembering phone numbers and stuff. Whatever glitch in her brain that made it impossible to type double letter words - better was beter, hello was helo - went away as well and today she has no sign of ever having a brain injury). Today she works mostly with cancer patients and people like me who have questions/concerns about StemEnhance. Anyway, she told me I’m taking too much and to cut back to 8 or 10 a day. She was spot on with how I am feeling right now and what my BMs look like. “You aren’t even absorbing it all and you’re pooping it out. That’s expensive poop! You’re detoxing so much you’re not giving your body a chance to have a ‘good’ day.” She said she knows the man I talked to, who said I should be taking 2 capsules every 2 hours, and agreed that yes, indeed, his daughter’s story is remarkable, but even she didn’t see results for about 4 months. Also, my body is different than hers, and judging by my situation she figures I’m taking too much and being too hard on my body (I have had pretty fierce detox symptoms lately, such as increased dizziness, blotchy rashes coming out on my chest). She also suggested, as a natural health practitioner not as a Stemtech rep, that I get on a good collagen/MSM supplement and plenty of fish oil (or eat a lot of fatty fish, which ain’t gonna happen). “You do that, and decrease your StemEnhance to 8-10 a day, I think you will have a very different story in a few months”.

She also eased any concerns I had that I’m making unhealthy stem cells and therefore making myself worse by enhancing them. “You may have unhealthy cells, but they are not your stem cells. If you were making unhealthy stem cells, your body would have completely broken down years ago.” She works with and talks to so many people taking StemEnhance and only knows stories of improvement and recovery. We talked a bit about Deepak Chopra and “happy molecules”. She agreed that belief and thoughts play a huge role as well. “However the real miracle is, God created bodies that are able to heal themselves. He also provided us with substances available from the earth to assist in this process.” (StemEnhance is Aphanazomenon Flos-Aquae, or AFA, found in Klamath Lake, Oregon).

So anyway, bottom line is, I’m not going off StemEnhance any time soon and am even more hopeful than I was when started. I also went out and picked up some collagen & MSM supplements yesterday (already have fish oil ones). I’m already less dizzy today than I was on Monday, since cutting back my dosage. Onwards!

P.S. if you are on Twitter, are you following the #IranElection? We are so lucky to live in Canada and America. There is lots of info and links on Twitter, but beware of propaganda, false reports and Twitter accounts set up by the Iran Government to spread false reports. If you read enough it’s easy to tell who is reliable. My prayers are with all in Iran, I wish you FREEDOM and democracy. Sign the Amnesty International Petition!

WANTED: freedom for Iran, sunshine, and toys.

Hello, I’m here, still alive. Just so far behind in posting anything that I’m going to do this in note form to get caught up. I will need to review Twitter and Facebook statuses to remember my life.

Oh, but first, I want to point something out. I realized something recently that I forgot to mention in my last post. If you have EVER written me an email to my donna@innereyes address or left me a comment that you thought I would respond to (especially first time commenters) and you never heard back from me, it’s because I learned via something Robyn said in her Wordpress blog that spam filters are catching these emails. That was a major “A-HA” moment for me, because I have received a lot of nice emails out of the blue from readers, and I have answered every one of them by just hitting “reply” and using the default innereyes address they sent it to, yet I never heard a peep from these people again, even when I asked them a question back. So I am SO SORRY! I receive all the emails and comments that get sent to innereyes, but I will respond from a different address from now on. This has probably been going on for years! Don’t hate me, if you’re even still reading or you stopped because you thought I was a stuck up snob. I DID respond to you!!

Anyway, about my exciting life you keep coming back to check on:

- I got my PVR hooked up. Telus said they’d be here between noon and 2:00, and they book “4 to 5 hours for the installation”. They arrived at noon, it took 15 minutes max, then they left. No doubt to go spend the sunny afternoon on a patio somewhere on their employer’s dime.

- I love my PVR

- A client came by with his tax stuff (yes, he’s always late) and because the receipts were an unorganized, wrinkled mess-in-a-box, I sent him home and told him to come back when they’re sorted. That USED to be my job, but I am so over that shit. Between my vision issues and the use of only one hand, I am not fighting with receipts anymore. And it really doesn’t bother me if I lose clients over it. I’m not enjoying my work much anymore, so I think it’s time to figure out something else I can still do. Like write that damn book…

- “Samantha Who?”, a TV show I absolutely love, has been cancelled. I joined the Twitter campaign to save it, but I don’t know if it’s helping. Catch the final previously unaired episodes Thursdays starting June 25 on ABC (John Taylor from Duran Duran is on the 25th! Wheee!) They’re showing repeats on Friday nights until then. Great show. Stupid ABC.

- Speaking of stupid ABC, I am watching The Bachelorette although I’m not really paying attention. I do hope the best for my Alberta girl Jillian, however. She’s a sweetie and, hey, the Calgary Stampede was even mentioned in one episode. Yeehaw!

- They did a cockroach inspection in my building because there have “been complaints”. SHIIIIIIT!!! There is no sign of them in my apartment, thank God (and kitty cats), and I hope and pray it stays that way. Once roaches invade a building that is IT. I’m hoping the complainers were really seeing small mice. Because I’ve had that problem and DID get rid of that!

- I’ve been going for physio fairly regularly. Unfortunately, the entire process of arranging the ride, getting out of my apartment, waiting for the ride, the ride itself, exercising, then doing it all again in reverse is sometimes too much for me that day and I have to cancel. Oh, how I wish we could get PT in our homes. The Range of Motion I get from my home care worker is great, and I got it increased to 4X/week, but it’s just simple stretches and doesn’t do anything to improve strength.

- The Executive Producer of the Oprah show is following me on Twitter. She asked her thousands of followers to tell her how long they’d been watching, favourite episodes, etc. and she would follow a few back. I sent several messages because I have been watching Oprah since 1812, and even remember her appearances on The Tonight Show and David Letterman back when she was promoting The Color Purple and her “new show”. So her Exec. Prod. Sheri Salata is following me now and I have yet to say anything brilliant to make her think “wow, we must fly that girl to Chicago and put her on the show.” Maybe she’s not too impressed that I whined about the cost of shipping an Oprah show mug (not to her, just in general). But, seriously? I got an Ellen Degeneres show mug, a book, and shipping to Canada, all for $35US. An Oprah mug is $12 PLUS $35 for shipping! I can’t justify that. I love my Ellen mug, by the way. Great handle.

- AH has been in Lebanon for the past couple of weeks. One of the political parties there offered to fly out any Canadian families with dual citizenship for free, for 30 days, if they voted for them. Not too corrupt now, is it? I don’t know the voting procedures over there, but I’d like to know how they can be sure the vote is going to them? Anyway, I guess their tactic worked because they won.

- I attended a mini high school reunion of a bunch of us ladies that went to school together. It was all organized through our re-connecting on Facebook. It was great fun, my friend Lisa picked me up and although I was assured the location was wheelchair accessible, our gathering was held in a private room that was up two little steps (with no railing otherwise I could have managed). I don’t have one of those chairs you can tilt backwards to roll up steps (I have safety bars to keep it from tilting backwards, but times like this it would be nice to be able to remove them). So two big, strong bartenders carried me in my chair up the steps. Times like this it would also be nice to weigh 92 pounds. Anyway, we had fun, the food and service was amazing, everyone looked fabulous, have fabulous lives and families and money, and I came home and wanted to stab myself. Heh.

- The following weekend my friend Kim and her daughter came into town (from Red Deer area) and we went to Cora’s for lunch. I want to eat there every day.

***Tee hee! I started typing this entry several days ago and right now it is Sunday, June 14. Today my dad, brother and his girlfriend picked me up to go for lunch and wandering through Prince’s Island Park. I talked them into going to Cora’s for lunch. Hee!***

- I downloaded and have been listening to Deepak Chopra’s “Quantum Healing” audiobook. It makes so much sense. I was shocked to hear it was recorded in 1989. That’s 20 years ago! He was talking about this stuff even back then! I wish I had heard it 20 years ago. Of course, 20 years ago I was in good health and wouldn’t have sought it out. That’s the thing; when you are in good health, you don’t think about your health. When you’re struggling with your health, it is all you can think about. Therein lies one of the problems. An interesting part of the audio is the good reminder that our cells are constantly dying off and being replaced with new ones. The skin is replaced every month, the liver every 6 weeks. Over the course of a year we have an entire new brain! The stomach tumor diagnosed a few months ago is not composed of the same set of cells as is there today, now repeating the pattern that was set into place earlier. Our cells replicate based on our patterns and beliefs. Happy thoughts produce happy molecules, unhappy thoughts produce unhappy molecules. Although cases of spontaneous deathly cancer cures and disease remissions are rare, they do happen enough to believe it is possible to change our patterns and heal. Chopra says “everyone’s body knows how to heal a cut. Apparently a few people have bodies that know how to cure cancer. Every day a few cancer cells arise in your body, and automatically the DNA, the intelligence in your body knows how to take care of them. So called “spontaneous” remissions are nothing more than an exaggerated phenomenon of what is happening all the time”. There is a lot more to it than that, obviously, and it makes me want to look into Ayurvedic medicine a lot more. I’d like a body that knows how to heal MS! Louise Hay has always said to use the healing affirmation “I am willing to release the pattern in me that has created this condition.” I do say that every day, but not very often and I probably follow it shortly after with a swear word or two so a lot of good that does me!

- Speaking of cells and cell health, I’ve been taking StemEnhance in the large doses for just over a month now. No difference yet. But if the new stem cells I’m making are a part of my old MS thought pattern, and I don’t make healthy cells, then by enhancing the amount I make, could I be making myself worse? Ahhhhh. Of course the scientist behind the product would say “no”, but my basic common sense has me wondering. So every time I take 2 StemEnhance capsules I now follow it with a 1/4 tsp. of Ambrotose, which is supposed to support cellular health and “cell to cell” communication. I know from personal experience (I started taking Ambrotose in 2000) that it is a good product and certainly helps with MS fatigue, but like every other supplement I got lazy about taking it and the cost is so high… but since I have a couple of unopened jars around here I decided this was as good a time as any to commit to taking at least minimal amounts along with the StemEnhance and it should be a great combination! If the claims are true, StemEnhance makes MORE stem cells, and Ambrotose makes those cells healthy. I am an MLM distributor’s dream! Also, a human guinea pig. I’m going to call some StemTech people today because the more I think about that, the more it has me worried. Otherwise, I plan to do this for at least 2 more months before I draw any conclusions. And the next place I’ll use my credit card is right here. I really need to win a lottery, this stuff is expensive!

- I went to the information session on Self-Managed Care. Wow, they sure do overwhelm you and don’t make it easy for you. I think I will go for it, though, because at this point I really do need more assistance than regular home care can provide me with. However, I am looking at at least a year long waiting list so it won’t happen anytime soon. They only have 500 people in the program (out of the 11,000 home care clients in the city) with 58 people on the waiting list. No one gets in unless someone leaves (death or move to assisted living) plus they prioritize the waiting list. Since I’m already receiving a fair bit of home care service with my 6 days per week personal care, 4 days range of motion and an hour every 2 weeks for homemaking, I’m told I’d be at the bottom of the priority list. Bah. Anyway, I’ll be assessed at some point to decide on how much I qualify for (I want to hire someone that can help me get in a POOL!!!) and get on that list. As it is, any friends or family that visit me become automatic caregivers for the duration of their visit because I don’t have one! And that is not fair.

- The assessment will be done by my O/T, but he’s a little busy for me right now because I received my approval letter for the power wheelchair!!! I’m not sure when exactly I’ll be getting it, but I AM getting it! Woo hoo!

- I saw a couple good movies, He’s Just Not That Into You and Role Models (soooooo funny! Jane Lynch at her hilarious best!) I have seen commercials for movies I want to see, and some that… well… Eddie Murphy needs to stop making movies.

- I may bitch about our government from time to time, as is my right as a voter, but I am truly blessed to live in Canada. I read other blogs and what other MSers go through and the costs to get medication and help and I am so lucky. Also? Signed another one year contract for my rent subsidy. Between my AISH (Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped), my rent subsidy and all medical and home care costs paid for, a person can actually live a modest life with a little dignity and not file for bankruptcy because they can’t afford their medical bills. Of course, I still think our Health Care system is a “Sick Care” system and as I choose natural health products, procedures and supplements I’m on my own, when it comes right down to it I do take a couple meds I don’t have to pay for and see doctors and dentists and stay in hospitals and get a POWER WHEELCHAIR and daily help to shower and dress and… I’m lucky. Thank you Government for letting me count.

- This You Tube sensation is a local guy. He made front page news here. He needs to go on Ellen, no one would appreciate the power of one person dancing to start something like that more than her!

I think the cats knocked my card reader onto the floor in behind the shelf where I keep my Macbook, so I can’t get to all the pictures on my camera. So these are from my dad’s Blackberry again.

Pita and Pepper had a stare-down the other day. It started in the living room with Pepper ready to smack down Pita, but turned into a staring contest with Pita slowly walking backwards and Pepper following her, never taking their eyes off each other, ready to pounce at any moment. It’s times like this you realize why you MUST have more than one cat.

And the winner is… Pepper!

But Pita is still a STAR.

For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say I’m feeling good, and looking forward to the future! My God, it’s been forever since I felt this way.

I think it’s a combination of a few things. For starters, my big shipment of StemEnhance arrived and I’m working my way up to 2 capsules every two hours. I’m really hopeful that this is going to help me a lot. I also met with my new Physiotherapist I’ll be seeing at the hospital near me, and he was so positive that I can get some mobility back, that it made me more optimistic, too. He is really nice, and I’ll be seeing him twice/week for the time being. I’m sure I will eventually be referred back to the group exercise classes at Living Well with a Chronic Illness, which is fine as long as I’m able to do it. But for now, I’m thrilled to have some one-on-one P/T for at least a month or so. Between physio, Range of Motion exercises with my home care and my Chi Machine, I’m getting a decent amount of exercise and will hopefully be able to add walks up and down the hallway to that list soon (when I I feel stronger and more balanced and confident!)

Once I decided to pursue self-managed care, that took a load off, too. Even though it may take 6 months or so to set up, at least I can look towards the future and the possibilities of having a lot more help getting out and about and getting to the POOL and even a fresh salad prepared for me once in awhile (I seriously will not prepare or eat salad on my own, but if it is prepared for me, even from a bag, and handed to me I will not only eat it, but I will enjoy it. I need a wife). I tried to get into the self-managed care presentation on May 7 but it was booked solid. I’ll be going next month. And if you don’t show up, you are BLACKLISTED. They have huge waiting lists. That’s why even if I decide to do it and get my assessment it takes months for the funding to come through. So, in the meantime, if StemEnhance does its job I won’t NEED extra care, thankyouverymuch.

The other thing that has helped lift my spirits is that I FINALLY got the proper forms filled out and went through the numerous channels and made several phone calls to get Access Calgary to change my mobility status from “ambulatory” to the fact that I will mostly be using my scooter (and power chair, if I get it) when I go out, so they stop sending me regular cars and send me wheelchair vans or busses instead. This gives me a whole lot of freedom! Yesterday I went to my physio appointment ALL BY MYSELF! Until I get my power chair I will still need my dad to take me to most medical appointments in my folding chair because my scooter is too big to fit into most offices (and restaurants and live music venues and other places I want to go). But now I can make arrangements to spend an afternoon wandering downtown or in another mall besides the one next door (which is a great little mall and very handy with a Wal-Mart right there, but a change of scenery would be nice. Plus they don’t have a MAC counter or a Purdy’s).

The downside to that status change is that I will never have AH as a driver again because he drives a regular car. Not that I’ve used Access in the past year anyway, and not that AH and I even talk much these days, but it was always a nice thought that there was a chance he’d be the one picking me up and even if the trip was a loooong city-tour one, I wouldn’t complain because I’d have a nice person to talk and laugh with. He’ll just have to get a wheelchair van now, that’s all haha

And that brings me to the next thing that has helped my outlook on life, seeing AH again and having a nice evening out with friends! Shawna and her boyfriend Billy took me out for dinner last weekend, and since Billy and AH are friends (we are the reason Shawna and Billy met in the first place) and our birthdays are the same day, he came along too! I haven’t seen AH in over a year and have barely talked to him. It was so great to see him and reminded me how much I like talking to him and how much fun I have just being around him. And how kind he can be; he reminded me he gets all the movie channels and will record any movies I want to see, and he’s going to bring me pure bovine colostrum (colostrum is really good for your immune system, digestive system, all kinds of things and although you can get it in supplements, AH’s wife gets it directly from the Hutterite’s cows for free). He mixes it with a bit of milk and makes a kind of yogurt out of it. Sounds yuck but it is really good for you.

Billy and Shawna at dinner. Playing with my MacBook photo settings.

Me and AH. I obviously smudged out his features because after everything I have said about him in here, I don’t think it’s a good idea to reveal him completely!

And now that I’ve played around with those photos, I have realized I saved them that way and will never be able to see the originals again. Ack!

Anyway, long time readers know AH and I went through quite a lot there a few years ago when we first met and he was separated from his wife, but I’m pleased to say that although I still think he’s a very attractive man, there is absolutely no physical attraction there anymore. And the more I get to know him as a friend, the more I piece together all the lies he was telling me back then to get me to go out with him (I figured out a doozy last week). It may be water under the bridge now, but man, I don’t understand how any woman could be with a man who lies so often, easily, and effortlessly. That’s scary. At least I’m not the one married to him.

Shawna will be here any minute so I’ll need to take a blog break. I think we are going to see a movie later. Getting out with friends certainly helps a girl going through some rough times handle it better!

So I mentioned about a year ago that I switched my TV from the only choice we used to have, Shaw Cable, to the new service from the phone company, Telus TV. Free digital, one year free service, yadda yadda yadda. So my one year free is up, and when I got my bill yesterday something didn’t seem right, so I called them to ask about it. Also in my mail was a letter from Shaw, asking me to come back to them and they’ll give me a free PVR. I’d also heard Telus was giving away PVRs to new customers. So I decided I am getting a free PVR, too. I called them about my bill, and after that was explained, I told him I’d heard about free PVRs and that Shaw offered me one to go back to them, so what could Telus do for me? He said - get this - “oh, they are not free PVRs. If you agree to a new three year contract, you get a PVR unit and we will set it up for you at no charge. The cost for rental is $20/month, and we credit you back the $20.” So… what you’re telling me is the PVR costs $20/month, but you waive that fee? How is that not free? He put me through to the customer loyalty department where a new guy said “so you want a PVR, and you don’t want to pay for it?” Yes, please. “We can do that.” I asked him if the PVR is “free” for the first year, or the three years of the contract, or what? He said “you don’t pay for the PVR as long as you use Telus TV.” Correct me if I’m wrong, as I’m sure the Telus people will, but that, my friends, is a free PVR. I get it installed next Sunday (yes, their techs work Sundays!) and really look forward to being able to pause live TV so I can go to the bathroom and not miss anything. Apparently I am the first person to say that to the guy on the phone. “Everyone always says ‘go to the kitchen’.” Well. Everyone is obviously LYING.

Shawna and I went to see “17 Again” last night. It was cute. Zac Efron is hot. I’m sorry, but he is. I’m 41 and I’m allowed to say so.

I feel exceptionally good today. I don’t know if the StemEnhance is starting to kick in or what, but I am liking this. I can actually say I like life again, and I haven’t been able to say that for a long time. This is good. Last night I was in bed and I remember feeling sooooo good, snuggled in my comfy bed in my awesome sheets (1200 thread count Egyptian cotton I got for a steal off eBay) and fluffy duvet and just feeling blessed and lucky. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but I hope it keeps on coming. I’m pretty sure listening to Wayne Dyer’s Being in Balance audio on my iPod every day for weeks hasn’t hurt. That stuff has to register at some point.

I am still having a grand ‘ol time on Twitter. I follow some hilariously funny people. Some actors aren’t funny unless they are reading from a script. I don’t follow them for long. But some ARE (Aziz Ansari, I’m looking at you) and even better are the writers that write their funny lines for TV. That’s pretty much what I do on Twitter; laugh and re-tweet things that make me laugh. And toss out the odd original update/observation. I do follow a few friends and authors of blogs I read, and have even connected with some pretty cool people I might not otherwise have come across, but I’m no power-Twitterer. Those people scare me.

Time to fill up the cat food bins and get on my chi machine. Ciao!

I just want to smoosh my face into Pepper. I often do.

Further to my previous post, I have decided feeling sorry for myself is not going to help or change my situation in any way (newsflash!) and I need to seriously look at my options. This comes after I received an email from a dear friend of mine, Jaz. Jaz has muscular dystrophy and has much less use of her body than I have of mine. I’m not even sure of her age anymore, but she wasn’t more than 19 or 20 when I met her, so “mid-20’s” is a safe bet. Anyway, she is wise beyond her years and one of the most inspiring, optimistic people you could ever hope to meet. I met her first online and we’ve only met in person once, back when I was a positive and inspiring person myself. Qualities I’ve been lacking recently. Jaz lives in a small town I have never been to but I fully intend to get my dad to take me out there one weekend so I can see her and give her a much deserved hug for all the kicks in my butt she has so gently given me via email and Facebook.

So Jaz wrote me after reading my last blog post and encouraged me to seriously look into self-managed care, which is where the health region assesses your needs and funds you for a personal caregiver based on your needs. The difference between this and Home Care is that I am responsible for hiring the person myself, and paying them, taking care of payroll deductions and all that stuff. The main reason I have put off getting registered with this service is because you can’t be on Home Care at the same time, so if the person you hire is sick or doesn’t show up one day, you’re screwed. It sounded like too much stress to me, since I can’t dress myself and stuff. But Jaz made quite a few good points and got me thinking about how the pros outweigh the cons, especially since I live alone and could probably get funding for someone pretty much full time, to help with shopping, cooking, cleaning, appointments, even to accompany me to the pool and help me in the change room. And if Jaz can find someone reliable in her small town, I should be able to hire someone in the city. I’m not sure how much money the health region provides you with for pay, but since the economy isn’t what it was, it should be easier to find someone now than it would have been a year ago. As Jaz said, in all her wisdom, “we have to accept the changes that happen to our bodies like it or not. All we can do is adapt our surroundings to maintain our happiness. Being happy is vital.” Jaz, you need to write a book.

So I will be talking to my home care nurse about this next week. It will take awhile to set up, but will hopefully work out for the best.

Another thing I decided since my last post was to increase my StemEnhance shipment to two bottles a month, so I can see how I do on 4 capsules/day instead of 2. So I emailed the guy I ordered from and asked him to increase my autoship, because I didn’t see a way to change my order myself from his website. This prompted him to call me, and put me on a 3-way call with the head office to confirm. After we did that, we continued chatting for a few minutes (without the head office on the line) and I told him I have MS and figured I should try an increased dosage before I give up altogether, since I have this condition I hope to see improved, and I’m not just taking it for “overall health”. Now, understand, this man had never spoken to me before and as far as he was concerned, I’m just one of his many random online customers (he is very high up in the company and has many of those) and did not know I have MS or anything. He said, “hey, I have a friend in the company who has a daughter with MS and he has a really good story, do you want me to see if I can get him on the phone so you can hear what he has to say?” I said sure, why not.

So he calls Dennis in Spokane, makes introductions, and explains to Dennis that I have MS and would like to hear about his daughter. I explain that I’ve been taking 2 StemEnhance per day and was just increasing to 4 per day because I’m not noticing anything, and Dennis said “no, I don’t imagine you would at that low a dose…” He asked me a bit about my health and disease progression, then went into his story:

“My wife and I got involved with StemTech a few years ago and take 6 capsules/day. We are in our mid-70’s and our health was declining, so it has been great for us as we are back to being healthy, active seniors and we are very involved with our church and social activities and love to dance and travel… (etc., etc.) Our daughter lives in San Diego and when the was 47 she was diagnosed with MS. They said she’d had it for about 15 years but sometimes the diagnosis takes a long time. Anyway, when she told us she was needing to use a walker to go to the bathroom because her foot dragged so much when she walked, I insisted she give StemEnhance a try. I told her to take 6/day and let us know how she was doing after a couple months (we don’t really talk very often). So a couple months later we talked, and I asked her how she was doing on the StemEnhance, and she asked `do you want the truth, dad?` I said of course, and she said she didn’t notice ANY difference at all. I was very upset by this, so I called the company to speak with (one of the scientist/doctor types that work on the development of the product) and demanded to know why it wasn’t helping my daughter. He suggested that since the MS has been in her body for many years, she has a lot of myelin damage and would need to take a lot more StemEnhance to fix that (editor’s note - my words, because I can’t remember exactly what he said and StemTech isn’t allowed to say its products fix or cure anything, as is the way it is for all health products that aren’t FDA approved drugs blah blah blah) He said she should work her way up to taking 2 capsules EVERY TWO HOURS throughout her waking hours, and if she gets up in the middle of the night to pee, take 2 more. So I passed this on to my daughter, and since she and her husband are well off money isn’t an object so she started doing that right away. Within two months she was running on her treadmill again.”

Dennis went on to say that they know another women with MS they met at a StemTech conference who used to be in a wheelchair, but over the course of a few months taking 2 capsules every 2 hours she went from the wheelchair to a walker to a cane to not needing any assistance to walk. “I mean, she’s not running marathons by any means, but she’s getting around pretty good.” When you take 2 capsules you are releasing millions of adult stem cells into your body, “so imagine a push like that every two hours”. I mentioned that unlike his daughter, money IS an issue for me. Of course I was given the spiel about how much money I would save if I joined as a distributor and started selling the product myself, you know the drill. I made it clear I am NOT comfortable selling anything PERIOD, but especially something I can’t say really works until I have experienced the results myself. And since, after making a few calculations, I’d need to take around 7 or 8 bottles a month for 4-6 months to know if it was going to help me, (and then wean down to 3/month) that’s a hell of a lot of $$ I don’t have. Dennis simply suggested I look for help and support from friends and family (or “my church” but I don’t have one so that’s not an option). My rep told me if I signed up at the $1,000 level I’d get 24 bottles which is a great start, and of course he would help me with the “business” end of it (”I made $8,000 my first month…”) (gulp).

I hung up the phone and started to cry. I cried because, oh, wouldn’t it be amazing to improve, even a little? And what if I COULD walk without assistance again? I cried because, how many success stories do I nave to hear about from people who take these MLM health products and convince me to sink money into it, just to find out it doesn’t work like that for me? I cried because, I do believe in stem cells and how they can cure diseases, but WHY WHY WHY will it take 20 years before the current research being done will be available to treat us, if not longer??? And in the meantime, we have to shovel out thousands of dollars, searching for help? I cried because even though taking large amounts of StemEnhance is a lot cheaper than going to China, I still don’t have that kind of money.

I called my mom and told her about the phone conversation I’d just had. She told me “you have to try. Don’t even think about the cost. Talk to your dad, and if he is willing to go half with me, then sign up. Or even if he’s not. You have to try it for at least 6 months and we will help you. You can’t give up”. So, I talked to my dad, and this is the result. I should receive my shipment early in the week and I’ll certainly let you all now how it works for me. When I start noticing real, lasting improvement I will shout it from the rooftops. And if it doesn’t work for me and it’s just more money down the drain, well, at least I’m not sitting here wondering “what if?”. I truly believe in stem cell treatments, so, as long as this product really DOES increase the number of adult stem cells being released, then I am hopeful.

Speaking of “what if”, I have watched The Rocker 6 times in the past 8 days and am addicted to the soundtrack. FYI.

Friday was my 41st birthday. I didn’t really want to do anything, because 40 was the big one so I’m not interested in anything major until, like, 50. But my family would have none of that! So my brother and his girlfriend came over on Friday night and made me a yummy dinner (Duska cooked) and I made them watch The Rocker (which they loved). Then on yesterday my mom, Bob, my dad, my brother and Duska (and me) all went to Red Lobster for lunch and birthday cake/wait staff singing, followed by a drive out to Cochrane for ice cream. Later on my friend Shawna came over to hang out (and watch The Rocker), which was nice. Her and Billy are taking me out for dinner next weekend, yay!

I do have my camera back, but haven’t taken any photos yet. So here is one my bro took of my yummy cake yesterday:

I still have one piece left so I’m going to go eat it now.

Today I’m a little pissed off because the O/T from Home Care showed up completely unannounced with another power wheelchair, but because he didn’t bother to call me in advance, I had to send them away because I was working on a deadline. He insisted that he had called me and made an appointment, which is not true. Even after I closed the door I could hear him telling the W/C rep that he knows he called me and I must have forgotten because, you know, MS can affect cognitive behaviour. I felt like going out there and pulling him back inside to show him my call display history and the fact his number wasn’t there in the past two weeks since I last deleted history. That the only call from the C@lgary Health Region was yesterday, when they called to speak to my home care worker. That shit pisses me off. My mind hasn’t been affected by my MS thank GOD, or I wouldn’t be doing the work I do, and I don’t appreciate it when people blame someone else, especially when that someone is me, rather than take responsibility for their own mistakes. Jerk. At any rate, we rescheduled for next week.

I just realized this is my 500th entry! Which is cool, but also pathetic when you look at how long I’ve had this blog. I started a journal at Diary-X in 2001, and it still irks me that the thousands of online diaries hosted there were lost when their server crashed because they never backed up. I lost years of my life there! I never thought it could be lost… I didn’t understand how servers and all that worked. I still don’t. But back then, like most people, I trusted that once I hit “publish”, what I wrote was forever out there in internet land. One of these days I really need to print off my entries here and file them for safe-keeping (even though I know Russ backs up). But I need to buy paper first, now that I know I’ll need more than 500 sheets!

The above was written when I started an entry almost two weeks ago. I don’t know what to say, besides the fact that I, as Robyn said last week, have been feeling uninspired. The difference being, of course, Robyn takes off a few days whereas I disappear for a MONTH. I still don’t feel like talking much, so this may be short! (Well, not a month’s worth of entries, anyway).

Last week my O/T came by again with another power wheelchair, and this one worked great! So now that I’ve got the chair picked out, the application is going in. They only look at a certain number of applications each month, so if they haven’t met their quota for May I should find out within a month if I get it. Fingers crossed!

My mom and Bob were here yesterday, and they bought me a new office chair for my birthday. Bob put it together, and I sat in it long enough to think it should work for me! I’ll see how I feel after working in it today. If I’m able to sit at my desk for longer than 15 minutes at a time without my butt, back and legs aching up, I may not have to give up all my clients next year!

As for my Beat Insomnia Plan, it’s working a little bit, but not as well as I’d hoped. I realize now that is because I spend 99% of my time indoors, on my butt. You remember when you were a kid, and you walked to and from school, and got sunshine, fresh air, and activity every day? And when you went to bed at night, you SLEPT? We are not meant to sit around inside all day. I’m using my Litebook every morning for my *sunshine*, which is helping, but I’m not able to do all I need to really beat insomnia. I asked my home care worker what her other MS client does (he is paralyzed from the neck down and confined to his chair all day) to sleep, and she said “he doesn’t, he has a hell of a time getting any sleep.” So that’s it, right there. People who work on farms all day or in landscaping and gardening must sleep amazingly well. And those able to go for a walk during their lunch hour shouldn’t do too bad. So I don’t know what people in my situation or worse are supposed to do. Insomnia is going to take over the world, with the amount of children and adults who get to school or work barely setting a foot outside, work inside all day, then come home and flop in front of the TV and computer for the night. Get outside, people! Get some exercise! So that is just one more thing that has gotten a lot worse for me over the years as my mobilty has worsened.

I’ve been quite the downer these days, when I think about my life, which is EVERY DAY. I know of MSer’s worse off than me physically, but it doesn’t make me feel grateful for the abilities I have left, because they all have MONEY and SUPPORTIVE PARTNERS and travel and go out and about regularly, so I just end up feeling more sorry for myself. As I sit here on my ass and watch the world go by via TV, computers and iPod touch because I can’t get myself out there to be a part of it. I missed Serena Ryder because of my health. Melissa McClelland and Luke Doucet were here last week and I missed it because I can’t get myself to shows. The Polyjesters also played last week and even if I COULD get myself there, the venue was way upstairs with no elevator so I wouldn’t have been able to go. I could go on and on, and that’s just my love of live music. I’m having a hard time finding things to be grateful for everyday and I’ve been avoiding blogging because I hate complaining and it’s all I want to do these days!

I guess I should update y’all on the various things I’ve been trying and how they’re working for me:

• Xocai Chocolate: I still have my website as a distributor because I still get a cheque every few months when someone orders retail through there! But other than that, I am not involved. I don’t deny it has its benefits and all those antioxidants are great, but there are cheaper ways to get them. Considering the Canadian dollar and those insane prices are in US dollars, I couldn’t afford to keep buying it.
• StemTech: It’s been almost two months, and I feel no different. Granted I’m only taking the recommended-for-basic-health-maintenance of two per day, and in my condition I should probably be taking at least 4. I’m undecided if I’m going to increase my order and take more, or just stop altogether because of the cost. Still cheaper than going to China, but I’m not sure yet.
• Serrapeptase supplements: Again, I only took two/day and would probably need to take more to notice anything. I took them for a month and finished off the bottle a few weeks ago and don’t feel any different. I guess it comes down to the $$ again. If I knew taking 6/day would help I’d do it, but all this experimenting is costly.

Did I miss anything? I still love my Chi Machine, one of the best things I’ve ever bought ever, I can’t say enough about it. It seriously makes my days bearable. I also still take 50 mg of 5-HTP three times/day and do believe it helps keep me sane, as well. I don’t consider either of those a waste of money! Oh, and I’ve still got a ways to go before I get really proficient on this Frogpad. I would be better on it if I updated here, more! It’s a great little keyboard for us one-handed people.

I finally heard from the physio place I was referred to last month and will be heading there on Wednesday. I sure hope I get long-term physio out of them and even get strong enough and the help I need to go back to the Living Well with a Chronic Condition exercise classes. That would be awesome!

I have no photos. My brother borrowed my camera “for a few days” when his girlfriend arrived from Mexico on March 21 and I have yet to get it back. Also, her return flight was booked for April 19 and she is still here, so it’s safe to say things are going REALLY well. So here is an older photo taken with my MacBook during one of my Pita-is-all-over-me sessions.

i really do NOT like the new Facebook layout, so as such I’ve been spending a little more time snooping around Twitter. I deleted John Mayer from my following list; I decided I don’t really like him. Not my kind of person. Then I deleted Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore because they kinda bore me and re-tweet too much. I think I’m growing up!

I’m really behind on my blog! I blame my lack of energy and patience due to my lack of sleep. It’s been a rough couple of weeks again. If I have a couple nights where I sleep about 4 hours in a row, I get excited and think it’s improving, and then I go right back to sleepless nights and waking up every hour and maybe getting a total of 4 hours all broken up. I know a lot of it is mental, as I go to bed all anxious, stressed and worried that I won’t sleep again. I spent Sunday researching insomnia treatment and am putting a serious plan into action this week!

Last week I had an appointment with a physiatrist (mobility specialist) at the MS Clinic. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I thought he’d want to see me walk and offer help to get me a lift in my shoe (over the years my right leg has become longer than my left, due to my uneven gait and, he says, my pelvis dropping because of it), or an Ankle/Foot Orthotic I can actually use (when I broke my wrist and was staying at the Care Center they made me an AFO to wear, that helps my right foot lift up when I walk, but I’ve never worn it because I can’t put it on without lots of help. At the care facility physiotherapists put it on me, and I/we assumed wrongly that I’d be able to put it on one-handed when my wrist healed. HA! I even bought two pairs of the same shoes in different sizes, but even with my brother’s help we couldn’t get it on me!) But that was not the case. He listened to me talk about the issues I’ve faced the past few years and kept shaking his head, “I don’t like what I’m hearing. I don’t like this at all.” That was useful. He asked me why I’m not living in a group home with round-the-clock care (thanks for your support) and told me I’m “melancholy and depressed” and referred me to a psychiatrist I’ve already seen. Well, maybe I wouldn’t be so melancholy if I was getting proper sleep! And seeing a psychiatrist who will want to put me on more drugs isn’t going to help. Well, it might for a little while, but not long term. He also referred me back to the same physiotherapy place I went to a few years ago (where they referred me back to the MS Clinic, but when I told him that he assured me I will get long-term physio there this time). One thing he said that I appreciated and agree with is that he believes a lot of my progression isn’t actual MS progression, it’s due to the broken bones, surgeries, being laid up, getting depressed, gaining weight… all that stuff. And how with regular physio and exercise I should be able to get some mobility back. Hence the referral to the clinic in the hospital close to me. I was told the therapist there used to be at the MS Clinic, and will work well with me, and get me a lift for my shoe if she thinks it will help. So, I hope I start soon, because daily exercise is a part of my Beat Insomnia Plan, and there isn’t a lot I can do on my own. Safely.

I also had a visit from my O/T with a power wheelchair. I wish I could renovate my apartment! I need the carpet and door frames removed from this place. I can’t get a power chair if I can’t get it in and out of the rooms in here, even though I need it mostly for going out. He’s supposed to bring another one to try soon, that turns corners tighter. I also need to write a stronger “client impact statement” so the government knows the chair is going to someone who really needs it, and will use it often, “contributing to the community”. I’m not sure how my medical appointments and physio contribute to the community, but if I can get out and about without needing to arrange appointments around when my dad can take me, I will think of other things. Um… I can go back to my “volunteer work in the arts community” (helping out my musician friends again by actually getting myself out to shows). I can make a nice list of the things I’ll be able to do and how often if that’s what they want.

There is big excitement in my family right now, with the arrival of my brother’s girlfriend from Mexico. Trust me, I want to gossip, but I cannot because everyone knows about this blog. Sigh. I’ll just say they met online, it’s a very interesting story I may be able to share one day in the future, (but probably not), and she’s great. She’s actually originally from Europe and speaks 5 or 6 languages fluently. She’s VERY interesting!

Michael J. Fox was on Oprah today. What an amazing attitude he has. I want to get back to that, too! I’m not as optimistic as I once was and that is a huge detriment to my life. I know it’s inside me, and can be persuaded out with a lot of money and pizza. Failing that, I need a) sleep, and b) a swift kick in the butt.

I have LOTS of work to do now. People are starting to get their info in to me and I’m back to being over run by receipts and taxes! Which is good because I need to pay the bills. So who knows when my next update will be. I hope you read this slow!

My brother has my camera so these photos are from my dad’s Blackberry. Comfy kitties.

This picture of Pepper makes me laugh for hours.

Dad didn’t use a flash because he didn’t want to “disturb” Pita. You know, the cat that disturbs EVERYONE.

I’m out of brownies and I’m out of money. I’ve got to get to work on applying for a prescription. I’ve also got to get to work, period. I could invoice one of my clients very soon if I got off my ass and finished his year end. Procrastination is something I have perfected, if you ever need tips. So have a lot of other people, as I await them to get off their respective asses and bring me their receipts for the year. So I can procrastinate getting their year ends done, as well. And eventually finish up, get paid, pay my insurance, and buy more brownies.

I’m up to my ears in paperwork again. Not just receipts, but various applications as well. I’m applying for a power wheelchair again; Home Care seems to think I can get it based on the fact that even without automatic doors on my building, I do live beside the rental office and have permission from them to buzz them to come open the doors for me. Which I hopefully won’t need to do, as Handi-Bus drivers will help me, I’m sure. My dad took care of the hallway door that was always closed. After purchasing many doorstops that were removed (building management calls it “fire regulations”…. I call it “too lazy to fix the damn door” because every other hallway door in the building has a mechanism that keeps it open 24/7) he found a way to make the door close reeeeeeaaaalllly slow. This way, I can pull the door open with my left hand, and still have time to back up and position my scooter or wheelchair properly to go straight through the door before it slams shut on me. So far this is working when I take my scooter out, and hopefully building maintenance will leave it alone. It does close eventually, and stays that way, after all.

This was started TWO days ago. I am getting lax again. I did, however, finish that client’s year end and invoice him. I also received a cheque from another client and paid my insurance in full for the next year (I unknowingly, all those years ago, timed it well, that my insurance would come up for renewal during my best financial month). Now I need to package up that client’s year end stuff and send it to the accountant (hi, Shel!) and get to work on my OWN taxes, while I await more work. Exciting stuff.

I am enjoying Twitter. I don’t have a lot of (t)witty things to say, but when you follow the right people, you get good laughs. TV characters such as Michael Scott and David Brent; TV writers from shows like “Samantha Who?”, “The Office” and “House”; actors/producers from above-mentioned shows interacting with each other… of course I have hugely popular Tweeters like John Mayer and Ashton Kutcher on there. And of course I respond to them as if they’re actually going to engage in conversation with me one day. HA!

I never did get to see the Good Lovelies on Saturday. Luckily I learned this in time to postpone my 7:00 am home care call! They were just too rushed. They got into Calgary in time for their show and then had to leave early the next morning for Saskatoon. They will be back here in the summer for the Folk Festival and have promised me sufficient hang-out time then.

Oprah was really good today. She had Montel Williams there, and although the show was about several different stars and how they handled being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, it mainly focused on Montel and MS. It was very interesting. At first I was mad at Montel for thinking he has the right to talk about suicide, depression, and how horrible MS can be, while he walks around without so much as a cane and has full use of his hands. Like, what the hell does he know, really? But that is not fair at all. He suffers pain I don’t even want to know about and has been through a lot that he has kept hidden. He also works DAMN hard in the gym, takes a hand full of supplements every day, and follows a healthy diet. He deserves to be in as good of health as possible for as long as possible.

Which would be easier for me if I had MONEY and could afford the assistance I would need to do all those things now. Take me back to 2002 and let me do it over from there. That’s all I ask. No ankle-breaky, wrist-breaky, messy surgeries or long hospital stays, and my story would be a little different.

Another two days have gone by! I’m seeing a trend.

In that time I have gotten more organized in my office and tomorrow/this weekend I may even get to my OWN taxes. I finally sent in the forms and qualify for the Disability Tax Credit (since 2002) so I know I won’t have to pay anything. But if I have a refund coming I’d like to see it!

I need a date for next Thursday, the 26th! I bought tickets to see Serena Ryder and I obviously can’t go by myself, but I’m having a hell of a time finding someone to come with me! It’s times like this I really need that power wheelchair. I could just book a Handi-bus and go. The application is filled out (thanks, mom!) and the OT is bringing one by for me to try out on Wednesday. Fingers crossed it works out! Then hopefully it won’t be long before I have my very own. Happy to have it, sucks to need it.

So yeah, I need someone to go to Serena with on Thursday! Spread the word to anyone you know in Calgary. 4th row center on the floor. You provide the ride and W/C assistance, I got the tickets.

Before I go, I have to mention a few things:

• RIP Natasha Richardson. What a complete and utter shock. Love and prayers to her loved ones.
• My dear friend, the amazing and talented Peter Katz, is making a new CD and needs our help! Nice perks. Check it out HERE
• The not-married Conchord got married.

This has become a favourite hangout place of Pita’s these days.