Can You Hear Me Now?

I know it’s been awhile, and people want updates on my health since CCSVI treatment in Costa Rica. There is honestly nothing to tell… I read my last entry, almost 3 months ago, and it’s still pretty much the same! I know for sure that the symptom of painful spasms when I scratch is gone most of the time, as it hasn’t shown up much over the past month (just occasionally). So that’s something… but it’s not the 5 years of my life back I was hoping for! I was sooooo hoping I would go back in time and get some functions back. I went for a follow up Doppler last month, and he says I have “better” flow in my left jugular, but it’s not perfect. I have membranes in my veins causing blockages and “positional” stenosis that can only be fixed with stents. So I have some things to think about, a possible big fundraiser to organize and a trip to Arizona to consider if I can get the money… I am very confident about this Interventional Radiologist I have been talking to there, who has been working with veins for over 20 years. I really want to see her. I don’t think it’s Costa Rica’s fault I’m in this position, they have a great team down there but can only do so much, we are all still learning. I think I need something more specialized. And then what, who knows? It is so much more than just stenosed jugulars for many of us. All we can do is keep trying and hoping the neuros here loosen their grip and let the vascular profession study WTF is going on with our blood flow, veins, valves… and let us be fixed!

Tonight I am starting week 12 of 30 for tapering off sleeping pills (I decided I may as well go the 30 weeks and not rush it). Fingers crossed this works for me! Some nights I sleep better than others, but never as well as I’d like to. A few times I have caved and taken more than my tapering amount but I’m really trying not to! Last night was rough, but I would not let myself reach for another half a pill or anything. I’m down 6.0 mg/night from where I started, which is almost an entire pill (I used to take 2, sometimes 2.5 or even 3, some nights I was known to take 4). My prescription was 2 pills/night, so I’m doing really good now.

One thing I am really learning is if something is stressing me out and keeping my head spinning so I can’t stop thinking about it when I go to bed, I must DEAL WITH IT right away. I’ve resigned from being the Treasurer and webmaster/mailing list person for CCSVI Calgary. That was a full time job and it was making me crazy. Plus the President was driving me nuts and I don’t agree with how he does things, so I wanted my name removed from everything so I’m not associated with his screw ups!

Quitting that has been a huge relief and weight off my mind. So I have another job… being a boss! I’m finally on self-managed care. I was given a contract back in May for 30 hrs/week, but that was for all 7 days and was to include all personal care, exercises, meals, companion for outings, bedtime help, etc. etc. and I have been arguing with them about how that is not enough hours ever since. Well, to be honest, I didn’t think I’d need all that help after I got back from Costa Rica, so I really only started bitching about it in late July. I mean, one Handi Bus trip to the doctor and you’re looking at 5 hours easy, so I definitely needed more companion hours. After many phone calls, meetings, writing up my needs in detail, I finally got approved to keep my home care as is in the mornings 7 days/week (which is personal care, exercises, breakfast/lunch prep) and use the 30 hours/week contract to hire my own caregivers for supper/bedtime/companion care. That’s awesome! I’m so happy I don’t have to worry about hiring morning care, that’s the biggest job, and now I know someone will always be here, even on holidays. So I have hired a couple of fantastic ladies, one main one for outings and companion care, supper and occasional bedtimes, and another lady who lives right upstairs and can do suppers and bedtimes as well. She’s actually from New York City where she worked as a paramedic, and yes, she worked on 9/11. Well, she wasn’t scheduled to work, but of course she went to the hospital to see how she could help. Can you imagine… she lost a lot of friends that day.

They both started last month. They are GREAT, I totally lucked out with this! I’ve been able to do things like visit a friend in the hospital, go to my chiropractor regularly, shop at DIFFERENT malls and stores, and I’m starting exercise classes on the 30th. Next week I get to see Ghazi, the hairdresser I loved so much years back and haven’t been able to get to. I tracked him down (thanks, Facebook!) and made that appointment. A REAL CUT AND HIGHLIGHTS FROM A FANCY STYLIST! I can’t wait. It’s so nice to have a bit of a life again.

Although to be honest, this week sucks… Nancy, the lady I hired for afternoons, had to go down east suddenly for a week because her mother in law died (obviously these things can’t be planned). Gracie, my regular home care worker for mornings, had to leave suddenly to go back home to take care of her sister who has cancer (obviously, these things can’t be planned). It’s actually a good week for Nancy to be away because my home care has been scattered and LATE and it snowed so badly here everything/everyone is snowed in. I’m getting different home care every day again and it’s terrible (today was good, but she was a one time fill in). Who knows who’s coming tomorrow or what time or if she understands english/has common sense! This is why I’m so stressed and not sleeping this week! Gracie was also one of my back up caregivers for bedtimes, and my other back up is my friend Shawna who is in Hawaii, so with all those people away that leaves Thalia, the lady upstairs, to do suppers and bedtime until Nancy gets back. She can’t get sick!! Thank God she lives upstairs and can’t be deterred by weather and bad driving conditions.

Tonight we are going to see Peter Katz! Of course he brought a snow storm with him, as usual. Although he was here for a couple of days and we went for lunch (with Nancy and Thalia, her cute little girl and husband) on Nov. 2 and I didn’t even need a coat, so maybe it’s not 100% his fault.

I haven’t been updating my blog but I have been checking in on my 101 list and crossing things off. I think I’m doing well, and now that I have more help I’ll be able to get more accomplished

A couple more things I’ve been doing in the area of health and healing include Reiki and Body Talk. My friend Pam has her Advanced Reiki, and we decided to try regular sessions on me. This is pretty major, since she’s doing it for me as a friend, and the cost would normally be about $60 per session. I’ve had three so far, the weather ruined my chance yesterday as she was snowed in! I’m not noticing anything yet, as seems to be the way it is with me and energy medicine. I have something blocking me from allowing my body to heal, but it’s totally subconscious and hopefully with time we can break through it. Body Talk is possibly another way to get to the bottom of my health issues. I’ve had two sessions so far. My body talks a lot and tells her what’s wrong in certain areas and why, and it’s been accurate as far as I can tell, (in terms of where my pain is and weaknesses). My body also said it didn’t like the perfume in my deodorant (so I switched to unscented) and the filler the pharmacy uses in my sleeping pill capsules (they make them with the tapered amounts) so I got that changed, but who knows. None of the “tapping” techniques she uses to fix things has done a damn thing but constipate me terribly so I don’t think I’ll spend money on another session. We’ll see. I’ve added 2 Tbsp. of flax seed/day into my diet to deal with the constipation (it works!) and started taking Serrapeptase again at the urging of my friend Gail, who swears by the stuff. I’m hoping it will help with my unbearable stiffness everywhere, and pain in my hips and back.

Let’s see, what else… kitties are great, the vet saw them on Tuesday and they’re fine. Pita has made friends with Nancy and Thalia and although it took Pepper a few weeks to get used to their visits (she always hides from strangers, unless they are sent from the home care agency… she totally knows) she comes around now. It helps that they are good with the kitties! Thalia’s daughter is 19 months old and sooooo cute, and likes to come down and see Pita (and me, apparently she says my name a lot ). She has a stuffed cat that she has now named Pita.

My brother’s girlfriend painted me the most gorgeous sunflower painting ever! She is a fantastic artist. You can see her gallery here but I need to take a picture of my painting, which I would do right now while I’m thinking of it if my camera battery wasn’t across the room charging up for Peter’s show tonight.

Let me publish this before it ends up in my “drafts” for another month!!

Me and Peter when we went out for lunch on the 2nd

Pepper

Pita

Hello, I’m here, still alive. Just so far behind in posting anything that I’m going to do this in note form to get caught up. I will need to review Twitter and Facebook statuses to remember my life.

Oh, but first, I want to point something out. I realized something recently that I forgot to mention in my last post. If you have EVER written me an email to my donna@innereyes address or left me a comment that you thought I would respond to (especially first time commenters) and you never heard back from me, it’s because I learned via something Robyn said in her Wordpress blog that spam filters are catching these emails. That was a major “A-HA” moment for me, because I have received a lot of nice emails out of the blue from readers, and I have answered every one of them by just hitting “reply” and using the default innereyes address they sent it to, yet I never heard a peep from these people again, even when I asked them a question back. So I am SO SORRY! I receive all the emails and comments that get sent to innereyes, but I will respond from a different address from now on. This has probably been going on for years! Don’t hate me, if you’re even still reading or you stopped because you thought I was a stuck up snob. I DID respond to you!!

Anyway, about my exciting life you keep coming back to check on:

- I got my PVR hooked up. Telus said they’d be here between noon and 2:00, and they book “4 to 5 hours for the installation”. They arrived at noon, it took 15 minutes max, then they left. No doubt to go spend the sunny afternoon on a patio somewhere on their employer’s dime.

- I love my PVR

- A client came by with his tax stuff (yes, he’s always late) and because the receipts were an unorganized, wrinkled mess-in-a-box, I sent him home and told him to come back when they’re sorted. That USED to be my job, but I am so over that shit. Between my vision issues and the use of only one hand, I am not fighting with receipts anymore. And it really doesn’t bother me if I lose clients over it. I’m not enjoying my work much anymore, so I think it’s time to figure out something else I can still do. Like write that damn book…

- “Samantha Who?”, a TV show I absolutely love, has been cancelled. I joined the Twitter campaign to save it, but I don’t know if it’s helping. Catch the final previously unaired episodes Thursdays starting June 25 on ABC (John Taylor from Duran Duran is on the 25th! Wheee!) They’re showing repeats on Friday nights until then. Great show. Stupid ABC.

- Speaking of stupid ABC, I am watching The Bachelorette although I’m not really paying attention. I do hope the best for my Alberta girl Jillian, however. She’s a sweetie and, hey, the Calgary Stampede was even mentioned in one episode. Yeehaw!

- They did a cockroach inspection in my building because there have “been complaints”. SHIIIIIIT!!! There is no sign of them in my apartment, thank God (and kitty cats), and I hope and pray it stays that way. Once roaches invade a building that is IT. I’m hoping the complainers were really seeing small mice. Because I’ve had that problem and DID get rid of that!

- I’ve been going for physio fairly regularly. Unfortunately, the entire process of arranging the ride, getting out of my apartment, waiting for the ride, the ride itself, exercising, then doing it all again in reverse is sometimes too much for me that day and I have to cancel. Oh, how I wish we could get PT in our homes. The Range of Motion I get from my home care worker is great, and I got it increased to 4X/week, but it’s just simple stretches and doesn’t do anything to improve strength.

- The Executive Producer of the Oprah show is following me on Twitter. She asked her thousands of followers to tell her how long they’d been watching, favourite episodes, etc. and she would follow a few back. I sent several messages because I have been watching Oprah since 1812, and even remember her appearances on The Tonight Show and David Letterman back when she was promoting The Color Purple and her “new show”. So her Exec. Prod. Sheri Salata is following me now and I have yet to say anything brilliant to make her think “wow, we must fly that girl to Chicago and put her on the show.” Maybe she’s not too impressed that I whined about the cost of shipping an Oprah show mug (not to her, just in general). But, seriously? I got an Ellen Degeneres show mug, a book, and shipping to Canada, all for $35US. An Oprah mug is $12 PLUS $35 for shipping! I can’t justify that. I love my Ellen mug, by the way. Great handle.

- AH has been in Lebanon for the past couple of weeks. One of the political parties there offered to fly out any Canadian families with dual citizenship for free, for 30 days, if they voted for them. Not too corrupt now, is it? I don’t know the voting procedures over there, but I’d like to know how they can be sure the vote is going to them? Anyway, I guess their tactic worked because they won.

- I attended a mini high school reunion of a bunch of us ladies that went to school together. It was all organized through our re-connecting on Facebook. It was great fun, my friend Lisa picked me up and although I was assured the location was wheelchair accessible, our gathering was held in a private room that was up two little steps (with no railing otherwise I could have managed). I don’t have one of those chairs you can tilt backwards to roll up steps (I have safety bars to keep it from tilting backwards, but times like this it would be nice to be able to remove them). So two big, strong bartenders carried me in my chair up the steps. Times like this it would also be nice to weigh 92 pounds. Anyway, we had fun, the food and service was amazing, everyone looked fabulous, have fabulous lives and families and money, and I came home and wanted to stab myself. Heh.

- The following weekend my friend Kim and her daughter came into town (from Red Deer area) and we went to Cora’s for lunch. I want to eat there every day.

***Tee hee! I started typing this entry several days ago and right now it is Sunday, June 14. Today my dad, brother and his girlfriend picked me up to go for lunch and wandering through Prince’s Island Park. I talked them into going to Cora’s for lunch. Hee!***

- I downloaded and have been listening to Deepak Chopra’s “Quantum Healing” audiobook. It makes so much sense. I was shocked to hear it was recorded in 1989. That’s 20 years ago! He was talking about this stuff even back then! I wish I had heard it 20 years ago. Of course, 20 years ago I was in good health and wouldn’t have sought it out. That’s the thing; when you are in good health, you don’t think about your health. When you’re struggling with your health, it is all you can think about. Therein lies one of the problems. An interesting part of the audio is the good reminder that our cells are constantly dying off and being replaced with new ones. The skin is replaced every month, the liver every 6 weeks. Over the course of a year we have an entire new brain! The stomach tumor diagnosed a few months ago is not composed of the same set of cells as is there today, now repeating the pattern that was set into place earlier. Our cells replicate based on our patterns and beliefs. Happy thoughts produce happy molecules, unhappy thoughts produce unhappy molecules. Although cases of spontaneous deathly cancer cures and disease remissions are rare, they do happen enough to believe it is possible to change our patterns and heal. Chopra says “everyone’s body knows how to heal a cut. Apparently a few people have bodies that know how to cure cancer. Every day a few cancer cells arise in your body, and automatically the DNA, the intelligence in your body knows how to take care of them. So called “spontaneous” remissions are nothing more than an exaggerated phenomenon of what is happening all the time”. There is a lot more to it than that, obviously, and it makes me want to look into Ayurvedic medicine a lot more. I’d like a body that knows how to heal MS! Louise Hay has always said to use the healing affirmation “I am willing to release the pattern in me that has created this condition.” I do say that every day, but not very often and I probably follow it shortly after with a swear word or two so a lot of good that does me!

- Speaking of cells and cell health, I’ve been taking StemEnhance in the large doses for just over a month now. No difference yet. But if the new stem cells I’m making are a part of my old MS thought pattern, and I don’t make healthy cells, then by enhancing the amount I make, could I be making myself worse? Ahhhhh. Of course the scientist behind the product would say “no”, but my basic common sense has me wondering. So every time I take 2 StemEnhance capsules I now follow it with a 1/4 tsp. of Ambrotose, which is supposed to support cellular health and “cell to cell” communication. I know from personal experience (I started taking Ambrotose in 2000) that it is a good product and certainly helps with MS fatigue, but like every other supplement I got lazy about taking it and the cost is so high… but since I have a couple of unopened jars around here I decided this was as good a time as any to commit to taking at least minimal amounts along with the StemEnhance and it should be a great combination! If the claims are true, StemEnhance makes MORE stem cells, and Ambrotose makes those cells healthy. I am an MLM distributor’s dream! Also, a human guinea pig. I’m going to call some StemTech people today because the more I think about that, the more it has me worried. Otherwise, I plan to do this for at least 2 more months before I draw any conclusions. And the next place I’ll use my credit card is right here. I really need to win a lottery, this stuff is expensive!

- I went to the information session on Self-Managed Care. Wow, they sure do overwhelm you and don’t make it easy for you. I think I will go for it, though, because at this point I really do need more assistance than regular home care can provide me with. However, I am looking at at least a year long waiting list so it won’t happen anytime soon. They only have 500 people in the program (out of the 11,000 home care clients in the city) with 58 people on the waiting list. No one gets in unless someone leaves (death or move to assisted living) plus they prioritize the waiting list. Since I’m already receiving a fair bit of home care service with my 6 days per week personal care, 4 days range of motion and an hour every 2 weeks for homemaking, I’m told I’d be at the bottom of the priority list. Bah. Anyway, I’ll be assessed at some point to decide on how much I qualify for (I want to hire someone that can help me get in a POOL!!!) and get on that list. As it is, any friends or family that visit me become automatic caregivers for the duration of their visit because I don’t have one! And that is not fair.

- The assessment will be done by my O/T, but he’s a little busy for me right now because I received my approval letter for the power wheelchair!!! I’m not sure when exactly I’ll be getting it, but I AM getting it! Woo hoo!

- I saw a couple good movies, He’s Just Not That Into You and Role Models (soooooo funny! Jane Lynch at her hilarious best!) I have seen commercials for movies I want to see, and some that… well… Eddie Murphy needs to stop making movies.

- I may bitch about our government from time to time, as is my right as a voter, but I am truly blessed to live in Canada. I read other blogs and what other MSers go through and the costs to get medication and help and I am so lucky. Also? Signed another one year contract for my rent subsidy. Between my AISH (Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped), my rent subsidy and all medical and home care costs paid for, a person can actually live a modest life with a little dignity and not file for bankruptcy because they can’t afford their medical bills. Of course, I still think our Health Care system is a “Sick Care” system and as I choose natural health products, procedures and supplements I’m on my own, when it comes right down to it I do take a couple meds I don’t have to pay for and see doctors and dentists and stay in hospitals and get a POWER WHEELCHAIR and daily help to shower and dress and… I’m lucky. Thank you Government for letting me count.

- This You Tube sensation is a local guy. He made front page news here. He needs to go on Ellen, no one would appreciate the power of one person dancing to start something like that more than her!

I think the cats knocked my card reader onto the floor in behind the shelf where I keep my Macbook, so I can’t get to all the pictures on my camera. So these are from my dad’s Blackberry again.

Pita and Pepper had a stare-down the other day. It started in the living room with Pepper ready to smack down Pita, but turned into a staring contest with Pita slowly walking backwards and Pepper following her, never taking their eyes off each other, ready to pounce at any moment. It’s times like this you realize why you MUST have more than one cat.

And the winner is… Pepper!

But Pita is still a STAR.

i really do NOT like the new Facebook layout, so as such I’ve been spending a little more time snooping around Twitter. I deleted John Mayer from my following list; I decided I don’t really like him. Not my kind of person. Then I deleted Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore because they kinda bore me and re-tweet too much. I think I’m growing up!

I’m really behind on my blog! I blame my lack of energy and patience due to my lack of sleep. It’s been a rough couple of weeks again. If I have a couple nights where I sleep about 4 hours in a row, I get excited and think it’s improving, and then I go right back to sleepless nights and waking up every hour and maybe getting a total of 4 hours all broken up. I know a lot of it is mental, as I go to bed all anxious, stressed and worried that I won’t sleep again. I spent Sunday researching insomnia treatment and am putting a serious plan into action this week!

Last week I had an appointment with a physiatrist (mobility specialist) at the MS Clinic. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I thought he’d want to see me walk and offer help to get me a lift in my shoe (over the years my right leg has become longer than my left, due to my uneven gait and, he says, my pelvis dropping because of it), or an Ankle/Foot Orthotic I can actually use (when I broke my wrist and was staying at the Care Center they made me an AFO to wear, that helps my right foot lift up when I walk, but I’ve never worn it because I can’t put it on without lots of help. At the care facility physiotherapists put it on me, and I/we assumed wrongly that I’d be able to put it on one-handed when my wrist healed. HA! I even bought two pairs of the same shoes in different sizes, but even with my brother’s help we couldn’t get it on me!) But that was not the case. He listened to me talk about the issues I’ve faced the past few years and kept shaking his head, “I don’t like what I’m hearing. I don’t like this at all.” That was useful. He asked me why I’m not living in a group home with round-the-clock care (thanks for your support) and told me I’m “melancholy and depressed” and referred me to a psychiatrist I’ve already seen. Well, maybe I wouldn’t be so melancholy if I was getting proper sleep! And seeing a psychiatrist who will want to put me on more drugs isn’t going to help. Well, it might for a little while, but not long term. He also referred me back to the same physiotherapy place I went to a few years ago (where they referred me back to the MS Clinic, but when I told him that he assured me I will get long-term physio there this time). One thing he said that I appreciated and agree with is that he believes a lot of my progression isn’t actual MS progression, it’s due to the broken bones, surgeries, being laid up, getting depressed, gaining weight… all that stuff. And how with regular physio and exercise I should be able to get some mobility back. Hence the referral to the clinic in the hospital close to me. I was told the therapist there used to be at the MS Clinic, and will work well with me, and get me a lift for my shoe if she thinks it will help. So, I hope I start soon, because daily exercise is a part of my Beat Insomnia Plan, and there isn’t a lot I can do on my own. Safely.

I also had a visit from my O/T with a power wheelchair. I wish I could renovate my apartment! I need the carpet and door frames removed from this place. I can’t get a power chair if I can’t get it in and out of the rooms in here, even though I need it mostly for going out. He’s supposed to bring another one to try soon, that turns corners tighter. I also need to write a stronger “client impact statement” so the government knows the chair is going to someone who really needs it, and will use it often, “contributing to the community”. I’m not sure how my medical appointments and physio contribute to the community, but if I can get out and about without needing to arrange appointments around when my dad can take me, I will think of other things. Um… I can go back to my “volunteer work in the arts community” (helping out my musician friends again by actually getting myself out to shows). I can make a nice list of the things I’ll be able to do and how often if that’s what they want.

There is big excitement in my family right now, with the arrival of my brother’s girlfriend from Mexico. Trust me, I want to gossip, but I cannot because everyone knows about this blog. Sigh. I’ll just say they met online, it’s a very interesting story I may be able to share one day in the future, (but probably not), and she’s great. She’s actually originally from Europe and speaks 5 or 6 languages fluently. She’s VERY interesting!

Michael J. Fox was on Oprah today. What an amazing attitude he has. I want to get back to that, too! I’m not as optimistic as I once was and that is a huge detriment to my life. I know it’s inside me, and can be persuaded out with a lot of money and pizza. Failing that, I need a) sleep, and b) a swift kick in the butt.

I have LOTS of work to do now. People are starting to get their info in to me and I’m back to being over run by receipts and taxes! Which is good because I need to pay the bills. So who knows when my next update will be. I hope you read this slow!

My brother has my camera so these photos are from my dad’s Blackberry. Comfy kitties.

This picture of Pepper makes me laugh for hours.

Dad didn’t use a flash because he didn’t want to “disturb” Pita. You know, the cat that disturbs EVERYONE.

I’m out of brownies and I’m out of money. I’ve got to get to work on applying for a prescription. I’ve also got to get to work, period. I could invoice one of my clients very soon if I got off my ass and finished his year end. Procrastination is something I have perfected, if you ever need tips. So have a lot of other people, as I await them to get off their respective asses and bring me their receipts for the year. So I can procrastinate getting their year ends done, as well. And eventually finish up, get paid, pay my insurance, and buy more brownies.

I’m up to my ears in paperwork again. Not just receipts, but various applications as well. I’m applying for a power wheelchair again; Home Care seems to think I can get it based on the fact that even without automatic doors on my building, I do live beside the rental office and have permission from them to buzz them to come open the doors for me. Which I hopefully won’t need to do, as Handi-Bus drivers will help me, I’m sure. My dad took care of the hallway door that was always closed. After purchasing many doorstops that were removed (building management calls it “fire regulations”…. I call it “too lazy to fix the damn door” because every other hallway door in the building has a mechanism that keeps it open 24/7) he found a way to make the door close reeeeeeaaaalllly slow. This way, I can pull the door open with my left hand, and still have time to back up and position my scooter or wheelchair properly to go straight through the door before it slams shut on me. So far this is working when I take my scooter out, and hopefully building maintenance will leave it alone. It does close eventually, and stays that way, after all.

This was started TWO days ago. I am getting lax again. I did, however, finish that client’s year end and invoice him. I also received a cheque from another client and paid my insurance in full for the next year (I unknowingly, all those years ago, timed it well, that my insurance would come up for renewal during my best financial month). Now I need to package up that client’s year end stuff and send it to the accountant (hi, Shel!) and get to work on my OWN taxes, while I await more work. Exciting stuff.

I am enjoying Twitter. I don’t have a lot of (t)witty things to say, but when you follow the right people, you get good laughs. TV characters such as Michael Scott and David Brent; TV writers from shows like “Samantha Who?”, “The Office” and “House”; actors/producers from above-mentioned shows interacting with each other… of course I have hugely popular Tweeters like John Mayer and Ashton Kutcher on there. And of course I respond to them as if they’re actually going to engage in conversation with me one day. HA!

I never did get to see the Good Lovelies on Saturday. Luckily I learned this in time to postpone my 7:00 am home care call! They were just too rushed. They got into Calgary in time for their show and then had to leave early the next morning for Saskatoon. They will be back here in the summer for the Folk Festival and have promised me sufficient hang-out time then.

Oprah was really good today. She had Montel Williams there, and although the show was about several different stars and how they handled being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, it mainly focused on Montel and MS. It was very interesting. At first I was mad at Montel for thinking he has the right to talk about suicide, depression, and how horrible MS can be, while he walks around without so much as a cane and has full use of his hands. Like, what the hell does he know, really? But that is not fair at all. He suffers pain I don’t even want to know about and has been through a lot that he has kept hidden. He also works DAMN hard in the gym, takes a hand full of supplements every day, and follows a healthy diet. He deserves to be in as good of health as possible for as long as possible.

Which would be easier for me if I had MONEY and could afford the assistance I would need to do all those things now. Take me back to 2002 and let me do it over from there. That’s all I ask. No ankle-breaky, wrist-breaky, messy surgeries or long hospital stays, and my story would be a little different.

Another two days have gone by! I’m seeing a trend.

In that time I have gotten more organized in my office and tomorrow/this weekend I may even get to my OWN taxes. I finally sent in the forms and qualify for the Disability Tax Credit (since 2002) so I know I won’t have to pay anything. But if I have a refund coming I’d like to see it!

I need a date for next Thursday, the 26th! I bought tickets to see Serena Ryder and I obviously can’t go by myself, but I’m having a hell of a time finding someone to come with me! It’s times like this I really need that power wheelchair. I could just book a Handi-bus and go. The application is filled out (thanks, mom!) and the OT is bringing one by for me to try out on Wednesday. Fingers crossed it works out! Then hopefully it won’t be long before I have my very own. Happy to have it, sucks to need it.

So yeah, I need someone to go to Serena with on Thursday! Spread the word to anyone you know in Calgary. 4th row center on the floor. You provide the ride and W/C assistance, I got the tickets.

Before I go, I have to mention a few things:

• RIP Natasha Richardson. What a complete and utter shock. Love and prayers to her loved ones.
• My dear friend, the amazing and talented Peter Katz, is making a new CD and needs our help! Nice perks. Check it out HERE
• The not-married Conchord got married.

This has become a favourite hangout place of Pita’s these days.

It’s happening. It’s that time of the year. Tax time! I am starting to get bombarded with work. I have to figure out a schedule and stick to it. Something that allows me all the rest time I need, fits in home care, exercises, chi machine, eating, etc. and still allows me to work a couple hours a day so I can get everything done. I hope I survive. I’m going to have to let some clients know I won’t be able to do their 2009 stuff and to start looking for a new bookkeeper. I already told one awhile back that she would have to find someone else to do her 2008 because I know how much work hers is and that I wouldn’t be able to handle it this year! This is rough. I could be rolling in dough if I was in good health! Good bookkeepers are always needed, no matter what the economy. By this time next year, I hope to have no more than a few good friends as clients, and be looking for a publisher for the book I will have completed by then! No more bookkeeping in 2011; just writing and house hunting in New Zealand.

My Frogpad keyboard arrived today but I haven’t even unwrapped it. I’ve had about 4 people come by today to see/talk to me (including my friend Shawna, who brought me my belated Christmas present!) and I’ve been getting work done in my office. So I haven’t had a chance. Plus, change scares me more than one fingered typing on a MacBook.

Pita escaped today behind the delivery guy and he closed the door. It didn’t take me long to realize she was missing, and I’m hoping the amount of time she was stuck out there HOWLING while I slowly (as fast as my legs would take me) made my way to the door to let her in taught her a lesson. In.My.Dreams.

Did I ever mention that I actually did have to get rid of Anna, one of my home care workers, because of how Pita acted towards her? I felt bad because Anna really was good to me. She even sent me a Christmas card. Her supervisors had to investigate to make sure I don’t have an “aggressive” cat (as Anna told them Pita is violent and dangerous, but what she doesn’t seem to get is that it was ONLY around her!) so they called every home care worker, nurse, social worker, P/T, O/T etc. that has ever been here and only heard glowing reviews abut what a sweet, friendly, funny cat Pita is. So I’m not blacklisted, which is good. I do wonder what it was, though, about Anna. She has her own pets and is always sent to homes where there are animals because she is so good with them. So I have no clue what Pita saw that no other animals do. I have to guess it has to do with me; maybe she sensed an accident would happen while Anna was here, I don’t know… super weird.

I made my first step towards stem cell treatment in China by filling out the inquiry form. I’ve been reading the blogs of former MS patients, and it seems like results are rather mixed. They do say it will take time, because you are just being injected with new cells, without removing your old ones, so you need to give them time to grow and replicate. I’m going to look at it as if I’m meant to go, as I take the steps to go forward with it, things will fall into place rather easily. Between now and then, I’m going to up my colloidal silver intake (for my immune system) and take lots of Ambrotose (which works from the cellular level). I also think that upon return from China anyone with new stem cells would benefit from Ambrotose even more, and I will live off the stuff at that point!

I’ve been calling around to wheelchair accessible apartments today. They are few and far between. The ones with automatic doors have no vacancies (”disabled tenants have been here 10-15 years”) or they are managed by Calgary Housing and I can’t get in unless I quit the rent subsidy program I’m in now and go on Calgary Housing’s waiting list, which could mean a year or two without any rent subsidy. Which I REALLY can’t do or I’d be homeless. It’s stupid. I’m in a Calgary Housing rent subsidy program, but instead of my apartment being subsidized, I am subsidized directly as an individual based on my income and rent. Yet Calgary Housing won’t help me get into one of their apartments because the programs are separate and you can’t be in one while waiting to get into the other. Sigh…. I think I’m stuck here, so I sure as hell better improve and not get worse. Gimme your healthy stem cells!!

Tomorrow is Wednesday, and if you’re on Facebook you know that you are to wear PINK to take a stand against bullying. I’m going to be home all day so it’s not like anyone will see my pink, or even ask me about it because I wear pink a lot anyway. But I will wear pink for that reason, and should I need to leave the house for any reason, I will put on pink socks AND pink Crocs.

Family photo my dad emailed me today, taken at my Aunt’s wedding. Year TBA. It’s too late to call anyone and ask.

If you’ve sent me an email in the last while, I will get back to you eventually. I’m a little overwhelmed at the moment with work and life, and the slew of emails that hit me recently are going to have to wait. I’m much better at a sentence or two on Facebook then I am at composing letters these days!

So, I am watching The Bachelor this season. I haven’t watched a Bachelor in a few years, but I did watch The Bachelorette last season after seeing DeAnna Pappas on Ellen a couple of times and deciding I liked her. From the very first episode with the 25 men there, I had Jason pegged as THE ONE. And every week that she asked him to stay, I squealed in delight. When he was one of the final two, I was 100% positive they would end up together and live happily ever after. When she chose Jesse, I screamed at the TV and cursed her stupidity. Naturally, DeAnna and Jesse have since broken up, but JASON got the gig as the new Bachelor. So I want to see who he ends up with; he seems like such a nice guy, so real… and that little boy of his? What a doll. Of course, to add some extra drama to the series (because it so needs more drama) DeAnna will be coming back and most likely telling Jason she still loves him and wants to marry him… so, yeah, I’m looking forward to watching this season. Except for the parts they air before going to commercial, all the dramatic scenes coming up that aren’t nearly as exciting as they make them sound, which is one reason why I stopped watching it years ago in the first place. “Reality” shows have a bit of a PROBLEM with that. There was a girl from Calgary there the first night, but she was sent home (no surprise, as she got no time alone with him; damn polite Calgarians need to step it up in the pushiness department in cases like this). There is still another Alberta woman there (although she lives in Vancouver now). Her name is Jillian and she has an interesting theory about men and what they put on their hot dogs. I like her, and at this point am rooting for her, just because. I’m sure I’ll change my mind by next week.

We had a Chinook Friday night! That means, the weather has warmed up and it is quite possible the snow in the parking lot will melt so that I can actually take my scooter out this week. I tried to go the other day when it was sunny, but we have just had too much snow this winter already, and the parking lot is dangerous. Lumpy and topply and in need of a good plowing, right down to the cement. So I turned around and came back inside, sad and defeated. I really want to be able to go out again!!! I never mentioned that when I went out on the 31st the parking lot was about like it is now, and although I made it, it was not without incidence or close calls and “Oh My God!” yelps. So I won’t be taking chances like that again. Not until they make mini snowplows to attach to the front of scooters.

Last week when I had to turn around and come back inside, I called my dad for help. I really had to get to the bank and deposit a couple of cheques. So the following day my dad and brother came over and we drove to the mall with my wheelchair. I was able to get my banking done and refill a couple prescriptions, and picked up some valerian root to see if it would help me sleep (it didn’t). We also went to the newly-renovated Smitty’s restaurant in the mall, which has completely turned itself around. The food was great and the service excellent. What the…?

So, sleeping… still not doing it. I’ve increased the amount of time I spend on my Chi Machine, which I think is actually helping my hip pain a bit and relaxing me. Other than that, I still lay awake for hours and hours and hours every night. At the suggestion of a friend I ordered a Litebook, as I’m 99.9% sure I have SAD and have been meaning to get one of those for ages. I hope it arrives soon and that it helps. I was actually told many years ago by an occupational therapist who was giving me tips for sleep (this is a long term condition that has gotten a lot worse over the years) to get two hours of sunlight every morning, which is not possible in this climate. So this light will give me that.

One of my clients I’m doing some work for today has an accountant that just pisses me off. He is so condescending to me and talks to me like I’m an idiot. He also gives me ridiculous year end adjusting entries that make no friggin’ sense and changes things that didn’t need to be changed in the first place. I won’t get into it because a) it will bore the hell out of you, and b) you won’t get what I’m talking about unless you are an accountant or bookkeeper yourself. It’s just… sometimes the bookkeeper is NOT an idiot, and her insight into the company books, since she works with them every week as opposed to you sticking your nose in once/year, might be worth a phone call before you go bullying her with your God-like behaviour. Making a remark like “the owner is not subject to EI” when I have been processing the owner’s payroll and T4 for umpteen years and OBVIOUSLY KNOW THAT is redundant. Shut up.

Well, I’m off for another Chi machine session, some food, and a little Golden Globe red carpet action.

Monday, April 21 - Wednesday, April 30:

After that busy Rob and Peter week, I had to get back to doing taxes on Monday. I had quite a lot to finish up before the 30th! I don’t think I did anything exciting that week of Monday to Friday, I just worked and stuff. (”And stuff” means my usual daily routines of home care, lattes, quick trips to the mall, Facebook, Ellen/Oprah/Dr. Phil on and off, eBay, all mixed around work). On Friday, my home care worker, who is about the sweetest lady on earth, came by a second time around 1:00 and brought me samosas and pakoras. She’s from India and knows how much I love Indian food, so she decided to bring me some. Seriously? How nice is she??

On Saturday, I made plans with Jason. We had been talking all week about going for that Indian food buffet that Peter and I had gone to at the Samosa Grill, so on Saturday we confirmed it. Jason also had a cousin playing in a band downtown later that night, so he asked me to be his “date” for that. It actually was very much a real date, with Jason paying and everything, but I can’t REALLY date Jason. I mean… I love him too much, I think! We’re family. Anyway, I took my wheelchair because I thought it would be easier to get me around. Which it was, but still a hassle. The Samosa Grill is upstairs, so we had to take their freight elevator, and wait for a staff member to be free to take us to that loccked area. She took us the long way around, which involved going through storage areas and knocking over bins of empty bottles and such. Getting me in anywhere can be quite the production. Finally settled, Jason was my server for the evening, since it was a buffet. He took good care of me. Leaving was a little easier, because the staff member who took us knew the shortcut that I had taken with Peter last time. A lot less stuff to knock over.

Oh, and I should also mention that Jason has a Monster Truck van that I have a very hard time getting into, it is so high. Lots of help and butt boosting required from Jason. We get into some questionable positions, and if either of us were famous, the paparazzi would have a GREAT time taking pictures. Anyway, we were finally headed downtown to the Palomino, which it turns out has no elevator to get to the live music downstairs (it’s a very old building). Jason was mainly interested in seeing his cousin and saying “hi”, than he was in actually seeing the band, so our plan was to just stay in the upstairs bar for a drink or two if the stairs were going to be a hassle. Parking downtown is, of course, hard to come by, but after driving around for awhile we found a spot a couple blocks away. As Jason wheeled me to the club, I was saying “I’ve gotta pee the second we get in there!” (I’m such a classy date). We got inside the main doors no problem and asked a waitress where the washrooms were. “Our upstairs bathrooms are out of order. You have to go downstairs”.

Ah, wonderful. It was only about 8:30, and the doors for the show downstairs didn’t even open until 9:30 (although you could use the washrooms, of course). We decided to just brave the stairs and hopefully they would let us stay down there. Jason walked down the stairs with me, slow and steady, then ran back up to get my chair. I used the facilities, then we got settled at a table in the empty bar. They let us stay there and wait for the doors to “officially” open. Jason ran back upstairs and bought us drinks. At some point I apologized for being so high maintenance, needing all this help from him! He said “this, to me, is not maintenance. This is nothing. Emotional High Maintenance is a lot more work!” (Referring to relationships - have we not all had to deal with emotionally high maintenance people at some point?) That made me feel good. Physically, I’m pretty demanding because I need help with stuff, and you’ve got to be in good enough shape to lug a wheelchair or walker when hanging out with me! But I’m not going to drain you emotionally, so I guess it’s whatever is easier for you. I need to learn to stop apologizing all the time, because I know I would rather help someone down the stairs and push them in a wheelchair, than deal with bitching, whining, complaining, and walking on eggshells with someone you don’t know how to talk to or are afraid will explode if you say the *wrong* thing. Yeah.

So, we stayed down there for a couple of hours, listening to live surf rock music, before we were both ready to call it a night. Going up the stairs we had many staff offering to help - “can we do anything to help?” to which Jason responded, “all we need is time!”. Good answer. Jason walked with me up the stairs and a bartender carried my wheelchair. He said they had hosted big parties for oil and gas companies and stuff, and one night there were 3 wheelchairs, and the men were paraplegics and unable to stand at all. Times like that they really wish they had an elevator, but renovating a building that old would cost a fortune. I’m just really glad I am able to stand/walk, because no one would be able to carry me up or down stairs. Ahhhh, to be a lithe 115 pounds.

Jason dropped me at home and wheeled me inside, making sure all was okay and no cats ran out before he left. It was a great night! I heart my Jason.

Sunday, I rested and Facebooked and eBayed. I replenished my shower gel/body lotion supply with Avon products that cost a total of 6 cents, and with shipping it only came to $18.05… when I received the box, she had paid $22.50 for the shipping. Sometimes, the deals on eBay freak me out. I don’t understand how someone can sell sets of shower gel and body lotion for one penny, spend more on shipping than they charge, and continue being a seller. Maybe she promised her husband she would give him all her eBay profits and then found out he was having an affair.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were the end of tax season. Naturally, the CRA’s website decided to conk out and I wasn’t able to file the last two I had. It was frustrating as HELL!! Luckily, the CRA became aware of their server issues and let everyone know they had an extra week to file online. I wish I had known that before I spent all day Tuesday fighting with their website! Anyway, alls well that ends well. Everything got done and my clients are happy. Now the late ones are starting to call me! I’ll be busy for another month…

Next up, my 40th birthday extravaganza! Wheee! Until then, here is a really cute video of Pita and Pepper (mostly Pita) chasing their new laser:

I decided to do an update because Maggs tagged me with the above award, so I needed to put it up here, and figured I may as well update while I’m at it.

The rules for the “You Make My Day” award are to re-present it to 10 people whose blogs bring you happiness, inspiration and make you feel happy about blog land. Let them know through e-mail or by posting a comment on their blog so they can pass it on. Beware you may get the award several times, and if you do, consider yourself really, really loved. So to pass it on and keep the love going ~ here are 10 of the 100’s of blogs that keep me inspired and bring a smile to my face. Please check them out when you have a few minutes…perhaps there are some new friends to be made!

So that’s how it works, and here are 10 blogs that make me smile and/or inspire me regularly:

Maggie
Kerri
Scott
Sylvie
Shauna
PostSecret
Big Fat Deal
Robyn
Sandee
I Can Has Cheezburger (Seriously cannot go 10 minutes without a peek over there haha)

I’m not going to let them know I bestowed this honour upon them, but if they happen to check their referral links and end up here, they are free to recognize it if they want

Lots has happened since my last update, and wouldn’t you know it, I don’t have much time here. For starters, I saw my dad for the first time in almost 6 years. One thing I have realized, is that he may never change, but I certainly have. Hopefully that will be enough for us to have a relationship of sorts. It has never been a question of love; it’s more about how to have a relationship with him without him trying to take over my life. I am an independent person, and he wants to take over and do everything and have all the answers, and in the past this has caused me more stress than you can begin to imagine. (There’s other stuff, too, but I won’t get into it). Anyway, hopefully we can set boundaries that will keep us both happy. I know after spending a few hours with him yesterday evening, that I’m much better at handling his personality than I used to be. Rather than get stressed out, I let it slide and just shrugged it off as *just the way he is*. I have learned, if nothing else over the past 6 years, to allow people to be the way they are and live their life the way they want and not let it get to me. Their problems/behaviours/choices etc. are not mine to worry about, unless they are hurting me (or my family, or children, or animals, or…). I am a mere observer. Wow, I think I’m growing up!

On a whim today, I decided to get my legs waxed. OUCH!! Facking OUCH!!

Last weekend was supposed to be a lot of fun. CD release parties galore, including the Calgary one for The Polyjesters. So what do I go and do?? Fall and twist my ankle, of course. I stayed in with my foot up, icing it. My mom was here, and without a show to go to, that gave her the time to clean out and re-organize my cupboards. Gotta love moms!

I’m switching my TV from our regular Shaw Cable (I just have the basic cable) to Telus TV. I’m excited! I didn’t realize everyone has to be digital by 2009, and I’ve got a pretty old TV here. So I’m getting a free digital box, one year of basic cable for free (which is $10/month cheaper than Shaw anyway! Wheee!) and extra channels I’d like (to get those great HBO shows and A&E, the Learning Channel, etc.) for only $6.00/month. I’m really pleased! My neighbour has it, and loves it. It’s great that Shaw finally has some cable competition.

Anyway, I’m crazy busy with work, and outta time. Catch ya later!