Can You Hear Me Now?

I realize I am long overdue for an update! I had the angioplasty procedure for CCSVI over 3 weeks ago now, so I know you’re all wondering how I’m doing.

There are two parts to this… the procedure part, and the Costa Rica part. I’ll write about the procedure first, and about the trip itself in another entry.

I was scheduled to undergo testing (blood tests, EKG, ultrasound) on Friday after I arrived, and receive the treatment on Saturday. Since all the updates I was reading on Facebook from others in Costa Rica said they were being delayed for a couple of days, I fully expected that, too. I went for my tests and all was well, they still told me I was scheduled for the following day. The ultrasound showed a reflux in my left jugular and some stenosis in my right. But those of us in the know are aware that these tests are often wrong, the only way to REALLY know is by venography, which I’d be getting at the time of treatment.

Anyway, we went back to the hotel, went for supper, and it wasn’t until we got back to the room after supper that I received the message that my procedure had been postponed until Monday. I figured as much! So was Kim’s, the lady who had been scheduled for the same day as me. We are actually very lucky, because there was a problem with a batch of balloons they received (wrong size) and they only treated one other person after us! Every one else that had been scheduled for the rest of July had to cancel their flights and plans and and rebook for August. Can you imagine! So I’m grateful I was only delayed two days and not 3 weeks.

Anyway, we arrived at the hospital on Monday and were greeted by the beautiful Gloriana, who works for the international department of Clinical Biblica and walks you through everything and translates when required. Her and Isabel, who works evenings, are fantastic. After getting me settled in my room (there was even a futon for Heather to sleep on, the rooms are huge) and seeing my doctor, it was somehow decided that I would go first, and Kim second. Good thing for me, because apparently hers took many hours! She had 5 blockages, I think.

I was brought into OR, transferred to a cold operating table, and hooked up to an IV. There were nurses buzzing around me speaking in Spanish, prepping me. I felt the anesthetic and sedative going in (it stings) and then the next thing I remember was waking up back in my hospital bed and wondering how I got there, and being wheeled back to my room. The difference between treatment in Costa Rica and every other hospital in the world that does this, is that they knock you out. I mean, apparently I was awake and chatting the whole time, and I said it hurt when they ballooned me, but I have NO memory of that. I like the way other clinics keep you awake and aware throughout the entire procedure so you can see the monitors and know everything that is going on. Some friends even said they could feel sensations coming back into their fingers or something at the exact moment they were ballooned. That would be cool.

Anyway, Dr. Fallas has his reasons for doing it his way and I’m not going to argue with a vascular surgeon. The first thing I noticed as whey wheeled me back was that both my feet were sticking up. You know how, when you lie in bed on your back, your feet stick up, and it’s like two little teepees? Well, for years my left foot has been the teepee and my right foot laid flat down like it was just dead. So here they were, both making dents in the blanket. So I knew something good had happened.

Back to my room for the night. I was sleepy from the sedative. Heather came in to spend the night with me after going out for the evening (she made friends with our cute driver, and he took her out and about a few times!)

The next morning I will say I thought my vision had improved, everything was brighter and clearer. This gives me hope that I WILL get that back… at the time it didn’t last long, by the time we got back to the hotel and the humidity it was back to it’s old self. I blamed that, and feeling crummy, on the humidity and discomfort I felt in Costa Rica, but I have been home for 2 weeks now so I can’t blame that anymore.

Dr. Fallas came to visit me that afternoon with his Macbook, to show me all the images from my venogram and ballooning. As I had suspected, there was stenosis in my left jugular and NOTHING wrong with my right one (he looked at every possible angle and was surprised by that, but I assured him all my problems are on my right side so I expected that the blood flow to my left side was normal). He said my jugular ballooned very easily and stayed open, so no stents were used. They only use them if the vein won’t stay open. I also had 40% stenosis in my azygos vein, which he also ballooned. I had told him pre-op to put a stent in and signed a waiver and everything, but he said it wasn’t bad enough to warrant a stent, that he wouldn’t even put one in an artery with 40% stenosis. The re-stenosis rate on the azygos has been 0% anyway, so I’m not worried. God intended for us to have 100% blood flow through our veins, so 40% less is a lot, even if it’s not “bad enough” to warrant a stent (my friend Tessa had 95% stenosis there!) He gave me a copy of the DVD so if I ever want to see my veins I can watch it.

I was back at the hotel by Tuesday evening, and physio started Wednesday morning. Claudio worked with me mainly, as Gaby is a tiny woman and although she is strong, I need a big man to work with me! Someone who could hold me up if I was going to fall… Gaby would be crushed by my weight! Not safe for either of us. My daily exercises were great, and torture, but great. I do wish I could have brought Claudio back with me!

A week later and two days before I left I had a follow up Doppler by Dr. Fallas. It only took him a few minutes to show me how my blood was flowing nicely through my jugulars! He gave me his card and told me to keep in touch, to keep him updated on how I’m doing in months to come. They are keeping good records and will publish their results, as other doctors around the world are doing, so soon we will have the documented results the MS Society and neurologists and nay sayers keep saying are needed, not just “anecdotal”. Because a billion before and after videos on You Tube will never be enough.

The differences I saw in CR were that sitting to standing was easier (I could usually get up on my first try instead of 2-3 and often needing help), I could take deep breaths, and my sense of smell improved. These improvements sort of came and went over the past few weeks, but now that I have been home for awhile and living in my new body I can say the following improvements seem to have settled in:

• Sitting to standing is easier
• Foot spasms have decreased
• My voice is stronger
• There is more colour in my face
• I can take deep breaths, oxygen is better
• My sense of smell is better - I can smell my own B.O. now
• I can scratch; it used to be every time I had an itch down my right leg or the right side of my groin or pretty much anywhere on my right side, I would break into these painful seizure like spasms with my right foot, leg, arm, hand… it was so annoying. Now I can comfortably scratch an itch without the spasms. I did scratch the right side of my back yesterday, and spasms broke out, so perhaps the blood flow hasn’t reached that part of my brain yet!
• Yesterday I had my first pedicure since the treatment, and for the first time in YEARS my right foot didn’t jump uncontrollably when she went to trim the nails and push back the cuticles. Normally she has to be very patient with that foot as it would jump in her face every time she tried to do anything. Yesterday she held each toe to do her thing, and we were both amazed that my foot behaved, didn’t jump or flicker, nothing! It was as calm and normal as my left foot!
• My balance does seem a bit better.

The above are all things to celebrate, and that is what I am trying to focus on. What makes it difficult, however, is that some pretty major things are worse: my bladder is crazier than before, my vision is worse, my walking is worse, I’m weaker, my feet are more numb, my energy is… I dunno… I think my vision makes everything seem worse because I don’t feel safe to move. The double vision is worse than before, although my dad swears when he looks at me, my eyes are lined up better. So I don’t know.

What I think is going on is that my body A) doesn’t like these blood thinners (I have about a week left I think) and B) needs time to adjust to the new blood flow and heal. I know I don’t like the blood thinners because I have bruises all over my legs (and my belly, but that is the pin cushion so it’s expected), I wake up every morning with insane dry mouth, and no matter how much water I drink (which is a lot) I can’t get clear urine, which is my goal. Then I read blood thinners make your urine dark and your mouth dry, which explains those things!

Friends have been telling me they have heard about people who, after the treatment, saw no improvements for months. Some were getting worse and thought they had re-stenosed, until weeks later they suddenly started getting better. So I strongly believe that is what’s going on with me. I went to my own doctor last week and got some blood tests, which all came back normal, so I really think once I’m off blood thinners and give my body time, I’ll feel a lot better. I’m also taking some parasite cleanse supplements from my chiropractor, because that can’t hurt. Parasites don’t show up in regular blood tests. I’m also seriously considering chelation therapy.

As for the colour in my face, let’s compare. These pictures were both taken by Heather with the same camera, no make up:

Obviously, the lighting at the airport before we took off (left) and the doctor’s office (right, 10 days later) are different, but I still think there is a big difference. Everybody who sees me now says something, so it must be true!

I live in hope that my worsening symptoms must improve, because proper blood flow can NOT be a bad thing. The only logical explanation is that my body is adjusting and trying to figure out what to do with this blood flow. And since my very first symptom back in 1987 was problems with my vision, I am expecting that may take awhile to correct. But it WILL.

To brighten up this entry a bit, I will leave you with this photo of the garden outside our hotel in Costa Rica, and to see my collection of pictures (I didn’t take as many as I would have liked, my camera wasn’t always with me) here is the link to my public album on Facebook. Remember that link will expire, so look now!

(ETA: The You Tube videos didn’t embed while I was working on the entry, but they did when I published. Go figure).

This will be my last update before I go to Costa Rica for my treatment! It’s angioplasty, by the way. We are no longer calling it liberation treatment (as much as I love that name) or CCSVI treatment because that just continues to allow the government and the medical community to call it “experimental” and “new”. It’s NOT new, it’s angioplasty of the veins. The same procedure is done every day for cancer patients and kidney dialysis patients and others. It’s only when you have MS that you are denied the treatment. And part of the problem is the new name it has been given for when it comes to MS. But it’s not a new procedure, so we need to stop calling it that.

I’m traveling to Central America and spending $20,000 to get angioplasty, a treatment available to anyone else for any other reason, in their own country. How fucking ridiculous is that?!

So, I moved last weekend. What a chore! My friends and family are amazing. They worked their arses off. We had Jackie, her husband Robin, their two kids, Jason (and he brought two teenagers to do some heavy lifting, Seb and Nick), Sheldon, Damien, Shawna, and later on Kim and Rob joined us at this end for picture hanging, fix-ups, last minute bring overs, etc. My mom supervised the furniture arrangements at this end. Shawna was in charge of the cats, which worked out well. First we locked them in my office at my old place until my bedroom was set up over here. Then they were brought over and locked in my bedroom until all the furniture was moved in. Then the door was opened and Pepper, traumatized, stayed in my closet, while Pita came out and snooped around and hissed at everyone. Business as usual.

I can’t believe they got pretty much everything done! I mean, pictures hung?! And thank God Kim was here for that, as she is an interior designer and has a great eye. My walls have never looked better.

It took Pita a couple days to calm down and get used to this place, but she seems fine now. Pepper hid in my closet for a few days, only making an appearance on my bed at night, then she slowly started hanging out in the main rooms. But only when it’s me, with or without my home care only. She hasn’t come out when other people are around. I feel bad because I’m going away, and she’s going to hide in my closet forever! She’s so sweet, I wish she wasn’t so skittish. I don’t know where that comes from. Pita’s personality I understand. She’s psycho, and it totalhy makes sense. But Pepper? I don’t know.

On moving day Jason was showing me how to film myself on my Macbook (for pre and post procedure videos) and it turned into an impromptu interview:

I can’t get videos to embed on here for some reason so here is the link: Pre-CCSVI “Interview”

I’d love to say I’m much happier here, in new and fresh surroundings. I do love the floors and counters and all that. But I HATE the fact that everything is backwards here. Everything is on the wrong side. Light switches. Doors. I can’t get to my fridge. My exercise table is turned around (it has to be) and it’s harder to get on and use my chi machine. Because the bathroom is bigger and set up differently, there is no counter beside the toilet to push myself up. A pole can’t go in there because it has a drop ceiling and the pole would go right through, so I had to get bars installed around the toilet. This is a pain because… well, I need room to position myself for wiping, and I no longer have that. My bedroom is smaller and it’s harder to get to my bed for some reason. I don’t know, it’s just all very upsetting right now. I’m hoping all this stuff won’t be an issue when I get back. I can’t use a walker and be able to get to my fridge. So… that has to change! I need to be able to get around my kitchen without a walker. Or get a new fridge. I know what I’d rather do!

I made a pre-procedure walking video:

And since I can’t embed, here is the link: Pre-Procedure Walking

Ah, Pepper has joined me for a bit. It’s nice to see her out here.

Then today I recorded myself in what was supposed to be me talking about my current symptoms and how my life works, but I ended up babbling mostly about my chi machine. There was a lot more I wanted to say about my mobility and needs, so maybe I will do another one. I just want my pre-procedure stuff on record. So there is this for now:

Aaaaaand since it won’t embed (all the coding is there, it just doesn’t show up for some reason) here is the link: Pre-Procedure Babbling

That was all written yesterday! Then my mom and Bob came over and we packed. I think I’m pretty much ready to go except for the last minute stuff. My dad picked me up the nicest hot pink suitcase with a matching carry on tote. I love it, and it sticks out! No man will try to steal it and it won’t get lost amongst all the black luggage.

Today I went to the bank to deposit more money and pick up some US cash. And test out my new credit card, I just activated the replacement and had to make sure it worked! I am now set for anything… lots of room on the credit card for the hotel, meals and related expenses charged to our room (like the driver for extra trips outside of what is covered) and cash in the bank for grocery shopping (we have a suite with a kitchen) and emergencies. And tipping. Now I just need to hear from Heather so I stop panicking. What if she died over the weekend?? WTF! She has to be fine and ready to come over Wednesday and leave with me at the ungodly hour of 4:00 am.

And spend the whole freakin’ day traveling and sitting in the Houston airport for 6 hours. Thursday is going to be the longest day of my life!

I have had many pre-Costa Rica visitors. Lisa, Russ and Lisa’s mom Maria even came over on Wednesday and brought supper (and a Costa Rica contribution!) Yummy chick pea curry, with leftovers for the following day.

Heather just called. All is well. I didn’t realize my voice mail is screwed up since I moved and I had no idea there were, like, 10 messages in there.

I fell. Went to the bathroom, and on my way out, I just toppled backwards and fell. No tripping, nothing to blame except my bad balance and the awkward position of the bathroom door. Sigh. So I fell backwards and landed on my ass on the bathroom floor (lucky I am cushioned there) and hit the back of my head. I managed to sit up long enough to grab my cell phone and call my dad. Then I called the rental office and told them what happened and asked if they could send Matthew over, as I knew it would take two. So they arrived around the same time and got me up. Now I’m sitting in my chair with a headache, but I have pee’d twice since then with no more falls so I think I’ll be okay. That was the LAST FALL OF MY LIFE, I promise. Looking forward to bed tonight!

Anyway, what was I saying… oh yeah, visitors. And phone calls. Lots of well wishers! I hope to see my other friend Lisa tomorrow.

My head hurts so I’m gonna go breathe with my eyes closed for awhile. See you on the other side, healthier and happier! YAYAYAYAY!

There are so many people on my Facebook friends list that are getting Liberated these days, I can’t keep track! I feel bad for the people who are just looking into it now… the waiting lists are insane. I was relatively late in the game to sign up for treatment but at least I’m not trying to get on lists now and being told I’ll be waiting until 2011. I’m sure Dr. Simka in Poland (the most well versed in this) is 2012. One month for me! One month until Liberation! Hopefully more clinics keep opening. It doesn’t look like they’ll be allowing it here anytime soon.

With the help of family and friends I have received about $8,000 of the approximately $20,000 I need for this life saving procedure. It’s like I read in a newspaper article yesterday, the 5-10 years of research they want to complete before they’re willing to make it available to us is JUST.TOO.LONG. “People will be in wheelchairs by then, and those already in wheelchairs will be dead”. Enough said. I’m going to save my life. I swear I am getting worse by the day, especially if the past 24 hours is any indication, so Liberation cannot come soon enough.

Besides the crapfest which was the past 24 hours, a new symptom has reared its ugly head in a whole new way (it used to pop up sometimes… now it’s life altering). OXYGEN. By the end of the day or when fatigue sets in especially, I’m not able to hold a conversation. The exertion is too much for me. I have trouble taking decent breaths and choke a lot more than I used to. These are definitely symptoms of CCSVI so I hope they clear up after Liberation. I found out that my severe morning hiccups are part of this, too! Good to know. Various home care workers have told me it means “someone is thinking of you” but I don’t know who would be thinking of me at approximately the same time every morning.

Speaking of home care workers, the one I had today to help me get to/from the mall told me a little about her life. She married her cousin when she was 19. Her sister married a cousin when she was TWELVE. Both her brothers married cousins. You see, they do not marry “outsiders” and keep it in the family. Hmmm….

Well, I guess we are all related, as Dr. Wayne Dyer puts it: “Two people made you, four people made the two people who made you, eight people made them, etc. etc.” so if you go far enough back, we are all family. But STILL.

My friend Heather came over on Tuesday to watch my morning routine with Grace so she sorta knows what to expect in Costa Rica. I picked up our tickets today. My passport arrived on Monday (another scratch off the 101 list!). It’s all happening! Heather swears up and down she will not get sick before we leave. I told her to take Cold FX every day, I will buy it for her, whatever! Just don’t get sick! She says she won’t so I will believe her.

Part of my rough 24 hours happened last night when I almost fell. Falling for me now would be an even bigger deal than it ever was in the past. Anyway, I can barelyifeven walk without my AFO on, so after home care leaves (she removes it) I like to use my Chi Machine and then I need to lock the door behind her, then make it to bed in one piece. My Chi Machine is acting weird lately and moving across the mat as it shakes, and last night was really bad so I gave up because when it moves it hurts my ankles (your leg position is important with that thing, if it doesn’t stay still it may be time for a new one… well worth the price). Anyway, I got up and walked to the door and thought “man, this is getting harder again”, locked the door, slowwwwly turned towards my bedroom and stumbled. I JUST managed to save myself by landing with my back against the wall and slamming the breaks on my walker really fast. My cell phone and water bottle went flying and I could feel myself slipping. I was thinking, “oh no, here I go” and wouldn’t that have sucked, with my cell phone out of reach! But I put as much weight as I could on my right leg to pull my left foot into a stable position. Then I made it to my bed and collapsed in tears. Those “holy shit, that was close” kinda tears. With my water bottle on the floor in the hallway (which I need to take my night and morning meds) and me afraid to try walking again, I knew I had to call someone (phone on bedside table, thank God). I chose Shawna because a) she’s an awesome amazing friend and b) she lives close and has keys. So I called her and felt like an idiot asking her to come help me for what seems like a silly reason! Of course she came by and helped me get settled. How pathetic would you feel if you needed someone to drive over to your place because your water bottle and cell phone is on the floor in the hallway? Yeah. Welcome to my hell.

That was yesterday, and today I had another “accident” with my bowels. Fourth time in two weeks. Seriously about the worst thing that can happen in your day. I’m still waiting for my evening home care to come and clean me up. It happened about 5 hours ago. So, yeah, not a great 24 hours. And tonight I am not using my Chi Machine or walking without my AFO. I will take it off myself while sitting on my bed. I’m not feeling so steady.

Tomorrow is another day.

And so it was. The above was written on Thursday, and Friday was a MUCH better day because I got to go see THE POLYJESTERS!!! I did feel stronger in the morning but by 2:00 I was done for the day. BUT you don’t miss an opportunity to see The Polyjesters when all the help you need is willing and able to take you. Shawna came by around 6:30 and we got me all ready and out the door. Getting to the new Ironwood location was a hassle because the sidewalk was not wheelchair accessible (must call the City about that) and then once inside I found out the venue itself is not the wheelchair accessible place I was promised by the staff it would be. The bathroom, according to Shawna, has a W/C accessible stall. BUT, there is a step to get INTO the bathroom, so WTF good does that do? Good thing I wore my “justincase” Attends underwear. Plus, the bathroom is right at the front door, and there is no way in hell to get from your table to the bathrooms in a wheelchair once you’re in. I had to roll behind the bar to get to my table, and then was told “oh! We thought you’d come in the back way, there is a ramp beside the stage and your table is right in front of the stage”. So I had a great table, and sure enough there is a ramp beside the stage heading to the back door, BUT, as we found out when we left that way, the ramp leads to the back entrance where there is a gigantic step (that’s STEP) down. Luckily when I cried out “oh no, a STEP!” Jason and Aaron came over and assured me they could carry my chair down it. So I closed my eyes and let out a little yelp as they brought me safely to the ground. Remember, not exactly 90 pounds over here.

Accessibility (and the fact yet another restaurant doesn’t understand what “gluten free, no bread with my steak sandwich” means to a person with Celiac disease like Shawna) aside, it was an amazing show!! My mom and Bob joined us, and I got to see my friend Kim and her hubby that drove in from Red Deer. And a few other Poly Regulars like Damien and Kelsey and the PolyParents. The show was one of the best I’ve ever seen! Scott Duncan was there to join them on fiddle for several songs, including their “Orange Blossom Special” they used to always play when they were regulars at Epcot Center in Florida back in the day (called “Fiddlestix” back then)… complete with a medley of Disney tunes and corresponding dance moves. If you GO HERE you can scroll down and preview a taste of it, song #9. But that won’t be enough, haha! Preview song 8 too, and tell me you don’t want to see that live on a stage right in front of you! I want a Scott Duncan on my speed dial. I also have a photo of him from 2004 licking his own nipple. I need to remind him of that.

Anyway, in case that isn’t enough of an indication, it was a very high energy, fun and mind-blowing show. I lasted with my head up the entire time, but left the second the show was over. Made it home in one piece and was in bed at 1:00 am! Mom and Bob spent the night here and we all groaned when home care showed up at 9:00 am.

Now it is Sunday, and the past couple days I have decided it’s not worth the risk of walking without my AFO, so I haven’t used my chi machine at night and keep my brace on right until I get to bed. I am better able to walk in the morning, after a night of rest, so getting around until home care puts on my AFO has been okay. Also, for my morning Chi session I found a cushion I have fits perfectly between the machine and the wall to keep the machine from shuffling away, so that’s good. I do hope the problem with my foot/leg is temporary (again) and I’m able to walk (again) soon. The EMS has to get working for me (again!) We took a break from it when my bladder was too crazy and we forgot to get back into using it. So we fixed that today and No More Breaks!

CCSVI update: I just got another call from my BFF Dr. Kirsty Duncan, the awesome Liberal MP who is working her arse off for us (she has not gone to bed before 4:00 am the past two weeks). I had sent her an email about what that MS Society funding of CCSVI research really means (what a joke) so she could be up to date before the debate tomorrow in the House of Commons. She’s also aware of the situation with Barb Farrell (that’s manslaughter, plain and simple) in Barrie and has lots of personal stories to talk about. The more stories that get out there, the better. Soon even the general population that isn’t affected by MS will sit up and take notice. I told Kirsty I’m booked into Costa Rica for treatment July 10 and I thought she was going to fall out of her chair, she was so excited for me!

I want to publish this before my evening home care arrives, which will be in about 10 minutes! Ciao.

So much going on lately! I need to organize some sort of fundraiser to help cover the costs of my Liberation treatment, but it will have to wait until after the procedure because there is just too many other things to deal with right now. Moving this month, making all the arrangements and actually going away for two weeks in July, and setting up Self-Managed Care. I finally got approved for it, so I need to set up a business… open a bank account, set up payroll and WCB accounts, write the job description, and start interviewing caregivers and hopefully find a few that can cover the times I need. It will be part time spread over 7 days/week, morning help and evening help. I have until August 15 to get it all set up.

Sigh.

Of course, I can always hope that post-liberation I won’t need as much help. That would be BEYOND awesome, but I can’t count on that 100%. There are a lot of things I need to wrap my head around and seriously commit to. Fixing my veins is only part of it. It’s not going to cure me, but it will hopefully give me an opportunity to heal my body without the worry of further progression. With fatigue, brain fog and hopefully blurry vision lifted, I will have the energy and desire to work on myself again. Diet, exercise, meditation and a good range of supplements related to vascular health will be a necessity. A total necessity. If I am given the gift of feeling better and able to do more, I can not take that for granted. If my lifestyle and frame of mind stays the same, I will find myself right back here before too long. There is much work to be done and I’m counting on that 10 day recovery program in Costa Rica to give me a good start in a new direction. A new life. A NEW LIFE! I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!!

The fight for the right to CCSVI treatment in this country continues on a daily basis. One of the people in our court is the amazing Dr. Kirsty Duncan, Liberal MP for Etobicoke (Ontario) North. This lady is working so hard to help us! It’s fantastic having her on our side. The more politicians, the better, because they can actually make the changes from within. May 26 was National MS day, so I took the liberty of emailing every MP in the country about this. I sent Kirsty an individual email though, to thank her for all the work she is doing, and told her a little about myself and why this is so important to me. The following evening she emailed me back, stating she had tried to call me twice but couldn’t get through because I don’t accept calls from private numbers. So before bed I removed the Call Screen, and let her know by email that it was safe for her to call. That was at 9:45 pm, 11:45 pm in Toronto, so I was expecting I’d hear from her the following day. But, at 10:15 my phone rang! I saw the “private number” and thought… “no way!” and answered it.

We talked for probably half an hour. What a fabulous lady. I honestly felt like I made a new friend. She gave me her personal email address and asked me to contact her any time I need to talk. I cried a lot during our conversation; not so much that I couldn’t speak (the “ugly cry”) but enough that she knew how emotional this all is for me. She told me “you’re so strong! I can hear it in your voice! You’re a fighter!” We talked about my musician friends (possible benefit concert or two!) and my kitties. I told her about my time in the care facility and how afraid I was that I would have to give them up to go into assisted living. “But you didn’t!” She said. “See? You’re strong!” She is so passionate about helping us and is working around the clock. She must have given up everything else she was ever working on, to focus on this. I mean, calling a chick in Calgary at 12:15 am? Way to make me feel important!

Today in Parliament there was another meeting of the Subcommittee on Neurological Health, and there were many great speakers, including Kirsty. The one who made me BAWL was Steve Garvie, a secondary progressive MSer who got his life back after Liberation. He moved out of his assisted living apartment 3 months ago!! He talked about pride (how he had none, like me… everybody has had to wipe my ass and see me naked, there is no pride left here) and suicide, for the same reasons I think about it. You can hear everyone speaking on this audio. It’s long, but so worth it, after you get over the kafuffle about the slides needing to be in French as well as English. I started to cry when Dr. McDonald said “I’d like to point out that Rebecca Cooney is back with us today, (Rebecca spoke at Parliament a few weeks ago), and this time she walked in without a wheelchair, she had her venoplasty done in New York a little over a week ago, she is doing just great.” There was applause, and I broke down. Can you imagine?

I’m meeting with a caregiver tomorrow about coming to Costa Rica with me. I sure hope that works out! She sounded great on the phone, so fingers crossed. Also? I was looking at flights online and the return ones are fine, but all the ones going TO San Jose have, like, 12 hour layovers in Dallas! NO! I better be able to find something better. It should only be a 7ish hour flight + connection. There MUST be better connections than that! Also? Air travel in July is friggin’ expensive.

My awesome House Call Vet came over yesterday to trim the cats’ claws. I didn’t want to need to call a vet to come out here just for that, $$$, but whaddaya do. I haven’t been able to find a mobile pet groomer to do that, and it needed to be done. Especially before the move, to kinda save the poor person responsible for getting them in the cat carrier. Pita was easy to catch, she’s always in your face, but squirmed like crazy when he trimmed her. By the time he got to the back paws she was bitching, but no hissing, so he managed to finish. Pepper, on the other hand, was hard to catch. He earned his money chasing her around! At one point he got the step ladder out of the closet to get her from on top of the kitchen cupboards, but she escaped. He worked up a sweat. Finally he got her the second time she jumped on the cabinets, and whisked her into the bathroom. She didn’t squirm, she kind of froze up once he actually got a hold of her. Anyway, that’s done. It cost about the same as me getting a mani/pedi, so if I can spend it on myself, I can spend it on them. It’s life changing for us all when their claws are short, so it’s worth it! No more “OWWIE” when they knead on me. (They hate it though. So noted when Pita tried to jump up the back of my chair and claw her way to the top and she just fell off. Oops).

The above was written yesterday and I received a call from the caregiver I was going to meet with that SHE CAN’T GO! Major panic. I have to find someone TODAY. Damn damn damn who doesn’t want to go to Costa Rica for two weeks?? This is harder than I thought.

I just found video on You Tube of Steve Garvie’s speech from yesterday! You must listen. It is stunning and you will cry. I bawled because his “before” situation is pretty much the same as mine and if I could get that kind of “after” result… wow.

Yesterday we had a power failure all over NE Calgary. I was sitting here in my lift chair, writing this entry and thinking “need to get up to pee in a sec” and then POP everything went out. Including phones and internet. So I’m stuck in my chair (which I now can’t get out of because, well, it’s electric) needing to pee. I tried not to think about it, trusting the power would be right back. After about 15 minutes I did start to panic, and THIS is why I keep my cell phone on my walker tray and NEVER take it out with me, because I will forget it’s in my purse and leave it there and be unable to get it at times like this. So I called my dad from my cell and asked him if he could bring over a couple 9 volt batteries so I could get out of my chair (I forget sometimes that TWO 9 volt batteries only work for ONE lift out of this chair as back up power). He was half an hour away and I really needed to pee so I tried Shawna, who lives close. Her power was out, too, but luckily she had the car (the BF usually has it in the evenings for work) and was able to come right away, after a quick stop at the dollar store for batteries. About 10 minutes later the power magically re-appeared. Of course. So I got up to pee and Shawna arrived with batteries and we ordered in dinner (least I could do!) Then another 10 or so minutes later, my dad arrived with batteries. So there is a fresh set in the back up power bar and extras in the drawer. Hopefully this won’t happen again! I don’t know what I would do if our city had to suffer though a power outage for days, like many other cities have. What do the disabled people do, stuck in their chairs and lifts and power beds and no A/C or even a fan? I’d die!

Between working on this update I have been making a zillion phone calls and updating the CCSVI Calgary mailing list and website and sending out notices and blah blah blah. Busy day. My procedure date got changed to July 10 because it’s a Catholic country and they won’t do procedures on a Friday for a Sunday discharge. So I go on Saturday for a Monday discharge. Interesting.

I’m beat and my eyes and hand are done for the day, so CIAO.

The previous post is what blogs are for. No, not to beg for money, but to vent and whine, get it out of your system, and then feel better. I felt a lot better after I wrote that post last night. Sorry you had to witness that, but it was good for me

Today I made a big decision and paid a $1,000 deposit towards Liberation Treatment in COSTA RICA. baby! It’s through a medical tourism company, and I had been on their list for awhile, originally for Poland. Then they changed their minds and put together a package for Costa Rica. At first I was weary of it, but after looking into the package and the doctor heading it up, I thought it sounded pretty amazing. I thought I was pretty far down on their list, however, and didn’t expect to hear. Then my friend Annette said she got booked for June 28, and I knew I wasn’t TOO far behind her. On Saturday I was scrolling through my missed calls and saw “Passport Medical” had called on Wednesday! I screamed! They didn’t leave a message, the buggers! I immediately called them and left a message, not expecting to hear back until Monday, but they called me right back! And offered me a date of July 9!

So I freaked out and thought about it and thought about it. I found out Shawna would not be able to go with me, because it is a 13 day program, and she doesn’t have enough vacation left. So that put a damper on things. Two weeks is a long time to expect someone to leave their job/family for. And then I thought this one might be a bit more expensive than the other places, but it really isn’t. If I went overseas, I’d need to fly first class because there is no way I can sit in an Economy seat for 20 hours. And hotels and car rental in the US would be more, and I’ve been quoted as low as $7,000 to as high as $80,000 so who really knows? And no one else has given me a date yet. And, Costa Rica? Come on! Paradise. And I like the 10 day recovery program they make you stay for:

• Evaluation before and after surgery
• Manual lymphatic drainage
• Kinesiology respiratory techniques
• Specific forms of electrotherapy
• Adapted exercise
• Mobilization techniques
• Relaxation techniques
• Multisensory assessment

No one else does that! It’s procedure, then back to your hotel and go home within a couple days (not that they aren’t giving excellent care, because they are, but still) so THIS sounds fantastic. And I deserve a nice, relaxing getaway, don’t you think? Yes.

So I took a deep breathe, paid the deposit, and quietly freaked out.

I. CAN’T. WAIT.

I still need to confirm a caregiver for the trip, however. I’m sure I will find one, I have a few options coming forward. I hope to confirm and book flights this week! EEEK!

Of course, this life saving opportunity comes at a price (please read this article to see the kind of bullshit we are dealing with) and if you can help at all, you know what to do. Good vibes are also widely accepted.

THANK YOU!!

We’re on… Wednesday, September 19 ~

Tim called me in the morning after his meeting, and came to pick me up. I only knew Tim from our contact on MySpace and Facebook, and we have some mutual friends; for one, he used to play drums for Lobelia before she left Montreal (Lobelia, who I became great friends with while in Montreal last year, had a very busy year having to move from Montreal because she’s American and her Visa ran out, and then meeting her new love Steve, moving to England, touring all over Europe, etc. etc… she was supposed to be with us in Toronto and Montreal but health-related reasons kept her in London a bit longer. I was sooooooooo sad to miss seeing her!) Anyway, Tim is a very handsome man and talented writer/musician and you can check him out HERE.

We drove up to the spa Noelle owns with her mother. This was also my first time meeting Noelle in person, because last year she was in Los Angeles while I was in Montreal. We have several mutual friends, as well. Anyway, because of the death of her Aunt earlier that morning, the salon was closed and Noelle and her mom were just there making phone calls and re-scheduling clients. They are Jewish, so a death in the family means several days of “Shiva” and Yom Kippur was on Saturday… so it was, once again, not the best time for Noelle and I to be able to hang out. (Although, as she said, “there is no WAY I’m missing out on Saturday night!!)

The spa Noelle and her mother own is beautiful. Although they mainly do manicures, pedicures, massage, facials, etc. they DO sell things, as well. And I bought a bracelet, which it turns out was made by the Aunt that had just passed. So that felt nice, to have chosen that without knowing.

The four of us went over to a nearby restaurant for lunch. I spared Noelle and her mom from picture taking, because they were dressed in sweats and no make-up and I know they would BOTH kill me if I had photos and posted them. They are both gorgeous women and looked great to me, but, you know Jewish women and their vanity. Heh. I wanted one of the spa’s reception area, though, so I snuck this one and blacked out Noelle’s mom.

Over lunch, Noelle told me oodles of stories (because I asked and probed and asked and probed) about her time as a young Hollywood starlet. She grew up in L.A. and did a lot of acting, And has met almost everyone! She was on Buffy, Star Trek, Ellen, Beverly Hills 90210, all kinds of stuff. She moved to Dublin, Ireland for a few years, and that is where she started getting more into playing music (and partied with Johnny Depp OHMIGOD). She is also a photographer. Her website is right here and you can read all about that stuff and see how damn gorgeous she is. I picked up her CD while I was there, too!

After lunch we grabbed coffees at Tim Horton’s and went back to the spa. Noelle and her mom had lots of planning to do, so we didn’t stay too long. Tim drove me back to the hotel, where I rested for awhile before meeting up with my friend Patricia. First, I made sure to leave a key at the hotel reception desk for Emma, because she would be coming downtown and staying in the hotel with me the rest of the time. (She lives on the West Island and goes to school there). She would be bussing it down to the hotel sometime that evening.

Anyway, Patricia and I go back about 15 years. We were both involved with Carnival Diablo when it originated in Calgary in the early 90’s (now Scott is doing quite well with that show in the Toronto area!), and then a bunch of us left that and formed Virtual Insanity. Here is a picture of us from back in 1993:

That’s Patricia on the left in the back row, and I’m the blonde fuzz in front.

Patricia had a baby in 1996, I remember her being about 8 months pregnant at my 28th birthday party, and I remember meeting her son Sage when he was about two, but then they moved to Montreal. We lost touch and reconnected on Facebook! It was perfect timing, because I found her on Facebook not too long before I was going on my trip.

Anyway, I brought my wheelchair so we could wander around after dinner, and caught a cab to meet them in Mile End at Cafe Depanneur.

We had a lovely dinner and caught up on life. Patricia is super busy, working at a studio (she’s always been involved in the Arts, Theatre), going to school and being a single mom. Sage is 11 now and GORGEOUS. What a sweetie, I fell in love with that kid! After dinner we wandered around the neighbourhood and found a cafe where I could finally get a latte. (Cafe Depanneur kept forgetting to bring me one and we just gave up and decided to go elsewhere for dessert). We ate pastry and drank coffees and took pictures:

More pictures of our meeting on Facebook

Patricia’s friend Annie was hosting a launch party for her art magazine, Les Fleurs du Mal, not too far from where we were. It was supposed to be accessible, so we wandered over there. It turned out to be inside a building with a large concrete step out front (for which Annie apologized profusely). We could have gotten me and my chair up and over it with some assistance. However, I wasn’t much in the mood for mingling and meeting new people, so I sent Patricia inside what appeared to be a very cool party with lots of interactive stuff going on, to say her hellos to friends, and I stayed outside with Sage. There were lots of people mingling outside, as well, and we were brought food! Sage was so sweet… when his mom asked me if I wanted to stay or go, I answered “I’m not really in the mood for a loud party and meeting new people and stuff, to be honest…” so when she went inside by herself, Sage told me “I feel the same way and would have said the exact same thing, if she had asked me”. Hee!

After hanging out there for awhile, we left to find a busy street where we could flag down cabs. I guess it was about 9:30 p.m. when I got back to the hotel, and experienced the favourite moment of my entire trip. As I slipped my key card in the door and opened it, Emma came RACING over to me and gave me a huge, giant hug. It was awesome.

Pictures on Facebook.

Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’ve fallen WAY behind. I haven’t written my usual rambling blog for weeks, and I still owe you the details of my trip to Montreal. My bad. It’s just that I’m in another phase where I have so much work to do, I don’t want to spend time at the computer writing in here when there is Facebook and shopping on eBay to be done (our dollar is so good right now, I’m almost finished my Christmas shopping!)

Okay, so, let’s get to Montreal.

Monday, September 17

Emma, Gaby and myself get up fairly early, finish packing, check out of the Toronto hotel and cab it to the bus depot. I take a seat right in the front, Gaby and Emma sit behind me. I’m hoping the seat beside me stays empty, because that’s always nice. Then I see a woman out the window arrive at the bus with all her clothes and things in a clear plastic garbage bag. She hands her bag to the driver to load with the other baggage, apologizing “I don’t usually travel like this, but…” and climbs the stairs. Naturally, she sits next to me.

Most of the trip was uneventful, a stop at Tim Horton’s for lunch and coffee… I like to travel by bus, I have decided, the seats are way more comfortable than airplanes. The lady next to me snacks on processed cheese slices, unwrapping them and munching directly off the plastic rather than peeling the slice off with her hands. It was a sight to behold… rather, uh, dog-like. Lucky for me, she got off in Kingston, ON and the rest of the trip (another 3 hours, I think?) I had the two seats to myself.

Emma got off the bus at the first Montreal stop, because it is closer to her house. Gaby lives downtown, so she would get off at the downtown stop with me and cab to my hotel to help get me settled. It was around 7:30 pm when we arrived at the bus depot. We got a cab, got to my hotel, and I’m really thankful Gaby was there because the whole hotel-situation was not as accessible as I’d hoped it would be. From where the cab could park to the hotel doors there were several curbs we had to go up and over because of a bike path in front. Then the hotel itself… well, I had received a call saying they were not “wheelchair accessible… our doors are not wider or anything… but we are handicapped accessible”. To me, that is pretty much the same thing. To them, that means they put one bar in the shower and that’s it. Even to walk in the door of the hotel room there is a raised piece of wood to get over.

Anyway, the room was really cute otherwise… a little kitchen and everything. Full fridge, stove, microwave… but the toilet was LOW and no bar to help me get up from it. I broke the counter behind the toilet the first night by pushing down on it to get up. Oops. Gaby went home after I got settled and I went to bed!

Tuesday

Tuesday pretty much sucked. I was on my own all day, because Emma and Gaby have school, and I hadn’t made plans to meet Tim and Noelle yet, or my friend Patricia. So I made a few calls that day and left messages with people, planned to meet Tim and Patricia the following day, and decided to do a load of laundry using the coin laundry facilities I knew the hotel had. I needed clean underwear and pajamas! First I took a shower and almost fell in the bathroom because of the lack of bars/poles and SPACE. I had to have my walker in there as something to steady myself as I came out of the shower. That meant there wasn’t exactly room for me.

I rounded up my change and went down to the laundry room floor. Steaming hot down there. HUGE step with no railing to go up and over to get into the laundry room, while struggling with a heavy door. Of course I had no soap, so I purchased a little package of Tide and a Bounce sheet out of their machine. Instead of a Bounce sheet, I received a liquid fabric softener. CRAP! I don’t even know how to use liquid fabric softener! Final rinse cycle… when is that?? Heh. It meant I had to sit in that steaming hot room and wait. I was not happy, but at least while my things were in the dryer I could leave for a bit and use the computers with free internet access on another floor. A floor with air conditioning. (Oh yes, the air conditioning in my hotel room was awesome, I’ll say that!!)

After laundry and computer time, I decided to venture outside of my hotel and see if there was a store really close by where I could buy a few groceries and snacks. And get a good coffee, or even a latte if I could be so lucky. Oh, yes, this hotel kitchen had TINY tea cups for drinking your coffee out of. NO THANKS. I wanted to get a big coffee in a big cup that I could use again tomorrow!

There was a store nearby, so I headed over there, stepping over and around all kinds of construction and boards. I walked in the store and… 3 big stairs, no railing. The coffee machine was right by the door, thankfully. I did manage to get myself and my walker up the stairs (at least they were wide) but once there, I had no idea what to buy. I don’t even know what language the things in this shop were. It certainly wasn’t French. There was a deli case with meats and cheese, but I was looking for bread, peanut butter, that sort of easy food. I did see a jar of Nutella, so I bought that. No bread, so I bought what looked like round breadsticks I could dip in Nutella. I also bought some sort of what appeared to be chocolate wafer cookies. Nothing was written in any language I recognized, so I went by the pictures.

I paid for my goods and a large coffee, went to the machine to get it, and tried to follow the instructions that were in French. Luckily it was a similar machine to one they had at the Carewest place I was in last year, so I managed to get my coffee. Then I had to stumble back to my hotel over curbs, curbs, construction and more curbs without spilling said coffee. It was then (once back inside my room) that I noticed the expiry dates on everything I had bought were long gone. The chocolate wafers were stale. The breadsticks were hard as rocks. I didn’t even open the jar of Nutella that expired in 2005, but I doubt that stuff goes bad anyway. I was just so pissed off and tired that I didn’t care at that moment. I ate some stale chocolate wafers (or, wafer… it was one big slab, not cut up like cookies) and threw the rest away.

I left another message with Noelle about maybe meeting for dinner that night. I texted Gaby to see if she could come meet me, but she had too much school work to do (she sort of slacked off homework in Toronto). Emma wasn’t going to be able to come over and stay with me until the following night. So, after a certain amount of time passed and I knew I’d be on my own for dinner, I decided to treat myself to a lovely meal at what was supposed to be a “fine dining French cuisine” elegant restaurant at the base of my hotel. I wandered in and sat at a cute little table with crisp white linens. A guy in faded jeans and a sweatshirt (?) came over and asked if he could help me. I asked to see a menu. “We have no cook tonight.” Excuse me? “The cook did not show up tonight. I am the bartender, no one else is here. I can make you chicken and fries, that’s all I can do.”

**insert hysterical laughter or tears here**

So, I ordered the chicken and fries. And you know what? It was the best damn chicken and fries I’ve ever had. The chicken breast was HUGE, grilled to perfection, perfect spices, and the fries were crisp and hot. That poor bartender was on his own making and serving drinks, handling the cooking of chicken and fries for anyone who wanted it, while trying to explain to hungry irate customers that there was no cook that evening. I gave him a MASSIVE tip.

When I got back up to my room, there was a message from Noelle saying she had just come home from the hospital, as that is where they have been spending most of their time… her aunt is very sick with lung cancer. So I called her and we chatted for awhile, and I heard about the sad state of her aunt’s health, who, by the way, passed away early the following morning. In July she had been in perfect health, dancing at a wedding, looking vibrant and healthy… in August she was diagnosed with lung cancer, and then she was gone September 19. 70 years old.

Wednesday

I’ll get back to this later! I actually started doing stuff with other people on the Wednesday. I know so far it sounds like I had such an exciting time hanging out in my hotel in such a beautiful and exciting city like Montreal. Go me!

You can see all the pictures from Montreal part of my trip in my public Facebook album.

Pita checks out all the new CDs I bought from the indie artists I saw while I was away.

One of Pita’s regular hangouts is my walker… seriously she is on that thing several times/day. I have the only walker in the world losing its padded handles to claw marks.

Saturday, September 15

Our day began once again with breakfast in the mall of the hotel concourse. There is a stand with Seattle’s Best coffee down there, have I mentioned that??

I think I have the days mixed up here, because according to my photos and what I was wearing, it was Friday we went to the Bay and tried on hats and I raided the MAC counter. Yes. So what did we do Saturday? Because I wasn’t picked up until about 2:30. So I’ll say… we went to the Bay, tried on silly hats, Gaby bought a really cute one, and I raided the MAC counter, buying mascara, lipstick and lip gloss. MAC rules. But the mascara stings my eyes, just like the Estee Lauder brands, which owns MAC, so there is something in their mascaras that my eyes don’t like. But every other part of my face likes MAC make-up.

Gail and Loren picked me up in the afternoon and Loren dropped Gail and I off on Roncesvalles for the Polish Street Festival while he took off to run other errands. It was great fun, especially the parts where we had to get me in my wheelchair over all the damn streetcar tracks!! Heh. I bought a few things, surprise SURPRISE. Mainly some handmade jewelry, and some $10 sunglasses that are designer rip-offs. I had forgotten my sunglasses at home, and actually looked for a pair in the Bay, but I wasn’t about to pay $100 when I knew I would be able to get some for $10 from a street vendor at some point!

Roncesvalles Village - Polish Street Festival

We also stopped at a wonderful vendor, The Queen of Tarts, where Gail talked me into buying a bag of ginger-encrusted pecans. She says she goes out of her way once in awhile to come buy these… and, I can see why. They were delicious, AND they helped my menstrual cramps!! (Ginger is great for that, and what a tasty way to get it!) I need one bag/month! I should have bought a year’s supply or so.

After roaming the street fair (pictures in Facebook) we stopped at a cute coffee shop called Coffee and All That Jazz for lattes and pastry while waiting for Loren.

Another day, another coffee shop

Then we went back to Gail’s place so I could see her condo and meet her cat, Pollyanna.

Pretty girl! Thanks for the Sigg water bottle!

We chatted and drank some yummy chocolate liqueur… I don’t remember the brand, but it was amazing! I also called my mom from Gail’s place… I wasn’t even aware Looney call existed. YAY! You learn something new every day…

Then it was off to meet my cousin Carrie and her boyfriend Matt for dinner at Dr. G’s. It was a great choice. Gail and Loren go there a lot, and when Carrie was trying to think of a restaurant nearby her that was accessible, Dr. Generosity was near the top of her list, too. So that worked great. AND they had my beer on tap, Big Rock’s Grasshopper, which you don’t see very often East of Calgary! (Pictures inFacebook, even of my beer).

It was an early night, and I was back at the hotel and in bed by about 10:00. Gaby and Emma had gone to see a dance performance by Peter’s girlfriend Andrea, and came back later than me.

Sunday was Lazy Day. I needed the rest! I did some packing, puttered on the computer, wheeled myself around the hotel and took pictures while Gaby visited with another friend of hers and Emma did homework. Sort of.

Waterfall in our hotel lobby

Nathan Phillips Square across the street

Just a picture taken outside our hotel

While hanging outside the hotel, I ran into the Scooter Guy I had met outside the bus depot the other day. He told me more about his terminal illness (liver and kidney diseases) and that he has been living in a long-term care facility for the past year. “I used to stay in this hotel a lot - I used to be rich” he told me. Apparently he gave his money to his children when he thought he was going to die, but he ended up living longer than anyone thought he would, and now his kids don’t talk to him and he has nothing. But, he would like to take me on a date, to see a show… “I’m leaving tomorrow,” I told him. He was a little creepy, and who knows if any of his stories are true (I imagine he drank his money and life away, but I believe his kids don’t talk to him!) Also, you don’t have to be rich to stay in the Sheraton, for the record. It was the cheapest hotel downtown I could get through my travel agent (but almost twice as much as my Montreal hotel. Oh well).

Anyway, Sunday evening was a BLAST. First we met up with Emma’s friend Gillian for dinner (at the Java House, of course). I had Pad Thai mmmmmm! Then it was down to the famed Cameron House to see Kevin Quain and the Mad Bastards. Our buddy Adam plays drums with them.

We parked my wheelchair in the back room and got a table up front. The band was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and Kevin Quain is a crazy ridiculous talent. He played guitar, banjo, piano, accordian, even a SAW. I bought all 3 of his CDs immediately and asked him if he knew my old friend Scott McClelland, because his show made me think of Carnival Diablo and I figured they should be friends. Which they are, and Kevin has even done gigs with him! They are a good fit, I tell ya.

His trumpet player plays with Feist! AND gave me directions to the bathroom. While he was on stage haha The stage is so small that he actually stood on the floor, by the curtain that led to the back room. He walked back there with me and Gaby to show me where the women’s bathroom was, but due to all the stairs I said “you know, I’m just going to use the men’s…” and I did that while Gaby stood outside to make sure no men came in!

After the show, I was standing up, chatting with Adam, and then I turned to say goodnight to Kevin. I felt my right foot not land properly, and knew I was falling… the sort of stumble where if a table or something was beside me I could have stopped myself, but because nothing was there I had to let myself fall. So I landed flat on my ass and scared some people. I played it cool and asked for a chair to help me get up, and I got up okay on my own. The girls had just retrieved my wheelchair out of the back, so I held it to balance me as we walked out. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, dammit, so I didn’t talk to anyone on my way out except to say a quick goodbye to any band members we passed. Then we got outside, I sat in my chair, and let it rip! Dammit, I hate when that happens. I wasn’t really hurt, but I guess falling in front of a bunch of people is an ego bruiser. Adam was there, giving me big hugs, as I was apologizing for being a big baby. I felt like such an idiot!

Anyway, we said our goodnight’s to Adam and headed back up Queen Street to our hotel. I was still sniffling so I didn’t want to stop in the Horseshoe, as was my original plan, to say hello to an old friend (and former Phantoms guitarist) who works there on Sundays. Emma asked “don’t you want to stop in there and see him?” (It has been, after all, over 15 years). But I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. I have a hard enough time seeing people I haven’t seen in that long, who have no idea I have MS (it’s the looks of shock and/or pity that I can’t handle!) never mind running into an old friend while in a wheelchair when I’ve just been crying… I’d lose it and start bawling like a baby and not even be able to get out a “hello”! I could have done it if I hadn’t been snivelling. Dammit!

So instead we stopped at a hot dog vendor and bought hot dogs. There is nothing like getting street meat at 2:00 in the morning! (Gaby got a veggie dog. I should point that out in case she is reading!) Apparently, Emma and Gaby don’t have that in Montreal. We have them in Calgary… isn’t everyone hungry when they roll out of the bar after it closes? It’s a necessity.

We were back at the hotel and in bed by about 2:30, I guess. The next day we checked out and caught our bus at about 1:30 pm. Next up, Montreal!!