Can You Hear Me Now?

Update: It’s taking longer than I thought to organize what I need for my next post, and I refuse to post before that. Join my notify list to be among the first to know when it’s ready!

The weird dreams are not stopping. The problem is, of course, I remember them when I wake up and intend to type them out as soon as I get up, and then I don’t, and then I forget them. But MAN, there have been some funny ones. You’ll just have to trust me on that.

One that I remember a little bit of, is that Ashlee Simps0n was my new BFF and we lived in the house I used to live in 14 years ago with my buddy Pete. I was constantly defending her to people and telling them “‘Boyfriend’ was a cool song!! You can’t deny that!”

Last night, Jessica Simpson was my room mate. We lived in the half-duplex I lived in when I lived in Mississauga, ON in the late 1980’s. She moved in with me because “my divorce broke me” and she needed to start over. I found it odd that she came with a personal assistant/stylist who came by to dress her every morning and take her somewhere, but I thought it was pretty cool that Jessica Simpson was my room mate and I needed her half of the rent (because I was a financially struggling student at the time, which I have never been in my life) and never questioned it (to her face). My mom came by one day just as Jessica was leaving, and I said “did you meet my new room mate??” and she said “YES! OMG Jessica Simpson is your new room mate!!!” and we discussed it. How is it that she can be broke? She has records, movies, merchandise, etc. out there, she is on every magazine cover and newspaper, AND she has a personal assistant she is obviously paying. We decided that she must be prepping herself for her next reality show. A newly single gal making it on her own, stripped of all her money and high class life. A sort of “Simple Life” idea, but better, because Paris Hilton was not involved. The personal assistant must be helping her ease into the role. I just hoped that I would be asked to stay on as her room mate and that she would still be living with me, because “that would be cool”.

I think I have been spending a little too much time reading Perez Hilton every day (it gets addictive). All my dreams have had the top gossip-making celebrities in them lately, but you will never find a record by a Simpson family member in my collection. I’m not a fan! So what next… Britney? Britney is my next room mate. I hope she doesn’t bring her BFF Paris, or Lindsay for that matter, because that would just be too much for me. I’d crush them.

My next post is #300. Come back in the next couple days, because I have something great planned to celebrate!

Dreaming about all the treats Auntie Jessica would buy us…

Update - last night I slept on my T-shirt sheets, and I looooove them! So do my kitties, first time both of them slept on my other pillow together. Aw.

The other night I was reminded of a talent I have. I don’t think anyone is actually aware that I have this incredible gift, and I figure it’s time I unleash it on the world.

First I will give you a few scenarios:

Example One:
Let’s say you feel like eating some cheese and crackers, topped with slices of pickle. So, you slice up some cheddar, slice up a couple pickles, and toss a handful of crackers on a plate. You take it into the living room and sit yourself in front of the TV and start assembling your cracker/cheese slice/pickle combos.

Example Two:
You work in an office and there is a mail-out that needs to be done. You print off a stack of letters and grab a bunch of envelopes from the box and head to your desk to start stuffing them.

Example Three:
You want to print some brochures on coloured paper. You put an estimated amount of paper in the printer and set your computer to print X number of copies.

Example Four:
You’re putting together a photo album or a scrapbook. You take a stack of photos or articles that you want to include, and start putting it together.

And my talent?

Example One:
I will end up with the exact number of cracker/cheese/pickle components. There will not be an extra cracker or shortage of pickles and no cheese will stand alone.

Example Two:
The number of envelopes I just happened to grab will be the exact number I need for the letters.

Example Three:
The stack of coloured paper I put in the printer without counting will be the same as the X number of copies I am printing.

Example Four:
I will have taken the exact number of photos or articles to fill the book without having counted anything out beforehand.

I know, I know… I don’t know what to say either. It is simply astonishing and I am often in awe of myself over it. There must be a way I can make money from this… any ideas?

Thank you dear Jaz for the link you left in my comments yesterday. I am totally getting that velcro easy manage bra that’s on sale super cheap!!

Yes, I opened with a sentence about bras. I have my priorities, and that is one of them right now!!

It is 3:00 p.m. and I just got out of the shower, so I haven’t even attempted my own bra yet. With no home care today, I took the leisurely route. It’s been a long time since I could do that. I stayed in bed and cuddled kittens until about 11:00 and it was wonderful! I am back to getting in and out of the shower like I did before, just with being a little more careful because of my balance. So maybe freeing myself from home care isn’t too far off. But I LIKE that she makes my bed and scoops the cat litter boxes… I am in no hurry to get rid of the help for those reasons alone!

Yesterday I did go to the mall, which was super crowded. I haven’t subjected myself to a Saturday in Walmart for awhile. It was gross! I bought a new pair of jeans. They’re sort of a low-rise style, that I really don’t think fat people should wear, but it’s hard to find anything else these days. I promise not to wear them with a tank top or anything tight and/or that shows my (Costco Size) muffin top. I AIN’T STUPID. I also bought some “travel size” items because I LOVE sample size shampoo and body wash and stuff, so any excuse to buy them. I also got my latte - they didn’t have soy milk on Wednesday so I passed on it then. So, I’m almost caught up… shopping, lattes, staying in bed until whenever… life is getting back to normal, finally.

I just took a break to get dressed and eat a sandwich. Can I get a “yeehaw”?! I dressed myself! I can’t wait to get an easy front closure bra, though. I’m just sayin’.

Foster Parents Plan have assigned me to a new child. Makoura and her family have “moved on from the program”, whatever that means. Maybe they moved to a different community that is supported by World Vision instead! Hehe. I have no idea, I just hope they’re okay. Anyway, my new child is also a 9 year old girl (born New Year’s Day!) in Africa, name Safi. What kind of freaks me out is that her mother is only 23 and her father is 41, which means her mom was all of 14 when she married a 32 year old and started pumping out babies (there are 3 - the youngest is 1 year old, named Valentine… how sweet). Can you imagine. Her mom looks a lot older than 23 in her picture, and I’m sure she feels it too! I used to have a wonderful housekeeper from Africa who married a 32 year old over there (arranged by her parents) when she was just 15 and had a daugfhter. She was 21 when I knew her (they had been here about a year) and trying to get a divorce and sole custody of her child. She was abused and needed a restraining order and everything too. I was helping her go through Legal Aid. So that’s what I think of when I hear about countries where young girls get married to older men… but I’m sure that’s not always the case. It still creeps me out though…. 14. Yeesh.

Anyway, this time I will write more often and send her pictures of my cats and little gifts and things. This time I will get it right.

Please note that last picture was taken before my hair cut, with no make up, and yes I know grey washes me out, but I didn’t know I was getting my picture taken that day. Heh.

My cats are always picture ready, however.

Pepper, prior to attacking innocent sunflowers.

quick note to let ya’all know i fell again on friday and this time i broke my left wrist. one finger typing here so don’t expect caps! anyway, that leaves me with no good hands and i’m staying in a long-term sorta care facility (the same place i was in 4 years ago when i broke my left ankle… can you believe it!) no updates for awhile, but i sure will have lots to talk about when i get out!

thanks to my mom, bob, michelle, AH, lisa, russ and everyone who has visited and will be visiting. and bringing me coffee and chocolate. and offering to babysit my kitties! (take lots of pictures ha ha!)

i keep begging for soy vanilla lattes in an IV but they’re not listening. the coffee sucks. BRING ME TIMMIES!

talk soon. xo

Blahhhhhhhhhhh.

My day started with a building maintenance guy entering my apartment while I was in the shower. I had given them permission yesterday to enter if I wasn’t home, because they wanted to set more mouse traps and look for holes to seal with poisonous steel wool or something like that… I guess my not hearing the knocks led them to believe I wasn’t here, but you can imagine my shock when I stepped out of my bathroom. All I can say is, THANK GOD I put on that robe.

My left ankle (that I broke several years ago) is in so much pain today I can barely walk. I have been baby-stepping it and wincing in pain, and had to take my walker when I went to the doctor instead of just my cane because I can’t take more than two steps without something sturdy to hold me up.

So yes, this afternoon I saw my wonderful doctor of 17 years for the last time. If I wasn’t on anti-depressants, I probably would have bawled. I had him sign a form I need to bring in to Access Calgary (my service expires June 30, so I need this form filled out and signed by my doctor before I attend an interview to prove I still need the service). Luckily, my doctor is totally cool with that kind of stuff, writes whatever I want to make sure I get what I need, and never charges me. The only thing I was charged for today, was to pick up the copies from my file. Sandy handed me an envelope that was a lot thinner than I expected. “I’ve been coming here for 17 years and my file is so thick! Why is this so thin?” She said, “your urine tests from 1996 are a little irrelevant now”. Heh.

Anyway, I received a few prescription refills, found out my Doc just turned 70 (wow! He looks so much younger! I guess he is allowed to retire…), had him look at my ankle (he figures it’s the hardware from the surgery I had a few years ago – the steel plate/screws in there, that are still causing so much discomfort – I may need another surgery to have them removed. Ick), and a referral to another doctor, one that is very close to me and appears to be someone my doctor knows. He can see me May 2; I will see how that goes, and I still have an appointment May 15 with a female doctor as back up if I don’t like this guy.

I gave big hugs to my doctor and thanked him for being the best doctor ever, and to Sandy, who says her cancer is growing but she is refusing more chemo and although she feels fine now, “things don’t look good”. What do you say… except good luck, take care, squeeze hands… sniff.

So I guess my emotional afternoon would account for my being in a bit of a daze when I took my scooter over to the mall. Because it is so nice and sunny out, I wanted to ride outside instead of through the mall like I usually do. There are wide sidewalks all along the front of the mall clear to Walmart, so I never have to ride through the parking lot or anything. However, as I was passing this one entrance, there was a huge delivery truck blocking the way. I thought, oh, I need to go off the sidewalk now, onto the parking lot… and simply turned to the right. I didn’t even look at the sidewalk, my focus was on the truck, and I didn’t realize that part of the sidewalk wasn’t “accessible” and dropped down like a regular curb. So… can you guess what happened next?? My scooter toppled over with me on it, I fell off, it fell on me… I heard screams of “OH MY GOD!” as tons of people ran over to help me… a couple guys lifted my scooter off me as my leg was trapped under it. I’m all scraped and bruised (as is my scooter), but I’ll live. They helped me stand up and that is when I finally started to cry. Partly from pain, mostly from embarrassment, partly from shock. A nice woman was there comforting me, and another man gave me a tissue and asked if I was going to be okay, or required medical attention. I said I would be fine, I was just shook up. Once I got myself settled I rode back on to the sidewalk and took a rest until I stopped crying and figured my eyes weren’t too red. Then I went into Walmart to get Polysporin for my scrapes before coming home.

Where I am staying for the rest of the week!!

There are no kittens to be had in the City of Calgary.

We tried a couple pet stores, checked the newspapers and called every place we could think of that might have kittens. No luck. We were told cats don’t generally breed much in the winter, so wait a few weeks and then there should be more around.

So I may not have one by my birthday

I feel like a parent trying to adopt a baby that has everything in place ready for the baby, just no baby… and goes to pick him/her up and is told the birth mother changed her mind at the last minute.

Okay, maybe not quite the same as that, but I was disappointed nonetheless.

#1: Have you ever tried to lift a heavy pot full of melted fudge and dump it into a pan, trying to scrape the fudge out of the pot and into the pan, with only one hand? No? Yeah.

#2: Three minutes into mixing my shortbread (which I need to beat to death for exactly 10 minutes with that electric mixer, or else it’s not MY infamous shortbread™) my mixer dies. It just… dies. Stops. Kaput.

*Sigh*

I finally typed up my letter to the College of Physicians and Surgeons yesterday to tell them about my experience a couple weeks ago in hopes that the proper wrists get slapped. I really just want to know who gave the order to send me home like that and without a catheter, so I can personally call him/her an idiot and be done with it. I don’t expect much else. Now, because I am cheap environmentally conscious, almost every fax I receive or document I print and don’t use gets placed back in the printer so I can print on the other side. That includes the letter I wrote and faxed to the same place for Brenda about a month ago. How funny, I thought, as I printed my own letter and it came out on the back of the one I wrote for her. CAN you guess what comes next?? Page one of her letter went with page two of mine. Luckily, I pulled it out of the fax machine before page two ended and they could see my name. Heh. I’m just waiting a couple days for the receptionist to forget, and then I’ll send my own.

What was Russ saying the other day about the movie of my life? Is it a comedy or a tragedy?

This is the week I am dropping gifts off to my clients that I see regularly. I ordered a couple things from Avon for the owners of the Pub, and wouldn’t you know it, those are the two things from my order that weren’t in stock. I’ll still get them, but not before Friday when I need them. By the time I get them to the Pub it will be after Christmas and since they are Christmas-y items, it kinda sucks. I bought them a gift basket today with chocolates and coffee and stuff. That will have to do, although it’s not as personal as I wanted. The cook gets the best gift because he is so damn good to me and has been for five years now!

Today I was going to a client’s prepared to bring them the gift basket of chocolate covered nuts and raisins etc. I bought last week (since I’m not baking this year, everyone who used to get baking is getting store bought stuff like that!) However, yesterday I received a prescription delivery. The lady who delivers my prescriptions is soooo nice and we always chat a little bit when she comes every month. I totally forgot about gifts for regular delivery people and the apartment management and all that… I usually have so many little Christmas tins and bags of shortbread that I hand out to practically every person that comes to my door, I wasn’t prepared this year! So when she was standing at my door yesterday, I looked at my client’s basket sitting on the counter and said “oh, this is for you!” and handed it to her. That left me with nothing to bring to my client’s, so when Mel and I went for lunch today I had her stop at London Drugs so I could buy a couple more baskets and boxes of chocolate. Sigh. I am so broke. Baking is a lot cheaper!

I would give away the baking Shawna gave me if I hadn’t eaten it all.