Can You Hear Me Now?

Guess who was in Wal-Mart before 7:30 on Sunday morning? Go me! I got my mascara (I’m giving L’oreal Volume Shocking a try) and cat food and then some. Christmas shopping is done, people. I whizzed through there like nobody’s business, even stopped in McDonald’s for a coffee, and was still home before 9:00. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. on my own anyway, so I figured, what the hell. It’s not like I actually have to do my hair and make-up for Wal-Mart. Just roll out of bed and go. Worked for me!

I took a nice long nap in the afternoon, it was lovely.

Today I worked at the Pub. Christine and I did a little gift exchange. I bought her a chili pepper dip tray with 6 red chili pepper dishes, that I found at this unique gift shop by my Chiropractor (I don’t buy everything at Wal-Mart and Dollarama, you know). She loves to host parties (”we’re having an open house on Boxing Day, will you come?”) and makes fabulous dips and stuff, so I thought that was perfect. She gave me a pretty scarf, long, with a bluish/greenish design. I was wearing a white top, so I immediately put the scarf on and wore it all day. Never mind the fact that I was wearing red pants and it clashed horribly.

My Access rides were late both ways which made for a long day. Blah. When I got home, I went out to the mall so I could go to the post office and mail off a couple things, which will arrive just in time for the New Year, I’m sure. Hehe. The line-up was out the door, and I angered the people behind me by letting a couple people in ahead of me, but I know what it is like to stand in a long line when you use a cane or walker. And it’s CHRISTMAS, people. Be nice.

I managed to keep Pita away from the door both times that I left and came in today… once with my walker and once on my scooter. All day yesterday I sprayed her with water anytime she went near the door and yelled “NO!” so all it took was a stern “NO!” and a reach for the water bottle and she wimpered away. Hopefully she will learn…?

Then I spent the evening taking turns relaxing and tidying up. Such simple tasks take me forever to accomplish now. It’s quite frustrating, as you can imagine. I wanted to go see some live music tonight with Michelle, but because I am expecting friends over in the morning, I had to tidy up and take out garbage. Can you imagine? Having to give up a night out because you need to spread over the entire evening what would take a normal person 15 minutes to do?

Oh, stop. I made a promise to myself that I would go ONE WEEK without complaining about anything or feeling sorry for myself. I’m reading Susan Jeffer’s “Life is Huge” right now (even though sometimes it may feel no bigger than your last teardrop. Ha! That’s good. She should use it), and it is reminding me of that, (which I believe was also a chapter in another book of hers I own. I love her stuff, I just wish I put it into practice more often). Access ride late? Look at it as an opportunity to do some deep breathing exercises and affirmations while waiting. Have to stay home while your friend is out enjoying live music? Think of the reason you are making your home (semi) presentable… because Jason and Sheldon are coming by in the morning, and you would rather see them than (name of musician here) any day! They haven’t even been here since you got your kittens, and they’re helping you deliver all the presents for the family! Woo hoo!

So, yes. I am spending my week looking for the silver lining of every situation. I will try not to make you barf in my future entries. You’re welcome.

Nothing good to say about this. Nope, no way.

Finally! I am able to post about this because I just got the call related to what I’m planning.

Did any of you watch Oprah last week, when she showed the results of her “Pay It Forward” challenge? For those of you that didn’t see it or can’t be bothered to click that link, one day in October she gave each member of her studio audience $1,000 and a video camera. The catch was, they had to spend the money on total strangers, and they had one week to do it and capture it on film.

It was incredibly inspiring. Some people did basic things like give the $1,000 to one deserving family, whereas others did amazing things like turn that $1,000 into thousands and thousands of dollars for various families, schools and projects in their communities.

The idea is, by giving, you get back tenfold - nothing is better than the feeling you get when you help others. And the good karma points can’t hurt, either.

So, to celebrate my 300th blog post, and my personal record-breaking month of November (over 2,200 unique visitors, 46,000 hits, which is big time for me!) I want to start my own Pay It Forward project. I wanted to do this without the aid of an agency, because I actually wanted to see the faces of the people I’m helping, but it didn’t work out that way because I couldn’t find my “own” family. However, I still get to experience the joy of shopping for the toys, clothes, housewares, food, etc. myself and know I’m helping a family out!

So this is what I have done. Through an Adopt-a-Family agency, I’m going to be receiving (by Monday or Tuesday) a “wish list” of items that this family needs. I told them I’m partial to single mothers that are struggling to get by with 2-3 kids, so they’re going to match me up with one, and then I get to go shopping. (Update: I got a family of 4, mom, dad and two little girls, working hard just trying to make ends meet). The wish lists will contain everything from clothing/shoe sizes of the kids to necessities they need for the home (bedding, dishes), to Sony Playstations and iPods (it is, after all, a wish list. They realize they may not get everything!)

I also want to throw in things like a Spa Day gift certificate for mom, department store gift cards, and cash. There is no limit to what I can put in this hamper. Yahoo! (Although, if I get LOTS of money, I’ll help more than one family, for sure).

This is where all y’all come in, because I personally do not have the money to buy these things. And I know we could all use a little Pay It Forward karma and mushy feelings.

I know that sounds like a tall order, but dream big or go home! WE CAN DO THIS! I HAVE FAITH! I realize by using my own (or, I should say, MS With Attitude’s) PayPal account there is no proof that this money is going to go to this family… all you can do is Trust Me. Those of you that know me in real life or have corresponded with me through email, or even if you’ve just been reading my blog for awhile, should know that there is no way in hell I’m going to take the money and run.

I want this family to have the most incredible Christmas ever, and I’m asking for your help!! Please give whatever you can, every dollar will go towards the things they need, and I will keep you up to date on what I’ve bought! If you don’t want to use PayPal and would rather mail me a cheque, or even send toys, clothes, books, etc., email me and I will send you details on how to go about doing that, and what is needed (when I get their list). Basically my PayPal account has not been used to receive money for MS With Attitude in eons, so every penny that goes in there over the next few weeks will be for this. Any Email money transfers sent to the above address (email me separately with the secret question/answer!) will be for this. If you own a business in Calgary and can help out with gift certificates or raising money, let me know! If you have a blog or journal, please post a link to this entry in your next entry. Email it to everyone you know.

If you are a friend of mine that was planning to buy me a Christmas present this year, I would rather you give the equivalent amount to this than buy me anything. And I know you were gonna spend $100, right?

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Update: More information about the family is here and my deadline for accepting contributions is Sunday, December 17 to give me time to get everything ready for delivery on December 19.

Click the button below to use PayPal, and let the good karma begin!!! THANK YOU!!!

There’s GOT to be things in here Momma can donate. Geesh! Collect much?

I watched a great movie last night, a gay love story. No, not Brokeback Mountain (which is at the top of my DVD queue and has been for weeks, but it usually takes forever to get new releases). This was called Touch of Pink. I didn’t know it was a romantic comedy, or that it centered around a gay couple, because I only read the synopsis at DVDflix which gave none of that. I just knew it was about a Canadian Ismaili named Alim living in England and making a life for himself over there, and then his mother coming over from Toronto telling him it is time to come home and settle down with a nice Muslim wife. His cousin, (”The Dentist! Who Bought his Mother a Big House!”) is getting married and it puts pressure on Alim’s mother, because everyone is asking when Alim is going to do the same. She makes up stories about him having a brain surgeon fiancé, and when she goes to London she eventually finds out he is actually gay. She returns home devastated. Alim comes back for the wedding, during which time we learn his cousin is also gay, but is just doing what is expected of him for the family. Even his mother knows he is gay, but she is getting a beautiful daughter in law and grandchildren, so that is all that matters. As long as it looks good. (Best line, said to the cousin by Alim’s mother - “your mother has a baby grande piano. She can’t play a note on that either”.) Something I am seeing a lot of these days, through AH and his Muslim culture and large family. It’s amazing to me, to learn how many men in his family married and had children with a woman they barely even knew, because it was expected of them and they were pressured into it. AH included. Now I am wondering if any of them are actually gay!! When you think about the statistics, with one in every (whatever number) men being gay, there has GOT to be at least one. I watch Oprah, I know there are many gay men out there that married and had kids because it was expected of them. And in a family and community as big as AH’s, where family, religion and culture plays such a huge role, there has got to be some secrets.

Now I don’t want a bunch of Muslims getting angry at me in my comments, I am just talking and expressing my thoughts. It’s my blog! And I laughed my ass off when I decided on the title hehe

Anyway, the movie was very interesting, thought provoking, and FUNNY as hell. One of my favourite character actors, Brian George, stars as the father of the groom. You might remember him as “Babu” in some Seinfeld episodes. Kyle MacLaughlin plays the spirit of Cary Grant, Alim’s “angel” of sorts. Sooooo funny. I highly recommend seeing this movie for something different, yet universal. As Cary Grant says, “oh, it’s the oldest story in the book… boy meets boy, boy loses boy and goes to Toronto, boy gets back together with boy in London for a happy ending…” Heh. Ultimately, the happy endings belong to those who live their lives being themselves, and not what others expect them to be. As long as you can handle watching two attractive men in bed together kissing, check this movie out. Jimi Mistry is way hotter that Jake Gyllenhaal in my books!

Today I slept in, something awful. I remember waking up around 5:00 a.m. with kittens playing on me, and thinking “I have so much I need to do, I may as well just get up now…” but decided to go back to sleep. When I finally awoke, it was 1:00. I was shocked. Yet, I continued to lay in bed while kitties tore around me for another hour, and then my cousin called. We were on the phone for about an hour, so it was actually 3:00 before I got OUT of bed. After feeding kitties and making a coffee and puttering around on the computer, I realized the mall closes at 5:00 on Sundays so I better move my butt if I wanted my latte. I managed to shower and dress and be out the door about 10 minutes before 5. I raced to the mall on my scooter, but Second Cup was “only serving brewed coffee now” because it was almost closing and everything was covered up. Gasp!! What to do, what to do… I decided, what the hell, it’s not a bad day out, so I left the mall and scootered over in the direction of Tim Horton’s, thinking a French Vanilla/half coffee would do. Then I decided to take it once step further and go all the way to the Starbuck’s in Safeway. An hour later I was safe and sound in my La-Z-Boy, enjoying my drink. What a girl won’t do for her latte! Perhaps I’m an addict. I’m doing another detox soon, and I’ll tell you right now, giving up coffee is going to be the hardest thing about it!!

“Wait, hold still, I see something there –”

I woke up yesterday morning with a couple huge bruises on my legs, the one on my right hip being particularly painful. I won’t be wearing a bikini anytime soon. Yes, that’s my only excuse haha

The first thing I did (as usual) was head to the computer, where I posted on a forum I frequent about a dream I had the night before (Jason joined Lavalife and asked me to check out his matches because he hadn’t had time, and all that he matched with were men – he had accidentally put himself in the Men Seeking Men category Bwahahaha!) Shortly after I posted that, I went back to the forum and was surprised to see it had been hacked! I called Jason (it’s his band’s forum) and he said he’d get on it. Their computer guy has been MIA for months; I think he’s off making porn, that’s where the real money is for those webmaster guys. Heh. Anyways, it’s back up now, and nothing was lost, so that’s cool.

After yakking with Jason, I continued procrastinating work until I received a phone call from a client who was looking for an update on the status of his stuff. Immediately, I sat myself down on the floor, sorted the rest of his receipts, posted what was left, organized it all, and bing bang boom called him back and said he could come get it any time. Go me!

Then it was latte and reading time.

My friend Katrina stayed over last night. Her husband went out of town, and since they work right near me but live across the city, it would be an expensive cab fare for Katrina to go back and forth without Jay (one vehicle, and they work together). I had mentioned a long time ago that she could crash here since I’m so close, if she ever needed to. So she took me up on that yesterday.

We had a really nice evening. She showed up with another bottle of Diet Coke with Lime (”in case you ran out” – I still had one of the two bottles left they bought me last week!) We ordered in food, watched Fever Pitch (cute movie), Oprah, and talked and talked and talked. Or, at least I did. When my words started slurring I knew it was time to give my mouth a break (no, I wasn’t drinking, that is an MS symptom that appears occasionally when I talk a lot. Very occasionally, of course).

I was telling her all about AH and how we met and everything that has happened between us. I discussed how recently, Oprah has been doing some shows on relationships and has mentioned the book “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix, and even had him on the show. One of his theories is that we draw people to ourselves that most can reflect and help you to heal the wounds of your past. Oprah said she would not still be in her relationship if she hadn’t read that book 18 years ago, and to “stay” when there is a conflict until “you have learned the lesson you need to learn”. AH is that example in my life because, like every other man from my past, I pushed him away when I figured he wasn’t living up to my expectations. I took so many things personally, jumped to conclusions, drew suspicions about him that were entirely untrue (I know now – at the time, I was assuming and guessing, and wrong!). And then, I cut him out, because that’s just what I do. That was in late September. Then, in mid-November, his first day back driving with Access after 6 months of not, he showed up at my door. His first day back, he was sent to me. Not by his choice or mine. That is when I realized I still had something left to learn here… we had unfinished business.

It was about a month later, that night in December when he couldn’t come pick me up and I didn’t believe that his car had actually broken down… until he sent his buddy from across the city instead… that I realized. Oh, My God. I have been so wrong. This man has never lied to me, he is everything he has ever presented himself to be to me, a man of honour, character and integrity. Of course he is human and has flaws and made mistakes, but he never “treated me badly” as I have stated. I saw a lot of the good stuff in the past, but I also found reasons not to see it. And this past few months of talking more frequently and becoming good friends has sealed that for me. So what have I learned?? Number One, not to take things so personally. It’s not about me, or because of me, we all have our “stuff”, and when our friends and partners are sorting theirs out, we need to know it’s not about “me” and try to be patient instead of jumping to conclusions or being in a hurry to just write them off (I’m so good at that - sometimes it is truly necessary, but not always). When the core of that person is good and true and honest and solid and worth it… let it go.

After Katrina left in the morning I showered and dressed and got started on another client’s work while I waited for another one to pick his up. After he left, I called AH to say “hi”. He was at the drive-thru getting lunch. I heard him order a Double Whopper combo w/ Coke. “Double Whopper!” I exclaimed. He said he’s depressed and is eating whatever he wants. I absolutely CAN NOT identify, sorry! Heh. He’s having some problems with his hearing and this ringing in his ear, and is having to wait to see specialists. He’s supposed to be seeing some one over in Northgate which is across from me, but we couldn’t figure out who or what clinic is over there. “Let me take my scooter over and go look!” I said. He said no, no, no, don’t be silly, but I figured what the hell, it’s a gorgeous day, and that would be a great excuse to get out of the house and go for a ride.

We continued to talk and I told him some of the things I had on my mind as mentioned above, and apologized to him for some of my past behaviour. He accepted my apology with grace, which I think often takes more character than giving one. I also thanked him for his patience with me, and the big lesson I hope I have finally learned. Time will tell, I guess. I’ll try not to mess up with the next guy, and hope that he is actually available.

After I hung up, I took my scooter out and went across the bridge over to Northgate. I checked out the businesses in the strip mall – I knew there were places like Staples, a Dollar Store, Shoe Warehouse, etc. – but I never knew there was a little Vietnamese restaurant in the corner!! I got very excited. I do live (summer weather) scooter distance to Vietnamese food! It’s amazing what you can find right in front of your face when you open your eyes

I saw no sign of an ear related medical clinic. A couple chiropractors, family practitioners (hmmm… two female doctors… wonder if they are taking new patients??), accountants… I called AH from outside the Professional offices and told him what I saw, and read him the tenant list. When I got to “Men’s Crisis Center” he stopped me and said “do you think that’s where I am going?” (remember… he’s not from this country, he doesn’t understand everything, he thinks his ear is a crisis). I said “Are you losing your hearing because your wife is beating you?”. “Oh”. Heh.

Anyway, since I was over on that side of the train tracks, I stopped at the Starbuck’s in Safeway to get my latte and then rode home. When I got here my voice mail had a message from AH, playing some country song from the radio and singing along dramatically. I laughed my ass off. No word yet on AH returning to his wife for sure, but it doesn’t matter to me now. Today helped me decide he’ll always be a part of my life, even if I have to become her best friend! hehe

We all know how important it is to love yourself. I know I posted a great entry about that last year. Have I done anything about it? Not really. I went to those Psych-K sessions back in January, but like everything else I start up, I never continued with doing the exercises at home so the positive effects didn’t last. I need to get back into it. I need to get back to meditating and visualizing. I need to get back into affirmations. I should, I know, I should, I know, I should, I KNOW!!! ARGH!! There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not hard on myself or criticizing myself or shoulding all over myself. It really has to stop, but I don’t know how to make it stop.

On Sunday I had a client over. She is a funky fashion designer, a former TV journalist, a total sweetheart, works in public relations for a famous athletic team, and is drop dead gorgeous to boot. She is as fit and healthy as can be, visits the gym daily, and is probably a size 0 or 2. She is 47 and looks 32 and has a radiant smile that would light up any room. While filling out her tax info, I asked if she was divorced or single (because I know she’s not married now, but at 47 she certainly could have been). She said “single”. As we were chatting later, I asked her if she had a boyfriend or anything, and commented that a knock out like her must have men banging down the door. She disagreed. We talked a bit about our single-ness situations and the patterns we seem to have with men, and it turns out we are very alike that way. That was a shock to me. I realized being thin and gorgeous doesn’t necessarily make it easier to love yourself and believe you are worthy of love. We talked about how you attract to yourself what you believe you deserve, and if your self talk is negative, so will be the men you attract. I can’t believe I have THIS in common with a woman I would have figured could get any man she wanted!

It really comes from within. All too often we look outside of ourselves for that validation. If he wants me, then I am okay. If he tells me I am beautiful, then I am. If he wants to have sex with me, then I am desirable. So what happens when “he” isn’t there? He can’t fix what is broken inside of us. He is just a band-aid. Those women we call whores and sluts, that sleep around with different men all the time, are no different than I am. We have the same pain, we just look for the band-aids in different places, whether it be men, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping… Somewhere along the way we started to believe we weren’t worthy. How do we un-do it? How do we heal our own insides, so that what “he” thinks doesn’t matter, because we will know it ourselves? Then we will attract someone that is worthy of all we have to offer, because we will truly believe we have ALL THAT to offer.

So that’s what is on my mind today.

I am going to end up marrying a Muslim Access cab driver. I am quite sure of this, as they seem to be the only men I meet and they ALL LOVE ME.

My mind has been spinning for the past 24 hours, so you’ll have to bear with me during this long entry. If you want. You don’t have to. But I hope you do.

Fascinating evening I had last night. I went to see Lieutenant General Romeo Dallaire speak up at the University. He is a highly decorated war hero who served in Rwanda in 1993 as a UN Force Commander (apparently Nick Nolte’s character in Hotel Rwanda was loosely based on him). He has written a best-selling book, which is also a documentary, and in 2007 is being made into a feature film - “Shake Hands with the Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda“. I bought the book when I arrived, hoping to meet him at the book signing afterwards, and it’s almost 600 friggin’ pages. Perhaps I will wait for the movie…

Anyway, I also had interesting Access drivers last night so I’ll talk about that first before I get into the Romeo stuff. The driver that took me to the university was a driver I have had a couple times before. He loveslovesloves me, especially my one dimple, and does not hesitate to tell me how beautiful, pretty, sweet etc. I am. He asked how I have been (I haven’t seen him for probably 6 months) and I said I was quite stressed these days with work. He said “pretty girls like you should never be stressed”. Heh. He asked if anyone was yet the proud keeper of my dimple, and I said no, I’m still single, and he siiiiiiighhhhed. Then he started talking about attraction and the “vibe” and what he likes in a woman, and I got a little uncomfortable (the feeling is far from mutual), so I tried to change the subject to talk about who I was going to see. Somehow religion came into it and upon learning he was Muslim (as 90% of the drivers are, it seems), I mentioned that I have a friend who is Muslim (AH) and have been learning bits and pieces about Islam and the culture, and how interesting it is (even if I don’t agree with it all and am not an organized-religion kind of person). He asked me, “has he given you a copy of the Qur’an?”. Hmmm. No, that had never even crossed my mind!

On the way home, I was driven by another Muslim. There was also a young developmentally disabled girl in the back seat he was driving home, and she was very restless and noisy. He told me he had been quoting from the Qur’an to her earlier and it seemed to calm her down, as he pointed to a book. I said “is that the Qur’an?” and he said yes, so I asked to look at it, but he said it is in Arabic. “Do you want to see an English one?” I said “sure, if you’ve got one” and he said “of course, I will give you one when I get you home”. I said “Give? As in GIVE? To keep?” and he said of course. I told him it was funny that I was getting one from him tonight, because I had mentioned to my driver earlier that I have a Muslim friend and he had asked if he has given me a copy of the Qur’an, and now here I am getting one. He said “oh, you have a Muslim friend? Does he pray? Because if he prays, he is an honest man and you can trust him”. I said as far as I know, he told me he attends prayer “when he has time” (which I bet isn’t very often, he’s not the most practicing of Muslims. Obviously, I have certainly been privy to some non-Muslim behaviour coming from him!) He shook his head in a “tsk, tsk” fashion and said “if he only prays when he has time, then he is only honest when he has time”. And I laughed my ass off, because, I tell you, that is probably the most perfect description of AH I have ever heard.

True to his word, when he dropped me off he gave me a copy of an English translated Qur’an and he made sure to put his name and phone number in the front of it as well. So now my reading list is really filling up, as is my list of Access drivers that like me. Not that I actually keep one, but if I did, it would be quite long. If only they all looked like AH!

Anyway, back to Romeo Dallaire. When I arrived at the theatre the line up was a mile long, up the stairs and through the student food court (so I was told… I didn’t actually go up the stairs to look). The lecture was sold out and the theatre accommodates over 1,000 people so you can imagine. And here I was expecting a couple hundred or something! Anyway, I went right to the front of the line and asked if I could sit at one of the spare chairs at the ticket-taking table by the door. No one argues with you when you have a cane and trouble walking, so I was seated right by the doors when they opened and snagged myself an awesome seat inside. Hee. Read the rest of this entry »

How did I spend my Ralph bucks?** Well, most of it went to my chiropractor, but I decided I would take $100 and do something I have always wanted to do: get hypnotized and find out about my past lives and cell memories. What the hell, why not?!

After reading this book by Sylvia Browne a few years ago, the whole cell memory concept was intriguing to me and I wondered if my cells were holding on to a memory from a past life, and if that is why I have MS? Or overeat? Or (insert whatever problem here)?

A month or so ago when I was first looking into hypnosis (I ended up going for Psych-K instead) I came across Glenda, who does past life regression hypnosis. We chatted for a long time and I knew that I wanted to get her over here at some point, my curiosity getting the better of me. With unplanned cash coming my way, I decided to make an appointment, so she came over this morning.

I wasn’t very good at placing myself so that I knew the year, country, my name, etc. every time. But I did come out with the following, whether or not they are fact, I’ll never really know:

• I saw myself at about 17 years of age, in about 1843. I was wearing a navy blue dress, black boots, and a scarf on my head. I was in a field and walked towards my house, where my mom, Lily, was cooking. We worked hard. I don’t remember ever seeing my father, but I had an older brother named Sam. I died young in an accident while working on the farm. Nothing significant there…
• I saw myself as a 35 year old black man named George, married to Grace, 8 year old twins (one boy, one girl). Living in Africa. Very happy, healthy and successful. Glenda made sure to point out that yes, I can have a successful and happy relationship (I guess I just have to be a man to do it).
• Okay this was a doozy… tears welled up in my eyes when I remembered it, I really felt it… I was a 7 year old boy named Christopher. I was horribly abused by my parents, lots of kicking and hitting and yelling. We were poor and I was often sent to my room without supper and there wasn’t a lot of food to eat ever anyway. I was terribly skinny. I hung myself in my bedroom closet when I was 15.
• The last one we did was me as a young woman, not sure what age, maybe late teens or early 20’s. I was camping with my friends. I don’t remember ever seeing any of my own family at any point. Coming home from camping, I was in a car accident and ended up paralyzed from the neck down. I felt very helpless and worthless for a long time, but I must have smartened up because I sensed that I married and lived a long life. Although it seemed like I always lived in a nursing home or hospital or something.

Glenda figures the last two are significant to my current health. That maybe because I was starved and abused as a young boy, I now eat for protection and because I CAN. Then of course, the being paralyzed can be a cell memory for MS in this life. I could have been around the same age as my accident when I was diagnosed with MS or first experienced symptoms. That makes sense because my first symptom was at 19 and they kept coming back until my diagnosis at 28. Anyway, she “released” these cell memories. It will be interesting to see if anything changes over the next couple months.

Oh, and we went to the “other side” for a few minutes, but it appears I do not want to know my future, because I was unable to open my “file” after I found it. Plus my spirit guide didn’t have much to say to me except “believe”. Believe in yourself, believe you can heal, believe in your abilities. Just believe.

After she left, I plugged my telephones back in and there was one message – just some strange country music being played into the phone. Hehe it was AH, which I find quite interesting since he apparently shares a name with my Spirit Guide!

I want to talk about the last couple days and stuff too, but there is just too much! I’ll have to write about it tomorrow or something. This week is all work, work, work at home, with no other excitement planned, so I’ll need things to write about anyway. In the mean time…

This is my blog’s Word Cloud. Cool huh?

**Ralph bucks = the $400 prosperity cheques everyone in Alberta recently received, masterminded by our Premier, Ralph Klein.

Well, my busy week is over, just in time to rest and start another one! I am so happy to be feeling good again that I could just burst. I am really excited about stuff these days (nothing special, just life), and pretty damn happy. It’s so nice to have energy and a positive outlook again, and hopefully this feeling will stay for a good long time.

Part of my happy endorphins may have to do with the fact that I am back into my swimming again, after a bit of a break over surgery and holidays and just plain feeling lousy. I’ve been 3 times this week, and realized I am in DESPERATE need of a new bathing suit. I have never completely worn out a swimsuit before, but this one bit the dust. There is not one ounce of elasticity left in that thing, and I’m afraid it won’t last through even one more wear. So this afternoon’s project is to find a new one pronto because I swim again on Tuesday!

On Thursday night, Michelle and I went to the Ironwood to see Heather Blush. I have heard her name a lot, both because Michelle knows her through work, and because she plays at the Pub I work at a lot. Although since I’m there during the day, I just see her name on the chalk board. So, I finally had the pleasure of seeing/hearing her live, and she was awesome. She has such a cool vibe, great voice, original style, and the eye candy on guitar only added to the experience (HOT! I did need my glasses, dammit!) I’ll definitely be taking in another one of her shows when I can.

Yesterday I took in more music when I met my buddy Aaron at the Ship & Anchor for their open jam. It was being hosted this week by Jenny Allen, whom I absolutely love, and her band members included my old friends Pete and Mel, so it was a fabulous day. Pete turned FORTY last week. What the… how?? We were roommates in our 20’s. And I’ve known Mel even longer. That’s scary.

Aaron is a riot. I had so much fun. So.Much.Fun. I haven’t seen him in 6 months and I told him, “I don’t want it to be that long again, you’re too much fun!” I have had a couple CDs sitting here for him for months but all we ever seem to do is email each other that we’ll “meet up one of these days”. I really, really will not let it go that long again. He knows where I live now, so he is going to have to come over one day so I can see pictures from his trip to India and play him a couple new Lindy songs that I promised I would never let out of my possession. I think it’s okay if I play them here for someone, as long as I don’t actually send them to anyone or burn them. Aaron and I met because of our mutual Lindy love, so I think it’s only right.

The Ship has really good burgers.

Today I learned that there are some conversations you just don’t need to start. On my ride to swimming, we stopped to pick someone up from an apartment building I moved into with my mom when I was 16. That’s 21 years ago, if you suck at math. Since then, the building has become a condo residence for seniors. This woman gets in the car, and I commented “I used to live in this building!” and she asked my why I would ever leave… it’s so hard to get into and such a great place. I said, oh, I was 16 and with my mom. No need to explain that my mom met Bob, they bought a house, etc. etc. but this woman flipped on me – “that’s impossible! 16 year olds can’t live here! It’s seniors only!” and I explained that it was over 20 years ago, back when they were regular rental units. But she would not.let.up. Never mind the fact that at 37 I in no way look like a senior now either. She made my brain spasm. “No, no, no, you couldn’t have lived here at 16, this is a seniors building!” for a good 10 minutes. Ohhh why did I even say anything in the first place!? Damn me and my need to be friendly and make conversation. Heh.

Well, I’m off to find the perfect bathing suit and the perfect Vanilla Bean Half Sweet with Skim latte. Ciao!