Can You Hear Me Now?

FOR THE RECORD: Yes, I like The Secret and what it teaches about the Law of Attraction and all that stuff, but let it be known that I hate, hate, HATE the way it is being marketed on that website, and I hate, hate, HATE the beginning of the DVD. Argh! It’s not Raiders of the bloody Lost Ark in the Kingdom of the Holy Grail for chrissakes. You need to know this because, I’ll be talking about it a lot, and I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, like that I actually think that is cool or something. Because I SO DO NOT.

Yesterday my class at Living Well was toooo much. They told us last week that the classes were going to start beginning half an hour earlier from this point on, 12:30 instead of 1:00. Me, being the brainiac I am, assumed that meant the classes would also end half an hour earlier. Not so! Ugh. Their reasoning is they want to start devoting the first hour to education/lectures instead of just half an hour, then an hour and a quarter for group warm up, cardio, balance and whatever other exercises you want/can do, and group cool down/strengthening/stretching. The problem was, our lecture only lasted until 1:00, so that added extra exercise time on. I was in really bad shape by the end, and the rest of the day. I’m going to have to tell them when I arrive from now on that I know my body and what it can do, and 2 bloody hours is too much for me. I may not, in the future, sit with the group to cool down and stretch, I will do it myself, then leave if I have to. I won’t overdo it like that to please them ever again. It pisses me off that the therapists there say they have worked with so many people with MS. Well, then, you should know better! The length of the class is too long.

I’m the only person with MS in the class right now, though. I don’t know what problems everyone else has, except there is one lady who is blind in one eye (no other problems, except that she’s getting older. Aging… the new chronic illness!) and there is a sweet teeny tiny old lady, all 90 pounds of her, that uses a cane but doesn’t even touch it to the ground most of the time. She just carries it around! She’s a funny one, as most little old ladies are (well, I guess it’s either that or miserable old hag!) She says she has trouble finding clothes in her size, she’s so tiny. One woman suggested she try the Girl’s department, but she gave her a funny look. I interpreted it to mean “I don’t want to wear ‘Hello Kitty’ sweaters, thanks”. Oh, to be a size 4 petite and have trouble finding clothes… that’s a problem I could live with.

Anyway, once I got home I realized the therapist who helped me attach my walker to my scooter, did something weird when attaching the pulleys and I wasn’t able to remove them without a great struggle. I bitched out loud and called her every name in the book while I struggled and almost cried in frustration. It’s THAT easy to go from a positive feeling of gratitude and good thoughts (to attract the good stuff, y’know) to a negative headspace. I’m learning to catch myself and turn it around, but it’s hard!! This Secret stuff isn’t SO easy, you know. It’s going to take practice. It’s not hard, it’s not hard, it’s not hard…

Around 5:00 AH dropped by to try one of my lattes. He wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and since I have recently made him a bit of a latte addict, he may get himself a machine to save him some money. Heh. He watched me make one and saw that it was pretty darn easy (but wait… if he gets a machine, he will be calling me 20 times to ask me questions, because he is a man and won’t read the instruction manual). He really liked the latte I made him, and I expect he’ll drop by for another one some day soon. I also loaned him my extra copy of The Secret DVD, because he needs it like I do. We’re very much alike in the way that we appear positive and hopeful on the outside, but inside there is that little negative “yeah, right, sure, whatever” voice. That needs to be KILLED.

This morning, I decided to start my day the Secret way. (Poet, know it!) I woke up and said “thank you” and voiced how grateful I was for my comfortable bed and my good sleep and my cats (and whatever was around me). I planned my day… that AH was going to pick me up, either to take me to work or bring me home, that there would be a Tim Horton’s coffee waiting for me (last week Crystal forgot! OhMyHeavens!) and I would “roll up the rim to win” and win something, and that I would have a good day, etc. etc. I was sitting at my computer waiting for my ride, when I saw the yellow of an Access car whiz by out of the corner of my eye. “Oh, that is AH”, I thought to myself. I waited for the buzz, but when it didn’t come, I looked out the window and saw my neighbour getting in… and AH helping him! Damn, he was picking up my neighbour, not me*. No worries, I thought, he’ll bring me home later. I got to the office and drank my coffee, rolled up the rim, and won a DONUT! Ahhh… that’ll teach me. I must be more specific in visualizing “win CAR”.

Around 1:00 I text messaged AH, “are you picking me up today?” knowing full well that he would be. I almost typed “I think you are, because I planned it that way” but didn’t, for fear that he would think I’m crazy or had some “in” with Access he wasn’t aware of. Anyway, soon enough, there he was, at the door. I said “I KNEW IT! I planned this! The Secret works omgomgomg!” Eeeeee! It works! That totally proves it.

There were two other people in the car already, so I had to sit in the back seat. It doesn’t matter how much room there is, I always have a hell of a time getting out of the back seat, and need the driver’s help to stand up. This time, I expected that I wouldn’t. And I didn’t, I got out very easily. I looked at AH and said “wow! I haven’t stood up from the back seat so easily in AGES!” He asked why, and I pointed to my brain. Hehe! Then I checked my mailbox on the way in, and there was a cheque in there. A small one, but still, a cheque. And the Secret mentions that… “if you check your mailbox every day expecting to see bills, you are going to get bills, so you don’t think you’re crazy. Do yourself a favour… start expecting cheques!” Now I need to expand to bigger and better things, and get rid of that little doubt in the back of my mind.

You don’t even need to watch the Secret DVD. Just read my blog! I may be boring the pants off some of you and you’re rolling your eyes at me, but this kind of stuff excites me! It charges me up and makes me believe anything is possible. And I truly need that on a permanent basis!

I’d like to say the Power of my Mind was responsible for the drug dealers across the hall moving out, but I’m not so sure about that. Although, I certainly did hope for that a lot, and they have moved out, so maybe I had something to do with it. I have no idea who lives there now, but it’s been weeks since I’ve seen any strange young guys wandering around here, coming and going from that apartment. I’m positive they have moved because that apartment has been silent, and no smells drifting out of it. Ohhhh time to visualize a hot, young-ish, single guy (WITH A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR) moving in across the hall, who loves lattes and cats.

A little hitch in my field of work. The CRA’s website is having technical difficulties and cannot accept online filing of tax returns, and they’re unable to process any tax returns at all right now. Refunds are being held up and everything. I hope it gets working again soon (it’s been down for a few days already) because I want my $78 refund! Hee. I also have my neighbour’s completed tax return sitting here waiting to file and more on the way. The website problems have been all over the news, so it certainly isn’t just a little glitch. I feel bad for the big accounting firms and H&R Block!

*He told me later that he was going to honk when he drove by my window, but he knew I would then think he was there for me and come out, so he didn’t.

It doesn’t SEEM like it has been several days since I last posted.

What have I done? Seriously, I’m asking you, because I don’t remember. Oh, I know. On Friday I…. hmm…. I bet I went to the mall. Oh! Right! I did. I went to Dollarama and bought construction paper and stickers and sparkly gel pens so I can make the best Vision Board ever. Vision Board? Yeah, you know, remember when you were in school and you made one, you tore pictures out of magazines and made a collage of all these things you wanted. Didn’t you? I think I did. Or maybe I just read in Seventeen magazine that I was supposed to. Anyway, I’m making one now. It’s my Secret assignment. Not Secret as in it’s a secret, but Secret as in The Secret. You know. It will have pictures of happy, fit and active people and lovers and dollar signs and Oprah (’cause I’ll be on her show one day!) and an ion cleanse machine. I can find tons of pictures of cars, but I haven’t been able to find one with a car and a driver. I don’t just want the car, you know, I want someone to drive me around in it! Maybe I’ll just paste up a picture of a car I love and draw a stick figure behind the wheel.

On Saturday, my friend/client Ken came by and took me for lunch, again, to My Favourite Vietnamese Restaurant, again. He gave me a copy of The Secret DVD and book, so now I have an extra DVD to lend out. My mom has it right now, AH is next. Get in line! I’m reading the book right now, it goes along with the DVD but says a bit more. More author content and more quotes from the professionals. Plus a section on weight loss, which I don’t think the DVD covered…? Basically, I have to stop wanting to lose weight, because then I am focusing on wanting to lose weight, so that’s what I’ll get. The “want” to lose weight, and there will always be extra weight there, to ensure I keep wanting to lose it. I need to see myself at my goal weight already, and feel that I am there and what that would be like. I need to love my body now. OUCH. I’ve heard that one a lot. So much easier said than done. But I’ll throw it out there, because it can’t hurt!

On Sunday, my friend Pam picked me up and we went to the Crossroads Farmer’s Market. I brought my walker, and managed to walk around it okay. It would be nice if my vision didn’t go blurry when I walk, because seeing things properly without having to stop and squint would be good! There was a lady with an Avon sales area, so I picked up some Tranquil Moments fragrance mist for $10. Good deal. That left me with another $10 in cash, and when I saw/touched the softest most amazing blanket/throw ever in the history of the world, that just happened to be the burnt orange colour I want in my bedroom, it was $14 and they only took cash. Ack! Pam ran back and got it for me after we passed an ATM machine and I got more cash. ‘Whew. I have to go back and get another one, so I can give it to someone who sews and say “make me a sweater!!” Then we ate. Lots of ethnic-y type places to choose from! We went Turkish and I ate some feta cheese in a grilled pita something-or-other and got some baklava. We were seated by the coffee shop, so naturally we needed a latte to go with our baklava.

We were only out for a couple hours, but it felt like a lot longer than that by the time I got home. I was tiiired. Pam handed me a Starfruit as I exited her car! (They have great deals on produce in that place, I must return often!) I’d never had starfruit before. It was really good! I Googled it because I didn’t even know how you’re supposed to eat it. But it’s a simple wash-and-eat thing. Quite apple-y tasting, very fresh.

Sunday night I spent emailing media to promote Rob’s tour out West in April. I also watched “Walk the Line”. You know, I never realized it was the story of Johnny and June and how they met and ended up together. I mean, I knew that would be in there as a big part of it, but I always thought it was the Story of Johnny Cash’s life, you know, like “Ray” was the life story of Ray Charles. I didn’t realize it ended shortly after he proposed to her, and the next 30 some odd years weren’t portrayed! I also didn’t realize Johnny Cash was married with two kids when they met. Obviously, they were meant to be together, it’s just unfortunate that so many people were hurt in the process. Ahhh, the difficulties some people have to go through to be together.

What do you mean, you haven’t seen it yet and I just ruined it for you??? Everyone has seen that, I was the only one who hadn’t.

Yesterday I worked at the Pub. Dez and I had a loooong talk about the Secret and stuff. She said she has always used that… like when there was a Football pool at the Pub, she won the big cash prize. She had visualized the square where her name was to be the winner. Stuff like that. I hope she is visualizing a good life for her and her new baby! She’s almost done working, I hope. I thought she was leaving at the end of February, but she is sticking it out and plans to go down to one night a week. Until what… she serves up a baby with a side of fries?? She is due at the end of April.

When I got home I had tons of Rob-related emails to deal with and CDs to package up and mail out. Then a once-a-year client called and will be bringing me her year of books this morning. She’s a big one, many hours… “I pity you, I had a very busy year…” she was also audited for 2003 and 2004, and learned the hard way a) the importance of proper receipts, and b) the importance of a good bookkeeper. I did her books in 2002, and then she asked someone else for 2003. Probably because she was cheaper, and didn’t spend all the time I did on matching receipts to statements. Then she came back to me for 2004, but asked that I not bother matching her receipts, and just go by her credit card statements. I didn’t listen to her, because I do things the way I do them for a reason. So, the Government wasn’t happy with how her 2003 was done, and disqualified $30,000 worth of her expenses. For 2004 they only rejected a few thousand dollars worth of expenses, and they were rejected because she didn’t have all the receipts! (I recorded all expenses on her business credit card, but she was missing a lot of receipts). They said without the receipt as back up, it won’t fly… “so, you bought something from Staples… (an office supplies store!) How do we know it was for your office? How do we know you didn’t buy candy and eat it?”) There is a reason why I spend all those hours matching up receipts to bank and credit card statements for my clients. There are reasons why my system works Let this be a lesson to all of you that are self employed or run a business: SAVE YOUR RECEIPTS!

Anyway, she should be here any minute so I better go watch for her. This afternoon I have my Living Well exercise class, then it is my Quiet Night of Solitude™ Tomorrow I work at Troy’s, then the rest of the week is work, work, work, and Rob Promo. Which is still work, but it’s music-related so it doesn’t feel like work. Oh! Vision Board idea!

Okay, so, I watched “The Secret” DVD the other night, and I have been sufficiently inspired. I will no longer talk about the negative aspects of my health or fears of getting worse, because it just puts it “out there” in the Universe, and I don’t want that “out there”. Our lives are a manifestation of our thoughts… good and bad. I truly believe that. As I have said before, my MS was in remission and I was doing fine for the first couple years after diagnosis, until I started researching MS and finding out more about it and fearing all these things that “could” happen to me. Whatever you focus on, you get… and I was inadvertently focusing on getting worse and all my fears, and it started to happen. So, no more of that. I want to get better and the only way to do that is to believe I am and will!

Wow, re-reading that old entry was a bit of a wake-up call, too. I need to get back into that frame of mind, it sure was working for me!! I wonder what happened to set me off track? Probably stuff with AH, and then I remember I went to Toronto and that threw me over the “I overdid it” edge. Oh, and messing with my hormones by taking birth control pills again (I’m re-reading old entries, can you tell?? Heh). Anyway, I’m back into visualization and affirmations again, and expect to reap the benefits soon! (Have I ever mentioned that the more I lost use of my right side, the more I would fear falling and breaking my left wrist? “OH MY GOD, what what I do if that ever happened???” I used to think. Well, now I know, because I focused on that fear enough to make sure it happened).

Anyway…

Today was fantastic. I went back to ‘Living Well with a Chronic Illness‘ and re-started the program. Now that I have the walker carrier on my scooter and can actually bring my walker, it is much better. I participated in the 15 minute warm-up, then we all moved to whatever stations we wanted or to education, but since I already attended the first education class on February 1, I skipped that and went straight to exercise. I walked around the gym once, then did some balance exercises, then walked around the gym again, then rested, then sat on one of those big fitness balls and practiced sitting straight and lifting my leg, then walked around the gym 2 more times, then rested, then did strength exercises and stretching with the group. Apparently AH walked in at that time and saw me, because he was picking someone up. Later on he teased me, “I saw you, but you didn’t see me!! You were tying something around your legs.” Ah, the resistance band!

I came home and felt amazing, and still do. I wish I didn’t have to work and stuff, and could just go to classes like that every day. I can’t wait to get in better shape.

There is already a man there with a crush on me. He followed me around for awhile and then finally said “I haven’t seen you around here before”. Wow! Classic!

Speaking of men with crushes on me, that cab driver that lives in my building has never contacted me again. HE is the one that said I was beautiful and “maybe we can get together and watch a movie…” Maybe when/if he found that note I slipped under his door he thought I was being too forward? ‘Cause if he never saw the note, you’d think he would have knocked on my door by now. And HE is the one that said “if you ever need anything or any help, you ask me!”… so I dunno. I’m pretty sure he drove by me when I was on my scooter coming home from the mall a few days ago. He didn’t honk or anything. HMPH.

Anyway…

When I put my right shoe on before leaving today, I felt something in there… I pulled my shoe off and stuck my hand in to pull out a little water bottle cap, courtesy of the kitties. I realized then that I actually went through the entire day yesterday with that in my shoe. I kept thinking, “my toenails sure did get really long, really fast!”

I mentioned to Rob that I want an ion cleanse machine but need about $3,000 US to get one. He thinks we should hold a benefit to raise the money for it, fly me out to Toronto and get him, Lindy, Peter Katz, and a bunch of others to perform. You know, that’s a great idea! Those guys would totally do a show for me, and give all the $$ from ticket sales to me to buy the machine. I know they would! Organizing it and getting me (and Emma, because she must be there too) out to Toronto would be the hard part, but I am “putting it out there” for the universe to take care of. I will get one of those machines, one way or another!

By the way? I love Rob for even suggesting something like that. He is the BEST. I wish I could clone him. Several times over.

My mood is much improved since my last post. Last night my brother (who is part magic wand) came over for the first time in ages. He is working lots of overtime at his job and doesn’t have much spare time! So getting him over here is a rarity now, which is too bad because he is such a huge help to me. We went shopping for the heavy stuff (lots of bottled water, cat litter) and had a bite to eat. He was quite shocked when I chose to bypass the Second Cup on the way home and inform him that “I make better ones myself now!” When we got back here, I made us mocha lattes. That’s right, mocha lattes. (Okay I just used chocolate soy instead of vanilla, but it was YUMMY and you would never know if I didn’t tell you).

Then we got to work. Darren swept and cleaned up the cat litter room, cleaned my bathroom, and vacuumed. I picked up all the papers off my office floor and put them on top of the filing cabinet, which was one step closer to where they are supposed to be. (I’m inspired to work around here when someone else is). I made a couple file boxes (they come flat), unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. When he left, my place wasn’t quite as much of a disorganized mess as it was the day before. I still have a ways to go, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

This morning I was up early, but didn’t have time to do more than my little exercises, drink a coffee while deleting spam and reading blogs, shower and dress before I had to leave for my ion cleanse.

That was an excellent experience. You begin the session with your feet placed in a tub of clear water, and you end it pulling your feet out of whatever sludge came out of you. In my case, I saw lots of dark colours and flecks of stuff and white foam.

This chart explains what the colours mean

I literally felt like several pounds had been sucked out of me! I felt great afterwards. I walked better, had more energy, and felt very clear-headed. My mood and spirits went up as the toxins released, I guess! I can’t wait to go again, but I need cash and I want to find a practitioner closer to me.

When I got home, I felt so good that the thought of working around here wasn’t overwhelming and painful. I finished up a bunch of work for this one client, and my office is (almost) organized, y’all! My filing is done, my 2006 tax return is done, my 2007 files are made and put away and old taxes are boxed up. I am now (almost) ready for the rest of the work that has yet to come my way; no stress over here! I even found a Periodontist appointment reminder card for March 14.

Tonight is my weekly quiet night all to myself. I normally avoid TV on this night and use it to read, but my DVD for The Secret has arrived so I will be watching that. Most definitely. I hope to be sufficiently inspired! It was funny, earlier at my ion cleanse I told the guy. “I would love to get myself one of these machines” and he said “well, ask for it, put it out there in the Universe… before you know it, you will have one”. I chuckled that I was going to be watching my Secret DVD tonight. He said “ahhh, so you know all about the Law of Attraction, then. Just see yourself with this machine in your home, it will happen.” I told him I think I will spend my time seeing myself healthier first, then worry about STUFF! And… MEN! And… FINANCIAL STABILITY! And… STUFF!

I’ve started writing in my Gratitude Journal again. I’ve changed my approach to it though, instead of listing at least 5 things every day and boring myself by listing every phone call I received or door that someone opened for me, I’m only writing about events or amazing things that happen that I am really, truly grateful for. Things that make my heart soar. That means I could write in it several times a day, or not at all for an entire week (I hope not!) Anyway, I decided to do this after I saw Oprah on Friday and she had those guys from “The Secret” on again, and they talked about how “nothing new can come into your life without being thankful for what you have already been given. The moment you begin to focus on gratitude, you create within yourself the condition for more things to be grateful for to come into your life”. So, I figured, I best get on that.

Have I mentioned that I ordered “The Secret” DVD? Yeah. I should get it soon. I believe in all that stuff so much, I just really need to put it into regular practice. I’ve been doing some deep breathing/visualization/affirmation stuff every day for a couple weeks now. I’m starting to feel human again. The last time I felt really good, was Tuesday, January 30. That was the day I woke up super early and got right to work, took my walker out and walked to the mall and back, worked hard all day, had my brother over in the evening and ran some errands/went for dinner… that was a very full day. The next day, the weather changed for the worse and I felt crappy again (that is often connected), and that stayed with me for what seemed like forever. After about 9 days of feeling like crap, I fell into my emotional eating vortex and ate a burger and onion rings. There went the “no wheat/dairy/sugar” thing. Of course, I could have let that be one little slip, but the next day I actually felt a bit better. So I wondered “why am I doing this to myself?” and went back to my old eating habits. I’ve actually been feeling a little bit better every day since then. Although, I’ve been quite slack with myself, enjoying all the foods I’ve forbidden since Nov. 18 a little too much, and this “vacation” needs to end soon.

I found the best soy milk for making my lattes. So Nice Vanilla foams up better than anything else I’ve tried. It’s not something I would ever want to drink by the glass or put on cereal, (I love my Vanilla Rice Dream for that), but it sure is great for a creamy latte! I’ve got it down now. I never need to buy from Second Cup again, mine are better. But I will, because sometimes it’s nice to have someone else make it for you, and I’d hate to see them go out of business because I stop going. Heh. Also, my Stepdad someone I won’t name stole a coffee cup carrier off a grocery cart and it fits perfectly on my scooter basket. Hee! No more trying to tuck my coffee into my basket and surround it with other things so it doesn’t spill and stain my purse. Yay!

This morning a woman was supposed to come by to trim my cat’s claws. I expected her to call around 10:30 and be here by 11:00 because she said she started work (at her full-time pet grooming job) at noon. Well, I never heard from her. I suppose she’ll call later or another day. I had to be up and dressed anyway, as a client was dropping receipts off at 11:00 as well. No Sunday jammies until 2:00 today.

Last night I watched a horrible movie. Not horrible as in the movie sucked, but what a horrible story and outcome. Boys Don’t Cry. Hilary Swank definitely deserved her Oscar for that performance, but for me it was sort of like “Monster” with Charlize Theron (who also won for her role). Although, I do think Brandon Teena’s story needed to be told more than Aileen Wuornos, I still felt disturbed throughout the entire movie. I guess because I knew how tragically it ended. I received that DVD in the mail back in early January and it took me this long to watch it. I have received, watched, and mailed back others in the weeks since, because I knew this was going to take an emotional toll on me to watch, and I needed to be prepared for it. What a sad, sad story (yet, the love story among all the tragedy was quite beautiful).

***Newsflash*** I just received an email that Elayne’s blog is back up and running. So any of you who read her regularly but haven’t been by since you noticed it was gone, she’s ready for y’all again.

Well, it’s 1:30ish. I’m gonna head out to get a bit of sun and then get back here and tackle my piles ‘o work. SO MUCH WORK. Breathe, Donna, breathe.

Pepper likes to watch me work.

And prevent me from reading MySpace messages work.

Watching from one of my desk shelves. Comfortable?

I’m guessing she was, because she hung out there for awhile.

Peace! Last night was my 4th week in a row of taking an evening for myself with no telephone or computer, very little if any television, lots of reading, meditation, mud masks and no visitors. I really enjoy doing this, and will keep it up. It’s a little difficult to do if you’re married and/or have kids, though, so I’m lucky in that respect. I can be selfish! The next thing I want to start on my list is the daily meditation and affirmations, but I’m going to wait a bit until other things I’m doing are cemented as habits. Baby steps, you know. I have completed 14 out of my 101 things, and still have a few in progress. Go me!

I quit my therapist, and she tried to talk me out of it by saying that “running away after stirring things up in therapy is common…” but I insisted to her that “nothing was stirred up”. We didn’t talk about anything I haven’t already talked about with friends, past therapy attempts years ago, or my friend/client Coach K (Personal Life Performance Coach). She thinks I’m running away from an “intimate relationship” with her, because I mentioned in the beginning that I seem to have trouble forming intimate relationships. But that is with MEN, as in, dating and relationships. Not friends. And the only way that is going to change, is by loving myself and believing I deserve it. I thought therapy would be the road to that, but I have since realized it is not. It is the road to talking about yourself until you are blue in the face! Talking doesn’t heal, action does, so I’m taking another route. She said I could call her if I change my mind and want to go back, so that is good. I’ll think about it. But really, it came down to the fact that I’m starting twice/week exercise classes at Living Well, plus work is getting busier, and I need time for myself. Another weekly appointment would get in the way and I know hers would be the first one I would cancel to make time for other pursuits. Like reading and meditation! And hopefully volunteer work, if that woman would ever get back to me.

Yesterday AH had an appointment so he just took the entire day off. He came over for a bit in the afternoon. He picked up coffee first, and we just hung out and talked. It was really nice because he was relaxed for once. He didn’t have to be anywhere in a big hurry, like he usually does. I was telling him about quitting my therapist, because if I want to talk, I have him for that! Hehe. We talk about everything to the point that sometimes we hang up the phone and think “I can’t believe we just talked about that”. Now, if I could just find that (and more) with someone who is single and available, I’d be laughing.

Let’s see, what else… on Tuesday I worked at the Pub and tomorrow I work at Troy’s. It’s Crystal’s first week working without Melanie, and my first week that a Tim Horton’s coffee won’t be on my desk when I arrive That was Mel’s thing. Crystal says she’s going to make coffee in the office, which is fine, but I warned her that I tried that before, and that Costco sized tin of coffee has been sitting there for about 3 years. I was the only one that ever used it. Everyone else preferred to buy coffee from Timmie’s on their way in, and I eventually just went along with that. If she wants to get into the habit of office coffee, she best get Troy to buy a new tin!! Oh, I better remember to bring in a mug, too. Something tells me there won’t be one.

I sent this video to Rob, and he wrote back “Holy shit Donna!!!!! If I had some concrete nearby I would smash my head against it cause that’s soooooo cute!” Hehe Once again, I lose it when the scratching on the monitor starts. I try my best to stifle it but I just CAN’T, that cracks me up every time. So here’s a little Rob Szabo with a dash of Pepper.

The Scrubs Musical last night? Best half hour of television ever.

This morning I went for my second assessment at Living Well. As mentioned, I had to book Access to take me because I don’t have the thingy for the back of my scooter to carry my walker yet. And I can’t go there without my walker. So, the first thing Tracy (P/T) did was take my blood pressure 6 times in a row, and test my resting heart rate and oxygen levels. I am in great shape in those areas! I’d like to get my resting heart rate lower, although she said it’s fine, but as I exercise more that will happen.

I guess my little morning stretches are helping, because I did really well on my tests. I walked “laps” for 6 minutes and didn’t need to stop for a rest during it, although I slowed myself down at points. I got 29/36 on the balance test, which pleasantly surprised Tracy. After we were done, I then had to wait for Access to pick me up. It was 10:45, and I called to double check my time on their automated confirmation line, and it said “pick up between 11:05 and 11:25, estimated drop off time 11:42″. I thought… 11:42? I’m basically across the street. They’re probably picking me up and going somewhere else before they come back this way and drop me off, I wouldn’t put it past them to schedule like that. I decided to cancel because a) no driver is going to complain about losing that fare, b) they’re probably running late anyway, and c) I walked for 6 minutes, so I’m sure I can walk home!

I sat on hold for 15 minutes to cancel, and then went on my way. Tracy made me promise to walk slowly and carefully, and call her when I got home. It took me 20 minutes, but I did it! I needed to spend the rest of the afternoon flaked out in my La-Z-Boy (after scootering over to the mall for a celebratory latte), but it was worth it to test my ability like that. I haven’t tested myself to see how far I can walk, because then how would I walk home from the furthest I can walk? Heehee. I definitely see the walking to Wal-Mart and back in my future!

Of course, the entire day couldn’t go as well. When I left my apartment on my scooter there was a car parked at the end of the sidewalk I had to wait for before I could get out, three skanky teenage girls got in my way as I was going through the handicapped mall entrance door (there are 5 other doors for the able-bodied to choose from at the same entrance), hitting my scooter with the door and then butting in front of me, (all I said was… “EXCUSE ME??” and they responded “oh, sorry!” *giggle*) Bitches. And, the new girl at Second Cup tried to overcharge me for my latte and was all “whatEVER” when I told her (very nicely) what she is supposed to ring in, then tossed my change on the counter. I normally put it in the tip jar, but noooooot today.

I read for a couple hours this afternoon, and am finally almost finished the first of all my books I own and need to read. I’ve been trying to read this one for a few years. I’ll start it, put it down and forget about it, read other books, then start it again, etc. This time I was determined to get to the end. It’s an interesting book, but not the easiest read. Most of the unread books on my shelf are like that, which is why the goal to read all my books is under “Personal Growth” and not “Entertainment”. This one is Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss, and it is, of course, about healing. To steal just a couple paragraphs:

Do all that is necessary to support your physical body, such as taking the appropriate medicine, maintaining a daily exercise program, and eating properly. Simultaneously, do all that is necessary to support your energy body, such as releasing unfinished business and forgiving injuries from the past. Make whatever personal changes are necessary for healing to take place - leave that stressful job or marriage; take up meditation practice; or learn cross-country skiing. The specific changes you make are not the important point here. The point is to actually make the changes that healing requires.

Talking does not heal; taking action does. While it is essential to work at maintaining a positive attitude whatever your illness, healing requires dedication and commitment. Visualization will not work if you practice it only once a week, and no one’s body becomes fit from only one trip to the gym. Healing one’s body or one’s life challenges - or developing symbolic sight - requires daily practice and attention. Healing illness in particular may be a full-time occupation, although you can simplify the steps required to accomplish the task.

So, as I’m sure you can tell, 300 pages explaining the 7 Chakras and their relation to healing is quite an overwhelming read. But I believe in a lot of what she’s saying, and have two more of her books on my shelf, so I’m going to get through them and take what works for me. I’m still in the early stages of my personal healing journey, after, what, 10 years? Hehe. I’ll get there.

Oh, and last night I went to the mall for cat food and came back with yet another book to add to my reading list. I’ve got about 30 now, which may not sound like a lot to some people, but for me that is a lot! Especially when every time I sit down to read, Pita jumps up and sticks her bum in my face, doing her best to get my attention over some not-nearly-as-cute book (and she often succeeds). At least Body Clutter looks like a fun and easy read.

Tonight I’m going to my favourite Lebanese food restaurant with my friend Christine from Quebec. I haven’t had a falafel in soooo long! (Yes, I can eat those. And hummus and tabouli… yippee!)

Pepper is so pretty… that is all.