Can You Hear Me Now?

I made an outline for today’s entry. You know, to keep it neat and orderly, and so you can skip certain sections if you don’t want to hear about it.

Today’s Outline:

1. eBay
2. Home Care Bitching
3. Menstrual Cycle (see? Now men can skip that part. Easy peasy)
4. Blog Interview
5. Quantum Release Stuff
6. Worst Thing That Could Ever Happen, Ever
7. Weather

1. eBay

So far I have been nothing but pleased with my eBay experience. Except for how long it takes for items to ship to Canada, I haven’t had a complaint. Until yesterday. I received an order that was supposed to be a pair of casual Capri pants. When I opened the parcel, they were obviously shorts, and a grey fleece material at that. Way beyond “casual”, these were like Wal-Mart cheap grey shorts that would be worth about $5. I was surprised that the sale page had referred to them as Capris! Even the packaging (new) clearly stated “shorts”. Every time I receive an item I head straight to the feedback page and give feedback, which has always been positive. This time I chose “negative” and wrote “these are shorts, not Capris; not what I thought I was getting” and shortly after that I received an email from the seller BLASTING me because I was her FIRST negative feedback, and how dare I, and “I hope you’re happy with yourself!” and that she was going to report me to eBay. Hmm. Report me for what, exactly?? Anyway, I wrote her back and told her if she refunded me then I would withdraw the feedback, which she did. So her perfect score is back. I wanted to ask her if that is how she kept a perfect score… by threatening her customers? Heh. I know now that I should have contacted her about it first, before leaving feedback, but I was just so shocked, it was my automatic reaction.

I also received a (cheap) necklace that was broken, but they refunded me no problem, and the two tops I got from this store are SO GORGEOUS I certainly can’t be upset about that. I will order from them again, for sure - I highly recommend Hollywood Diva!! (For Plus sized gals).

2. Home Care Bitching

I know I said awhile back that I wasn’t going to talk about needing Home Care or the negative aspects of my MS. Well I lied. I just had an issue with my Home Care worker this week and want to bitch about her! I receive help on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. This past Monday was a holiday in Canada, not a stat., but a long weekend for most people, nonetheless. People who receive less than 7 days/week home care do not always get help on a holiday, even if it’s their “regular” day. So I wasn’t sure if she would be coming on Monday or not. But she called me at 8:30 a.m. (and woke me up) to tell me she would be here at 10:30. (Whyyyy call me so early, then??) Normally my help is supposed to come at 9-9:30 am. but I’m not picky if I’m going to be home that day, anyway. So… 10:30 came and went, and no Home Care. She never showed up and never called.

On Wednesday, I had to work at a client’s and Access was picking me up at 10:40 (I always make M-W-F workdays start later to give home care time). By 9:30 I figured if she wasn’t coming again, I better get myself ready. So I did, and she called me at 10:15 to say she’d be here within half an hour. I said “I’ll be gone by then,” and mentioned my time is supposed to be 9-9:30, which she knows, she has been coming here for weeks and knows that I often work Wednesdays. Anyway, she said she thought I’d be “sleeping”. I asked her about not showing up on Monday, and she said “after I called you I checked my schedule and noticed you weren’t on it, after all.” I asked her why she didn’t call me back then, and again she said that I wasn’t on her schedule, and I argued that she had called and SAID she was coming, and if she then realized I wasn’t on her schedule, how am I supposed to know that?? Grrrr. I called my Home Care nurse and requested that the woman I get on Fridays be my M-W-F helper if possible, because even though she barely understands English, at least she is reliable, plus she tidies up the bathroom after we’re done (which they are all supposed to do, but the other one never does) and does a little more to help me. I’m not sure if their schedules have been changed or not… I may not get what I want, but Harpal (my Friday lady) told me she would like to come all the time, if they ask her. “I like you, and I like your cats”. Heh

3. Menstrual Cycle (Move along, men).

I am every 28 days like CLOCKWORK. I literally know the exact day my period is going to start, and it’s only ever been off by a matter of hours. Well, it came a week early last time… it was supposed to be August 4, but it started July 28. I’m thinking the heat wave may have messed with my hormones or something, since it messes with MS. So, that screws up everything. Because now my next one will be August 24 and the one after that will be around September 21 and I will be in MONTREAL!!! Argh. Fingers crossed that it is late, okay??

4. Blog Interview

I forgot to post about this before. I was interviewed by this blog website thingy. You can read my interview and rate my blog (thumbs up, please!) right here. Oh, and the 3 top rated blogs in August win a few dollars, and you can vote once/day, so I am asking you, my dear readers, to support me and vote away!

Also, they are giving away prizes every day to a random comment contributor: “The more comments you make per day the more likely you are to be chosen. Ask your readers to vote for your blog interview and make at least one comment…maybe they’ll win something! Check back daily to see the previous day’s prize.”

5. Quantum Release Stuff

I had an epiphany! I was thinking about a session I had a few weeks ago, which was the best one ever, and I think I understand what it was all about and why I have been feeling so great. During that session, Kevin and I talked quite a bit, because my energy was “going nuts” and he had questions for me during it. (Usually we are very quiet, and I just lay there and relax with my eyes closed). First, a little “life background”… I think when I was 6, 7, 8 years old, was the happiest time of my life. I had a great childhood, and at that time, we lived in a house on a street in Winnipeg where there were lots of other kids. All I remember when I think back to that time, are the summers. The summers where all us kids played outside on the street (not much traffic at all, very nice residential neighbourhood) and in our yards; tag, hopscotch, hide and seek, etc. My best, best, best friend was Lynda, who lived next door. Her and I were inseperable and always upside down, doing cartwheels and handstands, playing on the swing set in my yard and the in sandbox. That was a very happy time for me and my brother; it was before my mom hurt her back, before we moved to Calgary, before I was old enough to want to have a mind of my own and my dad started his negative and controling behaviour, before my first diet (that was age 10, and it lead to a cycle that has obviously been VERY successful *cough cough*), before body/self image and self-esteem problems, etc. etc. etc. I could go on and on.

So… during that session, Kevin asked me where my family went on vacations when I was a kid. I said we didn’t really take big vacations; we did a lot of camping; we would go away for the weekend once in awhile and stay in a nice hotel with a pool/waterslide; we did go out to Alberta (Banff) when I was really little but I don’t remember that. Kevin mentioned that he was “seeing all these kids playing together, sand but no beach, stuff like that…” I said “oh, that was just our street and our house! We had a sandbox. We were always playing outside with the other kids.” He then said “I see a Lynda… I don’t know who she is to you, but I’m getting her energy” and I said “that was my best friend back then!”

Since that session, I have been feeling better and better emotionally; I just feel like I have no baggage or bad memories inside me. I feel so GOOD and happy inside. And it hit me… maybe that’s what happened… he brought my energy back to a time when I was happiest in my life! Pre All-the-shit-that-has-happened-since-then. That… is cool. And explains a lot.

6. Worst Thing That Could Ever Happen, Ever

I broke the carafe from my espresso maker. I wish I could blame a cat, but I cannot. It broke in the sink because of MY carelessness.

7. Weather

Okay, so the heat wave(s) have passed, and we’re “cold” now. As in, some rain and clouds. Big DEAL!! It’s not SO bad, and I totally prefer this Spring-like weather to being in the 30’s. What I don’t get, is all the same people who were whining about it being too hot, are now whining about it being too cold. Gimme a break! Is there no pleasing you? “I’m tired of this cold weather”. Oh, please. Tomorrow is +19°C and sunny, which I think is perfect. And I’ll be outside at the Mountainview Music Festival, so YAY!! More on that, next entry

I awoke quite startled the other day. I heard what sounded like a train going through my apartment, and shot up in bed, wondering what the hell it was. Well. You know those really crinkly plastic bags, that make a LOT of noise when you smash them between your hands and stuff? Not that you do that, but cats love those bags. And one of mine decided to crawl inside one (I sometimes leave the odd one on the floor for them to play with) and run up the hall and under my bed, chased by the other one. All I saw was a plastic bag racing under my bed followed by another cat, too fast to tell which one. Seriously, have you ever seen a plastic bag run?? It’s the funniest thing ever. And loud. Then I heard a thump, and all was quiet. I was worried she had hit her head or something? Oh my God, what happened?? I looked over the side of my bed, and there was the bag, but no cats to be seen. Later when I got up and went into the living room, I saw Pepper crouched in beside the sofa, looking like she was about to pounce on something/someone. I called Pita, and she slowwwly crept up the hall towards the living room, taking careful tip-toe steps, watching Pepper the whole time. So I settled into my chair, because obviously they were both okay, and playing some sort of game that didn’t involve me. So they tear assed up the hall again and chased each other around for awhile. Never a dull moment around here, with those two!

On Wednesday afternoon I had my free monthly shiteous housekeeping. Well, okay, it’s better than nothing, but really, if you see something like my coat on the floor, could you maybe pick it up instead of just vacuuming around it?? They sent me two girls this time, one that had been here before and a new one that I guess is being trained. The thing is, when I buzz someone into my building and then it takes 20 minutes for them to get to my door, I know I’m dealing with idiots. This goes for delivery people as well; some are deducted $1 from their tip. I realize there are no arrows pointing to which apartment numbers are which way, but if you go up one hall and don’t see mine, wouldn’t you just try the other hall? Instead of going upstairs to every other floor, wandering around aimlessly, before coming back to the main door and buzzing me again to ask where I am? And listening when I say “go to your right”? Instead of wandering around aimlessly until someone directs you up my hallway? And then, when I open the door, (after 20 minutes, I emphasize), I realize that one of you has BEEN HERE BEFORE? Not that long ago? Do you know what I’m getting at? Because I have no idea, I just keep asking questions??

Anyway, they were not the smartest cookies. I remembered the training session I had to put the one girl through with my cordless phone the last time she was here, but I guess it didn’t take (”hit Line 1. There is no Line 2. Just hit the Line 1 button and dial out. Then hit it again to hang up”) because I heard both of them hitting all sorts of buttons on that phone, beep beep beepity beep, talking to each other in their language, and finally giving up and coming to ask me if I had a phone they could use. I said “yes, you were just holding it”, and got up to show them where the phone was they had just put down. I pressed Line 1 to get the dialtone and handed it to her.

So, yes, although I am grateful to have free housekeeping for a couple hours/month, I just, you know, AAARRRGGGHHH!

I had a really great night out on Thursday. I met friends at the Ironwood for a special C-Jazz event, where Matt Masters was taking his first shot at singing old jazz standards in front of a live audience, and my friends the Polyjesters were playing with Terra Hazelton. It was such a great show… Terra has such an amazing and unique voice; as my friend Heather said, “she sounds like every Christmas carol you’ve ever heard”. So happy and joyous. But she also has her sexy, sassy and sultry side. She’s awesome. And the PJ’s were great playing with her. I see many more regular gigs with them all together in the future, because Terra is moving back to Alberta in the Spring (she lives in Toronto now, where she sings with Jeff Healey’s Jazz Wizards) and taking a break from Big City Living. We had dinner at the club earlier, and I had the same thing I had last time I was there - because I resist change and love Brie - the veggie burger with brie cheese. Heather ordered these glazed chicken strips that looked DELICIOUS, so both Michelle and I have decided we are getting those next time we go (which just happens to be this Thursday, to see Emm Gryner).

On Friday I went for my 8th Quantum Release session. We are back onto the emotional thing. Between this session and my last one, Kevin ran me through his biofeedback machine and did a brain scan and checked out my nervous system and everything, and didn’t find much coming up on the physical side. He switched to emotional and WHOOSH, there it was. I said “but last time you told me what Pat said about my emotional health being responsible for my physical health was a load of crap…” and he said that she was right, after all. (I KNEW IT!) I have way, way, way more going on in there emotionally than he realized, we just broke through the surface. “But I feel good, emotionally,” I insisted. “I thought we were done that part?” Nope, we’re not. I grumbled and started to whine “how bloody much more is there?!?” and Kevin looked at me sternly and said “do you want to get better, or not?” “Well, yeah,… but, can I wait a couple weeks before coming again, because I won’t have the money until then.” He said he really didn’t want to stop now. “I will comp the session next week. And I want you to know, I don’t comp anybody. I told you at the beginning this wasn’t about the money. Do you believe me now?” Yeah, $540 in free treatments, I do believe him. Plus, after this session he asked me questions about certain times in my life and what was going on, because he felt certain things and wanted to be sure we were on par. And we were. Then he got me talking about my Dad, and my anger there, and low and behold, I talked and talked and talked… so I guess it’s not “all gone”. He then suggested I write it all out, do the “unsent letter” thing. I pouted that I sort of hoped I could just come to these sessions, lay back, and get it all out of me without having to dredge it all up again. He said although that is possible, it would take a lot longer. So, in order to move the process along, I need to do the journaling exercise that my friend/client/Coach Ken has been bugging me to do for years as well. OKAY FINE. I’ll write the damn letter!

I received a call the other day from a woman who recently had triplets, and doesn’t want to go back to work, but thinks doing bookkeeping from home like I do would be a good way to make a few bucks without leaving the babies. She has a similar work background to what I did before this, mostly working in the one-girl-office environment and doing everything, including some accounting, but never full-cycle bookkeeping. Unlike me, though, she has never worked directly for another accountant that she can call with questions when starting out, nor taken any accounting courses (I did enter the CGA program, I just didn’t get very far before I had to quit, but I did get straight A’s in Financial Accounting I, II, Business Law, Marketing, and Simply Accounting. Ahem). Anyway, she is coming over on Thursday morning and I’m going to show her “what I do” and how I set stuff up. To be honest, it would be nice to sort of train someone on how I do things, (THE RIGHT WAY), and have someone to refer people that are referred to me to (got that?) As much as I’d like to take on the World’s books and make sure they are done properly and everything is neatly reconciled, it’s just is not possible. I am but one mere human.

I’ve had a really busy week and haven’t updated so get yourselves comfy for a long one!

Sunday was Mother’s Day. My mom and Bob came into town, and I can finally mention WHY that box from Shaklee waiting for me at the post office was so damn heavy: because I bought my mom one of the Get Clean Healthy Home kits as well. I mean, that’s what moms do, right? Clean? Hehe Anyway, I knew she would appreciate it and she did.

We wanted to go to Olive Garden and hoped it wouldn’t be too much of a wait at 2:30… but of course, we were wrong. Over an hour wait, so we went next door to Red Lobster instead. I don’t like seafood, but they have a yummy chicken and spinach alfredo pasta dish just for me. And their bottomless baskets of biscuits… yum! We won’t even discuss the desserts… let’s just say, we all left overstuffed and feeling like we were going to be sick from eating so much. Yeah. Not smart.

On Monday, between working at home, I went for my second biofeedback session. During the session, Kevin mentioned that due to how deep-seeded my emotional blocks are, biofeedback could only do so much for me. I may want to consider Quantum Release Therapy instead, as it goes much deeper. I read the pamphlet explaining quantum release, and it’s like it was written for me personally:

Quantum Physics has shown us that everything in this world is energy. When events happen in our lives - whether physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, our energy patterns are affected. These shifts can affect us in many different ways and on many different levels. Some individuals experience this in their relationships, continually attracting people of a lower vibration into their lives. Others feel a sense of overwhelm or develop destructive subconscious beliefs and behaviours. In some cases, energy shifts can lead to acute or chronic physical conditions that negatively impact their quality of life.

While other forms of energy healing focus on the Chakras, Quantum Release Therapy goes much deeper, working at the basic energenic or quantum level. Using a combination of gentle touch and non-touch techniques, this non-invasive process realigns your body’s biorhythms, raises your vibrations and brings the body back to its natural state of balance.

Kevin stopped the biofeedback a few minutes early and gave me a little 20 minute quantum release freebie to give me an idea of what it’s like. I know it may sound crazy to some of you, but I have always believed that my health problems are deeply connected to my emotional crap from as far back as I can remember. And I’ve been through a lot. I know I have hung on to it and pushed it down deeper and deeper and used food to mask my pain and all that. To me, this quantum stuff makes perfect sense and I think it’s the answer I have been looking for all these years. So I’m going for it.

On Tuesday, my friend Lisa came over and before we left for lunch, she helped me clean up some broken glass from a vase of flowers I broke the day before (oops) and I showed her the transcript my mom typed up for me from the notes she took when I saw that psychic, Pat, on May 4th. She agreed that Pat is the REAL deal (she’s the one that told me about her) and was also amazed at my reading. Then we went for lunch at My Favourite Vietnamese Restaurant, where the service rarely comes with a smile, but the food is good. It was so good to see Lisa, we don’t get together nearly enough. She even brought treats and toys for Pita and Pepper (and some pastries for me, too. She figures, since she doesn’t eat chocolate anymore and is on a real health kick, she can’t eat all these treats she goes ga-ga over, so she buys them for other people to enjoy! So when, I wonder, is she going to visit Buttercream Bake Shoppe?)

On Wednesday, I worked at Troy’s. Melanie was there again, filling in for Crystal who was moving that day. Since Troy and a few of the techs were around at lunch time, Troy decided to take us all for lunch. Hooter’s was the place to be! Ladies’ Wednesday, so Mel and I got 20% off, and it was a gorgeous day so we sat on the patio. I drank a daiquiri because it was definitely the sort of day where you want to sit on the patio and have a slushy “girl drink”… but since this is Hooter’s, it comes in a big plastic cup with no little umbrellas or fruit or anything, so it sort of takes away from the whole mood I was looking for. It’s like… drinking your latte out of a beer mug. It just doesn’t feel right.

When I got home, my friend Anna-Marie from Toronto called. I haven’t talked to her in ages! I only had her work email address, so I’m glad she finally called because it turns out she was laid off several months ago. She’s pretty happy about it… she was there for many years and was feeling a lot of stress. She’s recently divorced and dealing with all that too, so now she has some time off to get her life sorted and maybe travel a bit (possibly to visit me this summer!) before looking for another job.

Then I went to the mall to go purse shopping. I realized I haven’t worn my pink Crocs yet, because my bag is orange, and I just can’t do that. Melanie has this great bag that is reversable… one side is pink and white, the other denim. I thought I would look for something like that, but I couldn’t find anything. I did, however, find the Perfect Neutral Purse at Bentley’s for only $19.97:

Velcro closures! No more fighting with snaps and zippers to close side pockets! And one side pocket is perfect for my cell phone, the other for keys, and the front for pens, lip stuff, etc. so no more losing those items to the deepest depths of my purse! Perfection!

And since they had piles of purses on sale, I snatched up a pink bag for $10 that has a long enough strap to wear like a messenger bag (that’s easiest for me!) and will go with my pink Crocs and another pair of pink sandals I have.

Okay, so they’re not the EXACT same colour of pink, but close enough.

So my designer bag with the material-that-always-gets-caught-in-the-zipper-and-drives-me-crazy will be retiring for awhile and I’m back to my good ‘ol cheap purses.

On Thursday, I worked at the Pub. It was a long day because I’ve got lots to do there, so I was earlier than usual, and wouldn’t you know it, my ride home was super late. After waiting half an hour I called Access to ask about it, and it turned out they hadn’t even dispatched a vehicle for me yet, they were still looking for a driver to take the trip. Which pisses me off, because I had scheduled the trip a week before! Because my schedule isn’t predictable, and I book my rides week by week, my trips are all considered “casual” so I’m not on any “regular” runs. If I worked at the same place on the same days and same hours every week, I would be on a regular subscription run and this wouldn’t happen to me so much. Well I’m SORRY my life doesn’t fit into your BOX.

The season finale of The Office was on Thursday night and it was great! I freakin’ love that show.

(Stolen from my cousin Carrie’s Facebook page):

Dwight Schrute: “Diwali is a celebration of the coronation of the God-king Rama, after his epic battle with Ravina, the demon-king of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil.”

Michael Scott: “All right, all right. This isn’t Lord of the Rings.”

Friday (yesterday) I went for my first full-length quantum release session. After we finished, Kevin told me I have so many layers to get rid of… I am like this little person inside a box inside a box inside a box inside a box… about 14 times over. This is nothing new to me, I know it’s all in there pretty deep! He said it’s going to take awhile to get to the root of it all, bring it to the surface and release it. We’re just stirring it up a bit right now. He had told me before that he wants his clients to commit to 6 sessions before they start, which I agreed to, because nothing happens overnight. So I hope 6 sessions is enough, but I will do more if I need to. He also told me if I experience anger or sadness this week for no apparent reason, to just let it happen and not try to figure out what’s going on. I’m still a little worried that if things start “coming to the surface” I may just subconsciously push them down again, like I always have, but he assured me that won’t happen. I’m really hoping this is my answer.

Friday night I fell into the trap and joined Crackbook Facebook. I’ve got so many friends over there and I’d been hearing it’s better than MySpace and blah blah blah, so even after saying I’d never do it because I don’t NEED another place on the internet to be addicted to, I did it. It’s been 24 hours and I’m already addicted. Damn you, Facebook, damn you.

Today I worked and worked, then went to the mall, and tonight I’m catching up on my movie watching. Tomorrow I’m off to a BBQ at my friend Christine’s, which will be a BLAST. It’s her annual “girl’s only” BBQ and if it’s anything like last year, it will be a hoot!

Okay, this entry is long enough, it’s time to watch movies and cuddle with these two.

Today was a fascinating day. I was thoroughly enlightened by Eva Marsh and her research, stories, experience and living proof that self healing and recovery from MS is possible. I saw Eva speak 4 years ago at one of her workshops, but perhaps at that time I wasn’t really ready to listen. Today she spoke more about Quantum Physics and the role it has in healing. Since I last met her, she has studied quantum physics thoroughly, become an NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) practitioner, and Wel-Systems Master Facilitator (all that in the past 4 years, and she is 62) and this is after getting her Masters in Electrical Engineering and a Bachelors in Physics as a single mother of two. Needless to say, Eva Marsh is an incredibly amazing and inspiring woman. And REALLY smart.

Today, I am ready to listen. And act. Together with what I learned on May 5th after seeing Pat, today after seeing Eva, and my biofeedback treatments (and my chiropractor and Living Well classes, etc. etc.) I am on my way to recovery. In order to do that, however, I need to make a few changes around here. I’ve taken down any links pertaining to MS (no offence to other MS bloggers, this is my thing) and don’t want to talk about it any more. I will, at times, talk about my triumphs and recovery, and I will always have my opinions about the pharmaceutical industry (strengthened tenfold today, I’m even going to wean myself off my MS drug, there is just no point) (this is MY OPINION and I am in no way telling readers to stop taking their medication!!) and health in general, I’m just going to cut way, way back on the MS talk. As Eva says, every doctor and many other people have told her over the years that she is “in denial”. SO. WHAT. That’s not a bad thing! I’d rather be in denial than in a wheelchair! I have talked before about how all the research I did back in the beginning about MS did more harm than good for me, because it scared me so much. I eventually started getting the symptoms I feared.

Oh, that reminds me… did anyone see House on Friday night?? Speaking of medication and our minds… Eva was talking about how “sure, if you believe your medication is helping, then it is…” and it reminded me of House and his PAIN that some doctors were telling him was psychological, and he finally got his boss to give him a shot of morphine. That relieved the pain for a couple days and when he went back for more, he said “just give me the same dose you gave me before”, and she said, “I didn’t give you morphine before… it was a saline solution”. OoooOooOooOOo that was a powerful scene.

So, no more talk of having MS here. No more talk about struggling to get up from a chair or to walk, or Home Care, or hospitals. It was actually my mom that suggested I do this when I was on the phone with her earlier. She suggested I delete MS related links and stop talking about MS here. I was stumped… I didn’t want to say what I was thinking… which is also on one of the forms Eva gave us with questions to ponder…

What am I, without MS??

Let’s find out.

“We don’t know about MS… but without us, you’re nothing!”

FOR THE RECORD: Yes, I like The Secret and what it teaches about the Law of Attraction and all that stuff, but let it be known that I hate, hate, HATE the way it is being marketed on that website, and I hate, hate, HATE the beginning of the DVD. Argh! It’s not Raiders of the bloody Lost Ark in the Kingdom of the Holy Grail for chrissakes. You need to know this because, I’ll be talking about it a lot, and I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, like that I actually think that is cool or something. Because I SO DO NOT.

Yesterday my class at Living Well was toooo much. They told us last week that the classes were going to start beginning half an hour earlier from this point on, 12:30 instead of 1:00. Me, being the brainiac I am, assumed that meant the classes would also end half an hour earlier. Not so! Ugh. Their reasoning is they want to start devoting the first hour to education/lectures instead of just half an hour, then an hour and a quarter for group warm up, cardio, balance and whatever other exercises you want/can do, and group cool down/strengthening/stretching. The problem was, our lecture only lasted until 1:00, so that added extra exercise time on. I was in really bad shape by the end, and the rest of the day. I’m going to have to tell them when I arrive from now on that I know my body and what it can do, and 2 bloody hours is too much for me. I may not, in the future, sit with the group to cool down and stretch, I will do it myself, then leave if I have to. I won’t overdo it like that to please them ever again. It pisses me off that the therapists there say they have worked with so many people with MS. Well, then, you should know better! The length of the class is too long.

I’m the only person with MS in the class right now, though. I don’t know what problems everyone else has, except there is one lady who is blind in one eye (no other problems, except that she’s getting older. Aging… the new chronic illness!) and there is a sweet teeny tiny old lady, all 90 pounds of her, that uses a cane but doesn’t even touch it to the ground most of the time. She just carries it around! She’s a funny one, as most little old ladies are (well, I guess it’s either that or miserable old hag!) She says she has trouble finding clothes in her size, she’s so tiny. One woman suggested she try the Girl’s department, but she gave her a funny look. I interpreted it to mean “I don’t want to wear ‘Hello Kitty’ sweaters, thanks”. Oh, to be a size 4 petite and have trouble finding clothes… that’s a problem I could live with.

Anyway, once I got home I realized the therapist who helped me attach my walker to my scooter, did something weird when attaching the pulleys and I wasn’t able to remove them without a great struggle. I bitched out loud and called her every name in the book while I struggled and almost cried in frustration. It’s THAT easy to go from a positive feeling of gratitude and good thoughts (to attract the good stuff, y’know) to a negative headspace. I’m learning to catch myself and turn it around, but it’s hard!! This Secret stuff isn’t SO easy, you know. It’s going to take practice. It’s not hard, it’s not hard, it’s not hard…

Around 5:00 AH dropped by to try one of my lattes. He wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and since I have recently made him a bit of a latte addict, he may get himself a machine to save him some money. Heh. He watched me make one and saw that it was pretty darn easy (but wait… if he gets a machine, he will be calling me 20 times to ask me questions, because he is a man and won’t read the instruction manual). He really liked the latte I made him, and I expect he’ll drop by for another one some day soon. I also loaned him my extra copy of The Secret DVD, because he needs it like I do. We’re very much alike in the way that we appear positive and hopeful on the outside, but inside there is that little negative “yeah, right, sure, whatever” voice. That needs to be KILLED.

This morning, I decided to start my day the Secret way. (Poet, know it!) I woke up and said “thank you” and voiced how grateful I was for my comfortable bed and my good sleep and my cats (and whatever was around me). I planned my day… that AH was going to pick me up, either to take me to work or bring me home, that there would be a Tim Horton’s coffee waiting for me (last week Crystal forgot! OhMyHeavens!) and I would “roll up the rim to win” and win something, and that I would have a good day, etc. etc. I was sitting at my computer waiting for my ride, when I saw the yellow of an Access car whiz by out of the corner of my eye. “Oh, that is AH”, I thought to myself. I waited for the buzz, but when it didn’t come, I looked out the window and saw my neighbour getting in… and AH helping him! Damn, he was picking up my neighbour, not me*. No worries, I thought, he’ll bring me home later. I got to the office and drank my coffee, rolled up the rim, and won a DONUT! Ahhh… that’ll teach me. I must be more specific in visualizing “win CAR”.

Around 1:00 I text messaged AH, “are you picking me up today?” knowing full well that he would be. I almost typed “I think you are, because I planned it that way” but didn’t, for fear that he would think I’m crazy or had some “in” with Access he wasn’t aware of. Anyway, soon enough, there he was, at the door. I said “I KNEW IT! I planned this! The Secret works omgomgomg!” Eeeeee! It works! That totally proves it.

There were two other people in the car already, so I had to sit in the back seat. It doesn’t matter how much room there is, I always have a hell of a time getting out of the back seat, and need the driver’s help to stand up. This time, I expected that I wouldn’t. And I didn’t, I got out very easily. I looked at AH and said “wow! I haven’t stood up from the back seat so easily in AGES!” He asked why, and I pointed to my brain. Hehe! Then I checked my mailbox on the way in, and there was a cheque in there. A small one, but still, a cheque. And the Secret mentions that… “if you check your mailbox every day expecting to see bills, you are going to get bills, so you don’t think you’re crazy. Do yourself a favour… start expecting cheques!” Now I need to expand to bigger and better things, and get rid of that little doubt in the back of my mind.

You don’t even need to watch the Secret DVD. Just read my blog! I may be boring the pants off some of you and you’re rolling your eyes at me, but this kind of stuff excites me! It charges me up and makes me believe anything is possible. And I truly need that on a permanent basis!

I’d like to say the Power of my Mind was responsible for the drug dealers across the hall moving out, but I’m not so sure about that. Although, I certainly did hope for that a lot, and they have moved out, so maybe I had something to do with it. I have no idea who lives there now, but it’s been weeks since I’ve seen any strange young guys wandering around here, coming and going from that apartment. I’m positive they have moved because that apartment has been silent, and no smells drifting out of it. Ohhhh time to visualize a hot, young-ish, single guy (WITH A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR) moving in across the hall, who loves lattes and cats.

A little hitch in my field of work. The CRA’s website is having technical difficulties and cannot accept online filing of tax returns, and they’re unable to process any tax returns at all right now. Refunds are being held up and everything. I hope it gets working again soon (it’s been down for a few days already) because I want my $78 refund! Hee. I also have my neighbour’s completed tax return sitting here waiting to file and more on the way. The website problems have been all over the news, so it certainly isn’t just a little glitch. I feel bad for the big accounting firms and H&R Block!

*He told me later that he was going to honk when he drove by my window, but he knew I would then think he was there for me and come out, so he didn’t.

It doesn’t SEEM like it has been several days since I last posted.

What have I done? Seriously, I’m asking you, because I don’t remember. Oh, I know. On Friday I…. hmm…. I bet I went to the mall. Oh! Right! I did. I went to Dollarama and bought construction paper and stickers and sparkly gel pens so I can make the best Vision Board ever. Vision Board? Yeah, you know, remember when you were in school and you made one, you tore pictures out of magazines and made a collage of all these things you wanted. Didn’t you? I think I did. Or maybe I just read in Seventeen magazine that I was supposed to. Anyway, I’m making one now. It’s my Secret assignment. Not Secret as in it’s a secret, but Secret as in The Secret. You know. It will have pictures of happy, fit and active people and lovers and dollar signs and Oprah (’cause I’ll be on her show one day!) and an ion cleanse machine. I can find tons of pictures of cars, but I haven’t been able to find one with a car and a driver. I don’t just want the car, you know, I want someone to drive me around in it! Maybe I’ll just paste up a picture of a car I love and draw a stick figure behind the wheel.

On Saturday, my friend/client Ken came by and took me for lunch, again, to My Favourite Vietnamese Restaurant, again. He gave me a copy of The Secret DVD and book, so now I have an extra DVD to lend out. My mom has it right now, AH is next. Get in line! I’m reading the book right now, it goes along with the DVD but says a bit more. More author content and more quotes from the professionals. Plus a section on weight loss, which I don’t think the DVD covered…? Basically, I have to stop wanting to lose weight, because then I am focusing on wanting to lose weight, so that’s what I’ll get. The “want” to lose weight, and there will always be extra weight there, to ensure I keep wanting to lose it. I need to see myself at my goal weight already, and feel that I am there and what that would be like. I need to love my body now. OUCH. I’ve heard that one a lot. So much easier said than done. But I’ll throw it out there, because it can’t hurt!

On Sunday, my friend Pam picked me up and we went to the Crossroads Farmer’s Market. I brought my walker, and managed to walk around it okay. It would be nice if my vision didn’t go blurry when I walk, because seeing things properly without having to stop and squint would be good! There was a lady with an Avon sales area, so I picked up some Tranquil Moments fragrance mist for $10. Good deal. That left me with another $10 in cash, and when I saw/touched the softest most amazing blanket/throw ever in the history of the world, that just happened to be the burnt orange colour I want in my bedroom, it was $14 and they only took cash. Ack! Pam ran back and got it for me after we passed an ATM machine and I got more cash. ‘Whew. I have to go back and get another one, so I can give it to someone who sews and say “make me a sweater!!” Then we ate. Lots of ethnic-y type places to choose from! We went Turkish and I ate some feta cheese in a grilled pita something-or-other and got some baklava. We were seated by the coffee shop, so naturally we needed a latte to go with our baklava.

We were only out for a couple hours, but it felt like a lot longer than that by the time I got home. I was tiiired. Pam handed me a Starfruit as I exited her car! (They have great deals on produce in that place, I must return often!) I’d never had starfruit before. It was really good! I Googled it because I didn’t even know how you’re supposed to eat it. But it’s a simple wash-and-eat thing. Quite apple-y tasting, very fresh.

Sunday night I spent emailing media to promote Rob’s tour out West in April. I also watched “Walk the Line”. You know, I never realized it was the story of Johnny and June and how they met and ended up together. I mean, I knew that would be in there as a big part of it, but I always thought it was the Story of Johnny Cash’s life, you know, like “Ray” was the life story of Ray Charles. I didn’t realize it ended shortly after he proposed to her, and the next 30 some odd years weren’t portrayed! I also didn’t realize Johnny Cash was married with two kids when they met. Obviously, they were meant to be together, it’s just unfortunate that so many people were hurt in the process. Ahhh, the difficulties some people have to go through to be together.

What do you mean, you haven’t seen it yet and I just ruined it for you??? Everyone has seen that, I was the only one who hadn’t.

Yesterday I worked at the Pub. Dez and I had a loooong talk about the Secret and stuff. She said she has always used that… like when there was a Football pool at the Pub, she won the big cash prize. She had visualized the square where her name was to be the winner. Stuff like that. I hope she is visualizing a good life for her and her new baby! She’s almost done working, I hope. I thought she was leaving at the end of February, but she is sticking it out and plans to go down to one night a week. Until what… she serves up a baby with a side of fries?? She is due at the end of April.

When I got home I had tons of Rob-related emails to deal with and CDs to package up and mail out. Then a once-a-year client called and will be bringing me her year of books this morning. She’s a big one, many hours… “I pity you, I had a very busy year…” she was also audited for 2003 and 2004, and learned the hard way a) the importance of proper receipts, and b) the importance of a good bookkeeper. I did her books in 2002, and then she asked someone else for 2003. Probably because she was cheaper, and didn’t spend all the time I did on matching receipts to statements. Then she came back to me for 2004, but asked that I not bother matching her receipts, and just go by her credit card statements. I didn’t listen to her, because I do things the way I do them for a reason. So, the Government wasn’t happy with how her 2003 was done, and disqualified $30,000 worth of her expenses. For 2004 they only rejected a few thousand dollars worth of expenses, and they were rejected because she didn’t have all the receipts! (I recorded all expenses on her business credit card, but she was missing a lot of receipts). They said without the receipt as back up, it won’t fly… “so, you bought something from Staples… (an office supplies store!) How do we know it was for your office? How do we know you didn’t buy candy and eat it?”) There is a reason why I spend all those hours matching up receipts to bank and credit card statements for my clients. There are reasons why my system works Let this be a lesson to all of you that are self employed or run a business: SAVE YOUR RECEIPTS!

Anyway, she should be here any minute so I better go watch for her. This afternoon I have my Living Well exercise class, then it is my Quiet Night of Solitude™ Tomorrow I work at Troy’s, then the rest of the week is work, work, work, and Rob Promo. Which is still work, but it’s music-related so it doesn’t feel like work. Oh! Vision Board idea!

Okay, so, I watched “The Secret” DVD the other night, and I have been sufficiently inspired. I will no longer talk about the negative aspects of my health or fears of getting worse, because it just puts it “out there” in the Universe, and I don’t want that “out there”. Our lives are a manifestation of our thoughts… good and bad. I truly believe that. As I have said before, my MS was in remission and I was doing fine for the first couple years after diagnosis, until I started researching MS and finding out more about it and fearing all these things that “could” happen to me. Whatever you focus on, you get… and I was inadvertently focusing on getting worse and all my fears, and it started to happen. So, no more of that. I want to get better and the only way to do that is to believe I am and will!

Wow, re-reading that old entry was a bit of a wake-up call, too. I need to get back into that frame of mind, it sure was working for me!! I wonder what happened to set me off track? Probably stuff with AH, and then I remember I went to Toronto and that threw me over the “I overdid it” edge. Oh, and messing with my hormones by taking birth control pills again (I’m re-reading old entries, can you tell?? Heh). Anyway, I’m back into visualization and affirmations again, and expect to reap the benefits soon! (Have I ever mentioned that the more I lost use of my right side, the more I would fear falling and breaking my left wrist? “OH MY GOD, what what I do if that ever happened???” I used to think. Well, now I know, because I focused on that fear enough to make sure it happened).

Anyway…

Today was fantastic. I went back to ‘Living Well with a Chronic Illness‘ and re-started the program. Now that I have the walker carrier on my scooter and can actually bring my walker, it is much better. I participated in the 15 minute warm-up, then we all moved to whatever stations we wanted or to education, but since I already attended the first education class on February 1, I skipped that and went straight to exercise. I walked around the gym once, then did some balance exercises, then walked around the gym again, then rested, then sat on one of those big fitness balls and practiced sitting straight and lifting my leg, then walked around the gym 2 more times, then rested, then did strength exercises and stretching with the group. Apparently AH walked in at that time and saw me, because he was picking someone up. Later on he teased me, “I saw you, but you didn’t see me!! You were tying something around your legs.” Ah, the resistance band!

I came home and felt amazing, and still do. I wish I didn’t have to work and stuff, and could just go to classes like that every day. I can’t wait to get in better shape.

There is already a man there with a crush on me. He followed me around for awhile and then finally said “I haven’t seen you around here before”. Wow! Classic!

Speaking of men with crushes on me, that cab driver that lives in my building has never contacted me again. HE is the one that said I was beautiful and “maybe we can get together and watch a movie…” Maybe when/if he found that note I slipped under his door he thought I was being too forward? ‘Cause if he never saw the note, you’d think he would have knocked on my door by now. And HE is the one that said “if you ever need anything or any help, you ask me!”… so I dunno. I’m pretty sure he drove by me when I was on my scooter coming home from the mall a few days ago. He didn’t honk or anything. HMPH.

Anyway…

When I put my right shoe on before leaving today, I felt something in there… I pulled my shoe off and stuck my hand in to pull out a little water bottle cap, courtesy of the kitties. I realized then that I actually went through the entire day yesterday with that in my shoe. I kept thinking, “my toenails sure did get really long, really fast!”

I mentioned to Rob that I want an ion cleanse machine but need about $3,000 US to get one. He thinks we should hold a benefit to raise the money for it, fly me out to Toronto and get him, Lindy, Peter Katz, and a bunch of others to perform. You know, that’s a great idea! Those guys would totally do a show for me, and give all the $$ from ticket sales to me to buy the machine. I know they would! Organizing it and getting me (and Emma, because she must be there too) out to Toronto would be the hard part, but I am “putting it out there” for the universe to take care of. I will get one of those machines, one way or another!

By the way? I love Rob for even suggesting something like that. He is the BEST. I wish I could clone him. Several times over.

My mood is much improved since my last post. Last night my brother (who is part magic wand) came over for the first time in ages. He is working lots of overtime at his job and doesn’t have much spare time! So getting him over here is a rarity now, which is too bad because he is such a huge help to me. We went shopping for the heavy stuff (lots of bottled water, cat litter) and had a bite to eat. He was quite shocked when I chose to bypass the Second Cup on the way home and inform him that “I make better ones myself now!” When we got back here, I made us mocha lattes. That’s right, mocha lattes. (Okay I just used chocolate soy instead of vanilla, but it was YUMMY and you would never know if I didn’t tell you).

Then we got to work. Darren swept and cleaned up the cat litter room, cleaned my bathroom, and vacuumed. I picked up all the papers off my office floor and put them on top of the filing cabinet, which was one step closer to where they are supposed to be. (I’m inspired to work around here when someone else is). I made a couple file boxes (they come flat), unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. When he left, my place wasn’t quite as much of a disorganized mess as it was the day before. I still have a ways to go, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

This morning I was up early, but didn’t have time to do more than my little exercises, drink a coffee while deleting spam and reading blogs, shower and dress before I had to leave for my ion cleanse.

That was an excellent experience. You begin the session with your feet placed in a tub of clear water, and you end it pulling your feet out of whatever sludge came out of you. In my case, I saw lots of dark colours and flecks of stuff and white foam.

This chart explains what the colours mean

I literally felt like several pounds had been sucked out of me! I felt great afterwards. I walked better, had more energy, and felt very clear-headed. My mood and spirits went up as the toxins released, I guess! I can’t wait to go again, but I need cash and I want to find a practitioner closer to me.

When I got home, I felt so good that the thought of working around here wasn’t overwhelming and painful. I finished up a bunch of work for this one client, and my office is (almost) organized, y’all! My filing is done, my 2006 tax return is done, my 2007 files are made and put away and old taxes are boxed up. I am now (almost) ready for the rest of the work that has yet to come my way; no stress over here! I even found a Periodontist appointment reminder card for March 14.

Tonight is my weekly quiet night all to myself. I normally avoid TV on this night and use it to read, but my DVD for The Secret has arrived so I will be watching that. Most definitely. I hope to be sufficiently inspired! It was funny, earlier at my ion cleanse I told the guy. “I would love to get myself one of these machines” and he said “well, ask for it, put it out there in the Universe… before you know it, you will have one”. I chuckled that I was going to be watching my Secret DVD tonight. He said “ahhh, so you know all about the Law of Attraction, then. Just see yourself with this machine in your home, it will happen.” I told him I think I will spend my time seeing myself healthier first, then worry about STUFF! And… MEN! And… FINANCIAL STABILITY! And… STUFF!