Can You Hear Me Now?

The family (all of them - this now includes my mom, Bob my Stepdad, my Dad, my brother and his girlfriend) were all here a couple weeks ago for Thanksgiving dinner. They brought the food, of course, and the plan was to use my oven to cook and my kitchen to prepare and serve. Do these things ever work out as planned? My kitchen is not set up for food preparation because I’m not able to do it. Counter space is very limited because I need to keep the things I use the most in easy reach. There is no room for even two people to move around. The oven decided to conk out in the middle of everything. So the food ended up being served in scattered order, while we waited for the main dish to cook and microwaved what we could.

All in all, it worked out and we ate lots and there was pumpkin pie. I called the office about my oven, then two days later my dad used it (we are on a regular rotation of baking me kale chips -yum) and it worked fine. When maintenance came to look at it they found nothing wrong. And it’s been working fine ever since. Weird… but I’m happy I get my kale chips every time my dad comes over! I’ve got two huge bunches of organic kale in the fridge right now, waiting to be washed, chopped and baked. I never knew it was possible to love healthy greens so much. I highly recommend them.

I’m super, super, super excited to announce after years of hoping and wishing, I will be getting back into a swimming pool TOMORROW. Finally! I worked out a schedule with my dad to get me there and back twice/week and Home Care was able to find a caregiver that can meet me there and help me in the change room. I did go to that appointment with a physiotherapist on the 19th, but we decided their program is not right for me (and they don’t have access to an NMES machine). I’ve decided to do the pool on Mondays and Wednesdays, and apparently I can still see the P/T I was seeing a few months ago, so I’m gong to try to set up a standing Friday appointment with him. I can do only once/week there as long as I’m doing water exercises a couple other days. I’m hoping this will all help me lose weight/get stronger so I can get some independence back. I’ve lost so much recently.

My friend Shawna helped me get out yesterday with my power chair and we took a Handi-bus on a little excursion downtown! I haven’t been there in years, but it’s all a huge construction zone right now so I’m not really interested in going again for at least another year. My chair is a MUCH better ride on the Handi-bus. What a difference from my scooter. I didn’t scream or feel unsafe once! With it being colder and all, I’m not able to get myself out the door as I need help with my coat and stuff. Again, I’m hoping the pool will help my independence because not being able to come and go from my apartment without help puts a damper on my entire LIFE. I actually have a call in to a social worker to discuss my options for assisted living centres/retirement homes (that take youngsters like me). I’ve been checking out some places that have websites, and they sound a lot like Carewest Glenmore Park (see my “Wristomania” section for my adventures in that place) except obviously more private because you have your own living space. I do think I would have a better life in one of those places right now, but of course I’d rather get stronger, more independent, and stay where I am. Or move to a newer apartment with laminate floors, fresh counters, cupboards and appliances, and automatic doors! And an indoor pool, can’t forget that. I want, I want, I want.

I know something’s not right in my world when over in my “category” list my Health posts far outweigh my Music posts. Sigh.

I was starting to work on another 101 List but I’ve already completed a couple of them (taking an excursion downtown with my power chair, finding a way to get back in the pool). I may keep those on the list anyway and be able to start it by crossing off a couple of things. I’m not so sure about making another list though, or if I should just write a basic Bucket List. Or NO list. I only completed 54% of my last list, mostly due to not having the independence to get out there and get the stuff done, and hoping for big dreams like “walking to Walmart and back” again. Oh well, I guess it’s good to have big goals and dreams. I just feel like a failure when I don’t accomplish them. Like “lose the excess weight” has been a goal for… HOW many years, now? Since I was… 10? And not even fat? Sigh.

Oh speaking of walking, my least favourite slogan in life is the one being used by the Weekend to End Breast Cancer walks/events in Canada: “Breast cancer is hard. Walking isn’t”. I’m really flabbergasted that an organization like that would use such an insensitive slogan that is offensive to the thousands of people with diseases, injuries, arthritis, etc. who struggle to take just one step if they are able to at all. I recently found out I am not alone in this thinking, as a friend of mine made the website Walking Is Hard and even got some press coverage for it. Way to go Allie!

That was written yesterday. Then my dad showed up and we went for lunch and there was a ton of Monty Python anniversary stuff on TV so I never got to finish!

So TODAY I’m off to the pool. Very soon. I’ve got butterflies in my stomach I’m so excited.

I made another call this morning and finally registered with Meals on Wheels. Something I should have done ages ago, but kept putting it off because I’m a fairly picky eater (don’t like mushrooms, most seafood, little stuff like that which obviously they can’t cater to) and from what I heard from all the seniors at Carewest the food is “gross” and “boring”. So I registered for standard meal service (lunch and hot dinner) 3 days/week. If I HATE it I can stop it. But I think it will be better than the way I feed myself most of the time now, and it’s cheap, and I requested the gluten free diet which will cut out the baked goods/desserts and be gentle on my system which acts up once in awhile from wheat-y stuff. She also said they’d cut up my food for me when I mentioned I only have use of one hand! I won’t get local/organic foods out of them but I have to take what I can get, right? I can still place my orders with Spud for snacks and replace MoW apples with my organic ones.

I’m still on Twitter, but I keep changing who I follow. I discovered, *newsflash*, that a lot of beautiful/famous people are boring as hell and can’t spell, and all the “your” instead of “you’re” gets on my nerves after awhile, (and no, it’s not that they’re trying to keep it under 140 characters) so I stopped following a bunch. Including the guy I mentioned a few entries ago. I still follow every writer from The Office I can find. Oh, and Christina Applegate is NOT one of the stupid beautiful people. LOVE her. I unfollowed people I also have on Facebook who use software to update both statuses at the same time, too many repeats. Except Rob Szabo and Peter Katz, I don’t have the heart to unfollow them. I try to keep my following list around 100 but there are so many updates it’s hard to keep up. And if Louise Hay tweets something meaningful it gets lost in a sea of funny stuff and doesn’t really register. Sometimes I do wish I had stuck to my “I WILL NEVER TWITTER!” declaration.

But I also like seeing “I’ll be on Leno (Letterman, Kimmel, Conan, Fallon, Ferguson, name your talk show) tonight” so I know what to set my PVR for!

I do realize I am LONG overdue for an update. And I will get to one… I’m just so far behind that every time I think about updating I feel too overwhelmed to actually write it. So I’ll get around to a bulleted version of an update soon. But for now, I have decided that the following is important and worthy of the time it takes me to put one of these together.

In 1982, I was 14 years old. And 14 year old girls get crushes on cute, famous boys. For me, it was Christopher Atkins. I loved him with every ounce of my being. I was only 12 when Blue Lagoon came out, which my friend’s mom snuck us into the theatre to see, but it wasn’t until I was a little older that I saw The Pirate Movie (many times) and realized what LOVE was and how this beautiful boy was my one and only. I mean, check it out, can you blame me??

Seriously. I was 14. He had it all.

Flash forward, 27 years. I’m a 41 year old woman who just happens to like hanging out on Twitter. And, Christopher Atkins is a 48 year old man, who just happens to have a Twitter account. And the Tweeting goes a little something like this:

Christopher Atkins: Pet peeve - No parking spots - I turn around and go home.

Me: Haha you need to go out with me, I use a wheelchair and get ALL the good spots!

Christopher Atkins: lol! Yes I should!

And there you have it. Dreams do come true, girls. It may have taken 27 years, but Christopher Atkins asked me out on a date.

Sorta.

Never lose hope.

(I seriously teenage-girlie-screamed when I got a response from him… *sigh*)

(Edited to correct the year. But the direct link and feeds shall forever say 08…)

Ahhh, it’s 2009. I sure hope it is better to me than 2008 was! I think I say that every year. It would be nice to see some improvements instead of this downhill slide I’ve been on the past couple of years.

I hope I can get some sleep this year! I need to figure out how to get comfortable, my hips are in so much pain. I haven’t been to my Chiropractor in ages and of course he is on holidays right now, so when he gets back I definitely need to see him. But even he probably can’t fix me up, I’m going to need some hip cushions in my bed or something. I think once I get comfortable, I may be able to sleep without pills. I was hoping the 5-HTP I’ve been taking for depression would help with my sleeping patterns, as that is tryptophan (found in turkey and warm milk) but I think I need to take a few at night in order for that to help my sleep. I take one with each meal as it is, I don’t know if that would be too many. I have to look into it further. I watched a TV show yesterday where they compared different sleep aids; the winner was Nytol’s natural sources which is Valerian root. One person chose 5-HTP and one chose an antihistamine. No one chose Melatonin, which I used to use but is useless to me now. It’s probably cheaper to buy straight valerian root capsules than to buy the Nytol brand. I remember also trying that years ago and guess what? It didn’t work for me, either. So what next? My mom suggested I talk to my doctor about medicinal marijuana, which is probably a good idea.

Oh, speaking of herbs, on the news today they announced that Stevia (an herb sweetener) has been approved for use by the FDA and should start appearing in some foods and drinks later this year. I think that is awesome! I can’t touch Aspartame (gives me headaches, plus it’s just plain evil) and am always weary of Splenda because it is a chemical as well. I’ve had Stevia packets around for years but never add sugar to anything so I never use them. Plus, I don’t know what the Stevia to sugar ratio is. It’s not 1:1 like Splenda and sugar is, so I never used it in baking or anything. I’ll leave it to the experts. And will be first in line to buy Stevia sweetened Coke!

My phone rang in the wee hours the other morning while I was quietly resting and hoping to drift back to sleep (which is my usual state). It was my least favourite company on earth, Sammons-Preston. After all the shit I went through with them after I ordered my exercise platform, they never did charge my Visa card for it. They charged me for the freight, shipping and taxes, but not the table itself. So they’ve been sending me a statement every month. And every month I send them an email (I’m not wasting the time to call those F*ckers) telling them they need to bill me the proper amount (less the measily $100 credit I was given for all the hassle I went through) and then charge it to my credit card using all the information I gave them when I originally ordered it online. In JULY. Every flippin’ month I’ve been doing this, for 4 months straight. WTF is wrong with their customer service department? So, the other day, my phone rings at 7:50 a.m. while I’m TRYING to sleep and it’s still DARK OUT FOR GOD’S SAKE, I don’t care if you’re down east where it is 2 hours later, look at the f*cking area code you are dialing.

Anyway, this woman calls and the only reason I answer is because no one in their right mind (who knows me) would call me that early unless it was an emergency. When I found out who it was and that she was calling because I still haven’t paid my bill, I tore a STRIP off of her. I told her they billed me the wrong amount, that I’ve been emailing them every month, that they have all my credit information from my initial order, blah blah blah. She insisted she has no information regarding any of the above and I told her that maybe she should look into what happens to emails sent to customer service, why they are continually ignored, and to call me back LATER, and hung up.

Needless to say, I was unable to fall back asleep and they never called me back later.

Speaking of F*cking, I watched Young People F*cking last week, and it is HILARIOUS and fabulous. I suggest every adult in the free world check it out. It should go down in history as one of the best movies of 2008 period, never mind that it’s Canadian and Canadian movies often suck. I felt a personal connection to this film because Todor Kobakov composed the music. Now, I don’t know Todor personally, but he is in a band with my friend Lindy, so I think I’m entitled to a connection. Lindy and Todor wrote and recorded that awesome Maynard’s candy commercial jingle which is the best original commercial jingle of all time.

Anyway, check out the trailer for the movie:

And now go rent it!

I really need a new kitchen floor.

So I promised and update, but didn’t commit to any particular time frame, because that’s just how I roll.

As mentioned, I saw that psychic Pat again a couple weeks ago. I don’t really like calling her a “Psychic”, I think “Intuitive” suits her better. She is an amazingly intuitive person. Here’s a few notes about our visit:

I’m in really bad shape compared to the last time I saw her. She obviously noticed this and wondered what the hell was going on with me. I spent the first part of the session in tears.

These are Pat’s words, mine are in brackets.

• “You were doing better six months ago. I saw you when you were seeing Kevin (for Quantum Release Therapy) and you were doing better. What happened? Did you have an emotional setback? I know you’re angry.” (::sob::) (My dad came back into my life about 6 months ago, that’s the only thing I can think of that changed in my life).
• “Things are starting to turn around for you now. You have to want to live” (::sob:: I don’t want to right now ::sob::)
• “You think if you killed yourself no one would care except your two cats. Do you have two cats?” (::sob:: YES ::sob::) “LOTS of people would care if you died” (I do know this, but it’s seriously been my cats that have stopped me from doing it in my absolute most darkest moments because I don’t know who could possibly love them more than I do. I didn’t say that out loud because I was crying too hard, but that’s what I think).
• “I want you to do affirmations. I want you to say ‘I deserve to be loved’ because you don’t think you do. Say it a hundred times a day. Start manifesting your ’soul mate’. I know you don’t think you’ll ever meet anyone, but he is out there, and I want you to start manifesting him. You will meet him when you’ve healed all this stuff. He IS out there.”
• “You’ve stopped going out because it is so hard for you. You’re even pissed off about being here today because it was so much trouble to get here.” (::sob:: Nodding ::sob::).
• “You are not going to get worse than you are now. This is going ‘through’ you now. You are pushing through all the ‘crap’ and it’s surfacing now. MS has been in your body since you were 14 and now it’s rising to the surface. The Quantum Release Therapy helped you, but you don’t need more. Kevin is done. He helped you get half way there. The rest is up to you.”
• “You need to release all your anger and forgive. You are SO pissed off. You have to tell people/write letters to your dad and people that have hurt you. YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE AND LET GO.”
• “What happened at age 9? I sense you’ve been unhappy since age 9″ (That’s when our family was uprooted to Calgary, and I won’t get into details here of the problems that started occurring in my family from that age, but Pat sensed it right).
• “Kids had been cruel to you as a child, too” (I mentioned being picked on because of my weight) “Let it go. You think ‘no one will want me’. Blockages from the past are getting in the way. It’s hard for you to trust; you went through hard times.”
• “God gave you a big challenge but you will get through. You will be getting stronger. Exercise and emotional work will help. I see things a lot better by February.”

It’s really hard to get into all the details of what was said. Basically, she wants me to keep reading the books/watching the DVDs/listening to the CDs I have been and stay in a “healing mindset”. She wants me to actually sit down with my dad and list off all the things that have pissed me off so much over the years. Personally, I don’t see how that would help, it would only serve to hurt and upset my dad for my own selfish needs. Louise Hay (and my client/friend Coach K has been telling me this for years) suggests writing letters, getting it all out, and then burning them and letting it go. Forgiveness is for me and I don’t need to involve the other people.

Apparently, and obviously, I am a super-sensitive person who hangs on to everything and I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to let stuff go, like most people do. It must be subconscious, because I think I’ve let stuff go, consciously I know the past is the past and needs to be left there, but then it comes out in other ways that tell me, oh, obviously I did not let that go. Pat made a comment that I hold onto everything that has ever happened to me, as well as everyone else I know, and the world - 9/11, the state of the U.S. economy, all of it. It makes me laugh, but it’s so true. I subconsciously worry about everyone and everything and it eats away at me, and that’s why my body is sick.

Anyway, since that visit with Pat, (wherein I also showed her photos of some friends, and she said some very accurate things about them; and then asked me why so many people in my life are in music, and that I should be singing and writing music. She mentioned music therapy again, which she suggested I look into last time I saw her), I have continued with my daily therapy of lots of affirmations, thinking more positive thoughts, using my Chi Machine and stretching, meditation… it’s starting to work. I actually have days go by where I don’t cry at all!

Anyway.

I’ve been meaning to talk about that healthy chocolate I’ve been eating. I bought a one week supply from a lady that sells it, and noticed in that one week that my puffy right foot went down to normal size, and that I was sleeping better without pills. So I went ahead and bought some. Then I researched more about it, and watched a ton of videos on You Tube, and decided to sign myself up as a distributor so I could get the discount for myself, and maybe even earn a few $$ because if it helped me, I’d tell everyone about it! So I started eating it regularly, and over a 2 to 3 week period I noticed all kinds of little improvements… my bladder worked better, my vision was improving, my skin looked amazing, regular bowel movements, etc. etc. Then I woke up one day with a bad cold and terrible numbness/tingling down my left side. I assumed the cold was a detox symptom, because I haven’t had a cold in ages, and any time I have started taking a healthy supplement like that I get sick for awhile - the Herx reaction, as they call it (that video refers to Lyme Disease, but I think it bodes well for MS and other disorders as well). But the numbness and tingling scared me, I thought it might be a reaction to the sugar in the chocolate (”raw cane juice crystals” is still sugar). The last time I had experienced that numbness and tingling there was when I overdosed on Krispy Kreme doughnuts when a friend bought me a box for my birthday years ago (KK has since closed in Calgary, thank goodness). That was a reaction to the sugar, so I thought this was as well. So I stopped it.

A week went by, during which I did not sleep or poop. (Oh, should I have warned in advance about poop talk? Sorry). The numbness and the cold both went away. I looked a little more into the sugar content of the chocolate, and I was only getting between 7 to 9 grams/day from it. One KK doughnut has at least 11g and during my “OD” period I ate several in one day. A can of pop has about 40g of sugar, and it’s not like I’ve never drank one. And watching that Herx reaction video, and re-reading Pat’s words, reminds me that you do, indeed, often need to get worse before you get better.

So I re-activated my Xocai account and am back on it. After only 3 days I am sleeping again without the aid of sleeping pills, and poops are back on schedule. ‘Whew. I’m going to stay on it now and ride out whatever weird symptoms might pop up. I love this chocolate, because it is CHOCOLATE, and I need 3/day. I may forget to take all my vitamins and other supplements, but I never forget to eat my chocolate. Funny how that works. Take a look for yourself if you’re interested, there is a lot of good research out there about this stuff. It’s pricey, but worth it for me, so far.

In other news:

• My Home Care is now split between two ladies, Janice and Anna. They are wonderful. And they both speak English! I’m so thrilled to have daily help I can actually communicate with.
• I love my Chi Machine. I’m now up to 20 minutes/day. I think it’s going to help me a lot!
• To get me out of the house, my entire family took me to the Olive Garden for lunch last week. Mom, Dad, Stepdad, and brother. All at the same table!
• Thanksgiving dinner was actually Saturday, my mom and Bob came over and brought the food. They left me the rest of the pumpkin pie
• You absolutely must go to this website, where you can create a yearbook photo of yourself from any year. Here is my 1978 result:

• Rob Szabo is back on November 7!

The other day, Pepper was sitting on the desk beside me, and Pita jumped up and started licking her head. It was sooooo cute, I had to grab my camera. I just can’t get enough of the kitties grooming each other… it is so sweet, and so relaxing to watch! So I felt the need to put it to some relaxing music by the Polyjesters.

Last night, I finally saw the movie Pay It Forward. I bawled at the end… the ugly cry. Wow.

Anyway, it reminded me that I wanted to do another “Pay It Forward” type project this year. Last year’s was a huge success! Thanks to everyone who contributed! This year, I am doing something different, for a very good cause. Inspired by my friend Kim’s sister, Kate, who is also now MY friend (thanks, Facebook!) She works with women in/escaping from abusive relationships. She has started a Facebook group called Sisters in Ending Violence Against Women, which pointed me in the direction of the Central Alberta Women’s Emergency Shelter, and my decision was made. We’re going to raise money for this shelter and to help these brave women!

If you notice on their website, it says “CAWES is in urgent need of the following items”:

• Shampoo/Conditioner
• Deodorant
• Toothpaste
• Toothbrushes
• Combs
• Brushes
• Women’s Pajama’s (all sizes)

Seriously? Who can’t help with that?!? They also have an urgent needs list here. I say… we can do that! You guys send the money, and I’ll do my favourite thing, the shopping! And because I REALLY like their products and their advertising campaign, I’m going to buy Dove brand deodorants/soaps/shampoos etc. None of this Dollar Store stuff. Although, I may hit them up for nail clippers and combs. And I can’t WAIT to buy pajamas. Ohhhh, I love me some pajamas!!

So, here is what I need you to do, same as last year - send me your donations via PayPal. If you are not comfortable with that, you can email me for an address to send a cheque, or an email money transfer. If you’re not comfortable with giving me the money because you haven’t been reading me long and think I’m going to spend it on lattes for myself, you can make a cash donation to the shelter yourself, right here. But I am REALLY hoping you will let me have the pleasure of shopping for these ladies and their children!!! Once I have bought all the loot, I will make arrangements for Kim or Kate to pick it up from me. They don’t know this yet, but since they live in the same city as the shelter and I do not, AND they come to Calgary fairly often (or at least Kim does), I’m sure we can arrange something

Anyway, I’m sure we have all had people do nice things for us this past year, so here is your chance to pay it forward, and eventually it will come back to you again I realize this time of year is a financial burden on many people with the holidays coming up, but I’m not asking you to give much! These woman have taken their children and run from their abusive relationships with nothing but the clothes they are wearing. They need shampoo, people! A few dollars buys a lot of shampoo! Every little bit adds up - last year your $10 here and $15 there added up to over $800 for that family’s Christmas! And the best part was, I got to do the shopping… I LOVE shopping for other people!!

So don’t go thinking you can’t make a difference with only $2 or $5. Skip buying your coffee today and add it to this pot!

Click the button below to contribute and let the Good Karma begin!! Just like last year, I will keep you updated on how much I’m collecting and what I’m buying (pictures included!) And for the record, I have no idea how to move this button up higher:

It’s about time this received more international attention… my friend Brett has been writing and speaking about it for so many years.

We interupt regular blogging activity to advise you of the following:

I know I swore off eBay and buying more clothes, but this top?? Pretty much the most beautiful item of clothing I have ever seen. And I got it for under $25, which is a lot more expensive than other tops I’ve bought from there, but come ON! It’s still a steal. I had to fight in a bidding war to win it, and I hope to God it fits. I asked the seller to ship it Priority 5 days so I can have it for my trip. Which means it cost even more, but I DON’T CARE. Gorgeous.

You may now resume your regular activities.

I’m getting a little Croc crazy on eBay. I’ve been going through phases… clothes, then health related things, now shoes. On a positive note, (well, to me finding Crocs on eBay is positive, just not for my wallet) I’ve got 8 items up for sale myself, now. 3 pairs of shoes and the rest are clothes I never wear. I’ll be adding more soon too… a couple cheap purses and more clothes. So far I have received ONE bid on an outfit! Woo hoo! I can make back some of what I’ve spent. I am officially an eBay Addict.

Crocs are cheaper there than buying them in stores or at crocs.com, and they have the styles I can’t find in stores here. I’m getting all of these:

Cleo - black/charcoal

Patra - orange/white

Prima - cotton candy

Mary-Jane - black

Alice - chocolate

Shush, do NOT lecture me. I think I’ll have Lisa beat in the Crocs department, now? That makes… um… 9 pairs. 4 of the ugly normal style and ALL THESE NEW CUTE ONES!!

Oh, there is one more pair I have bid on that ends Wednesday, but I’m almost outbid on them and I won’t bid again. They’re the black Cleo style with a lavendar bottom, and I bid on them before I found the all black ones which I’d rather have. At this moment I am tied for highest bid, so I’m sure by tomorrow someone else will bid higher. Crocs are in demand there. BUT, if I do end up having to buy them… ohhhh, well. I will just have to buy some lavendar tops. Heh (My mom just fainted). I also wouldn’t have bid on the Mary Janes (BIG bidding war! But I waited until there was 20 seconds left, let her think she won, then bid at the last second and got them. HA!) if I’d even known the Alice style existed. But I didn’t see the Alice ones in black in my size anyway, so I will justify the purchase of chocolate brown. How CUTE are those?

Maybe I’ll polish up and sell the other Crocs I have because they’re butt ugly (except the pink ones!)… if these ones are as comfortable!