Can You Hear Me Now?

I’m falling behind on this thing again. I have a lot of time to update, but I’m still sosososo tired it’s difficult to function enough in order to do it. On a positive note (I hope), Mary is leaving on Wednesday. Now I just have to hope that my new roommate will be quiet and won’t need to be checked/changed several times/night, so I can SLEEP.

Nick and I have definitely become friends. I mean, he’s not an open kinda person so I may never find out everything I’d like to know about a friend, but he is definitely going to make my time here more bearable. Even though he probably loves Sarah Palin and has some pretty strong (opposing) views on things that are important to me, he doesn’t seem to push it on ANYONE so that’s cool. He lent me The Butterfly Effect DVD (I had never seen it! Man, that was freaky. I wasn’t sure I’d make it through, after that bit with his dog) and he has an awesome sense of humour. It turns out he has the exact same EMS/TENS machine as me! He had never even used it and doesn’t have anyone to help him with it, so I went into his room the other night to show him and get him set up. It was like the blind leading the blind! Between me only having use of one hand and him having limited use of his, not to mention it’s a small space and we’re both in big power wheelchairs, it was… difficult. We somehow managed to get both his arms/hands hooked up, but I’m not sure if it’s going to do much for him. No matter how high we turned it up, he couldn’t feel it in his arms. That’s not good. I don’t know anything about cerebral palsy and if EMS is safe, but I’m going to see a physiotherapist tomorrow and ask him.

That’s right, I’m staying in a place that has physio on staff, yet I’m going out to see another one. This one apparently has good knowledge of EMS/TENS and supports its use greatly, so that’s why I’m going. The physio here don’t have time to give me guidance if they even care about that, so I’m going to see someone who will. My dad will be with me and considering he hooks me up 90% of the time, it will be good for both of us.

My mom and Bob came by on Saturday, and I honestly can’t remember if anyone else did. Gah. On Sunday, however, my brother’s girlfriend came by early in the morning and gave me a SHOWER! It worked out great, because she dropped my brother off at work at 6:30 am (ugh) and then she came here and I was showered and ready to be dressed around the time the NAs would be coming by for my morning routine, anyway! She said she would come every Sunday to do that, so YAAAAAAY! Two showers/week and a hair wash from the salon another day, I can just squeak by with that. After I was dressed we went down to the cafeteria for coffee. I ate a tea biscuit but I also bought a muffin, because I thought I was so hungry, but that muffin is still in my drawer. Of course when I mentioned to Nick I have a muffin in my room, he repeated it back to me as a question. Which brought up the story that I’m on Twitter, and one of my friends once tweeted something about eating too much muffin, to which I replied “you can never eat too much muffin”, after which a bunch of lesbian groups started following me. He laughed, and laughed.

See, I could never have that conversation with anyone else here. Thank God there is someone here my age with a sense of humour. Tonight Chuck asked me at dinner if I ever ate a weiner. “I sure do like that,” he said. It’s a good thing he’s blind, because Nick and I were about to lose it. The other day over his breakfast sausages Chuck went on about his love for weiners. “They’re so easy, you don’t have to fiddle with them much”. Okay, STOP.

Back to Sunday. At lunch time, my friend Kim came by with her husband Rob, bringing with them not only a latte and some lunch, but a fancy cupcake from Babycakes!! So I can wipe that item off my 101 list. Kim and Rob were in town to host a sweet 16 birthday party for their daughter the night before. Lucky for me! I sure hope they can get into Calgary again soon, they’re awesome. I also forgot to give Kim her Christmas present, so she HAS to come back.

I have a cold. Lovely. All the lack of sleep has caught up with me, I’m so run down. Shoveling back Cold FX, and my dad came by today with the GOOD kleenex. And a cheap comforter for my bed, I finally decided I want to sleep with something besides their crappy blankets.

So I’m going to do that now, nighty night!

I’m so tired. I just want to sleep more than a few choppy hours/night. I asked a nurse yesterday if she had ever worked with anyone addicted to sleeping pills, to help them get off of them. She said she had, but it’s never been successful. I watched Dr. Oz the other day and he had a woman on who is addicted to sleeping pills. Her story was very much like mine, except she’d only been taking them for a year, not EIGHT YEARS like me. They sent her to drug rehab, and she was told she’d probably have about 5 nights in a row without any sleep at all, which is a living hell. But then she should be okay. Well, I figured, I’m barely sleeping anyway, so why not go through that now? I would not be able to function in the least without a couple hours sleep, but since I’m in this place, if the staff knew what I was doing, maybe they’d just let me stay in bed for five days and let me get to the other side. Wash me and feed me from bed, like they do for many that can’t move. But no, she said “this is not the time. You’re under enough stress here, you don’t want to put yourself through that. You are here to get stronger, and you can’t afford to go without even that 2-3 hours sleep. Wait until you get settled somewhere.” Sigh. I think this is the perfect time to do it. I’ll never be able to do it without round-the-clock care. My energy sucks because I am getting soooooo little sleep, and I think sleeping pills are just making everything worse. I want this crap out of my system. And if I’m supposed to be getting stronger here, then move me to a room where my bed isn’t beside the door and my roommate doesn’t need to be checked/changed 2 or 3 times/night!!! I can’t sleep through that. It’s making me crazy.

My roommate had a fall today, while she was transferring to her bed from her chair. Or something like that. I heard her say “oh, I’m going down! Oh, I’m down!” I rang my bell thingy and went out into the main room and yelled “Mary fell!” I swear to God, I have never seen the staff move slower. Sometimes they are truly useless. One lady was feeding some man his juice, and she was all, “oh, where’s Leeann?” without making any effort herself. There were two others yacking in the hallway and they looked all dumbfounded. “Uh - Mary? Mary who?” My mom was here too and between the two of us we tried to get everyone’s attention, and they were all like “huh? what? who?” until finally someone clicked in and went to our room. Geesh.

Nick added me as a friend on Facebook today. That means I had to delete the link to my blog from my page, and any reference I made to it. I just have to hope he never finds this. Not that I’ve said anything bad, but, you know. I talk about him and the people here and although I (mostly) use fake names, it’s pretty obvious who I’m talking about. So, fingers crossed.

Amy went home yesterday. She only had some back pain, so I guess they finally decided she could go back home. 93 years old and still ticking pretty strong. So we have a new person at our dining table now, a 94 year old blind man named Chuck. That makes me the only girl again! Chuck seems super sweet. We chatted a lot at breakfast and lunch. He’s “all there”, too. Just very old, deaf and blind and not managing so well on his own. His wife has MS too, but I’m not sure if he said “has” or “had”. She either “does” or “did” live at another care facility in the city.

I didn’t see him at supper because my mom and Bob came down and brought PIZZA!! Earlier in the day I asked Nick if he wanted to join us. He loooooooves pizza. So I think we’re actually becoming friends, not just on Facebook. Mom and Bob were stuck in traffic for awhile, so Nick and I sat down in the cafeteria for at least half an hour, waiting, and talked a lot. Well, I talked a lot and asked most of the questions. He DID, however, ask ME a question about MYSELF. I think as long as we stay off political discussions, we may be okay. It’s like I told my stepdad, I’m 41 and Nick is 42, so we sort of have to be friends in a place like this! It’s law. Oh, and the question he asked me? “So, are you into sports at all?” Heh. Men.

Speaking of men, this next part is for the guys… my period doesn’t seem to want to visit me here. I am almost two weeks late, so I guess I’m skipping it. I’m never late, so this is weird. It may be my body is under stress from not sleeping or being in any of its usual routine, or I could be hitting perimenopause. I better read that Christiane Northrup book I bought.

The above was written yesterday. I can’t believe it’s mid-January already and I’ve been here almost a month!

I didn’t get home Sunday like I’d planned, but I did get home on Tuesday for a bit. I need more time, though. There is ALWAYS work to do, even if I swear I’m not going to go into my office. And I still haven’t used my chi machine and I have sooooo many shows to catch up on! Pita meows so much when I’m getting ready to go, it breaks my heart. She didn’t leave my lap, this time. I want to stay there sooooo bad! At some point I have to work out something where I go home for the night, with help there.

I had an appointment in early December to go to the Seating Clinic to get the foot pedal on my power chair widened. I cancelled because we had a snow storm, and I didn’t trust Handi-Bus to arrive on time or get me anywhere in less than 3 hours. So I told the guy, “I’ll see ya in the Spring”. Well, guess where the seating clinic is? On the Lower Main level of this very building. So I just went right on down there and talked to the guy, and now have an appointment on the 25th. Which I won’t have to cancel no matter what the weather!

I keep forgetting that one of the ladies here made me a beaded necklace. Actually, she made me two, after the first one was waaaay too small to go over my head, but too big to wear as a bracelet. She is developmentally disabled (she seems to have the mentality of a 6 year old, despite being older than me) and always sweet and joyful, so when the second one she made was no bigger than the first, I didn’t have the heart to say anything. So my brother’s girlfriend had the smarts to tie them together, and now it is the perfect size. And very colourful. Beth gets excited when she sees me wear it and so disapppointed if I don’t (I try to remember to put it on every day). She also says “that’s my friend Donna” every time someone pushes her by me in her chair (she is walking more though, I think she had a fall and broke something, and is probably headed home again soon).

I hope all y’all are doing what you can to help the people in Haiti. So far I have just done so via texting, but will give more via the Red Cross, as well.

Oh, that was a yawn. Off to give sleep another shot. ‘Night!

What a busy day! It’s not even 6:30 (when I start this… hours before I’ll finish) and I’m in bed, tucked in with my computer. I’m still barely sleeping here so I get tired pretty early. Plus, it was a busy day. Maybe I will sleep tonight?

It was a busy day because I went home for the afternoon. My friend Shawna came by my apartment and helped me SHOWER!! In my OWN shower! It was lovely. I got to wash myself and all my nooks and crannies properly, and use some deep conditioner on my hair. Then I got to lay on my own bed to dry. It was magical. And the best part? I walked myself without my AFO. I swear, that EMS/TENS Machine is working. Last time I was at my apartment, I couldn’t walk out of my office after I was done working, so my dad had to wheel me out on my office chair (my wheelchair won’t fit through the doorway). This time, I walked myself out. Even after I had walked to and from the bathroom/bedroom area. I was shaky and it wasn’t easy, but this is a very good sign! I wish I could practice walking here more. Unfortunately, a key for me is that I need bare feet, and they make you wear slippers or shoes no matter what (floors here vs. carpet at home). And physio only walks me with my AFO once/day for 2 minutes. Weekends off.

I am going home again tomorrow, so I will get some more practice in. And catch up on some recorded TV shows and use my Chi machine! I didn’t have time today, because Shawna was there to help me shower and my dad was there, then my mom and Bob showed up, and then I had to work, and then they all had to get to my brother’s for the cabbage rolls his girlfriend was making, and I needed to get back here to change and rest. We picked up Vietnamese food for me as I would be arriving too late for supper (4:30!! We get seated for dinner at 4:30 and it’s all over by shortly after 5:00! GAH). Thank goodness for 7:00 snacks. I’m almost out of goodies in my room! That may be a cry for help.

Poor Pita. She’s hurting so much and is so confused. She’s pissed off, the poor baby. When I come in, as she has every time, she gets all excited and meows and jumps on me and all that. But then I have to get to work and kick her out of my office when she follows me in, so she gets all hissy and bitey on me. She hisses at everyone around because she thinks they are responsible for me being gone, since they bring me in/take me out. Then I sit in my lift chair for awhile and give her some more lovin’, but as soon as she sees my dad setting my wheelchair and coat up for me to leave, she hisses and bites me. She’s none too happy with this situation. Pepper gets lap time with me and doesn’t seem as upset, but who knows. She hides it well. Tomorrow I’m not going to work when I go home, so I will be able to focus on them the whole time (while I watch my shows). I’m looking forward to that.

Oh, also, it was much easier today than it was last week to get me in and out of the car. Not as easy as it has been in months past, but certainly easier than since I arrived here. I’m able to get my own right foot out of the car and stand up easier. This is much easier for my dad, too! I can’t wait to see where I’m at in a couple weeks. The BIG meeting to discuss my future living situation is on January 21. I hope I can just be planning to go home on my own with self-managed care. That would be cool! And I’ll get moved up on the self-managed care priority list, if I’m living here, waiting for it. Woot, woot!

So, what’s happening around the care centre… I’m worried about Tom. His cancer is spreading, and he’s been told it’s just a matter of time. No guess as to how long. I REALLY like that man, he’s so funny and friendly. He likes to bug me if I miss a meal in the dining room because I have company or someone brings food in. “That’s okay, I ATE YOUR BACON”. Or “we had cherry pie. Did you have cherry pie? No? Ohhhh, it was good. Nice big slices, too..” I love that man and I don’t want him to die! Amy is making sure everyone knows she knows everything. And as Tom says, “she IS always right!” At 93, having led a very healthy life up until she hurt her back recently and having raised 10 kids who are all successful, (”CHEMICAL Engineers! ELECTRICAL Engineers!”) she has earned her right to brag. It’s funny to hear her yell at the NAs and tell them how they should do their jobs and when they’re not feeding Nick properly. Apparently she was a caregiver at a place like this for 20 years. And she was a teacher. Not sure when she had time to do all that while working at the canning factory she retired from, and considering I have to direct her back to her pod (we’re in 3 separate “pods” in my unit) almost daily because she gets lost and wanders my way, I’m not so sure what to believe. But I’m not about to argue with her. Her roommate complains that she NEVER stops talking LOL

My roommate, on the other hand, does not stop snoring and coughing and needing to be changed 2-3 times throughout the night. Last night I had to keep calling the NA back in here because she kept leaving the door wide open (I need it closed TIGHT! It’s practically beside my head!) I talked to the team leader about my lack of sleep and deep desire for a private room, or at least a room where my bed is furthest from the door and I have room for a TV like Nick, but she told me it’s all the luck of the draw and which bed opens up. “We don’t choose here. Private rooms are for very sick people, (BULLSHIT! John and Rose have private rooms, and poles beside their beds, and they’re just recovering from falls/broken bones) and since this is a temporary transition place, you have to suck it up, princess need to just be grateful you have a spot here and get used to not sleeping well. It’s not forever”. Yeah, but it COULD be months. And Nick told me his big, cozy, high tech corner came after lots of bitching and several room changes. So after my meeting on the 21st, if it’s decided I will be here for months while awaiting self-managed care or a group home or something, I will bitch. Squeaky wheel and all that.

Although, they got so fed up with one lady here, she was kicked out transferred somewhere worse because everyone was sick of her bitching. But she was an old crank, always angry and making a fuss about stupid stuff during meals. I just want to sleep. And shower.

Speaking of Nick, I wandered into his room the other night while he was watching a hockey game. He used his foot to turn the TV towards me so I could see it, too. Friendly gesture, no? Yet he still has never wandered by to talk to me, asked me a question about myself, and listens to his iPod full blast rather than talk to me while I await my turn after him on the MOTOmed. Why it bothers me that a closed-minded heavy duty Christian Conservative doesn’t appear to want to be my friend, is beyond me.

I like to arrive at physio for my MOTOmed session a little early, so I can possibly talk the PT Asst. into letting me stand at the parallel bars and stretch for a few minutes before she moves on to the next person. I’ve done it twice, so far. And yesterday, while waiting for Nick to finish, she took my right leg and did some Range of Motion stretches while I was sitting there. That was cool. She truly cares and would like to do more, but there just isn’t time. So many people on the unit that she needs to walk each morning and MOTOmed/other machines each afternoon. Hopefully the main PT here will become more interested in me soon, and increase my program a bit. In the mean time, I’m taking matters into my own hands with EMS/TENS.

The Occupational Therapist has been a great help to me because she wrapped my feet in compressor bandages to bring the swelling down, which has made a huge difference so far, AND she switched my bed mattress. I told her how hard this thing was and how sore my hips and knee get overnight. She noticed that my mattress was on upside down in the first place (”hard side up!”) which flipping over probably would have helped anyway, but she went one step further and found me a mattress in the storage room that has foam on it and is a bit softer. Praise Jesus! Last night I didn’t need to take any additional Ibuprofen for hip pain and my knee didn’t ache AT ALL. Woot, woot!

I have a new cell phone. It’s fancy (to me) and I have Bluetooth now. Ohhhhh I’m becoming one of THOSE people.

I haven’t slept well since those two drug-induced nights when I first got here and had a private room. No offence intended towards Mary, (yet here comes the offending words), I’m sure it would be a problem with ANY roommate and quite possibly the reason I would probably have a separate bedroom if I was married, but the woman eats/drinks/snores over there LOUDLY and NAs come in the room throughout the night to change her. (Maybe you wouldn’t need changing so much if you didn’t drink water all through the night, huh? Maybe??) And of course when the NA enters the door is close to MY bed, the lights go up, the talking at normal volume ensues. Once I’m woken up I don’t fall back asleep so I’m lucky if I get 3-4 hours/night. By 2:00 in the afternoon I’m crashing, big time, but I’m not able to even nap. I’m in bed for the night by 6:00 because I can’t keep my head up anymore. Yet I won’t fall asleep without drugs, which I take after 9:00 pm. Then I don’t STAY asleep.

Vicious.

My mom was here earlier and I just broke down while talking to her. An accumulation of no sleep, no shower, looking and feeling like crap, and generally just hating my life right now. Especially when the NA told me that a shower no more than once/week is the best you will get in any assisted iving facility. How the hell are you supposed to have ANY sort of social life when you’re really only clean once a week? MY HAIR?? If you’re feeling, looking and smelling gross, you certainly don’t want to go places or see people. It’s disgusting. I can’t live like this.

I miss daily showers and getting lotion put on my legs and arms. I miss range of motion exercises and stretches. I miss my Chi Machine. I miss my lift chair, my TV shows, I miss coffee (they only serve decaf here!), I miss going to the bathroom whenever I need to instead of wearing a fucking diaper because I can’t walk and there isn’t staff around to assist you whenever you need it, I MISS MY CATS. I miss my life, even though it was super boring as my mobility went downhill. I now have super motivation to get back into my own home (although a different one, a wheelchair accessible one) with self-managed care. I MUST WALK AGAIN.

I just heard Lindy singing on a commercial out in the main room (the TV is right outside my door, but no one watches MY shows) so that made me smile. Small things. I miss him.

After lunch today I followed Nick back to his room to see his set-up in there. He has more space and is able to get a TV in his room! I have nowhere to put one. The space that could be used for one is a traffic area for Mary and nurses to get to her side of the room. Nick has his laptop, mouse and pile of DVDs on his desk. He uses the Windows screen keyboard to type, one mouse click at a time. I had wondered how he did the typing thing, because he can’t speak well so I knew he didn’t use a speech recognition software, and he only has limited use of one hand. But mouse clicks he can do. I didn’t even know Windows had that feature, so that’s cool. I have a hard time typing on this, but it’s more position and space than anything. I don’t have a mouse (or anywhere to use it, really, since I’m usually in my wheelchair with this on my lap. Except at night when I’m in bed and the little table is across me) so that feature isn’t useful to me. Nick offered me use of his spare keyboard, but I really don’t have a way to use it since my lap is only so big. And I need the screen close.

Now before you get all excited that Nick and I are becoming friends, I honestly think the only things we have in common are the fact that we are close in age, both live here, and are struggling with decreasing mobility and use of our bodies. I took a peek at his Facebook page (which is partially open to anyone) and not only discovered that he is extremely smart, writes well and has a lot to say when he’s able to express it, (which is fine by me), he is also an extremely closed-minded hardcore Christian conservative. So much so, that his fan pages consist of things to do with Jesus, the bible, Stephen Harper and hating Liberals. So I don’t think he’d like me too much if he got to know me. And vice versa. I learned quite a bit about him, though, such as the fact that only a few years ago he lived on his own, worked, walked… about a year and a half ago he had to move in with his dad. He’s only been in a wheelchair since he arrived here in July. Scary stuff, speedy progression.

Oh, and he didn’t ask me a single question about myself, so that says a lot.

OH MY GOD MILDRED IS OUT THERE YELLING TO HERSELF AND IT’S MAKING ME CRAZY. “Larry! Larry! Larry! Come on Larry! Are you coming here? Come on. Please come. I don’t know where to put them! You get us out there. Yeah. I love you. Hey! I don’t have to put anything there? Oh dear, oh dear, what do I do? I don’t know what to do. I’ll give you one. Come on, girl! Come on, tell me! Hurry up. Whatever you’re doing. Are they coming over? These buns. Can you tell me? Anybody? Come on you guys, hurry up. Someone tell me. Come on! Are you on your way out? Hey! Look at me. Are you on your way out? Where are you? He’s waiting. Are you asking us back? Come on, we’re ahead of you. SANDRA! SANDRA! Why aren’t you telling us anything? Come on, say yes. You say yes, sir. Will you say yes sir? I don’t see that other American down here. Can you tell us? Come here, please. Please come here. Will you ask him? Will you please? Hey! Hey! You! Do you want a piece of this? Why not? Did I spoil it? Did you tell me what to ask for? Come on…”

Day in, day out. My friend Pam visited me yesterday and she’s pretty sure Mildred looked at her and asked “do you have a gun? I THINK YOU DO!” Hahaha! I don’t doubt it. Pam was dressed in black, including hat.

Today I received a wonderful package from my friend Gail in Toronto. She texted me when I first got here to ask if I needed anything, and I wrote back “I don’t think you can ship me a latte”, so what did she do?? Send me a box of individual packets of powdered vanilla lattes, mochas and hot chocolate mixes. And Chai tea bags and some chocolate. She rocks SO HARD.

I also had a couple male visitors yesterday. My friends Jay and Marc popped by. They only had a few minutes to spend though, so they promised to come back soon with Jay’s wife and a latte. And today, my entire family came by. First just my mom and then my brother, his girlfriend, and Bob all came for dinner. Then my dad popped by to show me the new cell phone he bought me so I can have hands free talking (sigh… he never stops, that man) and hook me up for another TENS/EMS session. We’re pretty sure we’re not doing this right so I sure hope physio is more on the ball this week. I NEED TO WALK, IT’S BEEN, LIKE, 6 DAYS. My feet are so puffy you wouldn’t believe it. Can feet burst?

I knew it would happen eventually. I finally found the NA who sucks at her job and annoys the hell outta me. The staff here is, overall, pretty amazing and so nice, patient, understanding. But for the past few days I have dealt with the exception. Yesterday she almost pulled my right arm out of its socket when helping me up from the toilet (she’s 62 and been doing this forever, she should know better). She wanted to give me a shower yesterday, and although I don’t want to refuse a shower in this place, my day IS Thursday, and having one yesterday would mean I’d go 8 days before my next one. Plus, my mom and Andrea were coming, and I had a hair appointment. So she whined the whole afternoon about how I’m ruining her day because she had time to give me a shower, but would be busy the next day. My scheduled day. Not my problem, lady. She also doesn’t know how to put on my AFO (she’s 62 and been doing this forever, she should know better). Today, my shower day, she whined that she would have to do it over my breakfast, because she “has no other time, I had time YESTERDAY, but you didn’t WANT one..” Oh, shut up. And she bitched and “oh, lordy”‘d the entire time because it was so much work. “oh, lordy, you’re so big. Oh, lordy, this is hard.” I had home care help me shower/dress daily forever, and NO ONE ever whined that it was so hard because of my size. I told the PT Asst. about that today and she was appalled. “She is supposed to use a transfer belt to help you up, she should know how to put on an AFO, and she should NEVER have made comments about your size. Yeah, Betsy is not one of my favourites.” She has fallen to the bottom of my list, too.

There was a new year’s party in the coliseum this afternoon from 1:30 to 3:00. We rang in the new year at 2:00 with blow horns and live music from a guy and a guitar. He wasn’t very good, but the people here seemed to love him. I’ve been spoiled by my friends, and Rob Szabo he ain’t. We didn’t get any champagne (no surprise) or even juice. I figured out later after not even water was available, that there are many different needs in this place and not everyone is allowed/able to drink and it’s too much for the staff and volunteers to know what’s what. Next time I will know better and bring my own. There was a girl sitting next to me with a big tray on her wheelchair, and a sign that read “please do not give any treats”. Of course I’m reminded of the “please don’t feed the animals” signs at the zoo. So sad.

I saw the old lady I spoke of the other day sitting right up front with her son, so I wheeled up to say hello, just as she left. Her son was still there though, so I knew she’d be back. I figured I’d just sit up there and wait. Then I saw, out of the corner of my eye, the old man who hit on me yesterday. I knew he was coming for me! He wheeled right up beside me, and asked me if I had a boyfriend. Why-oh-why didn’t I just say “yes”? Coach K. would have covered for me. But I said “no”, and uncomfortably tried to avoid the next question. “Can I hold your hand?” As he asked I could smell the linger of cigarettes in his mouth. He must have just been outside for one. Since my right hand was in my brace and my left hand was busy tapping my thigh to the music, I mumbled something along the lines of “no”. He told me he had lived here for a year and really wants a girlfriend, and “you sure look nice, what would be wrong with that?” Oh, shit. I told him I wasn’t looking for that, and by that time Judy (the old lady) had returned so I focused my attention on her and her son, Rob. The old man (I’ll call him Frank, because I’m pretty sure I will see him again. This is a fairly big place, but small. SO SMALL). Frank wheeled away heart broken. I hate rejecting people, but come ON. You’re probably 30 years older than me and reek of cigarettes. Is it horrible of me to say that if I knew for sure he was mentally challenged in some way I would have given him the thrill of holding my hand and let the crush continue, but he seems to have his wits about him so I didn’t want it to carry on? Because yes, Donna, it is SO MUCH BETTER to lead someone on with a developmental disability. Instead I talked to Judy and found out where Rob’s room is, and she promised he would talk to me once he got used to me and I promised I would visit him.

Oops, I just remembered that the permanent residents in Frank’s unit are aged 18-65. So he can’t be older than 65. But still, too old for me, and smelly.

I hate my hair.

Tonight at dinner I found out that Tom is 80 and Nick is 42. I honestly thought Nick was younger than me! So I think I am officially the youngest person in this unit. Go, me. Also, if Nick had been downstairs for the party, I would have made him pose as my boyfriend when Frank came around. But I think Nick is too cool to hang out in the coliseum with that gang. Every time I’ve been by his room the door is closed. Once I heard music blaring. I bet he’s a brooding loner, into heavy metal and technology. He’s a good looking fella, I bet he would have been a lady killer if he wasn’t confined to a wheelchair with severe cerebral palsy. I am determined to get to know him, however, and figure out what makes him tick. We are the closest in age in this place, I have made him laugh more than once, and there is potential for a good friendship there.

Well, I hope to be asleep at the stroke of midnight when the rest of you are ringing in the new decade. Have a good one, I’ll talk to you in Oh-Ten!

Today at lunch Amy (sweet old Japanese lady) wouldn’t let me leave. “Stay, you make me smile! Stay here and make us happy.” LOL She’s so sweet. I got a lot of her life story out of her tonight. She moved to Canada from Japan when she was a teenager in 1932; arranged marriage; he died a few years ago, she NEVER loved him; 10 kids; 25 grandkids and some great-grandchildren (she didn’t think she had any, but I met one the other day who is 19, so I figure she has a few), she worked at a canning factory, her husband for CP Rail so she has a nice pension and free travel for life (not that she’ll be going anywhere now!) and she thinks our government is great. Free health care, good educations for her kids (they’re all engineers and doctors). Sarah Palin should meet people like Amy before they come up to Canada and shoot their mouths off about how our health care should be more like the US. SHUT UP. God, I hate that woman.

Sorry, got off track for a second there. Anyway, Amy is a sweetheart. I really like my meal companions, her, Nick, and Tom. I think they like me, too. Nick is a hard one to read, though. Speaking of meals, one thing I’ve noticed that has changed in these facilities since the last time I was in one, is that when they serve pasta, it’s whole wheat. When they serve rice, it’s whole grain. Which is pretty cool. And when they serve butter tarts for dessert, like they did tonight, you can tell they’re made from scratch and they’re DELICIOUS.

This afternoon my mom and Bob came to visit, and so did our friend Andrea! She brought me a big bag of Dutchies, baked fresh by the Hutterites. They are in the communal freezer with my name on them, where hopefully they will be safe until I can get to them. I still have many other goodies to go through, first! I hope Andrea comes by often. She makes me laugh and laugh. We sat in the cafeteria and had a coffee, and a dutchie. And laughed.

Before they arrived, I got my hair cut. I waited out in the hall until they were ready for me; the salon is quite crowded when a few wheelchairs get in there! An older gentleman came wheeling up to me, asking me if I was new here (oh, that ‘ol line). I said yes, he told me his name, what unit he lives in and wheeled closer to shake my hand. I told him my name is Donna, and he said “I’ll forget the name, but I’ll never forget that pretty face!” Men never stop flirting, no matter how old they get. Maybe he can be my Happy Hour Booze Friend.

Oh, that reminds me. I’m rarely going on Twitter since I’ve been here (it was much easier and faster when I could use my iPod Touch app) but I did manage to catch one guy I follow, a writer for The Office, send out this tweet: “Pleased to announce new service: New Years Resolution Advising. Shoot me a tweet, I’ll give you something to work on in 2010.” So I told him where I was and asked for a goal for 2010. He wrote back “DATE AROUND LIKE CRAZY!” Hehe. Oh, I love The Office and I’m enjoying watching my Season 5 DVDs here since I can’t watch the new ones. They’ve been pre-empted for holiday specials anyway, but when they come back my PVR will be recording them for me to watch when I make home/kitty/work visits. I have 2 weeks of my soap to catch up on…

The hair salon is really overpriced. Considering the lady who cut my hair previously worked at a fast food place and not a high end salon, and most people in here are on a low government disability fixed income, their prices should be half of what they are. If I simply want my hair washed (which I would, considering we only get showered ONCE A WEEK DID I MENTION?), with no styling or drying involved, it will cost me $8.00!! I do think the cut worked out - it’s hard to tell until you have lived with it for a few days - but STILL. The lady that came to MY apartment to cut my hair and did a great job, didn’t charge as much. I will have to call her to come see me here, if they’d even allow it. I need to call my pedicure lady too, I’m overdue. I wonder if she would take cookies in payment?

I had to update my blog if for no other reason than to tell you that I saw this woman, whom I’ve thought of often over the past 5+ years, tonight. We (dad and I) went to the laundry room to put my clothes in the dryer. There was an old lady in there, taking things out of the dryer and putting them on hangers. She was sitting on her walker, and looked like a resident here. My dad asked her what floor she lives on, and she said “oh, I don’t live here, my son does. I’m 90 years old and I’m doing his laundry!” I gasped and started babbling. “Has your son been here for over 35 years? Is he here because of a messed up brain surgery? I met you years ago in an Access taxi. I have repeated that story many times.” My dad helped her hang up the laundry and carried it back to her son’s room for her. This time I got her name, her son’s name, and what unit he lives in. I’ll have to go looking for him one day. Funny how I ended up living (for the time being, anyway) in the same place as her son. Funny or sad, depending on how you look at it.

I went home again for a few hours yesterday. I got the work finished I needed to before the end of the month, and of course cuddled kitties. Pita is none to happy, now that she seems to get what is going on. She was super excited to see me and both cats took turns hitting up my lap. But when it was time to go, Pita let out the whines and cries. She knows I don’t go out for “just a few hours” anymore. It’s like she was crying, “what are you doing? Where are you taking her? She just got here!” Sniff. I didn’t cry this time, though. I’m not even crying while writing about them here, this time. I’m toughening up.

Okay so several people have suggested that living here permanently (on the first floor where they have permanent long term care residents, many with MS) wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Let me make something clear: I NEED TO SHOWER MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK. That’s all they can manage here. Aside from the fact I can’t have my cats here, I NEED TO SHOWER MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK. Ideally, I’d like my own bathroom with a tub so I can set it up like at home, then all I need is someone to lift my leg over the side of the tub when I sit down, so I can shower myself. EVERY FREAKIN’ DAY. Tomorrow I have an appointment for a hair cut (and wash) and then on Thursday I get my SHOWER so at least I have some freshness to look forward to. I can’t wait!

I’ve been using my TENS/EMS machine the past few days. I still need a proper lesson on where to put the pads, but I can already tell it’s helping a little. Today at dinner I moved a finger on my right hand. Not much, but more than I’ve seen in awhile! I also lifted my own legs on to the bed tonight, which I’m not sure was because the bed was lower than usual, or EMS. I won’t get too excited until I can lift my foot to walk again, though! Today when I did my little walk with my AFO on, I noticed a big problem is I don’t (can’t) bend my right knee when I walk. My left leg goes normally and I “swing” my right leg around. That would explain my bad hips; my gait has been f*cked for years, slowly getting to this worst point. Hopefully when physio gets back into their regular routine after the holidays they will work with me on that! I used the MOTOmed for 10 minutes today, during which I told the PT Asst. that I miss the stretches home care gave me 4X/week, that my arm/hand hasn’t been stretched out since I got here. So the dear stretched out my arm and hand while I pedaled, and said she would do that every day now. Yay!

I met with the Recreational Therapist today. I told her I had seen the rec. calendar for all the Carewest facilities in the city, hanging up downstairs. Lots of outings and activities. She told me those were all for the permanent long term care residents, not for us. Boo! This unit is considered short term care, for rehab/recovery (like when I broke bones and stayed in this kind of place) and then to send you back to where you came from. Although, it has become longer term care for many, like me, who will be living here until there is an opening in a long term situation. So we deserve outings, too. The first floor even has Friday “happy hour” in the cafeteria where they serve BOOZE really cheap. We are not welcome. However, it is open to first floor residents and their families and VISITING FRIENDS, so I shall make friends with someone down there. I also found out who books the entertainment in the coliseum, so I will be talking to her about getting the Polyjesters in here. They will be a big hit with the coherant crowd!

Well, I’m off to get my beauty sleep before my haircut tomorrow. My mom is also visiting. I told my dad he is NOT allowed to come tomorrow, he needs to take a day off!!

The good: The staff are really nice and helpful (most of the time).

The bad: 97% of the residents in my “pod” of the unit are totally incoherant.

The good: I really like my dining companions, makes meals more enjoyable.

The bad: I really miss my kitty companions.

The good: The food, 90% of the time, is really good. We get three meals a day, yummy desserts after lunch and dinner, and evening snacks.

The bad: The food, 90% of the time, is really good. We get three meals a day, yummy desserts after lunch and dinner, and evening snacks. I will never lose weight here!

The good: I have my power chair here now and can boot around the entire building.

The bad: Everything is closed over the holidays.

Yesterday was a boring day, I told my dad to take the day off and NOT visit me or do anything related to my needs. The man needs to take breaks, but then again I don’t think he knows what to do with himself if he doesn’t have his kids to distract him from his own life. So of COURSE he called me from the store while picking up the slippers I casually mentioned I could use (since I’m always in a wheelchair and I hate wearing shoes. Which are tight, with the way my feet have puffed up). So he bought me slippers, but I would not let him drop them off to me last night!

Today the plan was to get me home for a few hours, but I got into an email conversation with Coach K. last night about my NMES/TENS machine and he said he would drop by to help me and my dad figure it out. As a body builder-type, he has one and knows where to place the electrode pads. So he brought the lattes and my dad brought the sandwiches, and we spent a couple of hours hooking me up to electrodes and watching my muscles pump and my hand jerk around. I was like a puppet and Coach K. was the puppet master. It was very cool. Later on my dad and I did my right calf. I sure hope I can use this daily!

At the moment, these are the people out in the sitting room:

1) a very old Chinese lady who doesn’t speak or understand a word of English. She is belted into her wheelchair, but always undoes it and tries to stand up. There is an alarm that goes off when she does that, so she’s always beeping.

2) an old man in one of those bed type wheelchairs who cannot communicate or move himself. Once in awhile he spasms and kicks his shoes off.

3) an old lady who lives in her own little world, babbling non stop about nothing anyone understands and yelling out her daughter’s name every other sentence.

4) another old lady who cannot communicate, so they place her in front of the TV and put the brakes on her chair.Not knowing how to undo the brakes, she somehow manages to slowly move herself back and forth, around the room a bit, with her legs. She seems so determined to go somewhere, but just can’t go far. That’s the story of everyone here, I think.

I’m not making any friends yet…