Can You Hear Me Now?

So I promised and update, but didn’t commit to any particular time frame, because that’s just how I roll.

As mentioned, I saw that psychic Pat again a couple weeks ago. I don’t really like calling her a “Psychic”, I think “Intuitive” suits her better. She is an amazingly intuitive person. Here’s a few notes about our visit:

I’m in really bad shape compared to the last time I saw her. She obviously noticed this and wondered what the hell was going on with me. I spent the first part of the session in tears.

These are Pat’s words, mine are in brackets.

• “You were doing better six months ago. I saw you when you were seeing Kevin (for Quantum Release Therapy) and you were doing better. What happened? Did you have an emotional setback? I know you’re angry.” (::sob::) (My dad came back into my life about 6 months ago, that’s the only thing I can think of that changed in my life).
• “Things are starting to turn around for you now. You have to want to live” (::sob:: I don’t want to right now ::sob::)
• “You think if you killed yourself no one would care except your two cats. Do you have two cats?” (::sob:: YES ::sob::) “LOTS of people would care if you died” (I do know this, but it’s seriously been my cats that have stopped me from doing it in my absolute most darkest moments because I don’t know who could possibly love them more than I do. I didn’t say that out loud because I was crying too hard, but that’s what I think).
• “I want you to do affirmations. I want you to say ‘I deserve to be loved’ because you don’t think you do. Say it a hundred times a day. Start manifesting your ’soul mate’. I know you don’t think you’ll ever meet anyone, but he is out there, and I want you to start manifesting him. You will meet him when you’ve healed all this stuff. He IS out there.”
• “You’ve stopped going out because it is so hard for you. You’re even pissed off about being here today because it was so much trouble to get here.” (::sob:: Nodding ::sob::).
• “You are not going to get worse than you are now. This is going ‘through’ you now. You are pushing through all the ‘crap’ and it’s surfacing now. MS has been in your body since you were 14 and now it’s rising to the surface. The Quantum Release Therapy helped you, but you don’t need more. Kevin is done. He helped you get half way there. The rest is up to you.”
• “You need to release all your anger and forgive. You are SO pissed off. You have to tell people/write letters to your dad and people that have hurt you. YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE AND LET GO.”
• “What happened at age 9? I sense you’ve been unhappy since age 9″ (That’s when our family was uprooted to Calgary, and I won’t get into details here of the problems that started occurring in my family from that age, but Pat sensed it right).
• “Kids had been cruel to you as a child, too” (I mentioned being picked on because of my weight) “Let it go. You think ‘no one will want me’. Blockages from the past are getting in the way. It’s hard for you to trust; you went through hard times.”
• “God gave you a big challenge but you will get through. You will be getting stronger. Exercise and emotional work will help. I see things a lot better by February.”

It’s really hard to get into all the details of what was said. Basically, she wants me to keep reading the books/watching the DVDs/listening to the CDs I have been and stay in a “healing mindset”. She wants me to actually sit down with my dad and list off all the things that have pissed me off so much over the years. Personally, I don’t see how that would help, it would only serve to hurt and upset my dad for my own selfish needs. Louise Hay (and my client/friend Coach K has been telling me this for years) suggests writing letters, getting it all out, and then burning them and letting it go. Forgiveness is for me and I don’t need to involve the other people.

Apparently, and obviously, I am a super-sensitive person who hangs on to everything and I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to let stuff go, like most people do. It must be subconscious, because I think I’ve let stuff go, consciously I know the past is the past and needs to be left there, but then it comes out in other ways that tell me, oh, obviously I did not let that go. Pat made a comment that I hold onto everything that has ever happened to me, as well as everyone else I know, and the world - 9/11, the state of the U.S. economy, all of it. It makes me laugh, but it’s so true. I subconsciously worry about everyone and everything and it eats away at me, and that’s why my body is sick.

Anyway, since that visit with Pat, (wherein I also showed her photos of some friends, and she said some very accurate things about them; and then asked me why so many people in my life are in music, and that I should be singing and writing music. She mentioned music therapy again, which she suggested I look into last time I saw her), I have continued with my daily therapy of lots of affirmations, thinking more positive thoughts, using my Chi Machine and stretching, meditation… it’s starting to work. I actually have days go by where I don’t cry at all!

Anyway.

I’ve been meaning to talk about that healthy chocolate I’ve been eating. I bought a one week supply from a lady that sells it, and noticed in that one week that my puffy right foot went down to normal size, and that I was sleeping better without pills. So I went ahead and bought some. Then I researched more about it, and watched a ton of videos on You Tube, and decided to sign myself up as a distributor so I could get the discount for myself, and maybe even earn a few $$ because if it helped me, I’d tell everyone about it! So I started eating it regularly, and over a 2 to 3 week period I noticed all kinds of little improvements… my bladder worked better, my vision was improving, my skin looked amazing, regular bowel movements, etc. etc. Then I woke up one day with a bad cold and terrible numbness/tingling down my left side. I assumed the cold was a detox symptom, because I haven’t had a cold in ages, and any time I have started taking a healthy supplement like that I get sick for awhile - the Herx reaction, as they call it (that video refers to Lyme Disease, but I think it bodes well for MS and other disorders as well). But the numbness and tingling scared me, I thought it might be a reaction to the sugar in the chocolate (”raw cane juice crystals” is still sugar). The last time I had experienced that numbness and tingling there was when I overdosed on Krispy Kreme doughnuts when a friend bought me a box for my birthday years ago (KK has since closed in Calgary, thank goodness). That was a reaction to the sugar, so I thought this was as well. So I stopped it.

A week went by, during which I did not sleep or poop. (Oh, should I have warned in advance about poop talk? Sorry). The numbness and the cold both went away. I looked a little more into the sugar content of the chocolate, and I was only getting between 7 to 9 grams/day from it. One KK doughnut has at least 11g and during my “OD” period I ate several in one day. A can of pop has about 40g of sugar, and it’s not like I’ve never drank one. And watching that Herx reaction video, and re-reading Pat’s words, reminds me that you do, indeed, often need to get worse before you get better.

So I re-activated my Xocai account and am back on it. After only 3 days I am sleeping again without the aid of sleeping pills, and poops are back on schedule. ‘Whew. I’m going to stay on it now and ride out whatever weird symptoms might pop up. I love this chocolate, because it is CHOCOLATE, and I need 3/day. I may forget to take all my vitamins and other supplements, but I never forget to eat my chocolate. Funny how that works. Take a look for yourself if you’re interested, there is a lot of good research out there about this stuff. It’s pricey, but worth it for me, so far.

In other news:

• My Home Care is now split between two ladies, Janice and Anna. They are wonderful. And they both speak English! I’m so thrilled to have daily help I can actually communicate with.
• I love my Chi Machine. I’m now up to 20 minutes/day. I think it’s going to help me a lot!
• To get me out of the house, my entire family took me to the Olive Garden for lunch last week. Mom, Dad, Stepdad, and brother. All at the same table!
• Thanksgiving dinner was actually Saturday, my mom and Bob came over and brought the food. They left me the rest of the pumpkin pie
• You absolutely must go to this website, where you can create a yearbook photo of yourself from any year. Here is my 1978 result:

• Rob Szabo is back on November 7!

The other day, Pepper was sitting on the desk beside me, and Pita jumped up and started licking her head. It was sooooo cute, I had to grab my camera. I just can’t get enough of the kitties grooming each other… it is so sweet, and so relaxing to watch! So I felt the need to put it to some relaxing music by the Polyjesters.

I love Jim Carrey. You may already know that about me. What you may not know, is how far back and deep my love for Jim Carrey goes. It started 26 years ago, at the ripe old age of 14. I’m not even sure where I saw him. Some TV show on CBC, I think. He was cute and funny and I started crushing on him. Then, devastation: I open People magazine and flip to a gossip page where I see a photo of Jim with Linda Ronstadt captioned: “Linda Ronstadt and her boy toy, Canadian comic James Carrey”. He would have been about 19 or 20 at the time. I remember pulling out my mom’s Linda Ronstadt record and playing it, holding the album cover in my hands, staring at her picture and crying. She was sooooo lucky, she had my man!! I couldn’t wait to see movies like Once Bitten and Peggy Sue Got Married. Anything My Jim was in, I’d watch! I was thrilled for him when he got In Living Color. Finally he would receive the fame and recognition he so greatly deserved.

I always knew My Jim was super talented. He was not only hilarious, but he could act, baby! I knew he’d make it as a comedic actor as well as a dramatic one. I have stood firmly in my belief in that man over the years, even through the bad movies, my faith in him prevailed. Although I may have been a little quieter about my love for him during the really bad movies and that marriage blip; that was a difficult time in our relationship. But I knew, deep down, that he would always come out a winner in the end, My Jim. I know a good thing when I see it.

Yesterday, My Jim appeared on Oprah, with his love Jenny McCarthy. (Who, by the way, I LOVE, and was so happy when they got together). The show was about Mother Warriors and was very inspiring. Jim was not there to promote a movie or be silly, so we got to see a deeper side of him (one I always knew he had because I have loved him for 26 years).

Jim said the most amazing thing, when they were talking about women with challenges (whether it be themselves or their children) and how these women (like myself) often think they will be alone forever because no one would want them with all the troubles they come with. This is what came out of the mouth of My Jim:

Jim says women should keep in mind what they do want—not what they don’t want—from a partner. “If you go around saying, ‘It’s impossible. No one will ever love me. A good man is hard to find,’ then you’re saying to the universe that you don’t believe in abundance,” he says. “This universe that created the stars, galaxies, Niagara Falls, the Grand Canyon and the duck-billed platypus is quite capable of finding someone for you that has the capacity to love you, no matter what your situation is, and think of it as a blessing.”

POW. I love you, Jim Carrey. Even more now, than 26 years ago, if that’s possible. Thank you.

Things are moving along in the Home Care department. Today was my first visit with my new lady. It looks like I may actually end up with 2 or 3, because Janice can’t do Wednesday or Thursday mornings, and she doesn’t work weekends. I’ve got a woman named Anna for Saturdays; I’ve met her a couple times before when Harpal was sick and she is a sweetheart. Janice will be coming Monday, Tuesday and Friday mornings for personal care, Monday and Thursday afternoons for range of motion exercises, and every second Thursday for housekeeping. Hopefully a good routine will be put in place soon, maybe Anna can even do the Wednesdays and Thursdays. Janice is a great lady, I think we’ll get along just fine. And no language barrier! We actually chatted for a long time this afternoon after my exercises, to the point that my speech started to slur!

I’m really liking my Chi Machine. I’m up to 10 minutes/day, and I can tell it’s going to get better and better over the weeks as I work up to 20 minutes. I really feel like I’ve worked out afterwards, yet it’s relaxing at the same time. I feel good after I use it, too, which is what you’re supposed to feel like after exercise, right? Energized, and all that? What I find interesting, is that when I asked the Occupational Therapist who’s been over a lot lately if he’s ever heard of a Chi Machine, he said “no” and played dumb. The next time he was over he noticed I actually have one, and it’s set up on the table, so he then told me “many of my clients have those, and they love them. But because they are not an ‘approved’ form of exercise or therapy, we are not allowed to recommend/discuss them or help clients use them”. It’s really a shame, because I think they would make a huge difference for people who are paralyzed. Paraplegics have physiotherapists to move their limbs and exercise their legs. This machine would help so much, just lay their ankles in it and turn it on and let the machine do the work to keep the circulation going throughout the body and strengthen leg muscles. What a shame that the medical profession won’t even consider the many uses it could have.

Oh, speaking of my OT, he was here on Monday with a motorized wheelchair for me to try out. I wasn’t allowed to keep it here because there isn’t really room in here, plus I can’t open my building doors by myself. With one hand on the controls and the other un-useable, I don’t have any way to open the doors and of course, they’re not automatic. I can do it on my scooter because I’m positioned differently and can use my left leg. So, no motorized wheelchair for me unless I move into a 100% wheelchair accessible location. Which is sort of on the agenda, but between you and me, I don’t wanna. I want to get stronger and get back to the strength and mobility I had at least before I broke my wrist in June/06. If I move, and get a motorized wheelchair, I’m just setting myself up for worsening health and mobility, as far as I’m concerned. Law of attraction, and all that. I need to think healing, positive thoughts and ignore the alternative. “One’s perception of their own health is more important than their actual health”. Perception becomes reality. And I perceive that I am getting better, not worse. Right? Right.

SEASON PREMIERE OF THE OFFICE TONIGHT OMG.

It’s a bloody miracle:

After two months and 3 days of waiting patiently (HA!), I finally got my exercise mat platform on Thursday. My dad and brother came over in the evening and set it up. So, welcome to my new dining room! Everything fit perfectly, the cat food table and garbage just fit to the left and my recycling basket fits at the foot of the table beside the hutch (behind my big chair). My chair still goes all the way back in reclining position without hitting anything. Purrrrrfect.

On top of it is my Chi Machine, which I have been using for a few minutes/day. You have to work up to 20 minutes/day slowly, and I can see why. It’s a little harder than it looks, especially when you’re as out of shape as I am. Plus, like everything else on this planet, it’s made for skinny people who can easily fit their ankles in the end and lay back straight without any discomfort (i.e. perhaps your legs are not sticks and your thighs need a little more room so they’re not squished up against each other). But fat people don’t really exist, do they? Except in the “before” pictures on diet ads. So we don’t need to worry about bodies that come in different shapes and sizes, oh no no no.

Anyway, I’m just going to keep using it every day and hope for the best! I know it’s doing something and I can feel the “whoosh” of my chi flowing when I turn it off. I need to lie there, and then sit there, for a few minutes before I can get up again because I do feel like I’ve worked out and need to re-group. Unfortunately, I find it really hard to stretch on that table or do anything myself because I am so out of shape and can’t move my right limbs on my own. I do have another home care worker who will be doing range of motion exercises with me twice/week, starting soon I hope. Actually, I’m getting a new home care worker altogether because I hit my breaking point with Harpal yesterday. My needs and the way I need to do things have changed over the past 6 months, and she’s not changing with me. The supervisor has been here twice to go over things with her, but she still can’t/won’t do it the way she’s been told. She doesn’t understand English or basic, simple instructions and we’re always arguing. Simple things the supervisor went over with her she argues aren’t her job and won’t do them or wants to do them her way, which doesn’t work for me. I had a long talk with her supervisor yesterday and we’ve given up on trying to teach Harpal and someone new should be here this week. It’s too bad, because she was great in the beginning, when my needs were very simple and she barely had to help me. I pretty much only needed real help putting on my bra. Now I need more help and she doesn’t seem to like it. Well, neither do I, but it’s your bloody job and if you’re not going to do it right they will send me someone who will.

I’ve been keeping to a fairly steady regimen of meditating/self hypnosis for two hours/day. I mean, if Gwyneth Paltrow can work out with her personal trainer for two hours/day, 6 days/week, I can certainly meditate. I may not have the money for a trainer, but I do have the time and plenty of CDs to de-stress! No excuses, really. I’m also remembering to say affirmations as often as possible. I do have to commit to doing the personal work I need to do in order to heal… I’ve ordered the Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook and an affirmations toolkit (I was ordering the Sex and the City movie, anyway, so the added items gave me free shipping and I consider it a good investment). I have a LOT of work to do on myself, and if I have to commit to it like a full-time job, I will. Just keep me away from daytime TV and I’ll be able to do it.

Lately I’ve been visualizing that Louise Hay is my long lost great Aunt and upon discovering my existence and the trouble I am in with my health, she invites me to come and live with her for 3 months and work one on one with me. Ahhhhhh, I wish!!!

I’ve got more to talk about, like chocolate, but I have to go fit in an hour of self hypnosis before my dad gets here, and then work on this “client impact statement” I have to write to tell the government why they need to give me a motorized wheelchair. Hopefully it is the last “woe is me” related thing I ever write.

You must, must, must see August Rush.

It’s been an emotional few days. First, my friends Lisa and Russ got engaged. We all knew it was going to happen sooner or later, it was just a matter of making it official with the ring and stuff! So that was done on Thursday. Then, the worst thing that could ever happen, Lisa’s dad died suddenly on Friday. He had a heart attack while fishing alone out at his cabin. I like to think he made sure his daughter was going to be safe and happy in her life by getting engaged to a great guy, and then he went off to his favourite place to go fishing, and died peacefully and quickly doing what he loved, knowing his kids were going to be fine (Lisa’s brother is getting married in a few weeks). I just can’t believe it happened, so close to Father’s Day, and he was only 62. I LOVED Lisa’s dad. I talked about him in this entry a few years ago, the first time I spent Christmas Eve with Lisa’s family. I’m heartbroken, and can’t even begin to imagine what Lisa, her mom, and her family are going through. It looks like, after the first funeral I ever attended was for Lisa’s uncle, that my second will be her father’s. It’s so very sad.

Saturday morning is when I learned of Sam’s death, as it happened late the night before. The news came in an email from Lisa, which I read just as my Home Care worker walked in the door. So I burst into tears as she was asking me how I was, and me and crying are kinda ugly. I’m one of those criers who can’t talk or breathe when I’m crying. So it’s rather useless to try to get anything out of me. Poor Harpal, she had no idea what was going on. I managed to calm down while in the shower and was able to tell her what had happened when I got out, but that just made me start blubbering even harder all over again. You know how it is… anyway, I managed to pull myself together by the time my mom and Bob arrived to take me to the chiropractor, but there was no point in putting on make-up, lemme tell ya. I even remembered to bring my chiropractor the sonic mole repellers I got for him off eBay. He’s been wanting some for awhile and wasn’t able to find them/order any himself from anywhere. So in comes me, eBay expert extraordinaire! He was very pleased.

My mom stayed over on Saturday, and you would not recognize my office!! She re-organized everything. Well, I helped a little, but she totally outdid herself. My air conditioner (did I mention I got an A/C for my birthday? Wheee!) was being installed on Sunday, so I needed some help with my filing and getting stuff out of the way to make room for moving the filing cabinet to the other wall and re-arranging things a bit. My mom has a tendency to overdo it and would not stop until she was happy. Gee, I wonder where I get it from? Anyway, she worked her arse off until I made her sit down and watch a movie with me. August Rush. We cried and cried and cried, so the second it ended I sobbed “okay, now you have to watch PS I Love You!” (The whole cute Irish musician theme was going on with me… I WANT ONE). I really love Video on Demand, especially since I received my last bill and none of the movies I had rented in May were on it. So on Sunday, we watched Dan in Real Life, because I love Steve Carell and it was time for another dose of him. I cannot WAIT for Get Smart.

I had a dream about Steve Carell last night. I drempt that he was just like his character on The Office in real life, and I was the only one who truly understood him and loved him (SO not true, I would smack Michael Scott quite hard at times if I knew him, but in my dream he was the love of my life) and it broke my heart to watch him try so hard with other women who just didnt get him and dumped him harshly. I was his best friend who was always there to pick up the pieces, and he had no idea how I felt, and I just couldn’t tell him. I was so angry at these women who treated him like shit and didn’t realize what they had, and wished so hard he would just SEE ME. I do believe I have played that scenario out in real life on a couple occasions with male friends in my past. It never ended happily; no Vanessa Williams song here. Oh, and I was doing some sort of treasure hunt thing with all the cast of The Office on my team, Jim being the leader, Michael being at home crying over his last girlfriend, and me running over there whenever I had a break from the treasure hunt to tell him it would all be okay.

Aaaanyway, my A/C was hooked up on Sunday thanks to handyman Ian, a friend of my mom and Bob’s. He brought his puppy Rosie over, and while Pepper ran and hid in my bedroom, Pita stayed in the living room by the coffee table and just stared. Rosie ran around my apartment sniffing everything and chewing cat toys, and then she spotted Pita. She wanted to play, she meant no harm, she wandered over in Pita’s direction. Pita hissed and hissed at Rosie and eventually Rosie went away. But then she came back, and when she got too close, Pita hissed and SMACKED Rosie across the face, claws first. Rosie whimpered as only a puppy can, and ran away. Poor little Rosie. Mean little Pita. She does NOT like dogs, and I don’t know why, because she’s been an indoor cat since the day she was born, so it’s not like she’s ever had a bad run in with one. Two other dogs have been around her in the past, all perfectly sweet and harmless (and very small), but Pita would have none of it and Pepper always hid. I guess we know who’s boss around here.

Today, I got up and sat in my clean and organized office and turned on the A/C just because I could. Actually, it’s warming up this week, so it was good timing getting it installed yesterday. Not that it’s HOT out, but the sun beats in here pretty strongly and heats up my apartment… I tend to need a fan on me when it wouldn’t be necessary if my windows faced another direction. But today was a gorgeous day!! My friend Joelle picked me up and we went to My Favourite Vietnamese restaurant (next time we'’ll go to hers) and chowed down. Then we went to her place, stopping for a Slurpee on the way. I haven’t had a Slurpee in YEARS! We sat in her yard for hours and I talked so much my speech was slurring really badly. It actually started slurring in the restaurant, which is how I know I’ve talked too much. Also the fact that Joelle was way ahead of me in the eating department. So I told her she needed to do the talking at her place, to give my mouth a rest so I could talk normally again. That didn’t last long, though. I was talking really funny, but Joelle said she could understand me. Tonight, I will NOT be making any phone calls. That’s one of those MS symptoms that only pops up once in a blue moon, but when it does, I need to take a night off from talking. Oh, the horror!

So, it’s pretty obvious I’m back to weaning off my anti-depressants some more. How can you tell? Well, aside from the various mood swings I’m having and being easily prone to anger and bitchiness, last night I watched “Enchanted“. And I CRIED and CRIED. Many, many times throughout the movie, for reasons ranging from joy and happiness and fluffiness to self pity and “I don’t even know why”. ENCHANTED! Gimme a F-ing break. (I think this means I enjoyed the movie a LOT more than I want to admit).

For the record, I’m almost down to 5mg/day from the 40mg/day I was taking. I can’t wait until this is over, I really hate this whole weaning thing. It’s hard!!

Oh, and Friday night I watched 27 Dresses and developed a bit of a crush on James Marsden, so ask me how thrilled I was to see him as the Prince in Enchanted? Hee.

And speaking of being easily angered, I had an experience last Saturday that just SET.ME.OFF. (Warning: F-bombs a-plenty coming up). I was on my scooter in Wal-Mart, minding my own business when this (40-ish year old) woman walked past me. I heard her mumble under her breath something about my weight and “get up and walk”. At first I ignored it, but then, no, I couldn’t just let it go, and turned my scooter around to go find her. She was looking at clothes. I rode up to her and asked “WHAT did you say to me??” She looked shocked that I’d come after her, but then she said “get up and walk, you might lose some of that weight” and turned to take off. OHHHHHH MY MOTHER OF GOD. I was seething. I sharply turned my scooter around with the intent to chase her down and, oh, I dunno, run her over/break her neck/cut her in half/give her a piece of my FUCKING mind (I’m not sure what I was going to do, I just knew I wasn’t about to let her get away with that shit) when my front wheel hit the base of a clothing rack and my scooter toppled right over on me. Owieeee! I was on the floor with my scooter on top of me. Luckily, about 5 people ran over to help, including a couple very strong men who got me up off the floor without any trouble. Surprisingly, I wasn’t crying. I thanked everyone and assured them I was fine and carried on with my shopping. It wasn’t until I was on my way home and stopped at Second Cup to get a latte that I started blubbering like a fool. Poor barista, she had no clue what had just happened. I made it home, parked my scooter, fell into my chair all bruised and broken-spirited and bawled and bawled.

I was SO ANGRY. So mad at that fucking woman and her stupid ignorance and need to speak her judgments of me out loud. I COULD NOT BELIEVE someone could be that cruel and ignorant. I mean, even if my weight was the reason I was on a scooter, that does not excuse what she said. She has no fucking clue about me or my medical history or anything, she had NO RIGHT and I trust Ms. Karma kicked her in the ass later that same day. I hope she found out her boyfriend is sleeping around on her and gave her AIDS. I honestly do. I don’t care if she dropped dead 5 minutes later, in fact, I wish it on her to this day. I know it’s a waste of my own energy to still be angry at her, but even as I write this the tears well up and I am just seething with anger. Fucking bitch.

Anyway, this (second) scooter toppling accident has led me to look into getting a 4 wheeler that is more stable!! I have an OT coming by on Tuesday to assess me and my scooter and if my apartment can handle a 4 wheeler getting in and out. My neighbour (the guy who also has MS) has one, so I don’t think it should be a problem in here. He said he wants to “see me drive it around”. I’m not normally setting off to chase down stupid bitches, so he won’t witness reckless driving, but even on my best days I don’t feel completely safe on that thing. I always feel like it could topple over at any time and I’m VERY careful over bumps and cracks on the sidewalks.

I’m reading a really good book right now, Quantum Wellness by Kathy Freston. I never did finish A New Earth, I barely started it to be honest. I’ll get around to it one day. But Quantum Wellness excited me when I saw the author on Oprah, and then on Ellen. She is SO freaking beautiful, she just radiates light and health and wellness and positive energy. She makes you want what she has!! I won’t be going Vegan anytime soon, but her discussions about “conscious eating” really hit me. It may be, as my friend Jason called me, “airy fairy”, but I AM airy fairy about stuff like this. I totally believe everything is energy and we take in energy, put out energy, and attract to ourselves that which is in line with our own energy. You know that about me if you’ve read any of this blog! Anyway, when it comes to food, we also take in THAT energy. The energy of the food… where it came from, how it got to our plate, how the animal was cared for and killed, the energy of the person packaging up the food, the energy of the corporatrion behind creating the food… etc. etc. It was like… a lightbulb moment for me!! I had never thought about it that way before. That when I eat crappy processed/fast food, I am not only ingesting crap which will make my body feel/look like crap, I am ingesting the negative energy associated with that food. Airy-fairy as it may be, I believe it!! If you’ve watched Super Size Me or Fast Food Nation you know how those fast food corporations and their money-hungry executives care more about their bottom line than they do our health (or our bottoms). And all those big processed food companies; from the evil suits at the top of the corporate ladder to the underpaid, stressed out person working the assembly line, we take in alllll that energy. So, for the past couple weeks I’ve been back to ordering groceries from SPUD (a GREAT little company with great people and good energy!) and switching to organic food when possible. It’s not like I will never eat fast food again, but I have certainly become more conscious of it in a very different way than I had before. Thinking of it in a physical health way was never enough to scare me away from it, as much as it should have been, but switch my thinking to how it affects my spiritual health, and you got me! I still need the convenience, though, so my freezer is full of Amy’s Organics (family business!) and my new favourite sweet snack is lemon yogurt with fresh bluberries and organic muesli

I’ve even switched to organic coffee from Cochrane Coffee Traders. (They’re so small they don’t even have a website. But they are a very socially and environmentally conscious company).

Catching some rays

Can’t…handle…the…cute!!

CAN’T HANDLE IT!!!

Cats in Sinks better not reject this face.

In case you haven’t noticed, my last catch-up post was to the end of last month. I keep popping in here and starting a post, but get distracted, and frustrated at how long it takes me to type out what I want to say, and then it gets left for a couple more days. So, I’m not going to do any detailed catch-up posts, because they are too long and I don’t have the patience or typing power for it. So this is what you get:

• May 1 - 4 - I celebrated my 40th birthday with amazing friends and family, and it was an awesome good time. You can see photos here.
• May 8 - I went back to the Casino to hang out with Jason and Sheldon (The Polyjesters are on the air Friday mornings from 6:00 - 10:00 a.m. on Q107 broadcasting live from the casino, so Thursday nights Jason and Sheldon are staying at the hotel there so they don’t have to drive into Calgary in the wee morning hours). They managed to get me into the over-sold out concert that night, which I was sooooooo excited about - Jeremy Fisher (whom I’ve already established in the past here that I LOVE) and The Proclaimers! OMG “Sunshine on Leith” is one of my favourite CDs of all time, and 20 years later I finally see the band live, and get to meet them and get my CD signed. YAY!!! That was a super exciting night. Oh yeah, and for the 2nd time since I turned 40 I was kissed by a strange random drunk guy.
• May 11 - Mother’s Day - my mom, Bob and brother came over. We ordered in food and I gave my mom a couple presents, Barbara Walter’s book and a crockpot. Wheee!
• May 14 - my mom’s 65th birthday!!! I sent her a beautiful Azalea and a balloon to her office. Yes, office… she won’t be retiring any time soon. She tried that a few years ago with early retirement and was bored to tears. She works full-time as the office manager at a real estate law firm, and if things keep going the way they are, she may end up being the oldest person trained to be a Paralegal in Canada hahaha
• In May - I watched a few good movies… PS I Love You (Sobfest), Eagle Vs. Shark (I love me some Jemaine Clement and anything related to New Zealand), and Once. I watched Once 3 times in a row on a Saturday and 2 times on Sunday, then raced out to buy the soundtrack. LOVE.
• May 25 - Lilac Festival! You know what that means? Just like last year and the year before, an entire afternoon with The Polyjesters. It was raining, so they played indoors this year. Picture this: sitting in a cozy pub all day watching and listening to the Polyjesters do one of their best shows ever, and 4 full sets of it. NOTHING better than that! My friend Kim came out from Red Deer again and stayed over the night before. Oh yeah, the night before (Saturday) I dragged her waaaaaay down south to a divey bar to watch a hard rock band my friend plays drums in. Kim’s such a trooper. We got in late then dragged our asses out of bed early to be at the Lilac Festival before noon. After that great day, Jason, Sheldon, Joelle, Kim and myself went for awesome Vietnamese food. I was home by about 8:00 and pretty much crashed. What a GREAT DAY.

So there, I think that pretty much catches you up on the major stuff. Sorry for falling so far behind. I’ve been insanely busy again. I also sold a bunch of stuff on eBay and the whole packaging-up-and-shipping process is hard for me!! I made a deal with one of my favourite sellers on there that I would box up and send her a bunch of stuff for her to sell for me. That is a lot easier. She is in California, and a reputable seller, so she will sell more than I could as shipping is cheaper from there and she has a lot of regular buyers. We’ll just split the profits. I sent her a big box yesterday, and will send her another one in the next few days. I’ve got way too many clothes…

And finally, I bought myself a new espresso machine as a birthday present to myself. I can’t seem to buy a replacement carafe for my other one that broke, so I decided to get a new machine that makes both regular coffee and espresso. My coffee maker has been living way back in my cupboard because I didn’t want a ton of appliances on my counter, and when I wanted regular coffee I would use my kettle and a one-cup filter thingy. Now I’ll have one thing on the counter that does both, so I’m a happy girl!

With happy kitties.

Monday, April 21 - Wednesday, April 30:

After that busy Rob and Peter week, I had to get back to doing taxes on Monday. I had quite a lot to finish up before the 30th! I don’t think I did anything exciting that week of Monday to Friday, I just worked and stuff. (”And stuff” means my usual daily routines of home care, lattes, quick trips to the mall, Facebook, Ellen/Oprah/Dr. Phil on and off, eBay, all mixed around work). On Friday, my home care worker, who is about the sweetest lady on earth, came by a second time around 1:00 and brought me samosas and pakoras. She’s from India and knows how much I love Indian food, so she decided to bring me some. Seriously? How nice is she??

On Saturday, I made plans with Jason. We had been talking all week about going for that Indian food buffet that Peter and I had gone to at the Samosa Grill, so on Saturday we confirmed it. Jason also had a cousin playing in a band downtown later that night, so he asked me to be his “date” for that. It actually was very much a real date, with Jason paying and everything, but I can’t REALLY date Jason. I mean… I love him too much, I think! We’re family. Anyway, I took my wheelchair because I thought it would be easier to get me around. Which it was, but still a hassle. The Samosa Grill is upstairs, so we had to take their freight elevator, and wait for a staff member to be free to take us to that loccked area. She took us the long way around, which involved going through storage areas and knocking over bins of empty bottles and such. Getting me in anywhere can be quite the production. Finally settled, Jason was my server for the evening, since it was a buffet. He took good care of me. Leaving was a little easier, because the staff member who took us knew the shortcut that I had taken with Peter last time. A lot less stuff to knock over.

Oh, and I should also mention that Jason has a Monster Truck van that I have a very hard time getting into, it is so high. Lots of help and butt boosting required from Jason. We get into some questionable positions, and if either of us were famous, the paparazzi would have a GREAT time taking pictures. Anyway, we were finally headed downtown to the Palomino, which it turns out has no elevator to get to the live music downstairs (it’s a very old building). Jason was mainly interested in seeing his cousin and saying “hi”, than he was in actually seeing the band, so our plan was to just stay in the upstairs bar for a drink or two if the stairs were going to be a hassle. Parking downtown is, of course, hard to come by, but after driving around for awhile we found a spot a couple blocks away. As Jason wheeled me to the club, I was saying “I’ve gotta pee the second we get in there!” (I’m such a classy date). We got inside the main doors no problem and asked a waitress where the washrooms were. “Our upstairs bathrooms are out of order. You have to go downstairs”.

Ah, wonderful. It was only about 8:30, and the doors for the show downstairs didn’t even open until 9:30 (although you could use the washrooms, of course). We decided to just brave the stairs and hopefully they would let us stay down there. Jason walked down the stairs with me, slow and steady, then ran back up to get my chair. I used the facilities, then we got settled at a table in the empty bar. They let us stay there and wait for the doors to “officially” open. Jason ran back upstairs and bought us drinks. At some point I apologized for being so high maintenance, needing all this help from him! He said “this, to me, is not maintenance. This is nothing. Emotional High Maintenance is a lot more work!” (Referring to relationships - have we not all had to deal with emotionally high maintenance people at some point?) That made me feel good. Physically, I’m pretty demanding because I need help with stuff, and you’ve got to be in good enough shape to lug a wheelchair or walker when hanging out with me! But I’m not going to drain you emotionally, so I guess it’s whatever is easier for you. I need to learn to stop apologizing all the time, because I know I would rather help someone down the stairs and push them in a wheelchair, than deal with bitching, whining, complaining, and walking on eggshells with someone you don’t know how to talk to or are afraid will explode if you say the *wrong* thing. Yeah.

So, we stayed down there for a couple of hours, listening to live surf rock music, before we were both ready to call it a night. Going up the stairs we had many staff offering to help - “can we do anything to help?” to which Jason responded, “all we need is time!”. Good answer. Jason walked with me up the stairs and a bartender carried my wheelchair. He said they had hosted big parties for oil and gas companies and stuff, and one night there were 3 wheelchairs, and the men were paraplegics and unable to stand at all. Times like that they really wish they had an elevator, but renovating a building that old would cost a fortune. I’m just really glad I am able to stand/walk, because no one would be able to carry me up or down stairs. Ahhhh, to be a lithe 115 pounds.

Jason dropped me at home and wheeled me inside, making sure all was okay and no cats ran out before he left. It was a great night! I heart my Jason.

Sunday, I rested and Facebooked and eBayed. I replenished my shower gel/body lotion supply with Avon products that cost a total of 6 cents, and with shipping it only came to $18.05… when I received the box, she had paid $22.50 for the shipping. Sometimes, the deals on eBay freak me out. I don’t understand how someone can sell sets of shower gel and body lotion for one penny, spend more on shipping than they charge, and continue being a seller. Maybe she promised her husband she would give him all her eBay profits and then found out he was having an affair.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were the end of tax season. Naturally, the CRA’s website decided to conk out and I wasn’t able to file the last two I had. It was frustrating as HELL!! Luckily, the CRA became aware of their server issues and let everyone know they had an extra week to file online. I wish I had known that before I spent all day Tuesday fighting with their website! Anyway, alls well that ends well. Everything got done and my clients are happy. Now the late ones are starting to call me! I’ll be busy for another month…

Next up, my 40th birthday extravaganza! Wheee! Until then, here is a really cute video of Pita and Pepper (mostly Pita) chasing their new laser:

Okay, so where was I. Ahhh, yes. I’m only about a month behind…

Sunday, April 13 - Sunday, April 20:

Sunday brought Rob Szabo back to Calgary again, for a show at the Ironwood. My friend Kim came in from Red Deer and picked me up around 5:30 ish and we headed over to the venue to meet Rob for dinner. It was sooooo good to see Rob again! It had been too long, in my opinion. And Jason came to see him! That was awesome. Jason plays Rob’s music and videos on Kitchen Radio, so it was about time he came to see him.

Me and two of my favourite people

After the show and packing up his gear, Rob and I came back to my place. I got to keep him for a few days!! It was nice to be able to spend some time with him, as the last couple of times he’s been here it’s just been for the one night, and he left the next morning for another city. This time he wasn’t flying out until Wednesday morning.

On Monday, we drove out to Carstairs to hang out at Jason’s house. I had not been there for quite some time… the last time I was there, he still had part of a living room, where people could sit on the sofa and socialize. Now, the living room is cut off from the kitchen by one of those office cubicle partitions, and the entire living room is a recording studio. Two of the upstairs bedrooms are completely geeked out with various computers, studio, sound boards, radio station equipment and stuff I don’t even know where to begin… the hallway is lined with racks of CDs and posters from various gigs. It’s unreal! It made Rob very happy. Jason and Sheldon are becoming big time promoters in the area, with Kitchen Radio, the Mountainview Music Festival, and organizing tons of performances for other musicians passing through. Jason’s house is the headquarters! He basically lives in the basement, and the entire upstairs is devoted to the business of independent music.

After spending a few hours in Carstairs, we drove back here and I got on my scooter for a quick trip to the mall. I think. I can’t quite remember the order of everything hehe But I do know that after that I had to rest a bit before we went to My Favourite Vietnamese Restaurant for dinner. We finished up close to 9:00, then I was BEAT. Done. Ready for an early night after a long, busy day. So I stayed in and went to bed early while Rob went back to the Ironwood where the owners wanted to give him a night out and buy him lots of drinks.

The next day was a quieter, get-stuff-done kinda day. I took my scooter out, and we went over to the mall to eat and pick up a few things, I don’t remember what it was I needed, but I’m sure it was important. Then we went across to the Safeway, so Rob could get some organic food and I could get my Soy milk (Wal-Mart had run out). Also, so I could visit Starbucks and get a latte. I look forward to more warmer weather, which we are NOT expriencing as I write this, so I can scooter over to Safeway more often. It’s a little too far to go when it’s cold and/or windy.

After we got back here, I hid in my office while Rob re-arranged furniture in my living room. I needed the TV closer, now that I have digital and need to read so much small print on the screen. I gave Rob directions, then hid away. I came out once for a brief moment, but saw the mess in the living room (he had to empty everything from the cupboards of my hutch in order to move it) and felt so guilty about asking him to do this, that I hid back in my office until it was all done. I’m very, very happy with the set up now! I’ve got my chair and TV over to one side, like a little private area, and the living room is “over there”. I like it much better. And if anyone is ever over to watch TV, they can just turn the TV towards them a bit.

Then it was time to make dinner plans. We were meeting with Spencer and Sam, a couple of Rob’s friends we had Indian food with back in October when he was here with Peter Katz. This time, we managed to get reservations at Aida’s, my VERY favourite restaurant (period), for Lebanese food. We had a lovely dinner, everyone was very impressed with my choice of restaurants (it’s SO GOOD). I had one whole glass of wine and could barely walk out of the place. Geez!

When we got back here, Rob hard boiled eggs to take with him the next day and packed up while I watched The Biggest Loser finale. Rob was all, “I thought you hated all that diet stuff.” Yeah, I do, but I did watch the season premiere, and it’s always fun to see the AFTER stuff. Even if more than half of them will gain it all back. And a woman won for the first time!! YAAA! Actually, I’m not sure of the Biggest Loser long-term stats. They lose it so fast and are separated from all temptation for so long (even those sent home know there is a TV show to appear on at the end, so that is a good motivator). It’s only natural that when “real life” hits them again, that they gain it back (plus more). Hopefully they get addicted enough to exercise that they can keep some off. I’m just not a big fan of the unrealistic expectations of that show… “I only lost 6 pounds this week WAAAH!!!”

Aaaaanyway, the next morning I got up early to say goodbye to Rob, (sniff, sniff) and then I went to work at a client’s for the day.

On Thursday, Peter called. He was in town that day before heading down to Lethbridge for a show on Friday, then back here for his show at the Ironwood on Saturday. He picked me up and we went to the Samosa Grill for a wonderful Indian food buffet lunch. Oh man, I could eat that food every day! Peter is so sweet. He bought me lunch and then we went to Starbucks after for some lattes. It was a lovely afternoon with a lovely person.

On Friday, I had a doctor’s appointment. My doctor has moved his office (again), and I didn’t even know! Luckily I looked at his address online when booking my Access trips, but I didn’t even realize it was a different address than last time because it was still in the NW part of the city and I don’t go often enough to memorize it. Anyway, the driver was trying to drop me off at a giant Superstore (which is not only a grocery store, but has a gym and offices and stuff) and I was all, “no way! My doctor isn’t in the Superstore! He’s in a mall in Beddington…” but we were at the address I had given. So I reluctantly got out of the car and wandered into the store and found the elevator to take me upstairs to the medical offices. Sure enough, my doctor works out of there now. Nice of them to let me know. They swore they called every patient, but I never got the call. Now that I know where it is, I remember seeing the medical centre’s name on my call display, but they never left me a message or anything.

By Saturday, I was beat. After Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday being out and about every day, I just couldn’t do it. And we all know what happens when I push myself and don’t listen to my body. So I called Peter and left a sobbing voice mail message that I wouldn’t be able to make it to his show. Of course he totally understood, and if it wasn’t for the family friends he was staying with having a big Passover dinner, he would have come over to play a private show for me before going to the Ironwood. Awwww. As it was, he called me from the back room before he went on stage to play me a song over his cell phone (because he is about the sweetest person on the PLANET), a new one he just wrote:

As he mentions in the start of that video, “I’m stranded in Calgary because of the snow storm”. He was supposed to head to Saskatchewan on Sunday morning, but he wasn’t able to. So, he called me and said “the bad news is, I can’t get to my gig in Saskatchewan. The good news is, I can come over and play a private concert for you.”

That’s right, people, Peter Katz called me and offered to come over and play a private concert FOR ME IN MY HOUSE. bold italic all caps exclamation marks

Of course, this was a little difficult to keep to myself. I thought I better call a few friends and see if they could make it over. Joelle lives close to me, so I called and left a message for her. When she called me back, she thought she was too late, and apologized for missing it. I said “he’s not here yet! Get your butt over here!” and she called Sheldon, who was on his way over to Joelle’s, to meet at my place instead. Sheldon was the first to arrive, then Peter in his mis-matched socks (so cute haha) and finally Joelle made it, bringing coffee with her at my very desperate request.

It was, to say the least, amazing. To be seated all comfy in my chair with Peter Katz playing and singing just feet from me. Hello, heaven! I recorded this little video, which I’ve kept pretty quiet because I don’t know if Peter would want it seen by all You Tube users. But for you guys that read my blog, I’m going to allow it! Peter had sung his heart out at his (PACKED) gig the night before, so his voice was a little rough, but we don’t care.

Photos from the week (I didn’t take many) above can be seen HERE.

To be continued…