Can You Hear Me Now?

You must, must, must see August Rush.

It’s been an emotional few days. First, my friends Lisa and Russ got engaged. We all knew it was going to happen sooner or later, it was just a matter of making it official with the ring and stuff! So that was done on Thursday. Then, the worst thing that could ever happen, Lisa’s dad died suddenly on Friday. He had a heart attack while fishing alone out at his cabin. I like to think he made sure his daughter was going to be safe and happy in her life by getting engaged to a great guy, and then he went off to his favourite place to go fishing, and died peacefully and quickly doing what he loved, knowing his kids were going to be fine (Lisa’s brother is getting married in a few weeks). I just can’t believe it happened, so close to Father’s Day, and he was only 62. I LOVED Lisa’s dad. I talked about him in this entry a few years ago, the first time I spent Christmas Eve with Lisa’s family. I’m heartbroken, and can’t even begin to imagine what Lisa, her mom, and her family are going through. It looks like, after the first funeral I ever attended was for Lisa’s uncle, that my second will be her father’s. It’s so very sad.

Saturday morning is when I learned of Sam’s death, as it happened late the night before. The news came in an email from Lisa, which I read just as my Home Care worker walked in the door. So I burst into tears as she was asking me how I was, and me and crying are kinda ugly. I’m one of those criers who can’t talk or breathe when I’m crying. So it’s rather useless to try to get anything out of me. Poor Harpal, she had no idea what was going on. I managed to calm down while in the shower and was able to tell her what had happened when I got out, but that just made me start blubbering even harder all over again. You know how it is… anyway, I managed to pull myself together by the time my mom and Bob arrived to take me to the chiropractor, but there was no point in putting on make-up, lemme tell ya. I even remembered to bring my chiropractor the sonic mole repellers I got for him off eBay. He’s been wanting some for awhile and wasn’t able to find them/order any himself from anywhere. So in comes me, eBay expert extraordinaire! He was very pleased.

My mom stayed over on Saturday, and you would not recognize my office!! She re-organized everything. Well, I helped a little, but she totally outdid herself. My air conditioner (did I mention I got an A/C for my birthday? Wheee!) was being installed on Sunday, so I needed some help with my filing and getting stuff out of the way to make room for moving the filing cabinet to the other wall and re-arranging things a bit. My mom has a tendency to overdo it and would not stop until she was happy. Gee, I wonder where I get it from? Anyway, she worked her arse off until I made her sit down and watch a movie with me. August Rush. We cried and cried and cried, so the second it ended I sobbed “okay, now you have to watch PS I Love You!” (The whole cute Irish musician theme was going on with me… I WANT ONE). I really love Video on Demand, especially since I received my last bill and none of the movies I had rented in May were on it. So on Sunday, we watched Dan in Real Life, because I love Steve Carell and it was time for another dose of him. I cannot WAIT for Get Smart.

I had a dream about Steve Carell last night. I drempt that he was just like his character on The Office in real life, and I was the only one who truly understood him and loved him (SO not true, I would smack Michael Scott quite hard at times if I knew him, but in my dream he was the love of my life) and it broke my heart to watch him try so hard with other women who just didnt get him and dumped him harshly. I was his best friend who was always there to pick up the pieces, and he had no idea how I felt, and I just couldn’t tell him. I was so angry at these women who treated him like shit and didn’t realize what they had, and wished so hard he would just SEE ME. I do believe I have played that scenario out in real life on a couple occasions with male friends in my past. It never ended happily; no Vanessa Williams song here. Oh, and I was doing some sort of treasure hunt thing with all the cast of The Office on my team, Jim being the leader, Michael being at home crying over his last girlfriend, and me running over there whenever I had a break from the treasure hunt to tell him it would all be okay.

Aaaanyway, my A/C was hooked up on Sunday thanks to handyman Ian, a friend of my mom and Bob’s. He brought his puppy Rosie over, and while Pepper ran and hid in my bedroom, Pita stayed in the living room by the coffee table and just stared. Rosie ran around my apartment sniffing everything and chewing cat toys, and then she spotted Pita. She wanted to play, she meant no harm, she wandered over in Pita’s direction. Pita hissed and hissed at Rosie and eventually Rosie went away. But then she came back, and when she got too close, Pita hissed and SMACKED Rosie across the face, claws first. Rosie whimpered as only a puppy can, and ran away. Poor little Rosie. Mean little Pita. She does NOT like dogs, and I don’t know why, because she’s been an indoor cat since the day she was born, so it’s not like she’s ever had a bad run in with one. Two other dogs have been around her in the past, all perfectly sweet and harmless (and very small), but Pita would have none of it and Pepper always hid. I guess we know who’s boss around here.

Today, I got up and sat in my clean and organized office and turned on the A/C just because I could. Actually, it’s warming up this week, so it was good timing getting it installed yesterday. Not that it’s HOT out, but the sun beats in here pretty strongly and heats up my apartment… I tend to need a fan on me when it wouldn’t be necessary if my windows faced another direction. But today was a gorgeous day!! My friend Joelle picked me up and we went to My Favourite Vietnamese restaurant (next time we'’ll go to hers) and chowed down. Then we went to her place, stopping for a Slurpee on the way. I haven’t had a Slurpee in YEARS! We sat in her yard for hours and I talked so much my speech was slurring really badly. It actually started slurring in the restaurant, which is how I know I’ve talked too much. Also the fact that Joelle was way ahead of me in the eating department. So I told her she needed to do the talking at her place, to give my mouth a rest so I could talk normally again. That didn’t last long, though. I was talking really funny, but Joelle said she could understand me. Tonight, I will NOT be making any phone calls. That’s one of those MS symptoms that only pops up once in a blue moon, but when it does, I need to take a night off from talking. Oh, the horror!

So, it’s pretty obvious I’m back to weaning off my anti-depressants some more. How can you tell? Well, aside from the various mood swings I’m having and being easily prone to anger and bitchiness, last night I watched “Enchanted“. And I CRIED and CRIED. Many, many times throughout the movie, for reasons ranging from joy and happiness and fluffiness to self pity and “I don’t even know why”. ENCHANTED! Gimme a F-ing break. (I think this means I enjoyed the movie a LOT more than I want to admit).

For the record, I’m almost down to 5mg/day from the 40mg/day I was taking. I can’t wait until this is over, I really hate this whole weaning thing. It’s hard!!

Oh, and Friday night I watched 27 Dresses and developed a bit of a crush on James Marsden, so ask me how thrilled I was to see him as the Prince in Enchanted? Hee.

And speaking of being easily angered, I had an experience last Saturday that just SET.ME.OFF. (Warning: F-bombs a-plenty coming up). I was on my scooter in Wal-Mart, minding my own business when this (40-ish year old) woman walked past me. I heard her mumble under her breath something about my weight and “get up and walk”. At first I ignored it, but then, no, I couldn’t just let it go, and turned my scooter around to go find her. She was looking at clothes. I rode up to her and asked “WHAT did you say to me??” She looked shocked that I’d come after her, but then she said “get up and walk, you might lose some of that weight” and turned to take off. OHHHHHH MY MOTHER OF GOD. I was seething. I sharply turned my scooter around with the intent to chase her down and, oh, I dunno, run her over/break her neck/cut her in half/give her a piece of my FUCKING mind (I’m not sure what I was going to do, I just knew I wasn’t about to let her get away with that shit) when my front wheel hit the base of a clothing rack and my scooter toppled right over on me. Owieeee! I was on the floor with my scooter on top of me. Luckily, about 5 people ran over to help, including a couple very strong men who got me up off the floor without any trouble. Surprisingly, I wasn’t crying. I thanked everyone and assured them I was fine and carried on with my shopping. It wasn’t until I was on my way home and stopped at Second Cup to get a latte that I started blubbering like a fool. Poor barista, she had no clue what had just happened. I made it home, parked my scooter, fell into my chair all bruised and broken-spirited and bawled and bawled.

I was SO ANGRY. So mad at that fucking woman and her stupid ignorance and need to speak her judgments of me out loud. I COULD NOT BELIEVE someone could be that cruel and ignorant. I mean, even if my weight was the reason I was on a scooter, that does not excuse what she said. She has no fucking clue about me or my medical history or anything, she had NO RIGHT and I trust Ms. Karma kicked her in the ass later that same day. I hope she found out her boyfriend is sleeping around on her and gave her AIDS. I honestly do. I don’t care if she dropped dead 5 minutes later, in fact, I wish it on her to this day. I know it’s a waste of my own energy to still be angry at her, but even as I write this the tears well up and I am just seething with anger. Fucking bitch.

Anyway, this (second) scooter toppling accident has led me to look into getting a 4 wheeler that is more stable!! I have an OT coming by on Tuesday to assess me and my scooter and if my apartment can handle a 4 wheeler getting in and out. My neighbour (the guy who also has MS) has one, so I don’t think it should be a problem in here. He said he wants to “see me drive it around”. I’m not normally setting off to chase down stupid bitches, so he won’t witness reckless driving, but even on my best days I don’t feel completely safe on that thing. I always feel like it could topple over at any time and I’m VERY careful over bumps and cracks on the sidewalks.

I’m reading a really good book right now, Quantum Wellness by Kathy Freston. I never did finish A New Earth, I barely started it to be honest. I’ll get around to it one day. But Quantum Wellness excited me when I saw the author on Oprah, and then on Ellen. She is SO freaking beautiful, she just radiates light and health and wellness and positive energy. She makes you want what she has!! I won’t be going Vegan anytime soon, but her discussions about “conscious eating” really hit me. It may be, as my friend Jason called me, “airy fairy”, but I AM airy fairy about stuff like this. I totally believe everything is energy and we take in energy, put out energy, and attract to ourselves that which is in line with our own energy. You know that about me if you’ve read any of this blog! Anyway, when it comes to food, we also take in THAT energy. The energy of the food… where it came from, how it got to our plate, how the animal was cared for and killed, the energy of the person packaging up the food, the energy of the corporatrion behind creating the food… etc. etc. It was like… a lightbulb moment for me!! I had never thought about it that way before. That when I eat crappy processed/fast food, I am not only ingesting crap which will make my body feel/look like crap, I am ingesting the negative energy associated with that food. Airy-fairy as it may be, I believe it!! If you’ve watched Super Size Me or Fast Food Nation you know how those fast food corporations and their money-hungry executives care more about their bottom line than they do our health (or our bottoms). And all those big processed food companies; from the evil suits at the top of the corporate ladder to the underpaid, stressed out person working the assembly line, we take in alllll that energy. So, for the past couple weeks I’ve been back to ordering groceries from SPUD (a GREAT little company with great people and good energy!) and switching to organic food when possible. It’s not like I will never eat fast food again, but I have certainly become more conscious of it in a very different way than I had before. Thinking of it in a physical health way was never enough to scare me away from it, as much as it should have been, but switch my thinking to how it affects my spiritual health, and you got me! I still need the convenience, though, so my freezer is full of Amy’s Organics (family business!) and my new favourite sweet snack is lemon yogurt with fresh bluberries and organic muesli

I’ve even switched to organic coffee from Cochrane Coffee Traders. (They’re so small they don’t even have a website. But they are a very socially and environmentally conscious company).

Catching some rays

Can’t…handle…the…cute!!

CAN’T HANDLE IT!!!

Cats in Sinks better not reject this face.

In case you haven’t noticed, my last catch-up post was to the end of last month. I keep popping in here and starting a post, but get distracted, and frustrated at how long it takes me to type out what I want to say, and then it gets left for a couple more days. So, I’m not going to do any detailed catch-up posts, because they are too long and I don’t have the patience or typing power for it. So this is what you get:

• May 1 - 4 - I celebrated my 40th birthday with amazing friends and family, and it was an awesome good time. You can see photos here.
• May 8 - I went back to the Casino to hang out with Jason and Sheldon (The Polyjesters are on the air Friday mornings from 6:00 - 10:00 a.m. on Q107 broadcasting live from the casino, so Thursday nights Jason and Sheldon are staying at the hotel there so they don’t have to drive into Calgary in the wee morning hours). They managed to get me into the over-sold out concert that night, which I was sooooooo excited about - Jeremy Fisher (whom I’ve already established in the past here that I LOVE) and The Proclaimers! OMG “Sunshine on Leith” is one of my favourite CDs of all time, and 20 years later I finally see the band live, and get to meet them and get my CD signed. YAY!!! That was a super exciting night. Oh yeah, and for the 2nd time since I turned 40 I was kissed by a strange random drunk guy.
• May 11 - Mother’s Day - my mom, Bob and brother came over. We ordered in food and I gave my mom a couple presents, Barbara Walter’s book and a crockpot. Wheee!
• May 14 - my mom’s 65th birthday!!! I sent her a beautiful Azalea and a balloon to her office. Yes, office… she won’t be retiring any time soon. She tried that a few years ago with early retirement and was bored to tears. She works full-time as the office manager at a real estate law firm, and if things keep going the way they are, she may end up being the oldest person trained to be a Paralegal in Canada hahaha
• In May - I watched a few good movies… PS I Love You (Sobfest), Eagle Vs. Shark (I love me some Jemaine Clement and anything related to New Zealand), and Once. I watched Once 3 times in a row on a Saturday and 2 times on Sunday, then raced out to buy the soundtrack. LOVE.
• May 25 - Lilac Festival! You know what that means? Just like last year and the year before, an entire afternoon with The Polyjesters. It was raining, so they played indoors this year. Picture this: sitting in a cozy pub all day watching and listening to the Polyjesters do one of their best shows ever, and 4 full sets of it. NOTHING better than that! My friend Kim came out from Red Deer again and stayed over the night before. Oh yeah, the night before (Saturday) I dragged her waaaaaay down south to a divey bar to watch a hard rock band my friend plays drums in. Kim’s such a trooper. We got in late then dragged our asses out of bed early to be at the Lilac Festival before noon. After that great day, Jason, Sheldon, Joelle, Kim and myself went for awesome Vietnamese food. I was home by about 8:00 and pretty much crashed. What a GREAT DAY.

So there, I think that pretty much catches you up on the major stuff. Sorry for falling so far behind. I’ve been insanely busy again. I also sold a bunch of stuff on eBay and the whole packaging-up-and-shipping process is hard for me!! I made a deal with one of my favourite sellers on there that I would box up and send her a bunch of stuff for her to sell for me. That is a lot easier. She is in California, and a reputable seller, so she will sell more than I could as shipping is cheaper from there and she has a lot of regular buyers. We’ll just split the profits. I sent her a big box yesterday, and will send her another one in the next few days. I’ve got way too many clothes…

And finally, I bought myself a new espresso machine as a birthday present to myself. I can’t seem to buy a replacement carafe for my other one that broke, so I decided to get a new machine that makes both regular coffee and espresso. My coffee maker has been living way back in my cupboard because I didn’t want a ton of appliances on my counter, and when I wanted regular coffee I would use my kettle and a one-cup filter thingy. Now I’ll have one thing on the counter that does both, so I’m a happy girl!

With happy kitties.

Monday, April 21 - Wednesday, April 30:

After that busy Rob and Peter week, I had to get back to doing taxes on Monday. I had quite a lot to finish up before the 30th! I don’t think I did anything exciting that week of Monday to Friday, I just worked and stuff. (”And stuff” means my usual daily routines of home care, lattes, quick trips to the mall, Facebook, Ellen/Oprah/Dr. Phil on and off, eBay, all mixed around work). On Friday, my home care worker, who is about the sweetest lady on earth, came by a second time around 1:00 and brought me samosas and pakoras. She’s from India and knows how much I love Indian food, so she decided to bring me some. Seriously? How nice is she??

On Saturday, I made plans with Jason. We had been talking all week about going for that Indian food buffet that Peter and I had gone to at the Samosa Grill, so on Saturday we confirmed it. Jason also had a cousin playing in a band downtown later that night, so he asked me to be his “date” for that. It actually was very much a real date, with Jason paying and everything, but I can’t REALLY date Jason. I mean… I love him too much, I think! We’re family. Anyway, I took my wheelchair because I thought it would be easier to get me around. Which it was, but still a hassle. The Samosa Grill is upstairs, so we had to take their freight elevator, and wait for a staff member to be free to take us to that loccked area. She took us the long way around, which involved going through storage areas and knocking over bins of empty bottles and such. Getting me in anywhere can be quite the production. Finally settled, Jason was my server for the evening, since it was a buffet. He took good care of me. Leaving was a little easier, because the staff member who took us knew the shortcut that I had taken with Peter last time. A lot less stuff to knock over.

Oh, and I should also mention that Jason has a Monster Truck van that I have a very hard time getting into, it is so high. Lots of help and butt boosting required from Jason. We get into some questionable positions, and if either of us were famous, the paparazzi would have a GREAT time taking pictures. Anyway, we were finally headed downtown to the Palomino, which it turns out has no elevator to get to the live music downstairs (it’s a very old building). Jason was mainly interested in seeing his cousin and saying “hi”, than he was in actually seeing the band, so our plan was to just stay in the upstairs bar for a drink or two if the stairs were going to be a hassle. Parking downtown is, of course, hard to come by, but after driving around for awhile we found a spot a couple blocks away. As Jason wheeled me to the club, I was saying “I’ve gotta pee the second we get in there!” (I’m such a classy date). We got inside the main doors no problem and asked a waitress where the washrooms were. “Our upstairs bathrooms are out of order. You have to go downstairs”.

Ah, wonderful. It was only about 8:30, and the doors for the show downstairs didn’t even open until 9:30 (although you could use the washrooms, of course). We decided to just brave the stairs and hopefully they would let us stay down there. Jason walked down the stairs with me, slow and steady, then ran back up to get my chair. I used the facilities, then we got settled at a table in the empty bar. They let us stay there and wait for the doors to “officially” open. Jason ran back upstairs and bought us drinks. At some point I apologized for being so high maintenance, needing all this help from him! He said “this, to me, is not maintenance. This is nothing. Emotional High Maintenance is a lot more work!” (Referring to relationships - have we not all had to deal with emotionally high maintenance people at some point?) That made me feel good. Physically, I’m pretty demanding because I need help with stuff, and you’ve got to be in good enough shape to lug a wheelchair or walker when hanging out with me! But I’m not going to drain you emotionally, so I guess it’s whatever is easier for you. I need to learn to stop apologizing all the time, because I know I would rather help someone down the stairs and push them in a wheelchair, than deal with bitching, whining, complaining, and walking on eggshells with someone you don’t know how to talk to or are afraid will explode if you say the *wrong* thing. Yeah.

So, we stayed down there for a couple of hours, listening to live surf rock music, before we were both ready to call it a night. Going up the stairs we had many staff offering to help - “can we do anything to help?” to which Jason responded, “all we need is time!”. Good answer. Jason walked with me up the stairs and a bartender carried my wheelchair. He said they had hosted big parties for oil and gas companies and stuff, and one night there were 3 wheelchairs, and the men were paraplegics and unable to stand at all. Times like that they really wish they had an elevator, but renovating a building that old would cost a fortune. I’m just really glad I am able to stand/walk, because no one would be able to carry me up or down stairs. Ahhhh, to be a lithe 115 pounds.

Jason dropped me at home and wheeled me inside, making sure all was okay and no cats ran out before he left. It was a great night! I heart my Jason.

Sunday, I rested and Facebooked and eBayed. I replenished my shower gel/body lotion supply with Avon products that cost a total of 6 cents, and with shipping it only came to $18.05… when I received the box, she had paid $22.50 for the shipping. Sometimes, the deals on eBay freak me out. I don’t understand how someone can sell sets of shower gel and body lotion for one penny, spend more on shipping than they charge, and continue being a seller. Maybe she promised her husband she would give him all her eBay profits and then found out he was having an affair.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were the end of tax season. Naturally, the CRA’s website decided to conk out and I wasn’t able to file the last two I had. It was frustrating as HELL!! Luckily, the CRA became aware of their server issues and let everyone know they had an extra week to file online. I wish I had known that before I spent all day Tuesday fighting with their website! Anyway, alls well that ends well. Everything got done and my clients are happy. Now the late ones are starting to call me! I’ll be busy for another month…

Next up, my 40th birthday extravaganza! Wheee! Until then, here is a really cute video of Pita and Pepper (mostly Pita) chasing their new laser:

Okay, so where was I. Ahhh, yes. I’m only about a month behind…

Sunday, April 13 - Sunday, April 20:

Sunday brought Rob Szabo back to Calgary again, for a show at the Ironwood. My friend Kim came in from Red Deer and picked me up around 5:30 ish and we headed over to the venue to meet Rob for dinner. It was sooooo good to see Rob again! It had been too long, in my opinion. And Jason came to see him! That was awesome. Jason plays Rob’s music and videos on Kitchen Radio, so it was about time he came to see him.

Me and two of my favourite people

After the show and packing up his gear, Rob and I came back to my place. I got to keep him for a few days!! It was nice to be able to spend some time with him, as the last couple of times he’s been here it’s just been for the one night, and he left the next morning for another city. This time he wasn’t flying out until Wednesday morning.

On Monday, we drove out to Carstairs to hang out at Jason’s house. I had not been there for quite some time… the last time I was there, he still had part of a living room, where people could sit on the sofa and socialize. Now, the living room is cut off from the kitchen by one of those office cubicle partitions, and the entire living room is a recording studio. Two of the upstairs bedrooms are completely geeked out with various computers, studio, sound boards, radio station equipment and stuff I don’t even know where to begin… the hallway is lined with racks of CDs and posters from various gigs. It’s unreal! It made Rob very happy. Jason and Sheldon are becoming big time promoters in the area, with Kitchen Radio, the Mountainview Music Festival, and organizing tons of performances for other musicians passing through. Jason’s house is the headquarters! He basically lives in the basement, and the entire upstairs is devoted to the business of independent music.

After spending a few hours in Carstairs, we drove back here and I got on my scooter for a quick trip to the mall. I think. I can’t quite remember the order of everything hehe But I do know that after that I had to rest a bit before we went to My Favourite Vietnamese Restaurant for dinner. We finished up close to 9:00, then I was BEAT. Done. Ready for an early night after a long, busy day. So I stayed in and went to bed early while Rob went back to the Ironwood where the owners wanted to give him a night out and buy him lots of drinks.

The next day was a quieter, get-stuff-done kinda day. I took my scooter out, and we went over to the mall to eat and pick up a few things, I don’t remember what it was I needed, but I’m sure it was important. Then we went across to the Safeway, so Rob could get some organic food and I could get my Soy milk (Wal-Mart had run out). Also, so I could visit Starbucks and get a latte. I look forward to more warmer weather, which we are NOT expriencing as I write this, so I can scooter over to Safeway more often. It’s a little too far to go when it’s cold and/or windy.

After we got back here, I hid in my office while Rob re-arranged furniture in my living room. I needed the TV closer, now that I have digital and need to read so much small print on the screen. I gave Rob directions, then hid away. I came out once for a brief moment, but saw the mess in the living room (he had to empty everything from the cupboards of my hutch in order to move it) and felt so guilty about asking him to do this, that I hid back in my office until it was all done. I’m very, very happy with the set up now! I’ve got my chair and TV over to one side, like a little private area, and the living room is “over there”. I like it much better. And if anyone is ever over to watch TV, they can just turn the TV towards them a bit.

Then it was time to make dinner plans. We were meeting with Spencer and Sam, a couple of Rob’s friends we had Indian food with back in October when he was here with Peter Katz. This time, we managed to get reservations at Aida’s, my VERY favourite restaurant (period), for Lebanese food. We had a lovely dinner, everyone was very impressed with my choice of restaurants (it’s SO GOOD). I had one whole glass of wine and could barely walk out of the place. Geez!

When we got back here, Rob hard boiled eggs to take with him the next day and packed up while I watched The Biggest Loser finale. Rob was all, “I thought you hated all that diet stuff.” Yeah, I do, but I did watch the season premiere, and it’s always fun to see the AFTER stuff. Even if more than half of them will gain it all back. And a woman won for the first time!! YAAA! Actually, I’m not sure of the Biggest Loser long-term stats. They lose it so fast and are separated from all temptation for so long (even those sent home know there is a TV show to appear on at the end, so that is a good motivator). It’s only natural that when “real life” hits them again, that they gain it back (plus more). Hopefully they get addicted enough to exercise that they can keep some off. I’m just not a big fan of the unrealistic expectations of that show… “I only lost 6 pounds this week WAAAH!!!”

Aaaaanyway, the next morning I got up early to say goodbye to Rob, (sniff, sniff) and then I went to work at a client’s for the day.

On Thursday, Peter called. He was in town that day before heading down to Lethbridge for a show on Friday, then back here for his show at the Ironwood on Saturday. He picked me up and we went to the Samosa Grill for a wonderful Indian food buffet lunch. Oh man, I could eat that food every day! Peter is so sweet. He bought me lunch and then we went to Starbucks after for some lattes. It was a lovely afternoon with a lovely person.

On Friday, I had a doctor’s appointment. My doctor has moved his office (again), and I didn’t even know! Luckily I looked at his address online when booking my Access trips, but I didn’t even realize it was a different address than last time because it was still in the NW part of the city and I don’t go often enough to memorize it. Anyway, the driver was trying to drop me off at a giant Superstore (which is not only a grocery store, but has a gym and offices and stuff) and I was all, “no way! My doctor isn’t in the Superstore! He’s in a mall in Beddington…” but we were at the address I had given. So I reluctantly got out of the car and wandered into the store and found the elevator to take me upstairs to the medical offices. Sure enough, my doctor works out of there now. Nice of them to let me know. They swore they called every patient, but I never got the call. Now that I know where it is, I remember seeing the medical centre’s name on my call display, but they never left me a message or anything.

By Saturday, I was beat. After Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday being out and about every day, I just couldn’t do it. And we all know what happens when I push myself and don’t listen to my body. So I called Peter and left a sobbing voice mail message that I wouldn’t be able to make it to his show. Of course he totally understood, and if it wasn’t for the family friends he was staying with having a big Passover dinner, he would have come over to play a private show for me before going to the Ironwood. Awwww. As it was, he called me from the back room before he went on stage to play me a song over his cell phone (because he is about the sweetest person on the PLANET), a new one he just wrote:

As he mentions in the start of that video, “I’m stranded in Calgary because of the snow storm”. He was supposed to head to Saskatchewan on Sunday morning, but he wasn’t able to. So, he called me and said “the bad news is, I can’t get to my gig in Saskatchewan. The good news is, I can come over and play a private concert for you.”

That’s right, people, Peter Katz called me and offered to come over and play a private concert FOR ME IN MY HOUSE. bold italic all caps exclamation marks

Of course, this was a little difficult to keep to myself. I thought I better call a few friends and see if they could make it over. Joelle lives close to me, so I called and left a message for her. When she called me back, she thought she was too late, and apologized for missing it. I said “he’s not here yet! Get your butt over here!” and she called Sheldon, who was on his way over to Joelle’s, to meet at my place instead. Sheldon was the first to arrive, then Peter in his mis-matched socks (so cute haha) and finally Joelle made it, bringing coffee with her at my very desperate request.

It was, to say the least, amazing. To be seated all comfy in my chair with Peter Katz playing and singing just feet from me. Hello, heaven! I recorded this little video, which I’ve kept pretty quiet because I don’t know if Peter would want it seen by all You Tube users. But for you guys that read my blog, I’m going to allow it! Peter had sung his heart out at his (PACKED) gig the night before, so his voice was a little rough, but we don’t care.

Photos from the week (I didn’t take many) above can be seen HERE.

To be continued…

Thursday, March 20 ~

Did you know my babies are two years old now? I don’t know their exact birthdate, but I know it was the first week or so of March. And I still love them more than anything! They make me laugh out loud every day. It’s awesome. I highly recommend at least two cats per household.

Ah, yes. I remember it well.

And so do they.

I’m insanely busy with work at the moment, but today is full of other stuff, and I don’t have time to devote to work before I have to do something else, so I’m writing this. It’s much easier to be interrupted during a blog post and then pick it up where I left off, than it is work. You see, today I had Home Care at 10:00, a Home Care nurse/supervisor is coming by at 12:30 for a meeting/assessment, and then my friend Shawna arrives from Winnipeg sometime after that and will be heading to my place straight from the airport. I get her for a few hours before she goes to another friend’s to spend the night, and then I’ll see her again on Sunday. In between, she will be with her boyfriend. Remember, the guy AH brought out with him, like, 3 years ago, when we were dating, and I wanted to go out when Shawna was in town, so I told him to bring a friend? Yeah. That guy. They’re still together!

Hmmm… reading that old entry reminds me that I used to have a life. I really miss Christine, too! She’s living in Ottawa now, going to law school! Who’d a thunk it? Ahhhh, the days of only needing a cane to get around. Before all the surgeries and falls and broken wrist and extended hospital stays and weight gain and anti-depressants… God, I’m working on getting back there, I sure hope I can.

Speaking of AH, yes, we still talk and stuff. I actually got rather short with him on the phone the other day, when he called me in the middle of the day when I was knee deep in work. My head was wrapped around what I was doing, and he asked me “has the government made new laws or something?” Huh? “my (brother/nephew/cousin I can’t remember) received a bill for $500 for filing his taxes late. Why?” How should I know? Is he incorporated? Yes. When’s his year end? Don’t know. Well, it depends on when his year end is, how late he filed, how much he owed when he filed… I can’t help you if you don’t know all that, the CRA charges penalties and interest to late filers when they owe. Duh. I’m busy, I gotta go.

I haven’t heard from him since then, can’t imagine why. I get stressed when I’m really busy and the phone rings off the hook for all sorts of reasons. It’s that time of the year…

My psychologist at the Clinic for Mind/Body Medicine has moved her office over to the hospital close to me!! I’m sooooo happy. No more sitting in a car for over an hour each way. Best of all, both my weekly commitments (to Troy’s for work, and this appointment) are in the NE not too far from me, so none of my regular trips will be long ones. AND I get AH as my driver a lot when I go to places nearby. AND, this is the hospital with a Second Cup right in the entrance I use, so I think I literally cried tears of joy when Jennifer told me she was being transferred there.

The Home Care nurse just left. Wow, we went over a lot of stuff! I’m really excited. She’s referring me to a foot clinic, where they can make a bunch of stuff to help me walk better, including fixing up the ankle/foot orthotic I had made a couple years ago (when I broke my wrist and was staying at Carewest, where the physio dept. got one made for me - to help my right foot lift up when I walk - but I have never been able to use it because I can’t get it on by myself or even with help!) and special shoes and a lift for my right leg, which is shorter than my left leg. My gait is so messed up from all these years of funny walking (and breaking my ankle in 2002). She’s also going to check with their volunteer centre to see if she can find someone to go to the pool with me twice/week!!! Someone to help me get in and out of my bathing suit. She said it may take a couple of months, but there is hope that I can get back in the water. YES!!! Next week my Home Care worker, Harpal, is getting training and supervision to exercise with me 3 mornings/week, so if I get that exercise M-W-F and then can add in water exercise Tues. and Thurs., PLUS stuff to help me walk better and safer (so I actually will walk more), I am ON MY WAY. I’m so excited. She’s also referring an occupational therapist to get me a new walker… mine is wrecked up and an old model. Pita has pretty much ripped the foam off the handles, and the plastic tray I use every day is cracked and broken.

I LOVE SOCIALIZED HEALTH CARE!! There, I said it. We may not have a perfect system, but until I saw Sicko I didn’t realize just how GOOD we have it. I’d be living on the street if I lived in the U.S. with the amount of health issues and hospital stays I’ve had! Plus I’d probably have to buy my own walker. Which are, like, $600. Now, if we could just get air conditioners for persons with MS made a medical necessity instead of a non-medical appliance that isn’t covered by Aids to Daily Living, that would be nice.

My friend Sheldon made the funniest video ever, but he recorded it on Facebook, so I don’t think you can see it unless you have a Facebook account.

Please go here to laugh now.

If you’re unable to see that, I filmed it off my computer using my camera and uploaded to You Tube, but obviously the sound and quality is not nearly as good as the original. I’m hoping Sheldon will start a comedy channel on You Tube and upload videos so we can all watch his silly antics on a regular basis.

Friday, March 21 ~

Shawna showed up yesterday afternoon, and we went to the mall. Big surprise, huh? I bought Easter stuff for Jason and Sheldon ’cause we’ll be seeing them on Sunday, including a singing duck which I hope will become the official mascot for their Kitchen Radio. Anyway, we ate, shopped, and talked. Then I ended up getting caught up in Thursday night television without finishing this up. I think I’m going to like that new show Miss Guided, unless it’s on opposite The Office when it comes back. There is no contest. But Miss Guided was funny, and I love Judy Greer.

Okay, well, I better get my ass in gear and get some work done today! Happy Easter everyone, enjoy your weekend.

The litter boxes were cleaned and aired out to dry.

“Okay, let’s trade”

We have a winner!

I must tell you about last Friday, a.k.a. I-Must-Have-Royalty-In-My-Blood night. It was the Polyjesters CD Release Party in their hometown of Didsbury, and I got to go. As Sheldon said a couple weeks ago, “if I have to drive in and get you myself, I will, because you HAVE to be there”. Luckily it didn’t come to that, because that guy did enough that night. He did, however, make arrangements for his girlfriend Joelle to pick me up, his parents to give me a bed for the night, and Joelle to drive me back the next day. Among other things.

I had considered taking my wheelchair, and when talking to Sheldon about seating at the complex, he said it was most likely those folding plastic chairs. So I said I’d bring my wheelchair. He said, “Oh, if it’s a chair you need, I’ll bring you a chair! Yes! I’ll bring a special chair, just for you! Then you don’t have to bring your wheelchair and can be more mobile”. I requested a La-Z-Boy, preferably of the electronic lift variety, okthx.

Joelle picked me up around 3:30 p.m. and after a stop for gas and coffee, we were on our way. I love Joelle, she’s super cool and fun to talk to. Didsbury is about an hour away from Calgary, so we got in some good boy talk. When we arrived at the Didsbury Community Centre, we were greeted with gigantic hugs and I was driven right up to the front door so I could by-pass the ice that hadn’t melted out back. (It’s been so sunny and warm, but that back area is all shade). A good friend of the band named Saunder (I’m not sure that’s how you spell it… he is Dutch and it comes from Alexander, so maybe it’s Xander?) paid an awful a lot of attention to me. I think the guys must have paid him to be my personal slave or something. (He lives in Ottawa and is married with an adult son, so it wasn’t THAT kind of attention!) He was just so helpful and took care of me. As so many others did that night, I’m still in awe of everyone.

Sheldon had yet to arrive with “My Chair”, but him and everyone else had been running their asses off all day. There was a big dinner being served before the show, African beef curry that Sheldon cooked up, and beef satay by Saunder. (If I ever get married, I’ll get Sheldon to cater my wedding, now that I know he can successfully cook and serve 100 people). The band rented the hall so they had to look after all the set up, tear down, food, liquor, etc. themselves. Lucky for them, they have very supportive and hardworking girlfriends, parents and friends! I felt pretty useless as I watched everyone else drag out stacks of chairs and set up big tables. Sheldon arrived with My Chair, and once I sat in it, I knew I would not be getting up. Literally, it was one of those low armchairs you sink right into, and I knew there was no hope. The wooden legs slid along the floor fairly easily, and Sheldon slid me right up to the front of the stage where I enjoyed watching everyone’s soundchecks. It was one of those chairs that even looks like a throne, if you know what I mean! Saunder brought me 7up and chips from Indonesia. They tasted a little too shrimp-y for me to eat many, but I could not refuse after he went through the trouble to wait on me!

The early crowd started arriving for dinner around 7:00. Sheldon moved me to the back again, so I could sit with people I knew. By this time Kim had arrived, looking fabulous as usual. She stood in line for her food and brought me a plate as well. I highly recommend curry with sliced apples and bananas. I think I mentioned this a couple entries ago, the first time I tried Sheldon’s curry. It’s sooooo good! After filling up on dinner, I got a couple strong men to help me stand up, and I was able to get to the bathroom! By the time I got back, the room was packed and the show was about to start. I’m not sure how many people were there, I don’t think anyone knows for sure, but my guess would be 250, which is pretty damn good for a local act in a small town putting on their own show!

First up was Tony Charron, a good friend of the Polyjesters, followed by Dave Taylor, another local singer/songwriter. During Tony’s set Sheldon raced me back up to the front, causing a bit of a commotion (there was some laughter and applause as he ran, pushing me in my chair, to my front row spot). I even got a “hi, Donna” from Tony onstage. Both Tony and Dave played short sets, and were really good! After that, CBC Radio got involved. They were broadcasting the show from that point on, attracted by the multi-cultural evening - a French band from Quebec played next, called Chakidor. They were absolutely brilliant. They only sang one song in English, but that was okay! Music is a universal language. They have an amazing fiddle player, and since the Polyjesters were without theirs that evening, I was wishing she knew their stuff too, so she could play with them! The Polyjesters are used to improvising without certain members when they need to, but I do miss the fiddle the most when they’re short a player.

After Chakidor’s wonderful set, the Polyjesters took to the stage. Oh, yes, and I will mention here that I was very well taken care of. Carol (PolyMom) told me she felt bad that I was up there all by myself, but I’m a listener, anyway, so it’s not like I’d be talking to anyone while the music was going. And I had so many people coming to visit me throughout the night; Barry (PolyDad) brought me drinks, Saunder made sure a second helping of his beef satay was brought to me around 11:00, and many friends popped around during and after. Being as close as I was, I managed to get a bit of video, and here are a couple of my favourites:

My photos from that night can be seen in my Public Facebook album, right here. They are all live shots because of my position for the night. If I’d had more running-around freedom (or wheeling-around, as the case would be!) I’m sure I would have some behind-the-scenes and other friends pictures too!

Following the show, clean-up had to be completed before we could leave for the night. Cut to me feeling completely useless again! Even Kim, in her high heels and no commitments to being a volunteer for the night, ran around tossing empty beer bottles into boxes and helped tidy up. There was garbage and empty bottles to go, chairs to be stacked, tables to be put away, floors to be mopped, a kitchen to be cleaned… it all took a couple of hours, and I just sat and watched. Seriously, I didn’t like that one bit. Even though Jason and Sheldon kept insisting it was their pleasure to treat me like a Queen for a night and pamper me. I WANTED TO HELP! Next time I’m bringing my wheelchair so I can at least carry a box on my lap and toss in empties as I wheel myself backwards, which is my specialty.

There would be no partying after this show, as Jason and Sheldon (I’m thinking, especially Sheldon!) had been running non stop all day, it was now 2:00 a.m., and they had to be in Calgary for a soundcheck by 1:00 p.m. on Saturday. I got my hugs and kisses then left with the PolyParents to stay at Chateau Valleau. Barry and Carol were a great help getting me inside, as there were a few steps up with no railing to face once we got there. Once safe inside and sufficiently tackled by their dog Suzie, they showed me to the spare room. Lucky for me the bed is high, so my struggles to stand up were over for the night! Not that I was going to be getting up again any time soon. I think it was about 3:30 a.m. by the time I fell asleep.

I woke up at 9:30 to the sounds of phones ringing, voices, activity in the house… so I figured I better get up too. I went into the kitchen and was greeted by a fresh pot of coffee and Carol making breakfast: pancakes, hash browns, and crispy bacon. Was this heaven? Turns out Carol didn’t even sleep the night before - “I stayed up on the couch reading. I’ll sleep later”. Non-stop, that woman is!! We had a wonderful breakfast and then I washed myself up. I tried to dress myself, but gave up when I was struggling with my pants, so I called Carol. “You’re a mom, you can help me…” of course, she was more than happy to. Pants on, bra clipped, top on. Easy as pie.

Perfect timing, because as soon as I was dressed, Sheldon, Joelle and their friend Dawn arrived. Sheldon was driving right out to Calgary, but my ride was with Joelle, and her and Dawn wanted to stop in Carstairs for some Chinese food. It hadn’t been that long since breakfast, but I did manage to sneak in a couple spicy won tons and dumplings. Oh, and the Ginger Chicken was delicious! Next time I’m going there on an empty stomach. Actually, next time I’m in Carstairs I want to try the Burger Baron, I’ve heard soooo much about it! Anyway, we had a nice lunch and good conversation. Great ladies!

I’m not sure what time I got home, probably around 2:00 or so. I’m pretty sure I spent the rest of the day lazing about.

Since then, I’ve been back to my usual life. Psychologist on Monday, work at Troy’s on Wednesdays, working at home, Facebook, TV, etc. The excitement starts here! Today I bought some Millionaire for Life tickets, so by tonight I’ll know if I’ll be getting a million dollars a year for the next 25 years. Yippeee!

“That was fun! Do you like your new blue carpet?”

I’ve been meaning to update for days because I have SO much to talk about, but as each day went by the thought of writing it all out was so overwhelming that I would put it off until I had “more time” and then the days just go by and there is more to talk about and AHHHH!!! So I doubt I’ll get it all in.

First of all, my friend Melanie had been staying with me from Jan. 23 - 30. Then she took off for London, England to start a new life over there. Ahhhh, to have dual citizenship and be able to work in other countries… I would have done that for sure when I was younger and healthier! Anyway, Tuesday night was her last night here, so I suggested I take her out to the Olive Garden for dinner. Not the smartest move because the weather was unbelievably cold and everything snowy and icy… it is in my best interest to stay indoors if it gets like that. But, you know, she’s moving to England the next day, we’ve gotta do something.

Melanie was out visiting her mom during the day, so she said she’d call me when she was leaving and meet me at Olive Garden. When I had about 45 minutes to get there, I started trying to get through to a cab. It was about -30 plus the windchill, so if you can even begin to imagine how cold that is, you can imagine how hard it is to get a taxi in that weather. I finally got through and asked for one, then got my coat and boots on, and began my attempts to get out the door without Pita running out. Then my phone rang… but I didn’t know where it was! I guess Mel had used the cordless earlier and just put it down wherever… something I have learned to never do anymore because it must always be within reaching distance of me. So I had to go into my office to answer it, and it was AH, who I had tried calling earlier as well to see if he’d be able to give me a ride. I told him all was fine now, a cab was on the way, but I had to hang up because the Pita Fight for the Hall was just about to begin. As I walked out of my office, my feet didn’t pick up (I hate wearing boots, they’re so heavy… I need summer so I can go back to Crocs) and I fell. It was kind of in slow motion as I fell against my walker and down, and my right eye hit a wheel on my walker, and then it rolled away, sort of trying to take my eyelid with it. I was laying on the floor, knowing I wasn’t seriously hurt, but when I touched my eye and pulled my hand away I saw all that blood, and then worried. I couldn’t see myself and I didn’t know what I had done; maybe it was serious and I needed stitches? I was afraid to move too much. I still didn’t know where my phone was, so it was easier to crawl to my door and yell for help at my neighbour across the hall (now that the drug dealers are gone, I have a nice couple over there!) He came to the door (and he was even wearing pants this time!) and saw me laying there bleeding, and said he’d call an ambulance. While waiting for the ambulance, my cab arrived. My nice neighbour ran to the main door and apologized on my behalf to the cab driver.

Soon the paramedics arrived, and my neighbour went back inside and let this team look after me. There were three women… and they were so awesome! (Although, I have never had Paramedics that were not awesome). They helped me stand up, which I had trouble doing, and started crying again (more on my crying bursts later…GOD) They got me over to my chair and cleaned up my face. They took my blood pressure which was very high and they asked if I had hypertension. Well, maybe at that moment. When I cry I can’t breathe or talk and hyperventilate, so, yeah. I managed to get out “I’m supposed to be meeting a friend at the Olive Garden right now!” After cleaning me up, one of them said “it’s not so bad, you know… you don’t need stitches…” while another one went into my office to get my phone book, and she also found my cordless phone in there. I called the Olive Garden to leave a message for Melanie that I would not be meeting her, but then the paramedics started saying, “it’s not so bad! Put some ice on it, you can still make your dinner date!” I explained that my cab had already come and gone, and it would take forever to get another one. They looked at each other and then said “well… if you don’t tell on us… we can give you a ride”. Seriously??? So I told Mel to hang tight, I would be there. My New Friends helped me get my socks and boots back on, cleaned the rest of the dried up blood off my eyelid, helped me get my coat on and out the door without a cat following, and off we went.

Once outside, they tried to help me in the side door to the back of the ambulance, but the step that pulls down was frozen. They were trying to boost me in, when one of them said “hey, this is an illegal ride anyway, why don’t we just put her in the front?” and so I did. I rode to the Olive Garden in the front seat of an ambulance. Then all three of them helped me out, and walked me inside to make sure I didn’t fall again.

Day 2. It was worse by Day 3, but it seems to be looking better now

So anyway, Melanie and I had a lovely dinner. Breadsticks, salad, pasta, red wine, ice pack for my eye, singing the theme song from “Golden Girls”, expressing concern about how we will get home since it’s so hard to get a cab.

After paying the bill we went to the front entrance to enquire about a cab. The bartender could not get through. We borrowed his cell phone for a bit, but could not get through. Mel ran outside a couple times to see if she could flag one down, but no luck, and she was getting frostbite. The hostess asked “where do you live?” and I said “so close! Just beside the mall, but I can’t walk that far!” and she said “…maybe I could give you a ride?” Mel and I looked at her, and then her boss, and begged “could she??” He couldn’t really think of a reason why not, since there were two hostesses on, and the restaurant was very quiet with no one but US being stupid enough to venture out in that weather.

So, off we went with the sweet, wee little blonde hostess with the cute accent from Bulgaria. Walking out to her car, I slowly and carefully stepped off the curb, but managed to fall anyway. ARGH! It was too icy to stablize my walker, and my legs were already jell-o from my earlier fall, and it was clear we would need help. So Wee Hostess ran inside to get her boss, and then we finally got me up and safely into the car and my walker in the trunk. SUCH a production.

Wee Hostess refused to take any money from us, but when we pulled up to my apartment and both her and Mel got out to get my walker, I shoved a $20 bill into her plastic thingy in the front that holds all the driver’s junk thingy. I mean, come ON! She was going way above and beyond the Call of Olive Garden Hostess Duty.

Finally, I was inside, warm, safe, in my chair. Melanie made me a hot chocolate and then took off to meet a friend for a few drinks at a nearby pub. Her last night, and all… freezing or not, she wasn’t going to sit around!

So that was Tuesday night. Melanie left Wednesday afternoon, and arrived safely in London. I was so sore from the two falls the night before that I don’t think I really moved much on Wednesday or Thursday. Thursday night my mom and Bob picked me up to go to the Chiropractor, and I don’t think I’ve ever needed a treatment so bad! My right shoulder is in such bad shape that it has resorted to stabbing pain in my upper right chest area every time I breathe. We came back to my place after, ordered Chinese food, and Bob did a whole bunch of things around here. Such as remove that walker carrier from the back of my scooter and hook up my new DVD player because I broke the other one when I hit my TV a couple weeks ago, with the walker carrier on the back of my scooter. Those cheap DVD players don’t respond well to falling to the floor. So now I am on DVD Player #3 and hoping for the best.

As mentioned previously, I have been weaning off my anti-depressants. Because they come in 20mg tablets and I can only split them in half, I have had to wean off in 10mg increments. I was at 40mg, then would go 30-40-30-40 alternating days for a couple weeks, then to 30mg for a couple weeks, and so on. A couple weeks ago I stopped my 20-10-20-10 alternating days and went straight to just 10mg/day. Holy CRAP. I have never cried so much in my life as I have the past two weeks. Every little thing and nothing at all could set me off. The entire process of weaning down has not been fun, but this was the worst. I had even been thinking about suicide for real… just wanting the crying to end, the feeling so shitty. I haven’t been sleeping, even if I took up to 3 sleeping pills. I don’t like the person I have been and my attitude has sucked. So yesterday I took 20mg again, and ZING!! Whole new person. Withdrawal is HARD, people. If you ever need anti-depressants to get you out of a dark place, by all means take them if you need to, but then wean off them right away when you feel better. Do not get caught up into taking them for years, to the point where it is hard, if not impossible, to stop. I went to my pharmacy today to see about getting my pills sliced up smaller, or if there was a smaller dose so I could cut down by 5mg instead of 10. The pharmacist totally sympathized with me… she said she tried weaning off her SSRI and just wasn’t able to. She still takes it because she can’t get off it. She told me Paxil does come in 10mg tablets that I can then snap in half for my 5 mg, so she would refill my prescription with those. Then she punched something into the computer and frowned… “your insurance doesn’t cover the 10mg size”. HOW STUPID IS THAT??? But being the sweetheart she was, she refilled my prescription with 20mg tablets, and cut each and every one into 4 pieces for me. So hopefully I can go to 15-20-15-20 for awhile then 15 instead of dropping right to 10. God, I hope it works. Withdrawal sucks!!

So, to sum up this past week: Paramedics, Hostess, Pharmacisit, Melanie, My mom and Bob: Divine Grace is everywhere.

I watched Sicko on Friday night (and again last night, and all the special features). I cried and cried and cried and cried and got so mad and cried some more. And I really want to move to France. I may bitch about our health care system here (it really is “sick care”, not preventative as in other countries, and Big Pharma still rules in the end), but at least we don’t have to pay for our doctor visits and necessary treatments and surgeries. I can only imagine how many times I would have filed for bankruptcy in the past 6 years alone!

STOP clawing at mom’s chair!

I seriously cannot take a picture of Pepper looking at the camera without the result being glowing eyes. Space Kitty!