Can You Hear Me Now?

I was so shook up by the time I reached the hospital for my physio appointment the other day, I almost didn’t go in. Well, that’s not quite true, of course I went in, but I laid on the table and just breathed for about 10 minutes before anything else. This was all thanks to Access Calgary and their lovely Handi-bus vehicles. Holy shit! Those are the worst vehicles on the road. When I was able to go out with just my walker, I had a Doctor’s note in my file to never send me a Handi-bus because they have absolutely no shock absorption and toss you around like a rag doll (once I hit my head pretty hard on the window) plus they have no air conditioning. When you’re stuck on a city-wide trip in the summer that is brutal for MSers. Then in the winter, they open the back up to let the ramp down and leave it that way while they go looking for their next passenger. Not fun to sit there when it’s -30 outside. So anyway, I managed to keep myself as “car only” for many years, but now that I need to go out with my scooter (and soon my power chair) I have no choice in the matter. A few times I have lucked out and a wheelchair van has showed up, which is nice, but usually it is those horrible clunky Handi-busses. Tuesday was especially awful because I got a bit of a city tour, going waaaaay past my destination to pick up another two people and drop me off on the way back. There were many, many speed bumps, tight corners turned at too fast a speed, and very uneven concrete roads. At one point I felt one of my wheels lift up and I thought I was going to topple over. I flew up in the air several times. I screamed… twice. And to think, with the Calgary Stampede so close, I’ve been thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve been able to ride on a roller coaster. At least on a roller coaster you’ve got bars around you to feel secure. Yikes. I was scared shitless.

The rides are always horrible, especially over speed bumps, but I usually get direct trips to the hospital because it is so close. I have never had to deal with a run like this. Now I am afraid to book a trip to anywhere further from me in the city! Maybe it will be better in a wheelchair. If you’re on a 3 wheel scooter they want you to transfer to a seat for safety reasons, but I am unable to do that so I stay seated on my scooter and feel pretty uneasy about it. Although on Tuesday the bus was too full for me to transfer even if I could, with 3 ambulatory passengers on the seats, a person in a wheelchair and me on my scooter. I guess I have another reason to seek out a 4 wheeled scooter again. one of these days I’ll get on that… for now I’m still awaiting the arrival of my power wheelchair and then I need to get to work on setting up self-managed care. Oh, and next week I have an appointment to get my ankle/foot orthotic looked at to see if there are some changes they can make to it so I can actually put it on and wear it. Hey, that only took three years! Hopefully if it works I’ll be walking safely and more often again. My Home Care nurse/coordinator has been fighting the good fight for me on this one for over two years. Finally someone listened! I need to get a shoe for it this week.

The above was written a couple days ago! Yesterday I found my shoes. In fact, it took me all of 30 seconds to find them. I needed a shoe with velcro straps in a size bigger than I wear, wide. I rode into Payless Shoes (where, it turns out, my scooter sets off the security alarms, and they didn’t stop until I left. That was nice). The only aisle that had room for me (the store was busy. And did I mention I set off the alarms? The staff must be used to it because they were not phased) just happened to have women’s size 9-1/2 at the end. I spotted some black running shoes, and when I pulled out the box they just happened to be a wide, with velcro straps across the top. Sold! That was easy.

Before that, however, I spent an hour in a periotontist chair getting my gums scaled. They are in such bad shape, she could only do my top teeth and they needed to freeze my gums. The hygienist lectured me (nicely) about taking better care of my extremely infected and inflamed gums. I know, I know. I’m going to have to get my daily home care “plan” to include dental hygiene assistance. My main excuse for not spending time on my teeth is the difficulty standing at the sink, brushing my teeth with my one good hand while trying to stay balanced. But there is lots I can do seated while watching TV. I solved my one handed flossing woes ages ago, so I really don’t have an excuse. Just DO it.

So after I got home I went back out to the mall to pick up an Oral B Vitality to use until I get a replacement head for my Sonicare (dad took it to find one for me) and the shoes. As I was riding my scooter up the mall, a lady came along beside me, smiled, and said “hope you’re having a good day!” or something very friendly like that. She stayed beside me and said “it’s so great to see you out and about.” She didn’t mean me exactly, it was more of a general statement about people with mobility problems being able to get out on motorized scooters and chairs. I ended up stopping and chatting with her for a bit. She told me she used to take care of this older gentleman until “they put him in the Fanning Centre” (assisted living facility). I asked, “oh, you’re a caregiver?” and she said she’s not officially, but loves to do that sort of stuff and take care of people. She started listing people/family she has cared for over the years. She used to be a waitress but isn’t able to do that anymore (I didn’t ask why, maybe I should have? Did she poison her customers?) so now she cleans houses. She offered herself up to be of assistance to me if I ever need it, “clean your house, do your laundry, cook, paint your nails… I do everything except build houses! And I don’t charge a lot. I really just love helping people”. She wrote down her name and number with “cleaner, handy, loving girl” under it. So…. Angel sent from above, or total whackjob? I’m sure I’ll find out ’cause I know I’ll call her at some point. She seems to be around my age, one of those people a little rough around the edges with a heart of gold. In fact, she TOLD me she has a heart of gold, so there ya go. Will be interesting to see if she really is as kind and giving as she appeared to be, and if in the future when I get into self-managed care I end up hiring her! As she left, she told me and my completely frozen, drooling mouth, “you have a very pretty smile”.

I’m doing better since I cut back to 10 StemEnhance per day. I was definitely detoxing before, so I feel normal again. Dare I say I’m noticing it’s a little easier to get up from the toilet, my chair, my scooter, etc.? No, I won’t get too excited yet. But that has been quite noticeable the past few days compared to the past year! Shhhh.

Oh my God, my friend Emma in Toronto (for now, until she is done school in a couple weeks and then goes back to Montreal until she heads to SCOTLAND for school in the fall, where she got a scholarship at some music industry school, and I am making no sense, but oh my God it is so exciting and I am so proud of her and the corruption I thought I caused her at age 15) did the coolest thing the other day. We were talking over Skype, and since we both have MacBooks, Emma suggested we try iChat (Skype was very fuzzy). With iChat there is a “share screen” feature, and we were able to go on the other person’s computer. Like, I was able to snoop through Emma’s files and emails and listen to her iTunes and everything. Unbelievable. I totally freaked out, that was the coolest thing ever.

Okay that part was written yesterday, and I am determined to finish this up tonight.

This morning I went back to the mall and returned the Oral B Vitality, because, really, I can live for a few days with a normal toothbrush until I get my Sonicare replaced. I didn’t really need to spend $29 on a toothbrush. But, if you don’t have any other kind of electric toothbrush, it’s supposed to be a really good one for the price.

I was saddened to hear of Farrah Fawcett’s passing this morning, and totally shocked by the death of Michael Jackson! Woah. I used to LOVE Michael. I owned “Off The Wall” and a family I babysat for gave me “Thriller” for Christmas when I was 15. I played them over n’ over n’ over. While curling my hair to look like Farrah’s. It’s a bad day for childhood icons.

However, my greatest love from my teen years, John Taylor from Duran Duran, is alive and well and guest starring on “Samantha Who?” tonight! Woo hoo!

I’ve also been keeping up on the goings on in Iran, via following a few reliable sources on Twitter and my favourite news source, The Daily Show. I’m not able to watch all the video footage because the screams are too much to handle. I did watch most of the footage of Neda’s death but I closed the browser when the blood started pouring and I heard the screams. I made the mistake of clicking on a link and watching a video in the first couple days of the aftermath, when the Basij were storming dorms and attacking/killing students. That was a mistake and that boys face and the screams will haunt me forever. This NY Times blog has great coverage if you’re interested. One of the guys in Iran I’m following on Twitter said yesterday “we must go - don’t know when we can get internet- they take one of us, they will torture and get names - now we must move fast.” Good Lord, can you even imagine. We are so lucky to live here.

My mom is coming to stay with me this weekend. That will be nice! She can help me organize in my office and we’re going to watch “The Reader”. I was going to rent it last weekend but my mom said “no! Wait until I come!”

One of these days I will get around to emptying out my memory card on my camera. Until then, Pita still likes to hang out on me and my MacBook.

This is just a quick update to ease the minds of those worried I may be making myself worse by taking StemEnhance. I had a nice long chat with a health and wellness coach on Monday. She is a holistic health practitioner and has been doing that for 24 years, only about two years with Stemtech. (Her story - brain injury in 2000, doctors told her if her brain didn’t recover in two years it never would. She started StemEnhance in Sept. 2007 and within weeks was remembering phone numbers and stuff. Whatever glitch in her brain that made it impossible to type double letter words - better was beter, hello was helo - went away as well and today she has no sign of ever having a brain injury). Today she works mostly with cancer patients and people like me who have questions/concerns about StemEnhance. Anyway, she told me I’m taking too much and to cut back to 8 or 10 a day. She was spot on with how I am feeling right now and what my BMs look like. “You aren’t even absorbing it all and you’re pooping it out. That’s expensive poop! You’re detoxing so much you’re not giving your body a chance to have a ‘good’ day.” She said she knows the man I talked to, who said I should be taking 2 capsules every 2 hours, and agreed that yes, indeed, his daughter’s story is remarkable, but even she didn’t see results for about 4 months. Also, my body is different than hers, and judging by my situation she figures I’m taking too much and being too hard on my body (I have had pretty fierce detox symptoms lately, such as increased dizziness, blotchy rashes coming out on my chest). She also suggested, as a natural health practitioner not as a Stemtech rep, that I get on a good collagen/MSM supplement and plenty of fish oil (or eat a lot of fatty fish, which ain’t gonna happen). “You do that, and decrease your StemEnhance to 8-10 a day, I think you will have a very different story in a few months”.

She also eased any concerns I had that I’m making unhealthy stem cells and therefore making myself worse by enhancing them. “You may have unhealthy cells, but they are not your stem cells. If you were making unhealthy stem cells, your body would have completely broken down years ago.” She works with and talks to so many people taking StemEnhance and only knows stories of improvement and recovery. We talked a bit about Deepak Chopra and “happy molecules”. She agreed that belief and thoughts play a huge role as well. “However the real miracle is, God created bodies that are able to heal themselves. He also provided us with substances available from the earth to assist in this process.” (StemEnhance is Aphanazomenon Flos-Aquae, or AFA, found in Klamath Lake, Oregon).

So anyway, bottom line is, I’m not going off StemEnhance any time soon and am even more hopeful than I was when started. I also went out and picked up some collagen & MSM supplements yesterday (already have fish oil ones). I’m already less dizzy today than I was on Monday, since cutting back my dosage. Onwards!

P.S. if you are on Twitter, are you following the #IranElection? We are so lucky to live in Canada and America. There is lots of info and links on Twitter, but beware of propaganda, false reports and Twitter accounts set up by the Iran Government to spread false reports. If you read enough it’s easy to tell who is reliable. My prayers are with all in Iran, I wish you FREEDOM and democracy. Sign the Amnesty International Petition!

WANTED: freedom for Iran, sunshine, and toys.

Hello, I’m here, still alive. Just so far behind in posting anything that I’m going to do this in note form to get caught up. I will need to review Twitter and Facebook statuses to remember my life.

Oh, but first, I want to point something out. I realized something recently that I forgot to mention in my last post. If you have EVER written me an email to my donna@innereyes address or left me a comment that you thought I would respond to (especially first time commenters) and you never heard back from me, it’s because I learned via something Robyn said in her Wordpress blog that spam filters are catching these emails. That was a major “A-HA” moment for me, because I have received a lot of nice emails out of the blue from readers, and I have answered every one of them by just hitting “reply” and using the default innereyes address they sent it to, yet I never heard a peep from these people again, even when I asked them a question back. So I am SO SORRY! I receive all the emails and comments that get sent to innereyes, but I will respond from a different address from now on. This has probably been going on for years! Don’t hate me, if you’re even still reading or you stopped because you thought I was a stuck up snob. I DID respond to you!!

Anyway, about my exciting life you keep coming back to check on:

- I got my PVR hooked up. Telus said they’d be here between noon and 2:00, and they book “4 to 5 hours for the installation”. They arrived at noon, it took 15 minutes max, then they left. No doubt to go spend the sunny afternoon on a patio somewhere on their employer’s dime.

- I love my PVR

- A client came by with his tax stuff (yes, he’s always late) and because the receipts were an unorganized, wrinkled mess-in-a-box, I sent him home and told him to come back when they’re sorted. That USED to be my job, but I am so over that shit. Between my vision issues and the use of only one hand, I am not fighting with receipts anymore. And it really doesn’t bother me if I lose clients over it. I’m not enjoying my work much anymore, so I think it’s time to figure out something else I can still do. Like write that damn book…

- “Samantha Who?”, a TV show I absolutely love, has been cancelled. I joined the Twitter campaign to save it, but I don’t know if it’s helping. Catch the final previously unaired episodes Thursdays starting June 25 on ABC (John Taylor from Duran Duran is on the 25th! Wheee!) They’re showing repeats on Friday nights until then. Great show. Stupid ABC.

- Speaking of stupid ABC, I am watching The Bachelorette although I’m not really paying attention. I do hope the best for my Alberta girl Jillian, however. She’s a sweetie and, hey, the Calgary Stampede was even mentioned in one episode. Yeehaw!

- They did a cockroach inspection in my building because there have “been complaints”. SHIIIIIIT!!! There is no sign of them in my apartment, thank God (and kitty cats), and I hope and pray it stays that way. Once roaches invade a building that is IT. I’m hoping the complainers were really seeing small mice. Because I’ve had that problem and DID get rid of that!

- I’ve been going for physio fairly regularly. Unfortunately, the entire process of arranging the ride, getting out of my apartment, waiting for the ride, the ride itself, exercising, then doing it all again in reverse is sometimes too much for me that day and I have to cancel. Oh, how I wish we could get PT in our homes. The Range of Motion I get from my home care worker is great, and I got it increased to 4X/week, but it’s just simple stretches and doesn’t do anything to improve strength.

- The Executive Producer of the Oprah show is following me on Twitter. She asked her thousands of followers to tell her how long they’d been watching, favourite episodes, etc. and she would follow a few back. I sent several messages because I have been watching Oprah since 1812, and even remember her appearances on The Tonight Show and David Letterman back when she was promoting The Color Purple and her “new show”. So her Exec. Prod. Sheri Salata is following me now and I have yet to say anything brilliant to make her think “wow, we must fly that girl to Chicago and put her on the show.” Maybe she’s not too impressed that I whined about the cost of shipping an Oprah show mug (not to her, just in general). But, seriously? I got an Ellen Degeneres show mug, a book, and shipping to Canada, all for $35US. An Oprah mug is $12 PLUS $35 for shipping! I can’t justify that. I love my Ellen mug, by the way. Great handle.

- AH has been in Lebanon for the past couple of weeks. One of the political parties there offered to fly out any Canadian families with dual citizenship for free, for 30 days, if they voted for them. Not too corrupt now, is it? I don’t know the voting procedures over there, but I’d like to know how they can be sure the vote is going to them? Anyway, I guess their tactic worked because they won.

- I attended a mini high school reunion of a bunch of us ladies that went to school together. It was all organized through our re-connecting on Facebook. It was great fun, my friend Lisa picked me up and although I was assured the location was wheelchair accessible, our gathering was held in a private room that was up two little steps (with no railing otherwise I could have managed). I don’t have one of those chairs you can tilt backwards to roll up steps (I have safety bars to keep it from tilting backwards, but times like this it would be nice to be able to remove them). So two big, strong bartenders carried me in my chair up the steps. Times like this it would also be nice to weigh 92 pounds. Anyway, we had fun, the food and service was amazing, everyone looked fabulous, have fabulous lives and families and money, and I came home and wanted to stab myself. Heh.

- The following weekend my friend Kim and her daughter came into town (from Red Deer area) and we went to Cora’s for lunch. I want to eat there every day.

***Tee hee! I started typing this entry several days ago and right now it is Sunday, June 14. Today my dad, brother and his girlfriend picked me up to go for lunch and wandering through Prince’s Island Park. I talked them into going to Cora’s for lunch. Hee!***

- I downloaded and have been listening to Deepak Chopra’s “Quantum Healing” audiobook. It makes so much sense. I was shocked to hear it was recorded in 1989. That’s 20 years ago! He was talking about this stuff even back then! I wish I had heard it 20 years ago. Of course, 20 years ago I was in good health and wouldn’t have sought it out. That’s the thing; when you are in good health, you don’t think about your health. When you’re struggling with your health, it is all you can think about. Therein lies one of the problems. An interesting part of the audio is the good reminder that our cells are constantly dying off and being replaced with new ones. The skin is replaced every month, the liver every 6 weeks. Over the course of a year we have an entire new brain! The stomach tumor diagnosed a few months ago is not composed of the same set of cells as is there today, now repeating the pattern that was set into place earlier. Our cells replicate based on our patterns and beliefs. Happy thoughts produce happy molecules, unhappy thoughts produce unhappy molecules. Although cases of spontaneous deathly cancer cures and disease remissions are rare, they do happen enough to believe it is possible to change our patterns and heal. Chopra says “everyone’s body knows how to heal a cut. Apparently a few people have bodies that know how to cure cancer. Every day a few cancer cells arise in your body, and automatically the DNA, the intelligence in your body knows how to take care of them. So called “spontaneous” remissions are nothing more than an exaggerated phenomenon of what is happening all the time”. There is a lot more to it than that, obviously, and it makes me want to look into Ayurvedic medicine a lot more. I’d like a body that knows how to heal MS! Louise Hay has always said to use the healing affirmation “I am willing to release the pattern in me that has created this condition.” I do say that every day, but not very often and I probably follow it shortly after with a swear word or two so a lot of good that does me!

- Speaking of cells and cell health, I’ve been taking StemEnhance in the large doses for just over a month now. No difference yet. But if the new stem cells I’m making are a part of my old MS thought pattern, and I don’t make healthy cells, then by enhancing the amount I make, could I be making myself worse? Ahhhhh. Of course the scientist behind the product would say “no”, but my basic common sense has me wondering. So every time I take 2 StemEnhance capsules I now follow it with a 1/4 tsp. of Ambrotose, which is supposed to support cellular health and “cell to cell” communication. I know from personal experience (I started taking Ambrotose in 2000) that it is a good product and certainly helps with MS fatigue, but like every other supplement I got lazy about taking it and the cost is so high… but since I have a couple of unopened jars around here I decided this was as good a time as any to commit to taking at least minimal amounts along with the StemEnhance and it should be a great combination! If the claims are true, StemEnhance makes MORE stem cells, and Ambrotose makes those cells healthy. I am an MLM distributor’s dream! Also, a human guinea pig. I’m going to call some StemTech people today because the more I think about that, the more it has me worried. Otherwise, I plan to do this for at least 2 more months before I draw any conclusions. And the next place I’ll use my credit card is right here. I really need to win a lottery, this stuff is expensive!

- I went to the information session on Self-Managed Care. Wow, they sure do overwhelm you and don’t make it easy for you. I think I will go for it, though, because at this point I really do need more assistance than regular home care can provide me with. However, I am looking at at least a year long waiting list so it won’t happen anytime soon. They only have 500 people in the program (out of the 11,000 home care clients in the city) with 58 people on the waiting list. No one gets in unless someone leaves (death or move to assisted living) plus they prioritize the waiting list. Since I’m already receiving a fair bit of home care service with my 6 days per week personal care, 4 days range of motion and an hour every 2 weeks for homemaking, I’m told I’d be at the bottom of the priority list. Bah. Anyway, I’ll be assessed at some point to decide on how much I qualify for (I want to hire someone that can help me get in a POOL!!!) and get on that list. As it is, any friends or family that visit me become automatic caregivers for the duration of their visit because I don’t have one! And that is not fair.

- The assessment will be done by my O/T, but he’s a little busy for me right now because I received my approval letter for the power wheelchair!!! I’m not sure when exactly I’ll be getting it, but I AM getting it! Woo hoo!

- I saw a couple good movies, He’s Just Not That Into You and Role Models (soooooo funny! Jane Lynch at her hilarious best!) I have seen commercials for movies I want to see, and some that… well… Eddie Murphy needs to stop making movies.

- I may bitch about our government from time to time, as is my right as a voter, but I am truly blessed to live in Canada. I read other blogs and what other MSers go through and the costs to get medication and help and I am so lucky. Also? Signed another one year contract for my rent subsidy. Between my AISH (Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped), my rent subsidy and all medical and home care costs paid for, a person can actually live a modest life with a little dignity and not file for bankruptcy because they can’t afford their medical bills. Of course, I still think our Health Care system is a “Sick Care” system and as I choose natural health products, procedures and supplements I’m on my own, when it comes right down to it I do take a couple meds I don’t have to pay for and see doctors and dentists and stay in hospitals and get a POWER WHEELCHAIR and daily help to shower and dress and… I’m lucky. Thank you Government for letting me count.

- This You Tube sensation is a local guy. He made front page news here. He needs to go on Ellen, no one would appreciate the power of one person dancing to start something like that more than her!

I think the cats knocked my card reader onto the floor in behind the shelf where I keep my Macbook, so I can’t get to all the pictures on my camera. So these are from my dad’s Blackberry again.

Pita and Pepper had a stare-down the other day. It started in the living room with Pepper ready to smack down Pita, but turned into a staring contest with Pita slowly walking backwards and Pepper following her, never taking their eyes off each other, ready to pounce at any moment. It’s times like this you realize why you MUST have more than one cat.

And the winner is… Pepper!

But Pita is still a STAR.