October 12th, 2008
So I promised and update, but didn’t commit to any particular time frame, because that’s just how I roll.
As mentioned, I saw that psychic Pat again a couple weeks ago. I don’t really like calling her a “Psychic”, I think “Intuitive” suits her better. She is an amazingly intuitive person. Here’s a few notes about our visit:
I’m in really bad shape compared to the last time I saw her. She obviously noticed this and wondered what the hell was going on with me. I spent the first part of the session in tears.
These are Pat’s words, mine are in brackets.
- “You were doing better six months ago. I saw you when you were seeing Kevin (for Quantum Release Therapy) and you were doing better. What happened? Did you have an emotional setback? I know you’re angry.” (::sob::) (My dad came back into my life about 6 months ago, that’s the only thing I can think of that changed in my life).
- “Things are starting to turn around for you now. You have to want to live” (::sob:: I don’t want to right now ::sob::)
- “You think if you killed yourself no one would care except your two cats. Do you have two cats?” (::sob:: YES ::sob::) “LOTS of people would care if you died” (I do know this, but it’s seriously been my cats that have stopped me from doing it in my absolute most darkest moments because I don’t know who could possibly love them more than I do. I didn’t say that out loud because I was crying too hard, but that’s what I think).
- “I want you to do affirmations. I want you to say ‘I deserve to be loved’ because you don’t think you do. Say it a hundred times a day. Start manifesting your ’soul mate’. I know you don’t think you’ll ever meet anyone, but he is out there, and I want you to start manifesting him. You will meet him when you’ve healed all this stuff. He IS out there.”
- “You’ve stopped going out because it is so hard for you. You’re even pissed off about being here today because it was so much trouble to get here.” (::sob:: Nodding ::sob::).
- “You are not going to get worse than you are now. This is going ‘through’ you now. You are pushing through all the ‘crap’ and it’s surfacing now. MS has been in your body since you were 14 and now it’s rising to the surface. The Quantum Release Therapy helped you, but you don’t need more. Kevin is done. He helped you get half way there. The rest is up to you.”
- “You need to release all your anger and forgive. You are SO pissed off. You have to tell people/write letters to your dad and people that have hurt you. YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE AND LET GO.”
- “What happened at age 9? I sense you’ve been unhappy since age 9″ (That’s when our family was uprooted to Calgary, and I won’t get into details here of the problems that started occurring in my family from that age, but Pat sensed it right).
- “Kids had been cruel to you as a child, too” (I mentioned being picked on because of my weight) “Let it go. You think ‘no one will want me’. Blockages from the past are getting in the way. It’s hard for you to trust; you went through hard times.”
- “God gave you a big challenge but you will get through. You will be getting stronger. Exercise and emotional work will help. I see things a lot better by February.”
It’s really hard to get into all the details of what was said. Basically, she wants me to keep reading the books/watching the DVDs/listening to the CDs I have been and stay in a “healing mindset”. She wants me to actually sit down with my dad and list off all the things that have pissed me off so much over the years. Personally, I don’t see how that would help, it would only serve to hurt and upset my dad for my own selfish needs. Louise Hay (and my client/friend Coach K has been telling me this for years) suggests writing letters, getting it all out, and then burning them and letting it go. Forgiveness is for me and I don’t need to involve the other people.
Apparently, and obviously, I am a super-sensitive person who hangs on to everything and I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to let stuff go, like most people do. It must be subconscious, because I think I’ve let stuff go, consciously I know the past is the past and needs to be left there, but then it comes out in other ways that tell me, oh, obviously I did not let that go. Pat made a comment that I hold onto everything that has ever happened to me, as well as everyone else I know, and the world - 9/11, the state of the U.S. economy, all of it. It makes me laugh, but it’s so true. I subconsciously worry about everyone and everything and it eats away at me, and that’s why my body is sick.
Anyway, since that visit with Pat, (wherein I also showed her photos of some friends, and she said some very accurate things about them; and then asked me why so many people in my life are in music, and that I should be singing and writing music. She mentioned music therapy again, which she suggested I look into last time I saw her), I have continued with my daily therapy of lots of affirmations, thinking more positive thoughts, using my Chi Machine and stretching, meditation… it’s starting to work. I actually have days go by where I don’t cry at all!
I’ve been meaning to talk about that healthy chocolate I’ve been eating. I bought a one week supply from a lady that sells it, and noticed in that one week that my puffy right foot went down to normal size, and that I was sleeping better without pills. So I went ahead and bought some. Then I researched more about it, and watched a ton of videos on You Tube, and decided to sign myself up as a distributor so I could get the discount for myself, and maybe even earn a few $$ because if it helped me, I’d tell everyone about it! So I started eating it regularly, and over a 2 to 3 week period I noticed all kinds of little improvements… my bladder worked better, my vision was improving, my skin looked amazing, regular bowel movements, etc. etc. Then I woke up one day with a bad cold and terrible numbness/tingling down my left side. I assumed the cold was a detox symptom, because I haven’t had a cold in ages, and any time I have started taking a healthy supplement like that I get sick for awhile - the Herx reaction, as they call it (that video refers to Lyme Disease, but I think it bodes well for MS and other disorders as well). But the numbness and tingling scared me, I thought it might be a reaction to the sugar in the chocolate (”raw cane juice crystals” is still sugar). The last time I had experienced that numbness and tingling there was when I overdosed on Krispy Kreme doughnuts when a friend bought me a box for my birthday years ago (KK has since closed in Calgary, thank goodness). That was a reaction to the sugar, so I thought this was as well. So I stopped it.
A week went by, during which I did not sleep or poop. (Oh, should I have warned in advance about poop talk? Sorry). The numbness and the cold both went away. I looked a little more into the sugar content of the chocolate, and I was only getting between 7 to 9 grams/day from it. One KK doughnut has at least 11g and during my “OD” period I ate several in one day. A can of pop has about 40g of sugar, and it’s not like I’ve never drank one. And watching that Herx reaction video, and re-reading Pat’s words, reminds me that you do, indeed, often need to get worse before you get better.
So I re-activated my Xocai account and am back on it. After only 3 days I am sleeping again without the aid of sleeping pills, and poops are back on schedule. ‘Whew. I’m going to stay on it now and ride out whatever weird symptoms might pop up. I love this chocolate, because it is CHOCOLATE, and I need 3/day. I may forget to take all my vitamins and other supplements, but I never forget to eat my chocolate. Funny how that works. Take a look for yourself if you’re interested, there is a lot of good research out there about this stuff. It’s pricey, but worth it for me, so far.
In other news:
- My Home Care is now split between two ladies, Janice and Anna. They are wonderful. And they both speak English! I’m so thrilled to have daily help I can actually communicate with.
- I love my Chi Machine. I’m now up to 20 minutes/day. I think it’s going to help me a lot!
- To get me out of the house, my entire family took me to the Olive Garden for lunch last week. Mom, Dad, Stepdad, and brother. All at the same table!
- Thanksgiving dinner was actually Saturday, my mom and Bob came over and brought the food. They left me the rest of the pumpkin pie
- You absolutely must go to this website, where you can create a yearbook photo of yourself from any year. Here is my 1978 result:
- Rob Szabo is back on November 7!
The other day, Pepper was sitting on the desk beside me, and Pita jumped up and started licking her head. It was sooooo cute, I had to grab my camera. I just can’t get enough of the kitties grooming each other… it is so sweet, and so relaxing to watch! So I felt the need to put it to some relaxing music by the Polyjesters.
And this would be why Pita coughs up the hairballs.