Can You Hear Me Now?

I went ahead and purchased a Chi machine. The Canadian website for the Sun Ancon machine never responded to my repeated requests over the past month for more information and price, so they lost my business. I ordered through Chi Now, where they have this lovely video that explains some of the benefits:

Was an opthamologist the best they could do? Seriously, what does that have to do with it?? And I hate the “lose weight” comment, it makes it look like a gimmick. Although, I’ve never seen a fat goldfish hehe.

I’m done shopping now, for a good long while.

My friends The Good Lovelies are in town tonight!! I managed to talk Shawna into going with me. Bless her… she’s not a live music fan, but she is, indeed, a great friend. It’s hard to get people out on a Sunday night!! It’s Caroline’s birthday today too, and since she’s spending it performing tonight, the ladies want to stay an extra day and hang out in Calgary tomorrow to celebrate Caro’s birthday. Then they will all be crashing at my place… I’m not quite sure where I will fit 3 ladies, but I do know it’s been YEARS since I’ve had a slumber party, and it’s going to be fun and giggly. I’m going to need more wine.

I finally got rid of my old computer. It was taking up space on the kitchen table that is going to my brother, and it’s been sitting there for a loooong time. I guess I finally felt safe enough in knowing there is no old data in it somewhere that I will still need. I hopefully deleted every last bit of information on it (I even remembered to delete the Outlook Express folders and address book) and donated it to a non-profit organization that helps get kids off the street by providing them with computers and training so they can get jobs.

So, Green Beaver deodorant doesn’t work, either. I don’t know what to do! Does it take awhile for your body to get used to natural deodorants?? And who wants to go around smelling horrible while you wait for your body chemistry to change?? I dunno. I’m going to try taking 50mg of Zinc every day, because I remember reading if you take that, you shouldn’t need deodorant. Maybe a combination of those things will work. In the meantime, I am wearing my good ‘ol Dove deodorant out tonight!! I am LOVING my JASON body wash, by the way.

Anyway, Shawna is going to be here soon to help me get ready (like I said, very good friend… I don’t get home care on Sundays and since I’m going out, I need help getting into something besides pajamas! Shawna, Kim, Emma, Jason’s mom and my mom have all played this role before. Hell, even Rob once with his eyes closed! hehe. I swear, I have the best friends on earth and I wish I could buy them all Respite vacations!)

I went to the mall today, hunting down organic skin care products. I’d like to eventually wean all my body wash, lotions, shampoo, conditoner, facial care, etc. over to organic/crap free brands. Any suggestions are welcome here! Wal-mart carries a lot of the JASON brand, so I’m going to try some, except the deodorants (I already know those don’t work). I couldn’t find a body wash, though. I bought one bottle of body lotion from Nature’s Gate and a Jason face creme, but no luck with body wash. Shoppers Drug Mart carries some Healing Garden, but not the Organics line. The saleslady kept trying to talk me into all these products that have words like “botanics” and “natural” on the label, so I explained to her that PACKAGING LIES and is very misleading, just read the ingredients. Just because something contains “natural aloe vera” does not mean it doesn’t contain 10,000 other ingredients that are bad for you. “So, how about Aveeno?” she says. Sigh.

So yes, I am slowly leaning into changing everything in my home and body to environmentally friendly and organic products. I still have lots of regular shampoo and conditioner to go through before changing, but I can start bringing in toothpaste, body wash, shower gels, body lotions and stuff. I still like my mud soap from New Zealand and don’t think there is anything so horrible in there that I need to stop using it. But I’ll email the company for an ingredient list, anyway.

So I came home from the mall, and started Googling organic skin care products, and was thinking I’d just order some online, when my mom and Bob dropped by. I told my mom what I was hunting for, and she said, “what about the health food store in the mall? Wouldn’t they have skin care?” Oh my GOD, I had totally forgotten about the Sangster’s in the mall. They’re tucked away, and don’t have much in the way of health food (mostly vitamins and supplements I don’t use from there), but they would certainly have skin, hair and body care! So I made a trip back over to the mall later, and sure enough, there was a huge wall of products. The entire line of Jason products, Nature’s Gate, and tons of other ones. I bought some body wash, and asked the saleslady to tell me honestly if any of the deodorants actually work. She agreed that Jason’s is no good, and suggested Green Beaver. So, tomorrow I’ll be taking another shot at a natural deodorant, and I’ll let you know how it works. If you know of a good one, let me in on it!

On Tuesday, I made a very major purchase. Visa raised my limit again as they tend to every year, and rather than say “oh cool, I can go to Toronto now!” I decided vacations can wait, and this is more important. It is going to change my life, and my home decor, as I know it. I currently have a dining area off my living room, with a table and 4 chairs (and it’s the cat food area). I’m getting rid of that, donating the table and chairs to my brother who has been coveting them for months (since he moved into his new apartment and decided my dining set would be perfect). The empty area will now be filled with a therapy/rehab mat table… just like the ones I have seen in every physiotherapy centre I have ever been to (and there have been many!) They cost a lot more than I thought they would, and tack on several hundred dollars for freight, I’m looking at $1,100 I don’t have. But I did a lot of searching and calling around before I settled on using the supplier all the hospitals in the city use. To order from the US would have cost even more (I could find cheaper tables, but the shipping, broker, customs fees etc. would have added up to a lot more). I have been thinking for awhile that I need to buy some sort of exercise machine that I can actually use, but I didn’t know what… a treadmill? I can barely walk (and certainly not at an even pace). An exercise bike? My right foot won’t stay on a pedal. The Nu-Step and Wave machines are thousands of dollars. I’ve always had the best of luck with strength exercises and stretching, which I really need to be doing daily, and I love floor exercises, but I’m unable to get on the floor unless I fall haha (and certainly not back up!) I gave up the exercises the physiotherapist showed me and my home care worker to do from my bed, because a) my home care worker is unable to help me properly because she’s too small, doesn’t understand english, is limited in the area of basic common sense, and ended up hurting me more than helping, and b) because my bed is way too comfortable for exercise, all that memory foamed goose-down duvet comfort. So I decided on this raised mat table thingy, as I think it will be perfect. I can do tummy and butt crunches and all the exercises many therapists have shown me over the years, that I haven’t been able to do because I didn’t have the proper set-up. I’m also getting a wedge pillow for under my knees to help with leg lift exercises. I’ve got it all planned out! This is long overdue; I have lost so much mobility over the years, I sincerely hope this helps me get some back.

Next purchase, a Chi Machine, which I’ve been wanting for years! I will finally have a firm place to lie down and use it, so I’m going to get myself one.

All in all, I do spend more (errr… charge up my credit card more) when I take my annual trips to Toronto and/or Montreal (because I need to pay for an accessible hotel room as well as airfare, all my friends have stairs and/or unsuitable bathrooms in their *normal* homes) so I’m going to justify my spending that way! It’s for a very good cause, called ME. And, maybe by this time next year I’ll be in good enough shape to impose on friends in Toronto without worrying about the bathroom set-up!

Last on the health-related front, is the Cleanse. I guess you could say I’m weaning off of it. I started up coffee again on Monday (not a lot, and if I have a latte, it’s a plain soy one - no sugary syrups!) and the past couple of days I’ve been introducing some other foods back. One thing I’ve noticed for sure, is that my body does not like dairy products. And I want to keep sugar far away anyway, so until further notice you can consider me a vegetarian who avoids eggs, dairy, and sugar. I’m not going to cut them out completely (i.e. I won’t worry about the bit of dairy, sugar or eggs in the bun that comes with my veggie burger, and I’ll certainly have DQ soft serve and smelly cheeses again) but I’m going to continue ordering my organic groceries, making healthier choices and avoiding processed food as much as possible. The thought of eating meat stresses me out at the moment and makes me a little sick to my stomach, so I’ll leave it at that for now.

P.S. A veggie burrito with no cheese or sour cream from Taco Time is an excellent fast food option for me when I’m in a pinch. Yum!

The best part about looking up from my desk while working.

I got my hair cut and coloured today. I wasn’t going to get it coloured, but when I told my hairdresser that I was just going to buy a box and do it myself because I can’t afford it right now, she gave me a deal I couldn’t pass up. “If you colour it yourself you’ll just mess up”. Thanks for the vote of confidence!! I’ve coloured my own hair a million times before, thankyouverymuch!! Yes, it’s harder with just one hand, but that’s what mothers and girlfriends are for. She told me my roots are a lot darker than when she first met me; a sign that my natural hair colour is, indeed, a lot darker than I want to admit. A part of me wanted to get it coloured a dark blonde and then just let the natural colour grow in so I can see what it is, but I changed my mind when she said she saw grey. I have never seen a grey hair on my head before, and I’d like to keep it that way for awhile.

Last night AND the night before, Shawna and I went out for dinner to a 100% gluten free restaurant called A Tasty Menu, that also has vegan/dairy free versions of their breads and some meals. On Wednesday I had a grilled veggie sandwich with sweet potato fries (YUM), and last night I had PIZZA!! Green peppers and pineapple on a super thin GF/DF crust with soy cheese… it was soooo good! It’s pretty exciting for Shawna to know she can go to this restaurant and order anything off the menu and not get sick, and I’m thrilled to be able to eat out during this cleanse. I’m going to drag my dad there this weekend, methinks.

So I actually clicked on an ad in Facebook the other day. It was for a local pet grooming business. I emailed the manager, Amanda, and asked her if she does or knows anyone who provides mobile pet grooming, and could come by and trim my cat’s claws. She wrote back that she’s not a mobile service, but she does live close to me, and could swing by after work one day and do it. So she came by today. It didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it might, considering my kitties don’t like to be man-handled a lot. But she’s a pro. Pepper took it like a big girl, curled up in her arms and it only took a few seconds to do all 4 paws, she didn’t flinch once! Pita, on the other hand, squirmed and whined and made noises I’d never heard her make before. The second it was over, she raced off, then came right back and jumped up on Amanda’s lap to be pet and cuddled. No fear, there. She also ran into my bedroom to watch as Amanda did Pepper (who was asleep in my room as usual) because she always has to be where the people are and the action is. After Amanda left, both kitties took turns hanging out on my lap, and it was absolute heaven for me when they did their usual kneading on me, to not get poked by sharp claws. Ahhhh!

Since I started this cleanse a week ago, I haven’t been to the mall for a latte or food of any kind, nor have I ordered anything in. So I guess that makes up for the extra money I am spending on organic food. SPUD now carries organic cat food too, so I’m slowly weaning my cats onto it. I hope they like it. So far, their litter boxes have been a lot easier to clean because they don’t go as much! Oh, and for myself, I discovered these spritzers that are sweetened with fruit juice only, no sugar-sugar or artificial sweeteners, so that is a nice break from water water water.

Over the past week, to keep my spirits up and make me laugh, I have been watching my seasons two and three DVDs of The Office. I even downloaded the Dunder Mifflin desktop wallpaper I kept seeing on their computers. And, although I laughed my ass off (and I’ve seen all the episodes several times before), as predicted, I cried after the last scene of the last episode of season 3 (#8 in that Top 10). Gets me every time. Damn you, Jim and Pam!

Other than that, and a few other little outbursts, the crying is starting to subside. I think I have almost successfully completed my withdrawal from Paxil. What great fun this has been! I’m still not sure what my new *normal* is, that may take awhile yet. But the worst is definitely over.

I haven’t taken any photos in ages, so I leave this entry photo-less until another day. Ciao!

Okay, so, over withdrawal or not, I’ve started doing the Quantum Wellness cleanse of no gluten, sugar, caffeine, alcohol or animal products of any kind for up to 21 days. I’m on Day Two. So far, so good! I’m not looking forward to the sugar withdrawals. The only sweetener allowed is agave nectar or Stevia (and fruit is allowed), so not even pure maple syrup. I found an awesome vegan/gluten free/sugar free protein powder with zero carbs that fills me up like you wouldn’t believe, so that’s good! After I’m done the cleanse I plan to stick to being a (mostly) vegetarian and even a quasi-vegan. I’m not so sure I can 100% give up cheese and ice cream…

I was thinking recently, that I haven’t written about AH in awhile! That’s because he’s in Lebanon, and the last time I talked to him was shortly before he left, on my (our) birthday. We never did go out for our annual birthday dinner, and when (if?) he returns from Lebanon (it’s supposed to be in a couple weeks) he may not even go back to working for Access. Since him picking me up for my Access trips is about the only way I’ve seen him in months, who knows if we’ll even cross paths again. I think our friendship may have run its course, anyway. It’s difficult to be friends with a married man in a bad marriage, especially when you know he will never introduce you to his wife because she’s crazy jealous, and especially after you have discovered all these things about him and his caveman attitudes over the years, that you don’t like so much. Maybe the reason he came into my life was not actually for me, but for my friend Shawna; so she could meet Billy and live happily ever after. (So far so good, she moved here last week!)

Yes, my friend Shawna moved to Calgary from Winnipeg. I am so happy she’s here!! She’s living close by, and she wants to do some of the same stuff I want to do but need help in order to do it, and I know she will help me and be an amazing support. Like go to the pool… OMG it will be so nice to get back in the water!!!

I think I’m almost over my withdrawal, I haven’t cried for *no reason* since… Thursday, I think? Nothing else has improved though, like the physical stuff, so hopefully this cleanse will help. The whole purpose of this cleanse is to “eliminate sources of toxins and allergens, giving the digestive system a break from working overtime to process the substances that inhibit optimum performance the most” so your body can concentrate on other stuff, like healing itself. And my body has a LOT of healing to do! I hope I last the full 21 days, but even the author says “Stay on this program for as many days as you can, up to 21 days, as your ambition, willingness, and ability allow. Just do the best you can and don’t worry about perfection. The first time around, you may go just a day or two. That’s fine. Just give it a try. Take one day at a time. Don’t look too far ahead. Who knows? You may surprise yourself when you find yourself on day 14!” I just know I need to stay away from (plain) potato chips because they ARE allowed, but I’ll eat them non-stop if I get into that mindset. That’s what I did when I tried the no wheat/dairy/sugar thing for a couple months awhile back. I didn’t lose any weight because I practically lived off potato chips!! It’s funny to me that people envision vegetarians and vegans as slim and healthy… when in reality, if you have issues with food addiction and your weight etc., you WILL find things you can eat that will still pack the pounds on. That’s why I need to get back to Weight Watchers soon, too.

Anyway, enough about that. I’m not going to fill this blog up with talk about the cleanse and Weight Watchers! There are many other blogs about that.

Let’s see, what else is new… not much. I went to Calgary Housing on Friday to sign forms regarding the renewal of my rent subsidy, and I’ll be getting a bit more now, which is good because my rent went up in January. I’m a little worried that the agreement ends on March 31 “because we’ve only been guaranteed funding until then”. Come ON!! This province has SO MUCH MONEY (we are the only province I think, that totally benefits from the rising price of fuel and oil) and we have a budget surplus in the multi-BILLIONS. I think the government can afford to help out those of us who do NOT work in the oil and gas industry of this city, who are pretty much on a fixed disability income while costs continue to rise around us… sigh. I really hope my health improves over the next year so I can work more, I hate relying on the government to pay my rent!!

Oh, speaking of money, I’ve almost paid off my Bay card (that should be finished by early August) which will cross another thing off my 101 list. Remember that? Yeah, I wasn’t thinking straight when I put that list together. How, exactly, am I supposed to reach my financial goals of getting out of credit card debt, while buying myself all the stuff on that list and taking all those trips?? It cannot be done on what I make/get. Crazyperson. For the first time in years I’m not planning a fall trip to Toronto or Montreal I really need to concentrate on paying off the ones I’ve already taken hehe

I love my Alien Kitty.

And the totally Not Alien one.