Can You Hear Me Now?

I figured I should update y’all on the Pay It Forward project. So far, I have collected $550! See, all your little $10-15-20 contributions added up. Some people gave even larger amounts, which is so awesome. This week I received $100 (combined), so yesterday I went and picked up some more pajamas and a few more things from Dollarama (brushes, soap). I’m trying to keep photos of what I’ve bought up to date at Flickr. Later today my friend Kim arives and she’s staying the night, so on Saturday she will bring everything I’ve bought so far to the shelter. I’m not done yet, though… I’m making December 23 the official cut-off for contributions, giving me one last day to shop, before the remainder of what I get goes to the shelter on Christmas day. I was hoping to reach at least the $800 mark, but I’ve done pretty good! My living room is pretty full of stuff, but we need MORE PAJAMAS.

So, to sum it up: if you haven’t contributed yet, you have until December 23 to do so! Use the paypal button at the end of the entry, or email me (donna@innereyes.com) for other payment options. Thank you all SO MUCH!! (All money is going towards buying necessities for the women and children escaping abusive relationships at CAWES. A quick peek at their website just now tells me that Alberta has the highest rate of family violence in Canada, and leads the country in domestic assault, homicide-suicide amd stalking. Oh, yay for us. *shudder*

My vision is still double, and it’s REALLY annoying. Screws up my balance and everything, too. It’s been over two weeks… I sure hope it’s temporary!! I went blind in 1999 for 6 weeks, and that went away (leaving my right eye messed up, but at least I could see again) so I am hoping this is like that. No longer than 6 weeks!!! Double vision 24 hours a day SUCKS ASS.

Last weekend we did Christmas early. It was the only time my mom and brother could both be here… my brother is moving this weekend, and Mom and Bob leave next week for New Brunswick. They’re spending Christmas with Bob’s family out there (including all his grandkids!) So my brother came over here, which he hasn’t been able to do for months. His work is keeping him soooo busy, and now moving. We exchanged gifts; of course, money towards my new electronic lift chair was my main gift I already received, but I still got a few other things. My mom can’t handle not having presents for us to open! I got a new microwave oven, which is awesome. I’ve had this old thing I got used, many years ago, without a turntable thingy, and it did an awful job. The new one is great, stuff is heating up way faster, and evenly! Yay. I also got a nice large basket to collect my recycled bottles and cans (instead of the green garbage bag I had been using), and a shower shelf to keep all my bathroom stuff on! Mom gave us stockings filled with goodies that I am quickly making my way through. Darren gave me a DVD (Number 23) and the one I ordered for him didn’t arrive until this past Monday, so he’ll get it on Christmas. We are doing our own little Christmas this year, just us.

Oh, and before my brother came over, my friend Pam popped by for a bit. She brought me a mini-loaf of her freshly baked banana chocolate chip bread, as well as some great pressies (hemp soaps and candle, and some healing stones). I’m not sure how to use the stones, but that is why we have Google. Last night I decided to take the Jade stone (for sleep problems) and keep it under my pillow for the night. Why not, right? I’m desperate to get off sleeping pills and will try anything. The plan was, to put the stone inside my pillowcase, under the pillow. Not to drop it as I was getting into bed, and have no idea where it ended up.

I bought a cheap CD player for my bedroom, and have been listening to various relaxation CDs to try and get to sleep without pharmaceuitcal interference. It’s not happening yet, but it may take time!

Anyway, Saturday night my mom stayed over, and between Saturday night and Sunday, lots was done around here. My office became a place I am able to work in again, and a few trips to the garbage dumpster were made. My place is “tidy” again, which makes such a huge difference. This vision/balance things has made every move more difficult and I’ve been feeling so useless. I wonder if I’ll be weaning off my anti-depressants any time soon? I’m still seeing my psychologist at the mind/body medicine clinic, and next week I’ll be talking to the psychiatrist there about getting off these meds. I figure it will be basic weaning, 10mg less every couple weeks or so until I’m off them. I don’t want to need them. Being sad because your vision is fucked up and you’re unable to do even the most basic of tasks for yourself is totally normal. Even on the dose I am taking, I’ve been breaking down in tears a lot lately. Which is to be expected, who wouldn’t? So I’m not sure pills are what I need. What I need, is a Time Machine to take me back to this night (I was thinking about it last night - how good I felt, how much healthier I was, how that is the night Jason and I officially became Friends, not just acquaintances, the clothes I could fit into, the just needing a cane and sometimes not even that…) When Jason was helping me into his van a couple weeks ago, I made a comment about how much things had changed since the first time I got into that van and didn’t need more than a little boost. Now it is a workout for everyone involved. I’m heavier, my MS is worse, my emotions are heavier… Jason, always the sweetie, said “you’re still the same Donna to me. You’re doing great! You’re fine! You have up and down waves with this. You’ll be just fine and I think you’re doing great”. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I love that man.

Okay, where was I before I got off on a “woe is me” tangent?? Oh, my place being tidy thanks to my mom and brother. Yes. And, of course, my home care worker helps me so much too!! I’m so grateful for that.

This week, so far, has been quiet. Lots of reading, working, going to the post office… AH picked me up from work on Wednesday, which was nice. I haven’t seen him in ages. He’s taken on an office painting project BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SAY NO which is taking up his evenings and weekends. And somewhere in there he has to bring his kids Kinder Eggs every night. He started it, and now he has to keep it up hahaha!

Tonight will be nice, with Kim here. We’re going for dinner, and hopefully to see live music… but it will depend on how I feel… I’ve been such a party pooper lately. I’ve canceleed so many plans I’ve had because of my current condition. Pleeeeeease let it be temporary!!!

Pita missed her calling

As a Tightrope Walker.