Can You Hear Me Now?

Okay, so, I haven’t had the best few days. I’m going to call it “stress-induced HELL” and consider myself over it.

I know “The Secret” says you’re not supposed to talk about the bad stuff, or you bring more of it. Like when someone asks how you are, you don’t say “oh, my back is aching, I have this cough that won’t go away, the kids are driving me nuts, the car broke down…” You’re supposed to say “FINE AND GETTING BETTER EVERY DAY!! ” (Not a direct quote from The Secret). But I have a blog and I talk about my life online, good and bad, because that is my choice. I choose to write about this now, and then move on.

It started on Tuesday, which was just a bad day. Period. I was stiff and sore and couldn’t move very well. I wasn’t able to do anything, so I sat here most of the day and cried. Just bawled like a baby because I have so much to do, I can’t do it, I feel sorry for myself, I weight 600 million pounds, this sucks, blah, blah, blah. The more I cried, the more I cried. You know how it is. I simply exhausted myself out on Tuesday with the tears, and after talking to my mom she decided she would take Thursday and Friday off of work. Her and Bob would come out Wednesday night to stay with me for a couple of days, help me out and stuff.

Tuesday night I went to bed at about 9:30. I woke up at 3:00 a.m. to pee. I had a very hard time getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom. I was very stiff and wobbly. I sat on the toilet and felt this wave of nausea ride over me. Luckily, it went away after a few minutes. I went back into my bedroom and opened the window before going back to bed. The cool air helped.

Then at 6:00 I woke up again, and was so stiff and achy I decided to get up and take a couple Tylenol. As I stood, I could tell there was something really wrong. My legs were not straightening and I felt very dizzy and disoriented. I made it into the kitchen and took the Tylenol. I noticed my cats needed food, so I went to get their dish. I don’t even know how to describe what was going on with me… the dizziness and my legs and my hands were clenched up too, which made grasping my walker difficult, and I felt like I was going to faint or something. I wasn’t able to put the cat food dish back (they’d find it on the counter, anyway). I knew I had to get back to my bed immediately.

I didn’t quite make it. I collapsed in my bedroom and just lay on the floor (and yes, I had my walker!) Thank God the windows were open, I was soooo hot. I just lay there and let the cool air drift over me while I composed myself, and then began the attempts to get up. I think I tried various different ways to get up from the floor for the next hour, but I kept falling back down. So I decided to just call it a day and get help. I crawled on my knees into my office and pulled the phone onto the floor to call an ambulance. Then I called the 24 hour answering service of my building operators so they could make sure someone opened the doors for them.

Of course, when I called the ambulance I simply said “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” I mean… what else is there to say??

The Paramedics arrived and the office manager let them in. She told me not to worry, she would make sure the cats were fed and lock up. I was taken to the hospital by 8:30 a.m. and wheeled into the hallway on the gurney to wait. With everyone else. I wasn’t even sure why I was there… I didn’t really hurt myself, just a few bruises, but something weird was up with my body that morning. Maybe an MS attack, even though I don’t have the form that gives “attacks” anymore. I just decided to lay back, get comfy, and enjoy the rest while I could. I had called my mom and they would be coming into the city as soon as they could.

Around 1:00 I was given a lunch tray, a tuna sandwich and a bunch of gross stuff I didn’t touch. And a little piece of cake. Still no coffee, and believe me, I asked everyone. My mom arrived around 3:00 with a coffee in hand, bless her heart. She said “I can’t believe you’re still in the hallway!” Welcome to Calgary. I told my mom I was thinking I may as well just leave. I felt like I was holding up a spot for someone who needed it more. But the Paramedics in the hallway (there always has to be a few there to wait with patients, which is why EMT services are slower these days too) told me not to be silly, it is the system that was failing me today, not me failing the system. We decided that since I was there, I might as well talk to them about getting set up with regular Home Care again to take some of the stress and daily struggles off me, and talk about my anti-depressants. Because, if you’re on them, yet you are breaking down in tears every day and having thoughts of suicide (I never would, but I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about how nice it would be to not have to DEAL some days!) then something is not right.

Finally at 5:30 I was taken into the actual Emergency Room. There I was seen by several doctors and nurses and gave blood and urine samples and met with the Home Care transition nurse. The final outcome was that I didn’t appear to have any kind of infection or anything going on that would have triggered the symptoms that caused the fall, so it was just the disease itself, and to get in to see my neurologist ASAP. I was told to increase my Paxil to 40mg/day (I’ve been taking 20mg, which is apparently low). And Home Care would be contacting me the next day. I was given the choice to be admitted and put through a run of IV steroids, but I said no, I was feeling a lot better and now my folks were here for a couple days, and Rob arrives Friday, and he is the best medicine of all!

Cute sidenote: My mom came to my apartment first to pick up some clothes for me, and when she opened the door Pepper came running over, meowing (which she never does). Pita was nowhere to be seen (which she always is!) Pepper led my mom to my bedroom door, which was closed. I guess the office manager thought she would be doing me a favour by closing my bedroom door to keep the cats out of there, not realizing that Pita was already in there. So she was locked in there all day! My mom opened the door, and Pita came out. Pepper started licking her face and they did some little kissies and Pepper put her arm around Pita… mom says it was the sweetest thing ever. The poop in my bed, however, was not. Poor Pita, she had no choice!!

Anyway, it was 8:30 p.m. before I got home. A lovely, 12 hour day in the hospital. We ordered Chinese food and I immediately upped my Paxil dosage (two days in, I already feel better. Dammit! I was hoping to wean off anti-depressants soon. I Guess it will be awhile).

The next day, Bob went out to run errands most of the day while my mom and I worked on my Vision Board (finally! It’s hanging in my office!) and I got a bit of work done. Basically, my parents spent two nights here and tidied up around here and took care of me. I got some much needed rest, and work just has to be moved to the side for a few days. The Home Care nurse came this morning and interviewed me. I’m going to be set up with someone coming in 3X/week, which is perfect, to help with personal care and light housekeeping. Then someone will come once/month for two hours to help with laundry. That will take some of the load (HA! Load!) off my mom, who has been taking it home every week and bringing it back the next.

It’s now Friday afternoon, and Rob Szabo is on his way here. I’m heading out to meet him and Mike Alviano soon, and I will forget about all that transpired the past few days. I’m in a much better mood, I feel stronger and refreshed, the weather is beautiful, I have a clean apartment, a completed Vison Board, a night of awesome music and two musicians sleeping over tonight which is way more fun than two parents. Hahaha (sorry mom, but, you know).

Oh, and by the way? The soonest I can get in to see my neurologist is June 14. Welcome to Calgary!

Oh, yeah, and:

So I guess that was a big post about my health, so I better leave you with animals.