Can You Hear Me Now?

I popped in here today thinking I was going to be opening a post I had started working on and adding to it. But, no, it’s totally blank. I wish I could say the same about my “to do” list.

My office? Still a mess. The floor is scattered with all the work I’ve been doing lately and need to file away. My own tax return is 80% finished, and all my papers are in a pile in front of my fax machine. My desk is covered in more work I need to do, the beginnings of my 2007 files I have yet to put away, and various other papers I need to file. Plus a coffee mug, a water bottle, my Starbucks take out cup, CDs, my South Park “Kyle” doll Pepper knocked off the top shelf, everything else Pita or Pepper has knocked off the shelves, my digital camera, and books. On the positive side, AH picked me up some file boxes the other day, so at least I have those for when I am ready to store my old files and tax returns. Of which there are plenty in my over-stuffed filing cabinet.

I SWEAR I’m going to get it done this week. Did I already “swear” to that recently? I believe I did. I can’t even keep a promise I make to myself, never mind you guys. That is why I am so frustrated with myself lately. I’m pissed off at myself all the time for not doing what I say I’m going to do, and then I get pissed off at myself for being hard on myself, then I think I’m such a loser, then I tell myself to “baby step” it, and then I get tired and want a fucking MAGIC WAND to take care of everything so I can just crawl under a rock until it’s done, or better yet, the same Rehab place Britney Spears is in, and come out and find sunshine and happiness, and then I kick myself in the butt because that’s not how life works and I need to TAKE ACTION for anything to get done and to have the life I want, and then I get depressed because I don’t have the drive in me right now, and then I tell myself to “baby step” it, and then I say “fuck it” and eat chocolate and toss everything on the floor, and then I meditate and say positive affimations and re-start my gratitude journal, and I tell myself “I’m trying”, and then Oprah says “trying is failing gracefully”, and Yoda says “do, or do not: there is no try”, so that’s not good enough, and then I think tomorrow will be better, and then it isn’t, and there is STILL NO @#^$%^#% MAGIC WAND in sight.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

So let us focus on the good parts of the past few days, shall we?

• I am back in touch with an old friend that I haven’t seen or talked to in about 14 years. She found me on MySpace. She lives in South Korea right now!
• Lindy called me on Wednesday night from Toronto, and was all excited about seeing the Polyjesters the following night. I introduced them to each other’s music and there is a whole helluva lot of mutual admiration going on there. And when they see each other, they talk about how much they love and miss me. Hee!
• Rob called me from Toronto the other day as well, and Shawna from Winnipeg, so there is no shortage of friends calling long distance;
• I talked to Emma on Thursday night;
• My dear friend/client Ken took me to My Favourite Vietnamese Restaurant for lunch on Friday;
• I mentioned to AH that I needed some file storage boxes, and without me even asking he stopped at Staples on the way home from work and picked up a package of 5 for me, and refused to take any money for them when he dropped them off later;
• I ordered AH this shirt for his birthday:

• My mom did my laundry and changed my bed sheets;
• I have an appointment for an ion cleanse on Tuesday;
• I have a few things planned in May that I’m not ready to talk about yet, but am very excited about.

Okay, fine, so life isn’t totally sucking. I’ve got some damn fine people in it.

I’ve got a busy week. Work at the Pub tomorrow, the ion cleanse appointment on Tuesday, work at Troy’s on Wednesday, and I re-start my Living Well with a Chronic Illness program on Thursday. In between all of that I need to do the million things I just don’t want to think about right now. It’s Sunday! The day of rest, right?

“The Day of Rest can begin AFTER you rub my tummy”.