Can You Hear Me Now?

My mood is much improved since my last post. Last night my brother (who is part magic wand) came over for the first time in ages. He is working lots of overtime at his job and doesn’t have much spare time! So getting him over here is a rarity now, which is too bad because he is such a huge help to me. We went shopping for the heavy stuff (lots of bottled water, cat litter) and had a bite to eat. He was quite shocked when I chose to bypass the Second Cup on the way home and inform him that “I make better ones myself now!” When we got back here, I made us mocha lattes. That’s right, mocha lattes. (Okay I just used chocolate soy instead of vanilla, but it was YUMMY and you would never know if I didn’t tell you).

Then we got to work. Darren swept and cleaned up the cat litter room, cleaned my bathroom, and vacuumed. I picked up all the papers off my office floor and put them on top of the filing cabinet, which was one step closer to where they are supposed to be. (I’m inspired to work around here when someone else is). I made a couple file boxes (they come flat), unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. When he left, my place wasn’t quite as much of a disorganized mess as it was the day before. I still have a ways to go, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

This morning I was up early, but didn’t have time to do more than my little exercises, drink a coffee while deleting spam and reading blogs, shower and dress before I had to leave for my ion cleanse.

That was an excellent experience. You begin the session with your feet placed in a tub of clear water, and you end it pulling your feet out of whatever sludge came out of you. In my case, I saw lots of dark colours and flecks of stuff and white foam.

This chart explains what the colours mean

I literally felt like several pounds had been sucked out of me! I felt great afterwards. I walked better, had more energy, and felt very clear-headed. My mood and spirits went up as the toxins released, I guess! I can’t wait to go again, but I need cash and I want to find a practitioner closer to me.

When I got home, I felt so good that the thought of working around here wasn’t overwhelming and painful. I finished up a bunch of work for this one client, and my office is (almost) organized, y’all! My filing is done, my 2006 tax return is done, my 2007 files are made and put away and old taxes are boxed up. I am now (almost) ready for the rest of the work that has yet to come my way; no stress over here! I even found a Periodontist appointment reminder card for March 14.

Tonight is my weekly quiet night all to myself. I normally avoid TV on this night and use it to read, but my DVD for The Secret has arrived so I will be watching that. Most definitely. I hope to be sufficiently inspired! It was funny, earlier at my ion cleanse I told the guy. “I would love to get myself one of these machines” and he said “well, ask for it, put it out there in the Universe… before you know it, you will have one”. I chuckled that I was going to be watching my Secret DVD tonight. He said “ahhh, so you know all about the Law of Attraction, then. Just see yourself with this machine in your home, it will happen.” I told him I think I will spend my time seeing myself healthier first, then worry about STUFF! And… MEN! And… FINANCIAL STABILITY! And… STUFF!

I popped in here today thinking I was going to be opening a post I had started working on and adding to it. But, no, it’s totally blank. I wish I could say the same about my “to do” list.

My office? Still a mess. The floor is scattered with all the work I’ve been doing lately and need to file away. My own tax return is 80% finished, and all my papers are in a pile in front of my fax machine. My desk is covered in more work I need to do, the beginnings of my 2007 files I have yet to put away, and various other papers I need to file. Plus a coffee mug, a water bottle, my Starbucks take out cup, CDs, my South Park “Kyle” doll Pepper knocked off the top shelf, everything else Pita or Pepper has knocked off the shelves, my digital camera, and books. On the positive side, AH picked me up some file boxes the other day, so at least I have those for when I am ready to store my old files and tax returns. Of which there are plenty in my over-stuffed filing cabinet.

I SWEAR I’m going to get it done this week. Did I already “swear” to that recently? I believe I did. I can’t even keep a promise I make to myself, never mind you guys. That is why I am so frustrated with myself lately. I’m pissed off at myself all the time for not doing what I say I’m going to do, and then I get pissed off at myself for being hard on myself, then I think I’m such a loser, then I tell myself to “baby step” it, and then I get tired and want a fucking MAGIC WAND to take care of everything so I can just crawl under a rock until it’s done, or better yet, the same Rehab place Britney Spears is in, and come out and find sunshine and happiness, and then I kick myself in the butt because that’s not how life works and I need to TAKE ACTION for anything to get done and to have the life I want, and then I get depressed because I don’t have the drive in me right now, and then I tell myself to “baby step” it, and then I say “fuck it” and eat chocolate and toss everything on the floor, and then I meditate and say positive affimations and re-start my gratitude journal, and I tell myself “I’m trying”, and then Oprah says “trying is failing gracefully”, and Yoda says “do, or do not: there is no try”, so that’s not good enough, and then I think tomorrow will be better, and then it isn’t, and there is STILL NO @#^$%^#% MAGIC WAND in sight.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

So let us focus on the good parts of the past few days, shall we?

• I am back in touch with an old friend that I haven’t seen or talked to in about 14 years. She found me on MySpace. She lives in South Korea right now!
• Lindy called me on Wednesday night from Toronto, and was all excited about seeing the Polyjesters the following night. I introduced them to each other’s music and there is a whole helluva lot of mutual admiration going on there. And when they see each other, they talk about how much they love and miss me. Hee!
• Rob called me from Toronto the other day as well, and Shawna from Winnipeg, so there is no shortage of friends calling long distance;
• I talked to Emma on Thursday night;
• My dear friend/client Ken took me to My Favourite Vietnamese Restaurant for lunch on Friday;
• I mentioned to AH that I needed some file storage boxes, and without me even asking he stopped at Staples on the way home from work and picked up a package of 5 for me, and refused to take any money for them when he dropped them off later;
• I ordered AH this shirt for his birthday:

• My mom did my laundry and changed my bed sheets;
• I have an appointment for an ion cleanse on Tuesday;
• I have a few things planned in May that I’m not ready to talk about yet, but am very excited about.

Okay, fine, so life isn’t totally sucking. I’ve got some damn fine people in it.

I’ve got a busy week. Work at the Pub tomorrow, the ion cleanse appointment on Tuesday, work at Troy’s on Wednesday, and I re-start my Living Well with a Chronic Illness program on Thursday. In between all of that I need to do the million things I just don’t want to think about right now. It’s Sunday! The day of rest, right?

“The Day of Rest can begin AFTER you rub my tummy”.

I have never had the desire to buy a Christina Aguilera CD. But, after seeing this video, I have changed my mind. I am digging this!! (Until MTV takes this one down, too…)

It’s not very often I turn to mainstream pop! Give me a break, at least it’s not Jessica Simpson.

I am laughing my ass off here. I’m posting receipts for a client of mine who has a lot of vehicle repair expenses. One of his invoices from a supplier actually uses the description “Switchy Thing for Exhaust Brake”.

I went to Second Cup and got a latte yesterday. I even went all out and got a real one, with regular milk and fancy flavours and everything. And you know what? Mine are WAY better. I best get myself a sign and a Barista apron, I could make a fortune!

Of course, I say that, and my fancy coffee lovin’ friend (hi, Joi!) will come over and I’ll make one for her, and she’ll cringe while trying to get “oh, yeah, *cough, cough*, that’s great” out. Heh.

But seriously, with my lattes and My Infamous Christmas Shortbread™ … I could be on to something. Perhaps I missed my calling? Was I meant to slave over coffee pots and whipped butter, and not a computer? Am I supposed to be making the coffees and cookies, rather than enjoying them myself? Hmmmm… let me thi - NO.

I saw a story on the news about this last night. That makes me very happy, and it’s local, too. I just wish it didn’t take so long for these discoveries to become available to MSers. I have known for many years, as almost everyone with MS has, that symptoms either improve or go away all together when a woman with MS is pregnant. (So why don’t I get pregnant? SHUT. UP.) Finally they are talking about the hormone involved and studying its effects on myelin repair. I want to be on the human trials for this one!!

Okay, this was just me taking a little break from work. Now I must get back to it.

I’ve started writing in my Gratitude Journal again. I’ve changed my approach to it though, instead of listing at least 5 things every day and boring myself by listing every phone call I received or door that someone opened for me, I’m only writing about events or amazing things that happen that I am really, truly grateful for. Things that make my heart soar. That means I could write in it several times a day, or not at all for an entire week (I hope not!) Anyway, I decided to do this after I saw Oprah on Friday and she had those guys from “The Secret” on again, and they talked about how “nothing new can come into your life without being thankful for what you have already been given. The moment you begin to focus on gratitude, you create within yourself the condition for more things to be grateful for to come into your life”. So, I figured, I best get on that.

Have I mentioned that I ordered “The Secret” DVD? Yeah. I should get it soon. I believe in all that stuff so much, I just really need to put it into regular practice. I’ve been doing some deep breathing/visualization/affirmation stuff every day for a couple weeks now. I’m starting to feel human again. The last time I felt really good, was Tuesday, January 30. That was the day I woke up super early and got right to work, took my walker out and walked to the mall and back, worked hard all day, had my brother over in the evening and ran some errands/went for dinner… that was a very full day. The next day, the weather changed for the worse and I felt crappy again (that is often connected), and that stayed with me for what seemed like forever. After about 9 days of feeling like crap, I fell into my emotional eating vortex and ate a burger and onion rings. There went the “no wheat/dairy/sugar” thing. Of course, I could have let that be one little slip, but the next day I actually felt a bit better. So I wondered “why am I doing this to myself?” and went back to my old eating habits. I’ve actually been feeling a little bit better every day since then. Although, I’ve been quite slack with myself, enjoying all the foods I’ve forbidden since Nov. 18 a little too much, and this “vacation” needs to end soon.

I found the best soy milk for making my lattes. So Nice Vanilla foams up better than anything else I’ve tried. It’s not something I would ever want to drink by the glass or put on cereal, (I love my Vanilla Rice Dream for that), but it sure is great for a creamy latte! I’ve got it down now. I never need to buy from Second Cup again, mine are better. But I will, because sometimes it’s nice to have someone else make it for you, and I’d hate to see them go out of business because I stop going. Heh. Also, my Stepdad someone I won’t name stole a coffee cup carrier off a grocery cart and it fits perfectly on my scooter basket. Hee! No more trying to tuck my coffee into my basket and surround it with other things so it doesn’t spill and stain my purse. Yay!

This morning a woman was supposed to come by to trim my cat’s claws. I expected her to call around 10:30 and be here by 11:00 because she said she started work (at her full-time pet grooming job) at noon. Well, I never heard from her. I suppose she’ll call later or another day. I had to be up and dressed anyway, as a client was dropping receipts off at 11:00 as well. No Sunday jammies until 2:00 today.

Last night I watched a horrible movie. Not horrible as in the movie sucked, but what a horrible story and outcome. Boys Don’t Cry. Hilary Swank definitely deserved her Oscar for that performance, but for me it was sort of like “Monster” with Charlize Theron (who also won for her role). Although, I do think Brandon Teena’s story needed to be told more than Aileen Wuornos, I still felt disturbed throughout the entire movie. I guess because I knew how tragically it ended. I received that DVD in the mail back in early January and it took me this long to watch it. I have received, watched, and mailed back others in the weeks since, because I knew this was going to take an emotional toll on me to watch, and I needed to be prepared for it. What a sad, sad story (yet, the love story among all the tragedy was quite beautiful).

***Newsflash*** I just received an email that Elayne’s blog is back up and running. So any of you who read her regularly but haven’t been by since you noticed it was gone, she’s ready for y’all again.

Well, it’s 1:30ish. I’m gonna head out to get a bit of sun and then get back here and tackle my piles ‘o work. SO MUCH WORK. Breathe, Donna, breathe.

Pepper likes to watch me work.

And prevent me from reading MySpace messages work.

Watching from one of my desk shelves. Comfortable?

I’m guessing she was, because she hung out there for awhile.

Today I finally received the walker carrier for the back of my scooter. Now I need to practice getting my walker on and off that thing, because it’s really hard. I’m weak enough as it is, and with only one good hand/arm, you can imagine it’s not the easiest thing for me to do. The pulleys are really, really tight! It wasn’t even easy for the people who came and installed it for me to do. Good thing I asked Living Well if I could start their March 1 program instead (because I was missing so many classes with all this snow, and the fact I still couldn’t bring my walker over). Now I have a couple weeks to get the routine down.

Here’s the looooooooong story. It took over a month to get that thing! I originally called the medical supply store (the one I am a regular customer with… every piece of equipment I have is from there, and I sent them my scooter to be fixed in December, and you would think I would be on their “special customers” list!!) on Jan. 10. I talked with a man I’ll call Joe. I told him what I needed, and he said they get them specially made by an outside supplier, and it would cost about $175 including delivery. I told him the make/model of my scooter, and asked if they needed to see it. “Oh, no, I know which scooter you have. I will call them and get one made for you and we’ll deliver it when it’s finished”. I told him that if it was at all possible, I needed it by January 19 (for my walking test at Living Well) but if it would cost more to rush it, no worries. He said they should be able to do it by then. I trusted all was well and I would hear from him soon.

A couple weeks went by, and nothing. I called the store, and left a message in Joe’s voice mail, wondering about the status of my equipment. He didn’t call me back. The following week I called again and left another message, and again he didn’t call me back. So last Tuesday I called AGAIN, and this time I refused his voice mail and told the person who answered that I wanted to know where my carrier was, and Joe was not returning my calls. He tracked down Joe, and when he came to the phone he said “oh, yes… that should have been delivered here, it’s around here somewhere, I’ll look into it and get it out to you”. When I still had not heard anything by Monday (this past Monday) I called Joe again and was starting to show my frustration, so he promised me delivery the next day. That afternoon I received a call from a woman I’ll call Sandra, asking if I would be around the next day for a delivery. I told her I needed it in the morning, so I could bring my walker to exercise class in the afternoon.

Sandra arrived Tuesday morning with the equipment, and I showed her to my scooter. She took one look at it and said, “oh, this won’t fit…” the bracket was completely different than the one it would attach to on my scooter. By this point I was ready to scream. I told her how long I had been waiting and about all the ignored phone calls and how Joe was so sure he knew what I needed for my scooter without seeing it. She apologized for Joe’s behaviour and said “well, you’ve got a woman looking after it now. I’ll be sure to get you what you need this week”. She left, I called Living Well to tell them I was missing yet another class, and could I start over on March 1 instead, to give time to sort out the walker carrier situation and for all our snow to hopefully melt.

Sandra called a few hours later. “The kind of carrier your scooter requires needs to be specially made, so we will need to bring your scooter in here”. I said “Joe told me the one I was getting was specially made for my scooter.” She was silent for a moment then said “…uh… I don’t know what to say about that… the one I brought you was the kind we just sell in the store… nothing was specially made… how can that be done without seeing your scooter and fitting it?” “I don’t know, Joe said he knew what I needed and was getting it made. I thought that’s why I waited a month.” “Oh… I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say about that…” You could tell she was stumped and probably wanted to bonk Joe over the head like I do.

She called me back a few minutes later and said she would be by to get my scooter on Thusday morning. She was here, as promised, and only needed to take my seat because that’s where the bracket was. This morning she returned, “with muscle” (a large man) and my specially made walker carrier. (One day!! It took ONE DAY! Fuck you, JOE). They re-attached my seat and showed me how to hang my walker on it, but like I said, it’s no easy feat. I am going to try to do it now so I can take pictures….

I’m back.

The walker carrier on the back of my scooter. $230 it ended up costing, BTW. Having a disability can be very expensive.

With my walker. After a bit of a struggle, I figured out my OWN way to do it, because I am brilliant and think outside the box.

I put those in upside down. That’s all! But you’d be amazed at how many times we tried to do it the “proper” way when Sandra and her co-worker were here. I couldn’t do it myself, and I couldn’t take it off by myself either. They leave, wishing me luck, and that they would call if they thought of an easier way. First try on my own I do this, and voila!

And then when I took it off, I removed the bottom latches instead of the top ones, and it’s as if no one has ever thought of that before. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Now I can take my walker over to the mall even on cold days to walk around. I’ll find some nice person at a store to keep an eye on my scooter for me, and bugger off for awhile. Wheee!

Oh, by the way, I had a nice Valentine’s Day. As a single woman I always try to do something nice for myself rather than simply dread the day and sit at home and cry. Heh. My friend Pam and I went out and I finally got myself the stainless steel pitcher I needed to foam milk for my lattes and then we went to Chapters/Starbucks (there is a Starbucks in the bookstore). We drank lattes and I ate a triple chocolate chunk cookie (because I promised people I would indeed have chocolate on Valentine’s Day, and I can’t let my people down, and I’m off the no wheat thing, at least for now. I’ll explain/make my excuses later). Then we wandered around the bookstore, which unfortunately had the heat up too high, so by that time between the heat and how tired I was (I had worked all day too) I didn’t last long. I did pick myself up a cute prayer book/journal set, with a candle and everything, that comes in a little box with a ribbon. It was only $10 and I want to devote a little time every day to meditation and prayer, so this seemed like a nice little gift to give myself for Valentine’s Day. Oh, and a little box of dark chocolate hearts.

And this brings to a close my week of procrastination. I’m going to head to the mall because I CAN (and couldn’t yesterday with no scooter seat! Oh the horror!) and get more water. Then I am coming home to organize my office, I SWEAR TO GOD. Tomorrow I am getting a pile of work dropped off from two clients, and it’s only going to continue. I must get my office tidy and file my OWN taxes so I can be prepared and organized in my mind and in my home for what is about to begin. Tax season is here!

This was in my mailbox today:

Inside the card, the parents wrote “thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year”

That says “thank you for the Christmas presents!” at the bottom, from the little girls.

The wishes are a little late, but none the less appreciated. From the Pay It Forward family! Thanks again to everyone who contributed.