Can You Hear Me Now?

Yesterday we had a little workshop here on Stress and how to cope. I figured I’m an expert in that area (probably better at being stressed though!) so I joined in.

Lorraine (Rec. Therapist) went through a list of the Top 10 stressors in people’s lives. Many of them were marriage related… divorce, marital separation, going into marriage counselling, marital troubles, and marriage itself. I said “well, I guess if I never get married I can live a nice stress-free life!” and I was SHOT DOWN! (Kindly). A discussion began that really warmed my heart. All these old ladies started talking about their marriages.

“I married my husband at age 21, and 61 years later I’m as in love with him today as I was back then.”

“I married my husband at 21 and we were married for 53 years before he died”. (She got a little teary). “That was much too soon for me”.

“People ask me if we had a happy marriage. I don’t think that’s the right question… no one can be happy all the time. We had a good marriage. We loved each other and were committed to each other and the marriage. That made it good.”

“My daughter married her husband when she was almost 17, and everyone thought she was crazy. Well, it’s been 31 years and they are doing great”.

Today Blanche told me about how much she loved being married. “There is nothing better than finding that person who accepts you just the way you are; who knows what you’re going to say before you even say it… oh, it’s great!”

It seems around here, no matter what the outcome later in life that may keep them apart (death, disease, different care needs in different types of homes) there are no regrets and no one would do it any differently.

One nurse met her husband through a dating service and has been happily married for 7 years. Another married her husband at age 19 after only knowing him 4 months (so of course everyone thought she was crazy too), but it’s been well over 25 years and she’d marry him all over again in an instant. I know Clive is happy, considering how badly he wants to get back to his wife. I see many husbands and wives visiting their spouses here and how loving many can be towards each other.

And then there is Elaine, who at 90 has never married. She was engaged three times… the first one she broke off because they couldn’t agree about anything, so she figured they’d be divorced within a year anyway. The second one went off to war and died. The third one died of cancer before they could finalize their wedding plans. So for her, she decided it wasn’t meant to be and took care of her mother instead.

I don’t know what the future holds for me in that regard, but the idea of meeting that special someone that accepts me the way I am and that I could actually live with is rather appealing. I think I’ll stop the “ah, I don’t think I want to get married anyway” comments and cut the bull shit!! Where the hell IS HE?!? hehe