Can You Hear Me Now?

Hi Everyone! I’m posting an update for Donna from her computer. So Wednesday she wasn’t feeling good and then on Thursday when she came home she felt even worse. After trying everything to feel better she finally thought she should go to the hospital. The verdict…..inflamed Gall Bladder! So she is currently in the hospital awaiting surgery and she asked that I post an update in her absence. So there you have it. She finally gets to go home only to go back to the hospital! Hopefully she’ll be feeling better soon.

Around 3:00 a.m. the night nurse came in to re-stock towels by my sink. Knowing it would be my last chance to see her (she’s not working tonight), I called her over so we could have a proper goodbye. We chatted for a few minutes, I thanked her for all her help, etc. and then she left my room, never to be seen again. Or so I thought.

I realized I had to pee, very badly. So I did my usual… raised the bed up so it’s easier to stand, then stand up, and then I was to get in my wheelchair and roll into the bathroom. But instead, when I stood up my left ankle decided to give out on me, so I landed back on the bed… except just the very edge of the bed, and then I slid onto the floor. I swear I didn’t feel a thing and don’t really know how it happened exactly, but there I was, sitting on the floor next to my bed.

I was trying to figure out if there was a way I could get up by myself, but no go. I needed to turn onto my knees and would not be able to do that without using my wrist because the bed was too high. So I rang the bell for the nurse. I still had to pee, really badly now, so while waiting I remembered the bed pan was in the bottom drawer behind me. I pulled it out, stuck it under me, and let it go.

The nurse I had just said my big farewell to walked in, saw me sitting on the floor with a pan of pee under me and a chesire grin on my face. The look on her face was, to say the least, priceless.

Anyway, with the help of another nurse and a transfer belt we got me up without any trouble. I just needed the bed lowered so I could climb on it, really! Just as I was all snuggled up to go back to sleep, the nurse came in again to take my blood pressure and vitals because, you know, if anything out of the ordinary happens they need to make sure you’re not all of a sudden at death’s door!

I’m fine, I will live, don’t worry mom!

Today started off badly. I skipped oatmeal this morning and decided to get Corn Flakes instead. I asked for the soy milk, which poured out so thick and slow I knew it had gone bad!! The dietician insisted the “best before” date was August 10, but I pointed out that is the date you can leave it in the cupboard unopened. Once you open it, it’s not good for any longer than a week or so in the fridge! I was told they would get another container, so I asked for more cereal but the milk never came. Then, we got French Toast… and mine was so cold, and the sausages (which I don’t like anyway) were so cold and wrinkly it was gross! I opted for plain toast and peanut butter instead. So breakfast was a bust and there was all this wasted food at my table.

After breakfast I skipped exercise class so I could hang out with Elaine before she got picked up at 10:00. I helped her pack up all her clothes and stuff and tried not to cry! I am going to miss her so much. I have never met anyone with such a positive outlook on life no matter what happens, especially considering her age. She can find humour in everything from her incontinence to her bowel movements (”you’ve got a big hard block in there today,” the nurse said as she inserted the suppository. “Well, you can have it!” said Elaine. “I’ll wrap it up in a big bow.”) She has no regrets that she never married and dedicated her adult life/retirement years to looking after her mother until she died. She says if she could do it over again, she would not change a thing. She notices every little detail about the sky, the clouds, the trees and the beauty of what surrounds us. She thinks it is a miracle when she sees a bird fly. Every little thing is something to be grateful for and to appreciate. She is truly an inspiration and everyone should spend a day with her!

Her sister-in-law picked her up, and I helped take stuff out to the car in my wheelchair. I gave Elaine a big hug and promised to come visit her. She wished me all the happiness in the world, and said how nice it was to meet my mom and Bob. Then she took my hand, looked me in the eyes and said “and say hello, and goodbye, to AH”. I think she took quite a liking to him too!

Then she was gone, and my room seems so empty now. Even though we often both just lied there or sat there and read without speaking, just knowing she was there and would most likely make me laugh at any moment was a comfort.

Anyway, the rest of the day was better. I met with the O.T. who is going to make me a splint tomorrow that I can easily slide on and off. I need to wear it most of the time so I don’t overwork my wrist, and especially when I walk. The last thing I need is a little stumble where I reach out my hand and press it against a wall like I usually do to balance myself. She also showed me a catalogue of allllll kinds of kitchen gadgets for one-handed people. I can get special dishes and cutting boards and knives and all kinds of things to help me out in that area. I didn’t see prices on anything, but I know they are available at all medical supply stores so I’ll have to take a look around.

Tonight’s dinner was yummy, roast beef with mashed potatoes, gravy and corn. I love that kind of food, I’m a meat and potatoes starchy gal. Tomorrow’s meals are great too, a nice send off for me. Sweet n’ sour meatballs at lunch, and BBQ chicken with roast potatoes for supper. And dessert? My favourite ultra chocolatey fudgy brownie.

Dinner conversation was interesting. Clive is upset because they told him again that the senior’s living centre his wife moved into cannot accommodate him because his needs are too high, he has gone “too far downhill”. Blanche insisted that he could turn his health around and be in tip top shape in 6 months. “There is hope for you, Clive. Donna, there is definitely hope for you. There isn’t any hope left for me, I’m finished”. She is so serene about it all. “I’m in the final stages of COPD and my heart is weak. I am ready to die anyway, I have no one left to be with and take care of me (since her husband is too far gone).” She totally accepts it. She talked again about how full her life was and how much she enjoyed life with her husband. She told me she wishes that for me, that I will find someone to spend my life with. Me too! She wants me to have kids, though, because “you will be a great mom. Don’t take that away from some lucky kid.” That is sweet and all, but unless I adopt an older child someday or end up with a widower with one perfect little girl man with kids, it won’t happen!

Anyway, I don’t see that Clive has hope for getting into tip top shape considering his age and multiple health conditions. You should see the pail ‘o pills he takes every morning!! It’s insane. I don’t know how all those drugs know where to go in your body to treat what. I bet some of them are to counter the side effects of others!!

Tomorrow is my last full day here. I’ll find out if I can get Home Care to help me shower and dress every morning when I get out (otherwise, Shawna’s going to be doing much more than she bargained for! Heehee). I’m also meeting with Lorraine, the Rec. Therapist, to go over different programs offerred by the MS Society and my “leisure needs”. I know there is a lot out there, but unless you want to spend your day in an Access Calgary vehicle (which is only okay with me if it is AH at the wheel!) they’re not always worth it. But I would love to hear what she has found for me. The O.T. has also put in a request for me to attend regular physio sessions either at a hospital near me, or downstairs in this building. I see exercise in my future again!

The countdown is on!

Our Occupational Therapist has been working with me and my wrist a lot, giving me exercises and testing my strength and stuff. The other day she gave me some yellow putty to squeeze and stretch with my fingers. She asked me to make some things… “make a cow. A bird. A teepee!” So I start shaping a teepee, and it’s not exactly looking like a teepee. I laugh, “Now I am making fallic symbols. I have been here far too long!! She HOWLED.

The past couple days have been typically quiet for me around here… resting, eating, physio, etc. No exciting visitors or anything.

So, this afternoon I am sitting on my bed reading a magazine when the Unit Clerk brought me the phone. It was my friend Shawna in Winnipeg, who has been calling regularly. This time, she was calling because she read that I’ll be home Thursday, and she wants to drive out to be my personal slave for a visit! At first I was a little hesitant, because I will be overwhelmed with work and kitties all over me, plus just simply trying to heal, but as the idea sunk in I liked it a lot. I do have piles of work to do (considering I’ve missed 6 weeks, plus the usual quarterly GST returns are due July 31) but having another person around will be great. For company, and she said she doesn’t mind helping me out a bit. Even to help with meals; and with her car, we won’t be stuck at home 100% of the time! We can visit air conditioned places. So she plans to arrive sometime tomorrow night and will come get my keys, and go to my apartment. My kitties are meeting soooo many different people that are wandering into my place! My apartment has never seen so much action, I should leave more often! Poor Shawna is allergic to cats, but hopefully she won’t be too bad… she can take Benadryl and sleep in my room with the door closed until I get home, and then we’ll see how she’s feeling.

Elaine returns to her Lodge tomorrow. I am REALLY going to miss her, I love that woman. I gave her my number and said unless I hear differently, I will assume she is at that lodge and will visit her there. And I will, for sure!!

Anyway, my feet are still puffy and I am trying to drink lots of water and keep them up as much as possible. So, I’m off to do some more of that. Cya!

Ahhh yesterday was a wonderful day! I got to stay in bed a little later because there are too many people for the nurses to get up and dressed by 8:30 on my side, and I said I didn’t care if I missed breakfast since I was going out with my folks soon. The nurse said she’d be back later to help me dress, but while everyone was off in the dining room and I was on my own clock, I slowly got myself up, washed and dressed by about 9:00. I wheeled myself downstairs to get a good coffee fr0m the machine, and then came back up to the dining room to say “hi” to Blanche and Clive. Our nurse saw me and gasped “who got you up??” I said “I don’t need YOU! I don’t need anybody!” hehe

My parents picked me up at 10:00 a.m. and we packed up some stuff to go home that I won’t need my last few days here. Then we headed to the chiropractor and he worked on my shoulders, arms and wrist a little bit. Bob bought me a muffin and coffee because I missed breakfast. Then we were home to my hot apartment. This is the first time I have been back that I wasn’t wearing a cast or splint on my wrist. As soon as I sat down, Pita jumped up on my lap, wrapped all four of her legs around my left forearm, and started licking my wrist. I looked at my mom in amazement. She just would not let go of that arm/hand and was licking and nibbling at it like crazy. It was adorable. Cats are so intuitive. I just kept telling them, “purr on my wrist! Purr on my wrist!”

I got my shower and decided I will definitely need Home Care for awhile to help with that. At least helping me get out of the shower, I can’t stand up from my shower bench alone. Melanie (from my client Troy’s office) dropped off some work which I added to the growimg pile of things I need to do when I get home!

To escape the heat and have a nice dinner, we headed for the air conditioned Olive Garden around 4:00 (early enough to miss the line-ups!) We took our time and ate and drank and ate and ate and, I do believe, ate some more. It was soooo good and I came back here at 7:00 ready to burst! No evening cookies for me.

So, I learned I am “banned from sitting around the desk” LOL Oh my GOD. The reason is that I seem to know too much about the goings on of other patients and I hear too much sitting there. That cracks me up! I figure some staff must have found my blog or something. If they think it is because I hang around the desk, they are so wrong! I yak with staff at the desk because I like them. We talk about men and relationships, mostly. Work. Life. Whatever. Everything I hear about patients I hear because I have good hearing! Whether I am in my room, in the lounge, in the dining room… my ears are sharper than most people in this place, and ALL the staff talk. A lot. Either to each other, or yes, to me sometimes. Not to mention how the other patients talk about what they have heard staff say about other staff and patients lol And if I write about it in here, so what?? I haven’t talked about half of what I have heard. I have never mentioned the name of the place I am staying at, most of the names are aliases or “the nurse”, and stats show me 95% of the people who read this don’t know me outside of this blog and probably couldn’t even point out Calgary on a map. I am not going to apologize for having good hearing, being someone others vent to and is easy to talk to, or writing about my thoughts and memories from here! I’m not hurting anybody and if I am, they can talk to me directly.

Last night I told Karen (who was working, yaaaay, but I was too tired to hang out with her, boooo) to make sure the morning staff knew that I want a lazy Sunday. I’d had two days being out and about, and I need a day to be lazy. So no one bothered me in the morning and I stayed in bed until about 10:30. Then I got dressed, got a coffee, and then it was almost time for lunch. Which was a waffle with peaches and whipped cream and some bacon, so close enough to breakfast for me! Tonight’s supper is my favourite, turkey and mashed potatoes, so I’m going to go lay down and daydream about that.

Random Notes ~

• When Elaine goes home on Tuesday, she is on a 48 hour pass to start with, so that means her bed will be held, and that means I will have a private room my last couple nights here!
• Bob is picking me up Thursday morning, so that is when I go home!!!
• The room next door has a big old man who sort of howls and wails all the time… either he is in pain or it is just his way of getting stuff out. Elaine said “my God, he sounds like a chicken trying to lay a square egg!” LOL
• I had a dream that I asked for a straw (as I often do when a cup is heavy) and was told there are no more. Anywhere. In the world.
• Clive doesn’t eat any fowl, including soups made with a chicken broth base. When I asked him why, he mumbled something about London and the War and bombings and slaughtering geese and chickens and that is all they had to eat. So at meal time when they place three desserts at the table, one for each of us, I usually get to mine first… if it is cake Clive will ask me what kind it is, and I answer “chicken cake”, hoping he will give me his. It hasn’t worked yet.
• I’m still hearing lots of positive long marriage stories from staff and patients
• Jerry (the man I mentioned in this entry) went missing yesterday. He just left, and hasn’t been since since. I heard him paged, followed by the code yellow (missing patient!) and he’s just gone. He was homeless and suffered from dementia before, so that’s probably where he is again… off getting drunk somewhere, I’m sure.
• Karen works again tonight. I am going to try to have the energy to hang out with her for awhile. And make sure the conversation sticks to subjects that are okay for us to talk about… like my bowel movements.

Whew, what a day! It’s a hot one out there. And I actually got to enjoy it!

Around 12:30 my friend Andrea came by to take me to meet her husband and friends at the Saskatoon Farm. First she had me change into some clothes she brought with her - some capri pants and a really nice top that she bought for herself and decided she didn’t want, so I get them! Good deal. She is a shop-o-holic and my size and I love her for it! Then we were off for the day.

I was in my wheelchair, and the farm isn’t the most accessible place, but we managed. Andrea knows the owners too so she gets a “friends and family” discount. There were so many things that I wanted to buy, but I kept it around $40. Andrea and Roger treated us to lunch. I had a Saskatoon berry & lemon muffin, yogurt and fruit (lots of melons and berries) because I knew I was getting dessert and didn’t want to overdo it! I tried this layered lemon dessert that was amazing and topped with more Saskatoon berries so I didn’t miss out on those.

After lunch and shopping, we sat in their outdoor cafe and had iced cappuccinos. The farm’s pets (dogs, pig, cat) roam freely about there. The pig wouldn’t leave us alone and drove us crazy lol After an hour or so, I was the party pooper because I could not handle the heat anymore, even though we were in the shade. I was in dire need of air conditioning so they threw me in the truck and turned it on high!

Andrea brought me back up here by 6:00, and there was a Tim Horton’s coffee sitting on my table. Turns out AH was here to see me at about 2:30. Oops! He was all “well, if you had answered your phone!” but the restaurant was too noisy and I didn’t hear it ring!

I picked up four Saskatoon berry tarts, easier to share around here than cutting a pie. I gave one to Elaine and one to Blanche and I will have the other two, thankyouverymuch!

Yesterday’s Notes ~

• On my way over here, the Rec. Aide handed me a little bag tied with a ribbon filled with chocolates as I passed her in the hallway. Awww.
• My brother came to visit after dinner and we hung out for a couple hours.
• Elaine isn’t going to a nursing home (at this point)! I think the staff rallied for her. She is going back to her Lodge on Tuesday for a month to see how it goes. Then they will see if she needs more round-the-clock care.
• There is a woman who volunteers in the store downstairs who broke her wrist around the same time as me (we both had the fluorescent orange casts). She is now in a splint like mine, although I’m not wearing mine anymore. When she saw my bare arm, no more bruises or anything, she gasped “why does it look so good? It looks totally normal and you can do so much with it! Mine doesn’t look like that. What did you do?!?” I told her I meditated and visualized it better and now she wants me to teach her lol
• I am going home either Wednesday night or Thursday morning, depending on when I can get a ride!

Yesterday we had a little workshop here on Stress and how to cope. I figured I’m an expert in that area (probably better at being stressed though!) so I joined in.

Lorraine (Rec. Therapist) went through a list of the Top 10 stressors in people’s lives. Many of them were marriage related… divorce, marital separation, going into marriage counselling, marital troubles, and marriage itself. I said “well, I guess if I never get married I can live a nice stress-free life!” and I was SHOT DOWN! (Kindly). A discussion began that really warmed my heart. All these old ladies started talking about their marriages.

“I married my husband at age 21, and 61 years later I’m as in love with him today as I was back then.”

“I married my husband at 21 and we were married for 53 years before he died”. (She got a little teary). “That was much too soon for me”.

“People ask me if we had a happy marriage. I don’t think that’s the right question… no one can be happy all the time. We had a good marriage. We loved each other and were committed to each other and the marriage. That made it good.”

“My daughter married her husband when she was almost 17, and everyone thought she was crazy. Well, it’s been 31 years and they are doing great”.

Today Blanche told me about how much she loved being married. “There is nothing better than finding that person who accepts you just the way you are; who knows what you’re going to say before you even say it… oh, it’s great!”

It seems around here, no matter what the outcome later in life that may keep them apart (death, disease, different care needs in different types of homes) there are no regrets and no one would do it any differently.

One nurse met her husband through a dating service and has been happily married for 7 years. Another married her husband at age 19 after only knowing him 4 months (so of course everyone thought she was crazy too), but it’s been well over 25 years and she’d marry him all over again in an instant. I know Clive is happy, considering how badly he wants to get back to his wife. I see many husbands and wives visiting their spouses here and how loving many can be towards each other.

And then there is Elaine, who at 90 has never married. She was engaged three times… the first one she broke off because they couldn’t agree about anything, so she figured they’d be divorced within a year anyway. The second one went off to war and died. The third one died of cancer before they could finalize their wedding plans. So for her, she decided it wasn’t meant to be and took care of her mother instead.

I don’t know what the future holds for me in that regard, but the idea of meeting that special someone that accepts me the way I am and that I could actually live with is rather appealing. I think I’ll stop the “ah, I don’t think I want to get married anyway” comments and cut the bull shit!! Where the hell IS HE?!? hehe

The past couple days ~

• I’ve been putting myself to bed (wipe, wash, undress) all by myself for the past few nights. Now that is PROGRESS!
• Everyone is amazed at how my wrist has healed. I give credit to all the meditation and visualization I’ve been doing.
• After my assessment yesterday, it looks like I’ll be heading home late next week! That gives me a few days to get all the GST returns filed that are due July 31.
• Woman’s World magazine had an article about Pets that Heal, and it said the purrs from cats heal and strengthen bones!! The sound frequency is the same that clinics use on osteoperosis patients. I did a Google search and there’s tons of info on that! So I guess I made the right investment.
• Famous words around this place lately: “what a bloody life.” “I’m no use to anybody anymore.” “So, it’s come to this.” Sigh.
• I received a phone call from a cute guy I met back in May; he wants to get together this week (to talk taxes ) Good timing.
• Blanche now knows her daughters want her in a nursing home, one close to her husband. They use the “dad would like that” excuse, but she knows her husband doesn’t even know who she is anyway, so what difference does it make? I worry about what she might do if she doesn’t get to go home, but I worry what would happen if she did. (I worry too much). I know she won’t be going home though, her daughters have Power of Attorney.
• Our Rec. Aide has another job at a fancy make-up counter place and wants to do a makeover on me. I may take her up on it, if she promises not to make me look like a ‘ho… I also need a haircut, highlights, manicure and pedicure at my salon. I CAN’T WAIT.
• I got a shower last night!
• Someone finally turned the calendar to “July” that is hanging in our room. The picture? A field of sunflowers
• Blanche found her mother’s wedding ring.
• They want to move Elaine to a nursing home. Nooooo!!! If I was in better health, I would so take her home with me to live. She said I am the second person with MS to make that offer. She’s too independent for a nursing home. She’s just incontinent and doesn’t like to admit it.
• Most of the unused cells are tossed anyway. I am pissed at Bush, but what else is new.
• Elaine asked me “what’s for dinner tonight?” I answered “I forget”. She said “Well, I dunno… but ‘I forget’ doesn’t sound very tasty”. LOL
• Coming out of my room with my walker, Clive was right there hunched over his, too. “I’ll race ya!” he said. “You could make a little money… Oh, wait, you don’t want money. You want PEANUT BUTTER!” heehee (I steal the peanut butter packets out of our bowl every morning).
• Ken came by this afternoon with a soy vanilla latte and a coupon for a free one He also told me I could use a couple of his Westjet Buddy passes ($35 + taxes each way) to go to Montreal in September!
• I have TWO Frappuccinos left. I’m not sure if that’s a cry for help, or a point of pride at how well I have paced myself.