Can You Hear Me Now?

Although we were not successful in the kitten hunt last Saturday, it was still an insanely busy day. My mom and Bob showed up at about 9:30 a.m. and we hauled a couple broken printers, a monitor and a huge old air conditioner I can’t use here (doesn’t work with my windows) out of my office closet to make room for the fancy litter box. We brought everything to an E-waste recycling depot and the only thing they didn’t take was the air conditioner, so Bob says he can use it in his shed hehe. Then we all went to the chiropractor for treatments, where I was also given further instruction on what kind of kitty to get and what to name him.

From there we started the kitten hunt to no avail, so with newspapers in hand we decided to go for brunch and make some calls. Bob was really in the mood for breakfast food, but I did not want to go to a Smiity’s/Humpty’s sort of place and all the best breakfast places were lined up out the door at that time. I mentioned having been to this little shack of a place up Edmonton Trail a few years ago and what great breakfast food they had, and before we knew it Bob was driving all the way up there. It is still standing… the Deer Head Café. A tiny dive, with very few ratty tables, smoky… great coffee, great service, and big breakfasts for cheap. I had huge pancakes for $2.95 (best pancakes ever, besides Nellie’s) and my mom ate the best omelet she said she’s ever had, that came with 2 toast and tons of hash browns for $4.25. It was awesome.

After that, Bob had to go to Totem Hardware so I made a stop at the Lebanese deli beside it to pick up some hummus and baklava. Best baklava in the city, this place, I do believe. I got a large container of hummus and asked if I could buy some pita bread off of them too. The guy gave me a large bag of BIG pitas and said “these are on the house for you today”. Two times I have been to this place, and two times I have been given something for free. I’m liking that ratio.

Then we came back here, where I pointed out to my mom that the two mice I used to have left some presents in my pantry. I haven’t been through there yet, but I was hoping they could help me clean it up. What came next I didn’t expect… a “little” help turned into a huge job where mom and Bob spent at least an hour taking everything out of my pantry, threw away all containers and boxes the mice got into, cleaned, disinfected and bleached the shelves and my plastic containers, etc. Bob got out the vacuum and was complaining about how poorly it worked. Not being satisfied that perhaps my vacuum just sucks (or doesn’t, however you want to look at it), he pulled it apart and found all kinds of areas where it was plugged and cleaned it out entirely. It’s like I have a brand new vacuum, and it’s so strong it pulls itself along the carpet. Who knew? Heh.

After all that I spent the evening in and watched Monster in Law. Jane Fonda was so funny in that.

Anyway, since then life has been pretty quiet. On Sunday I discovered that the Chinese food restaurant by my place is open until 3:00 a.m., so there is a late night option besides Humpty’s to eat at close to me. And their Ginger Beef is excellent, which to me equals all the food is excellent. I can’t believe I have lived here three years and never tried their food before Sunday.

Monday I worked at the Pub, where I always love to work; Tuesday I was supposed to go for lunch with Jason and Sheldon but that was postponed until today because Jason had to drive up North to join his dad for some music clinic thing-y. So instead I went on a mission to get my glasses fixed, which I had realized the night before were broken when I picked them up off the table and the left lens stayed behind. The screw had fallen out, therefore the lens. I was all worried that I would have to make arrangements to go downtown where I bought them to get them fixed, and would they be able to do it right away, and blah blah blah. Jason said “just take them to Lenscrafters in the mall there!” so I did. And you know what? Without any question, the woman took them, fixed them on the spot, and gave them back to me. I asked her what I owed her and she laughed. “Nothing! Just your smile” and I was on my way, easy as that. Lenscrafters rocks.

Later on a musician client came by and brought me his tax stuff. He also said he would hold a ticket for me to attend a CD release concert he’s playing at next week. Woot!

Yesterday I worked at another client’s, where the Tim Horton’s coffee and bagels runs freely and lunch is always an event. Later on I didn’t feel like going for wings with Jay and Katrina, as I was pretty worn out (and still full). So they asked if I’d mind some company, and came over, toting a couple bottles of Diet Coke with Lime (thanks to Michelle, that is my favourite pop now) and a beautiful plant for me! It’s red daisies, but to me they look like little red sunflowers. I love it.

Today I spent the morning on the phone helping AH. When he’s working, he can’t be on the phone calling around trying to find information, so he called me at 8:30 this morning and asked for my help. I crawled out of bed and started digging around to find what he needed, and after a couple hours and many phone calls I managed to find the answers for him. It’s not like AH doesn’t help me out (”can you please take me to a bank machine later??”) so I certainly didn’t mind helping him out. Especially since I was home and not planning to do much work today, anyway. I just reminded him that Secretaries Administrative Professionals week is April 23-29 and flowers would be nice.

This afternoon it’s nice and sunny outside, and soon I shall be joining my boys for a late lunch/early supper (”lupper”, we are calling it). YAY!

You know, looking over this… I really love my life and lifestyle. I’ve got very little to complain about and a hell of a lot to be thankful for!

There are no kittens to be had in the City of Calgary.

We tried a couple pet stores, checked the newspapers and called every place we could think of that might have kittens. No luck. We were told cats don’t generally breed much in the winter, so wait a few weeks and then there should be more around.

So I may not have one by my birthday

I feel like a parent trying to adopt a baby that has everything in place ready for the baby, just no baby… and goes to pick him/her up and is told the birth mother changed her mind at the last minute.

Okay, maybe not quite the same as that, but I was disappointed nonetheless.

I was finally able to watch the last few minutes of “The Island” last night. The night cook at the Pub left his DVD sitting on the bar last time I was there, and I borrowed it. I don’t even know him, I just left a note in the till that said “Donna has your DVD”. Christine is his boss and she said I could, so it’s okay. Anyway, I’m glad I finally saw that last 5 minutes or so (actually, I watched the whole thing from the beginning again because it’s good), but it left me wondering… so what now?… Thousands of unemployed, homeless, naïve people in white uniforms that look exactly like some rich person are left wandering the country. I guess the ones who are clones of celebrities can go to Las Vegas and get work. Heh.

Oops, I gave away the ending. Oh well, it’s not like you wouldn’t know it ends happily. It’s Hollywood.

Today a client came by to help me sort through the rest of his paperwork from the last few years. I had already posted most of his 2003 and 2004 stuff but was waiting for the rest. 2005 has yet to be touched, but at least him and his wife organized it nicely before bringing it to me. I called him before he left and told him it is in his best interest to stop at Tim Horton’s on the way over. He said “oh, do you need to be bribed?” and took my coffee order. He was taking quite awhile to get here, and when he finally arrived he told me he’d had no cash on him, and that particular Tim Horton’s only takes cash, so he had to go find a bank machine before he went back in to pay and then come over. Geez. I would have just said “screw it”, but I guess he was afraid of what would happen should he show up empty handed haha

Anyway, he sat himself on my office floor and started sorting receipts while I sorted through other things and asked questions. He noticed my Romeo Dallaire book on my desk and asked me about it. Turns out, he knows him, and hosted his visit to Calgary last year, picked him up at the airport and drove him around and stuff. Pretty cool! He asked me if I liked the book, but I haven’t even started reading it yet. “Right now, I am reading the Qur’an” I said, matter of factly. How worldly am I, I ask you?? Considering the difficulty level of that read, I expect to be starting Romeo’s book by late fall if I’m lucky. And considering the length of that book, I will probably finish by sometime in 2008 and by 2010 I may have even read the Bible.

I know, I know, I was raised a Christian and yet I’m reading the Qur’an before I have even read the whole Bible. I guess that’s because I’ve heard about Christianity my whole life and Islam is very new to me, and it piqued my curiosity. Plus, you know, AH is still my Number One Crush until such time someone else turns my head, and I like learning about his culture, it’s different and interesting. It’s not like I’m planning any pilgrimages to the Mecca any time soon, no worries. (I haven’t heard anything further on the going-back-to-his-wife thing. But I’m already doing better at the thought of losing him as a close friend. I will survive).

You know, I was thinking yesterday, about that MOMENT when AH asked me out almost a year ago. The fact that, after having developed a huge crush on this man over the months, he actually asked me out, and how excited I was. That the rest of the day you could not pull me down from the ceiling. The total joy and excitement in my heart I felt that day is something I would give up winning the lottery for if I could experience living in that moment for the rest of my life. This was, of course, before I knew anything about him… all I knew was his name, that he was sweet and kind, that he had this great vibe and was easy to talk to, and was the single most gorgeous man I had ever (and still to this day) laid eyes on. I didn’t know about an ex-wife or a current wife that he is separated from and three kids and 10 million family members and blah blah blah. All I knew is that I liked him and he asked me out and OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!

I want that day back. I want that day every day of my life. That, or the Polyjesters in my living room 24/7.

Anyway, back to my client. He was sitting on the floor sorting receipts when his cell rang, and it was his son’s babysitter reminding him that his son needed to be picked up… 5 minutes ago. Yikes. Poor guy ran to the door to put on his shoes and apologized for needing to run off like this - “it’s not very often I envy the life of people who work Monday to Friday… I get to play with amazing musicians from all over the world and live a pretty good life… but moments like this, a regular schedule sounds appealing!” I know he wouldn’t trade it for the world though. He’s a Jazzman. That’s in his blood, I tells ya.

So, I am left with a floor covered in receipts once again. I won’t get around to organizing them tonight, I finished some other things I needed to do and then started to get things ready for the possible Arrival of the Kitten tomorrow. My parents are coming by in the morning so we can make room for the litter box by getting rid of some old computer equipment and an air conditioner, then we’re going to the chiropractor, then lunch with my brother, and then to the pet store in search of my kitty. If we don’t find him tomorrow, then next week. I hope I find him tomorrow. I need a new Number One Crush.

I thought I had lucked out, finding a doctor that is taking new patients at a medical clinic very close to me. It is inside a very cool mall with a Vietnamese restaurant, Chinese herbal medicine stores, a big Asian Market, cheap movie theatres, etc. I figured I could make my appointments an all day event!

For my first meet ‘n greet though, it was a morning appointment and I gave myself just over an hour for my return Access ride home. I was dropped off early, at 9:00 a.m. and wandered into the medical clinic. I immediately got a bad feeling… the waiting room was PACKED with at least 30 people and it was a noisy and busy environment. I guess I am used to my quiet doctor’s office because he is the only doctor there, and it’s not also a walk-in clinic! I stood at the reception desk while no one paid any attention to me because they were too busy with ringing phones and gabbing with each other. I finally got a nurse’s attention and said I was a new patient who has an appointment with Dr. V. at 9:30. She said “….Dr. V. is on holidays”. WHAT?! Why did I get an appointment then? She looked on the computer and said they had tried to call me but didn’t have my phone number. That is BS because I distinctly remember giving my name and number when I booked the appointment… that is automatic. She asked if I wanted to see another doctor, but I said I don’t really need to see a doctor, I am looking for a new family doctor, and are there any other ones there accepting new patients? She said “no”. So, by 9:05 I found myself with an hour and a half to waste and the stores didn’t open until 10:00.

I wandered to the food court area, assuming there had to be at least a coffee stand open. To my luck there was, AND they make Seattle’s Best coffee, the BEST coffee around, so I got myself a large cup, settled myself at a table, pulled out my cell phone, and called the only person I knew would be available to chat with that early, AH.

I’ve been talking to AH a lot lately about the Qur’an. I started reading it, and there are a few things that really bother me (especially when it comes to women), so I call AH to discuss it or leave messages in his voice mail such as “so what are they SAYING here?? That women are STUPID and it takes TWO women to do the job of ONE man???!!!??” and then he calms me down and explains what it means in a way that actually makes sense to me (the Qur’an was not meant to be translated, and I think a lot of the messages were lost/misrepresented in translation). Islam is widely misunderstood and although in some ways it has very “old school” attitudes when it comes to women, it does insist on equality for women and gives them many rights. As AH pointed out, before the Qur’an women had no rights. I’m not familiar with any history or other religions enough to know how true that is, but I figure if I keep reading and learning it will all make sense eventually. One thing I have noticed is that this entire book is written to the man reading, with any reference to women usually stated as “your women, your wives” etc. AH says to just keep reading and I will see just how many rights women do have and that it is all fair and will make sense. My best friend from high school just told me she converted to Islam, and she is certainly a strong and independent woman! I have ordered this book that should help me understand it better too. It is the fasted growing religion for a reason, and I just want to learn about it because I have always been quite ignorant on the whole spectrum of religions. Now I want to know and understand them all.

It would help if I had a cast of characters.

Anyway, once the stores opened at 10:00, I went into the Asian market and bought myself a few pieces of sushi!! I am going to try it for the first time in my life. I bought 5 pieces – salmon, spicy salmon, tuna, snapper and crab. This is a pretty gutsy move for someone who is not a seafood fan. However, a lot of people that have similar tastes in other foods as I do really LOVE sushi, so I’ve always wanted to try it. I’ll let you know if I make it through or spit it out.

When I got home, I called my current doctor’s office to tell Sandy I’m not having any luck finding a new doctor yet. She told me about a doctor that is starting a new practice in June and asking for patients to be referred to him. I also made an appointment to see my doctor on the 19th, but Sandy said “bring a book, be prepared to wait… It is crazy here”. She has to copy every single file in the office for us, because the originals need to legally stay with him for seven years. I guess unless we find a doctor before he closes and sign a release? I don’t know. All I know is she said she needs to charge us about $25 for her time. Mine could even be more because I know how thick it is!!! My doctor has never charged us for anything… letters, notes, lengthy forms he fills out… and I know that many others do. So I don’t mind being charged for this. I called the new doctor’s office, and it turns out they have a female doctor at that practice and I can get in to see her even earlier. So May 15th it is. I hope I like her and I hope it all works out!!!

I don’t have my kitten yet. I do have the litter box, some food, a cat bed, some spray to keep him from clawing my couch, and food/water bowls. I still need the actual cat litter (will need help with carrying that one) and a few other things like a scratching post, spray catnip (that stuff works great, as I recall), toys… I also need to clear stuff out of my office closet to make room for that gigantic litter box. I’ve got a lot of old computer junk stored in there and an old air conditioner that needs to be removed. I’ll need help with all that, too. THEN it will be time to bring home the kitty. I’m hoping in a couple weeks. It’s my birthday present, so it just has to be before May 1.

I may have inadvertently sent AH back to his wife. It would take too long to explain “how” exactly and the conversation we had, but it led him to thinking about some things and talking to his wife again (they have been separated two years). They are just talking right now, but getting back together may be a very good thing considering they have small children, and I’m all for keeping a family together if at all possible. It may also be a not-so-good thing considering the problems they’ve had over the years, and it’s not exactly a good thing to raise children in an environment where no one is happy and the parents are frustrated and resentful of each other. It’s not for me to say either way, we’ll just see what happens. All I know is, on a selfish note, I don’t want to lose him, and I will. It would be completely inappropriate for us to be friends if he goes back to his wife. AH said “why, we’re not doing anything…” but I see it differently. I am single, I am HIS friend only and we talk all the time and she does not know me, we have slept together… it’s just not appropriate in so many ways. Not to mention the fact that I am still incredibly attracted to him and don’t see that ever changing. I would have to gracefully step out of his life, and I know I would cry for days because I already have been lately at the mere thought of it. He’s become a huge part of my life and I realize now that I have been wrong about him in a lot of ways. He really is everything he has ever presented himself to be to me. When I read this paragraph in Dietgirl’s blog the other day, it hit me like a ton of bricks: “my crushing self-doubt made me doubt other people’s sincerity and motives - I’ve been untrusting and paranoid. I’ve let friendships be ruined because I felt so crappy about myself — I just assumed everyone else felt the same”. I have done that, most certainly with men, and most DEFINITELY with AH. My suspicions, paranoia and distrust of him have been completely unfounded. He is who he is and the way he is and has never misrepresented himself to me. I’ve read into things and tried to analyze things and came to some wrong conclusions about him and for that I am sorry. Not that I can apologize to him, because he doesn’t really know… this has all been behind his back when talking with girlfriends and stuff, but I’m sure he sensed it too and was probably on the receiving end without my even realizing it.

Whatever will be, will be. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and things will work out the way they are meant to, which actually helps me feel a bit better. If AH is meant to get back with his wife and be a family again, then that’s great for him and I will wish him the best. I’ve always said I was prepared to have my heart broken by this man, should my heart ever get into it… which it has now, because we’ve actually been getting to know each other over the past few months of talking several times a week, and I’ve learned a lot about him. He’s dug his way in. Did I mention he finally came to see the Polyjesters with me last week?? And loves them? And tore open their CD immediately and it’s always playing in his car now? Yeah. Way to get into MY heart!!

Anyway, such is life. My heart will break, I will cry, I will get over it eventually and move on. It is inevitable. Because if he doesn’t get back together with his wife, there would be someone else eventually… and in the meantime, what am I hanging around for? Developing feelings for a man that isn’t available to me and that I 99.999% surely would never end up with is what I am notorious for. I guess because it is safe.

Sigh.

Okay, enough of my reflective babble that further proves how messed up I am when it comes to men. I’ve had a busy week filled with a lot of work, and then on Thursday I went and got pampered at the salon (yay, tax time money!). My hair was cut and coloured and I received a fabulous pedicure that included an amazing foot and lower leg massage. She was awesome. It looks like the salon may become a new bookkeeping client as well, because my hair dresser just took it over March 1 and needs someone. We talked and she showed me her files and records, and I told her to bring it all by in about a month when she has a couple bank statements and more to do. I see free hair cuts in my future.

I was supposed to go see the Polyjesters that night again too, but I felt tired and crappy so I needed to stay in. Which was very unfortunate, considering my hair will never look like that when I do it.

Tonight my friend Kim is coming in to town from Red Deer and we’re going to meet Michelle at the Beatles tribute the Polyboys are performing in. Should be a lot of fun! I love it when Kim stays over. Maybe we’ll get Tim Horton’s in the morning again!