Can You Hear Me Now?

I woke up yesterday morning with a couple huge bruises on my legs, the one on my right hip being particularly painful. I won’t be wearing a bikini anytime soon. Yes, that’s my only excuse haha

The first thing I did (as usual) was head to the computer, where I posted on a forum I frequent about a dream I had the night before (Jason joined Lavalife and asked me to check out his matches because he hadn’t had time, and all that he matched with were men – he had accidentally put himself in the Men Seeking Men category Bwahahaha!) Shortly after I posted that, I went back to the forum and was surprised to see it had been hacked! I called Jason (it’s his band’s forum) and he said he’d get on it. Their computer guy has been MIA for months; I think he’s off making porn, that’s where the real money is for those webmaster guys. Heh. Anyways, it’s back up now, and nothing was lost, so that’s cool.

After yakking with Jason, I continued procrastinating work until I received a phone call from a client who was looking for an update on the status of his stuff. Immediately, I sat myself down on the floor, sorted the rest of his receipts, posted what was left, organized it all, and bing bang boom called him back and said he could come get it any time. Go me!

Then it was latte and reading time.

My friend Katrina stayed over last night. Her husband went out of town, and since they work right near me but live across the city, it would be an expensive cab fare for Katrina to go back and forth without Jay (one vehicle, and they work together). I had mentioned a long time ago that she could crash here since I’m so close, if she ever needed to. So she took me up on that yesterday.

We had a really nice evening. She showed up with another bottle of Diet Coke with Lime (”in case you ran out” – I still had one of the two bottles left they bought me last week!) We ordered in food, watched Fever Pitch (cute movie), Oprah, and talked and talked and talked. Or, at least I did. When my words started slurring I knew it was time to give my mouth a break (no, I wasn’t drinking, that is an MS symptom that appears occasionally when I talk a lot. Very occasionally, of course).

I was telling her all about AH and how we met and everything that has happened between us. I discussed how recently, Oprah has been doing some shows on relationships and has mentioned the book “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix, and even had him on the show. One of his theories is that we draw people to ourselves that most can reflect and help you to heal the wounds of your past. Oprah said she would not still be in her relationship if she hadn’t read that book 18 years ago, and to “stay” when there is a conflict until “you have learned the lesson you need to learn”. AH is that example in my life because, like every other man from my past, I pushed him away when I figured he wasn’t living up to my expectations. I took so many things personally, jumped to conclusions, drew suspicions about him that were entirely untrue (I know now – at the time, I was assuming and guessing, and wrong!). And then, I cut him out, because that’s just what I do. That was in late September. Then, in mid-November, his first day back driving with Access after 6 months of not, he showed up at my door. His first day back, he was sent to me. Not by his choice or mine. That is when I realized I still had something left to learn here… we had unfinished business.

It was about a month later, that night in December when he couldn’t come pick me up and I didn’t believe that his car had actually broken down… until he sent his buddy from across the city instead… that I realized. Oh, My God. I have been so wrong. This man has never lied to me, he is everything he has ever presented himself to be to me, a man of honour, character and integrity. Of course he is human and has flaws and made mistakes, but he never “treated me badly” as I have stated. I saw a lot of the good stuff in the past, but I also found reasons not to see it. And this past few months of talking more frequently and becoming good friends has sealed that for me. So what have I learned?? Number One, not to take things so personally. It’s not about me, or because of me, we all have our “stuff”, and when our friends and partners are sorting theirs out, we need to know it’s not about “me” and try to be patient instead of jumping to conclusions or being in a hurry to just write them off (I’m so good at that - sometimes it is truly necessary, but not always). When the core of that person is good and true and honest and solid and worth it… let it go.

After Katrina left in the morning I showered and dressed and got started on another client’s work while I waited for another one to pick his up. After he left, I called AH to say “hi”. He was at the drive-thru getting lunch. I heard him order a Double Whopper combo w/ Coke. “Double Whopper!” I exclaimed. He said he’s depressed and is eating whatever he wants. I absolutely CAN NOT identify, sorry! Heh. He’s having some problems with his hearing and this ringing in his ear, and is having to wait to see specialists. He’s supposed to be seeing some one over in Northgate which is across from me, but we couldn’t figure out who or what clinic is over there. “Let me take my scooter over and go look!” I said. He said no, no, no, don’t be silly, but I figured what the hell, it’s a gorgeous day, and that would be a great excuse to get out of the house and go for a ride.

We continued to talk and I told him some of the things I had on my mind as mentioned above, and apologized to him for some of my past behaviour. He accepted my apology with grace, which I think often takes more character than giving one. I also thanked him for his patience with me, and the big lesson I hope I have finally learned. Time will tell, I guess. I’ll try not to mess up with the next guy, and hope that he is actually available.

After I hung up, I took my scooter out and went across the bridge over to Northgate. I checked out the businesses in the strip mall – I knew there were places like Staples, a Dollar Store, Shoe Warehouse, etc. – but I never knew there was a little Vietnamese restaurant in the corner!! I got very excited. I do live (summer weather) scooter distance to Vietnamese food! It’s amazing what you can find right in front of your face when you open your eyes

I saw no sign of an ear related medical clinic. A couple chiropractors, family practitioners (hmmm… two female doctors… wonder if they are taking new patients??), accountants… I called AH from outside the Professional offices and told him what I saw, and read him the tenant list. When I got to “Men’s Crisis Center” he stopped me and said “do you think that’s where I am going?” (remember… he’s not from this country, he doesn’t understand everything, he thinks his ear is a crisis). I said “Are you losing your hearing because your wife is beating you?”. “Oh”. Heh.

Anyway, since I was over on that side of the train tracks, I stopped at the Starbuck’s in Safeway to get my latte and then rode home. When I got here my voice mail had a message from AH, playing some country song from the radio and singing along dramatically. I laughed my ass off. No word yet on AH returning to his wife for sure, but it doesn’t matter to me now. Today helped me decide he’ll always be a part of my life, even if I have to become her best friend! hehe