March 27th, 2006
We all know how important it is to love yourself. I know I posted a great entry about that last year. Have I done anything about it? Not really. I went to those Psych-K sessions back in January, but like everything else I start up, I never continued with doing the exercises at home so the positive effects didn’t last. I need to get back into it. I need to get back to meditating and visualizing. I need to get back into affirmations. I should, I know, I should, I know, I should, I KNOW!!! ARGH!! There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not hard on myself or criticizing myself or shoulding all over myself. It really has to stop, but I don’t know how to make it stop.
On Sunday I had a client over. She is a funky fashion designer, a former TV journalist, a total sweetheart, works in public relations for a famous athletic team, and is drop dead gorgeous to boot. She is as fit and healthy as can be, visits the gym daily, and is probably a size 0 or 2. She is 47 and looks 32 and has a radiant smile that would light up any room. While filling out her tax info, I asked if she was divorced or single (because I know she’s not married now, but at 47 she certainly could have been). She said “single”. As we were chatting later, I asked her if she had a boyfriend or anything, and commented that a knock out like her must have men banging down the door. She disagreed. We talked a bit about our single-ness situations and the patterns we seem to have with men, and it turns out we are very alike that way. That was a shock to me. I realized being thin and gorgeous doesn’t necessarily make it easier to love yourself and believe you are worthy of love. We talked about how you attract to yourself what you believe you deserve, and if your self talk is negative, so will be the men you attract. I can’t believe I have THIS in common with a woman I would have figured could get any man she wanted!
It really comes from within. All too often we look outside of ourselves for that validation. If he wants me, then I am okay. If he tells me I am beautiful, then I am. If he wants to have sex with me, then I am desirable. So what happens when “he” isn’t there? He can’t fix what is broken inside of us. He is just a band-aid. Those women we call whores and sluts, that sleep around with different men all the time, are no different than I am. We have the same pain, we just look for the band-aids in different places, whether it be men, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping… Somewhere along the way we started to believe we weren’t worthy. How do we un-do it? How do we heal our own insides, so that what “he” thinks doesn’t matter, because we will know it ourselves? Then we will attract someone that is worthy of all we have to offer, because we will truly believe we have ALL THAT to offer.
So that’s what is on my mind today.