I’ll Support You if You Support Yourself
March 3rd, 2006
Many of you may not be aware about one of my biggest passions in life. It’s not very easy to put into one sentence, but it involves youth/teenagers, responsibility, support and independence. In other words, I get really excited when I meet a kid who comes from a shitty background, foster care, group homes etc., yet is hopeful for his/her future and takes responsibility for it. He/she has plans and ideas and is working towards shaping their future in a positive way instead of blaming their family or society for their problems and acting like they’re owed something. They make use of the programs put in place by our government to support and help them get on their feet and make a life for themselves in this big crazy world. I am 100% behind those programs being made available to these youth, but I’m 150% behind the kids that actually make use of them without abusing them.
When I meet this sort of youth, I want to be a part of their life. I want to support them in any way I can, encourage them and root for their success. I want to be someone they can turn to when they need a friend to talk to or are having a bad day.
One such person is Eric, who I have mentioned in here a few times before. He is an amazing kid. He’s almost 19 now and out of high school, living in his own apartment, working in a department store, and going to school two nights/week. He is finishing the courses he needs to get into the program he wants, and then he’ll go to the University of Lethbridge to get his final degree. He has it all planned out. In his “spare time” he also volunteers with the Youth in Care program and is an all-out activist for Youth in Care. He is AWESOME and such an amazing example of life after Foster Care.
Today I decided to sponsor a youth through the Youth Possibilities Program so he/she can attend a talk next Friday presented by the IPRA. They are trying to find sponsors to send 13 youth and 3 facilitators to see Senator Romeo Dallaire speak at the University.
When I read in my email request:
The Youth Possibilities Project of the Centre for Newcomers is a 6 month employment training program for immigrant & minority youth between the ages of 16 - 25. Most of the youth in this session are refugees that have been affected by war in countries such as Afghanistan and Sudan. It is not unfamiliar to our youth from El Salvador & Lebanon as well. As part of their training to either find gainful employment or go back to school, our youth commit to a community service project. This session our group chose to do forum theatre in conjunction with All Nations Theatre Society where they brought to light issues related to being an immigrant youth in Canada. I think it would be amazing for them to see Lt. Gen Dallaire speak. I hope you do consider this request.
I knew I wanted to help, but I also knew I needed to call someone. AH has a 22 year old nephew that lives at his house who is having trouble finding/keeping a job. I read a little more about this YPP program, and immediately called AH and asked “your nephew is unemployed, right?” and he said “yeah… always…” “Well, I found something he may qualify for” and told him about it. He said “yeah, he’s in that already, and he’s going to quit, he doesn’t like it…”
Oh man. AH needed to quickly hang up as he was about to get a client, so I am sitting here FUMING and wanting to wring a certain someone’s nephew’s little scrawny wimpy Middle Eastern neck.
Eric is working his ass off for $7.50 an hour at a department store and going to school and making something of his life. He has no family to fall back on (Dad is a child molester dickhead, mom is on welfare with two little ones and can’t take care of him). This YPP program, our government, our tax dollars, my money, pays AH’s nephew $7.50 an hour to learn how to find and keep a job and he’s not even trying?!? This kid (well, man actually) lives in AH’s house, because in his culture, family looks out for each other no matter what. When AH and his wife split up, she moved out of his house (back to her parents of course, where two other divorced sisters also reside) and his sister, brother and nephew moved in (mom was already there). You don’t charge family anything for rent. You live at home until you are married, and then go back home if the marriage doesn’t work (AH owns his own house though, so they all just moved in with him hehe).
So this nephew, at 22, is living for free off his dad and Uncle AH. I know for a fact that AH helps him out with all kinds of stuff and takes him places and gives him unlimited access to his computer which AH may just end up giving to him when he gets a new one. He will never be expected to pay rent and will be able to live with his family forever if he wants/needs to.
Okay, you know, I have tried to understand and respect AH’s culture and values. It is very different from mine, and just because I am not used to it, does not make it wrong. It is “their way” and if we are going to be friends, I need to keep my opinions to myself, have an open mind and respect these differences. But not in my own freakin’ BLOG I don’t!! That is BULLSHIT!! How is that nephew ever going to learn to be responsible and independent? What the hell reason does he need to get a job, if no matter what, family is going to take care of him?? Where does he get off abusing our Government’s money in programs designed to help him get on his feet? (Okay, that is a whole other can of worms that we won’t open here). If he was my nephew he would have one month to find a job and start paying me room and board or he would be out on his ass.
My sponsorship sure as hell better not be going to AH’s nephew.
Gee, he sounds like a real turd.
This project is sort of like the thing I am going to in Sonoma…only…mine is for spoiled kids who don’t know their own potential and are from rich North-American families so they just live off their loaded parents for ever.
I have no idea how I got thrown in that soup! hehe…(although, I can’t argue that my family isn’t 5/6 North-American.)…
I have to say that the situation you are talking about TOTALLY makes me nuts, but I have grown up in a similar kind of culture as AH. Except with Italians, the kids don’t usually move back in with the entire family when they divorce. However, it is a BIG tradition that kids do not get to pay any rent until they move out..and since most rarely move back in, if they DO, they still don’t have to pay rent.
However, it is always highly stressed that they get out there and work their butts off-which is why most Italians are tradesmen-they are trained very young to carry on the torch of hardwork-so even if they don’t have to pay rent to their family, they should still be able to support themselves when they DO move out.
It is a sad thing, isn’t it? Some of them fall through the cracks and turn out to be lazy moochers-what a shame that AH’s nephew does that-and it makes me even MORE nuts, that if you work at 7-11 full time you can make close to $10.00 an HOUR…that is insanely good money..heck, even part time gets you 8.00-9.00 an hour…I just wish these rates would go back to the 4.50 an hour cause this way people would REALLY have to work their butts off to earn anything.
I guess some cultures NEVER change! ugh
I think it’s really cool what you’re doing. I keep saying I want to do something like that to, and you really inspire me to get off my ass and actually do it. There is so much untapped talent in SA, living in appalling conditions and just fighting to get by each day.
Go Eric! I know an Eric, too. A young black man, who is supporting his sick father, working any job, and always coming up with a scheme to get ahead in life. I so admire these people.
You want people who work at 7-11 to only make $4.50 an hour, Lisa??? It’s practically impossible to live in Calgary on $10 an hour, never mind less than half that. And I don’t think the people who actually take those jobs are lazy. They are getting out there working, many supporting families the only way they can because they don’t have a lot of education (a lot of the people I work with are in that situation).
It’s the ones who think they are “too good” for 7-11 jobs so they sit around doing nothing that are the problem.
$10 an hour is insanely good money??? I’m with Michelle on that one, Lisa! $10/hour won’t pay the rent in this city. That’s a fine amount for a young kid living at home, but one hell of a struggle to make a life with on your own! And people who make $10/hour (cooks in pubs, for example) DO work their butts off, more than most that make twice that.
Where I live, people would kill their own grandmother for a chance at a $10/hour job. The last time I checked, the average wage in this city - average, that includes all the doctors and attorneys and CEOs - was in the $7-$8 window. Hell, now that I think of it, I’ve been with my same company for coming up on six years, and my hourly wage is not yet $10/hour! Thankfully I don’t get paid hourly unless I go on vacation or sick leave.
I’m looking in my city’s online classifieds right now - looks like the average is up, but still - certified forklift driver, $7.50/hr; shipping clerk, minimum two years experience, must be bilingual, computer literate, able to work a scanner and a pallet jack, $7.50; purchasing manager, minimum three years experience and a college degree, $9.50; certified nursing assistant, $8-9 depending on exp; bilingual receptionist I yr exp $6.50-$7; oh HA! Psych transcriptionist, $7-$8/hr, 2 yrs exp and must work from TAPES. God.
Thank you for this comment thread; seeing what’s out there gives me a renewed determination to hold on to what I’ve got.
Anyway, though, I read Lisa’s post (”wish these rates would go back to $4.50″) as referring to the program that AH’s nephew is in. If he were only making $4.50 an hour in the “learn how to find and keep a job” part, he might be more inclined to get off his tuckus and put what he’s learning to use. (Well, not HIM, since he’s covered no matter what, but others.)
Best of luck to the Erics out there.
Well, it depends somewhat on where you live. I could easily manage on $10 an hour in my old hometown. In Calgary, though, forget it.
Perhaps that’s what Lisa meant with her comments. It just sounded like she was saying everyone who was, for whatever reason, working at 7-11 should have their salary slashed just because of where she worked.
I think programs where people need to work off/ pay back somehow are better than ones that are just handouts. An example is Habitat for Humanity, where people need to put in “sweat equity” and pay a reasonable mortgage. Now I just wish they built homes for single people because, even on WAY more than $10 an hour, there is no way I can afford a home of my own in Calgary.
Oops, lemme clarify-10.00 an hour is INSANELY good money for teenagers who have nothing to do…not for people who gotta pay the bills! Sorry about that-I was thinking about AH’s nephew-I definitely think that for a first time worker who is 15 years old or whatever, 10.00 an hour for THEM is good-unless they are kicked out of the house and living on their own.
I am definitely the first person to say that it HAS to be so tough on those who are out on their own-you need at least 2500 a month to be able to pay rent, gas, insurance, bills, and even eat once a week…lol I totally sympathize with those who are barely scraping by. It is definitely a tough world out there-but for some teenagers who don’t want to work at 7-11 cause they are TOO good, they need some definite help.
My cousin is 17 and VERY lazy-he doesn’t want to work and would rather spend 5 hours a night at the skateboard park..he could have easily worked with his dad at good money but always complained. FINALLY he got a job at superstore-which is good pay, but for someone with that mentality, he should have had a cheap ass job where he would have to EARN the money.
Hopefully that makes sense! lol