Can You Hear Me Now?

A few that come to mind:

“Can’t touch this! Duh duh duh duhh, duh duh, duh duh can’t touch this!”

“Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?” (yes.)

“Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be”

“No more booty for you!!” (Okay, that’s not a song, that’s a variation of the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld)

“Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, good bye!”

“All I needed was the truth, now I’m gone!” (my girl Kelly).

Yeah, he’s gone. He wasn’t meeting his end of our little agreement and I am beyond people treating me a certain way (badly) and allowing it to continue. Oh, and that whole not having a backbone thing and being too chicken to talk to me doesn’t go over well with me either.

So much for just having some fun with a hot guy at the perfect time in my life for that. Maybe I’m meant to be on my own while I go through my “transition” and just head straight for the “whole enchilada” guy when I become a butterfly. Heh. Some fun in between would have been nice, but you know, we can’t all be Angelina Jolie.

So yeah. Moving on…

I wrote an entry recently about the power of our minds. I want to expand on that, because the whole concept has played a large role in my own life and health. After having experienced some of the negative that my thoughts and belief patterns can produce in my own life (stemming back to childhood, but we won’t go there!), I am starting to experience more of the positive that can come from it, and it is both eerie and exciting.

I think back to 1998, a couple years after I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. My diagnosis came in 1996, after I experienced mild symptoms every few years, the worst being some vision problems. I was sent for an MRI to see what was going on. The MRI showed lesions on my brain, and the diagnosis followed. I was fine though… the vision problems went away, and by the time I met with a neurologist at the MS Clinic I was in remission and told MS would most likely never be a major factor in my life. Go home and forget about it. Read the rest of this entry »

Well I guess I’ve had a pretty busy week. I worked and saw friends and volunteered at the casino and saw my chiropractor and went to my Weight Watchers meeting and lost another pound. I met with a new client who gave me tons of work (and I almost worried when I gave up that big client in May! I’m busier than ever). Volunteering at the Casino was fun. I do it every 18 months for the only MS charity I support here (I don’t support the MS Society and their negative, drug focused views), Direct-MS. I’m a cashier, which basically means I get to hang out in the cage with a bunch of people and talk and laugh and occasionally cash in someone’s chips. We also get unlimited bottled water, coffee and pop all day and free lunch in the dining room or cafe. If I hadn’t booked my ride to pick me up so early, I could have had supper too… I’ll have to remember that for next time. Although it wasn’t a hard day for the typical person (pretty slack), it was hard on me just to be up and alert for that long without resting and by the time I got home at 8:00 I was wiped. I needed the next day off to recover! Read the rest of this entry »

You* meet a man at the end of December. He is gorgeous and hot and sexy and sweet and you think, he must be the best looking man in his field of work. The next time you see him, about 6 weeks later, you realize… no, he isn’t just the best looking man in his field, he is the best looking man you have ever laid eyes on ever. The next time you see him, a couple weeks later, you realize you officially have a crush on him. He’s just too hot for words, has a really good vibe about him, is fun to talk to and very kind. There’s a good heart and soul in there.

Six weeks go by and you’re ready to burst. You have been dying to see him because you finally decided you are going to ask him out next time, no matter what, don’t let the chance go by. FINALLY the day comes that you see him. It’s the end of April and your birthday is coming up. Oh my, so is his. Oh, well, how about that, it’s the same day as yours! How interesting. He says I think we need to go for a drink and celebrate that. And you say OKAY!!

So the first date happens, and you have a lot of fun. You learn a few things about him that make you a little uneasy… he is still married, separated only a year… three small kids… probably not someone who is looking to jump into anything, and do you even want to jump into anything with that kind of baggage hanging about? Well, one day at a time, right. He is still cute and sexy and fun and you never know.

The weeks go by. He seems rather up and down. Very attentive one day, then disappears for a week, stuff like that. You confront him… “what’s up, sometimes I think you like me, then I don’t know, you seem to have a very short attention span…” He tells you it has nothing to do with you. He has so much stuff going on in his life and it’s all rather complicated, you don’t even want to know. But it has nothing to do with you, as you are an angel, and he kisses you good night softly and sweetly. Sigh.

So that gets him by for a little while longer. The next few weeks he calls you and you talk on the phone a lot, but notice it is odd that the conversations never end with him saying “so, what are you up to this weekend?” or trying to make plans to get together. Hmmm. Three weeks since you last saw each other you decide to go to a movie. He picks you up, pays, drives you home, kisses you goodnight and when he holds you close a little whimper escapes from his mouth. Ahhhhh, the whimper. You know that one. It’s the “I really like you and I WANT to but I just CAAAAN’T” whimper.

You assess the situation. You like each other, you’re attracted to each other, but face it, the guy has “stuff” going on in his life and he’s not willing to discuss it with you so it must be a pretty big obstacle. His family, for one, controls a lot of his life and will continue to as long as he can’t learn to say “no”. And you don’t just mean his kids, you are talking brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, aunts, uncles… The youngest of 9 kids in a huge family with a culture very different from yours, especially when it comes to family. A single Canadian girl from a very small family who has lived COMPLETELY ALONE for at least 12 years and spends all of 10 minutes a day maximum in the kitchen** can’t compete and wouldn’t even want to try!

So you decide to end it. He doesn’t have room for you in his life and isn’t making a real effort to create that room. You can’t read his mind and as long as he’s not telling you what’s going on inside of it, you’re just frustrated. So you tell him you think he’s a great guy and wish things could be different, but alas, adios amigos.

Meanwhile, you know deep down it is NOT OVER entirely because there was a reason that man came into your life and it wasn’t just to test you, no matter what you tried to tell yourself. As time passes though, the more you think about it, the more you know there is no real future for the two of you, even if his up-and-down behaviour evened out. He didn’t come into your life to marry you, THAT is for sure. Two worlds colliding does not always work out like an INXS song. There are too many things, and in this case mainly cultural values, that would make it impossible. You know this. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun, does it?? Read the rest of this entry »

Holy long overdue blog update, Batman!

The week before last was nuts with work and I got a little overwhelmed with things I needed to get done by the end of the week. Tuesday started off nicely, I met my friend Michelle for breakfast and we made plans for her to pick me up later. We were meeting our friend Kim from Medicine Hat who was in town to catch a flight to Toronto the next morning. So I spent the rest of the day being pampered with a manicure, pedicure, then downtown to get my hair done. By the time I got home it was almost 7:00 and in my email was a note from the man whose business plan I am working on. I was expecting to have the week off from that, because he needed to come to town and get information about his competition. He was doing that over the long weekend, so I wasn’t planning to write his executive summary or anything more until I had that. Well, his email requested that he have something together to show his family before Friday, and just leave the competition section blank. That put me into PANIC MODE because I was supposed to go out that night, had appointments the next day, work all day Thursday, and two clients needed their quarterly books done and GST returns filed by the end of the month (that weekend). And somewhere in there I had to tidy up around here and go through my things to take to a friend’s yard sale on Friday afternoon. I decided I would have to bail on Kim and Michelle that night in order to prevent a nervous breakdown! Read the rest of this entry »