Can You Hear Me Now?

I can see! I CAN SEE!!! I went to the eye doctor today and my dials have been pupilated for hours (I so typed “dials” before I realized what I was doing and yeah, I decided to leave it) and I just got my computer eyes back. I got a new prescription for glasses I’ll have to fill one of these days… sooner rather than later, I have had the same glasses since 1996 and although they were a cutting edge fashion statement at the time… the times they are a-changin’. I’ve got weird problems with my vision because of my MS… my right eye vision is worse than my left because the total blindness I had in it a few years ago left some damage. The muscles in my left eye don’t move properly so that eye doesn’t move like my other one, which accounts for my double vision, and how much worse it has become in the past year. I was so surprised! I always blamed everything on my right eye. Turns out my left is more to blame for that one! (Edited to say… no way, he was wrong, it’s my right eye, it has a mind of its own and jumps all over the place!) Glasses can’t correct all this stuff, (my glasses are just for near-sightedness) so I just have to live with it and hope it improves one day. I joked about how I am exercising every day now, are there any eye muscle exercises I can add in? The doctor shook his head all serious and sad-like and kept referring to “the ravages of MS…” “that terrible disease…” when discussing the various vision problems I have. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like seeing doctors… they can be so negative! The ravages of MS. Don’t be so bloody dramatic. Lighten up! I can deal.

And speaking of MS as I often do, I found this the other day which I think speaks for me and certainly others with MS. I am not directing this out to anyone in particular, it’s just a general overview of some of the thoughts that may go through my mind at various times, along with “he’s CUTE!” and “mmmm chocolate”. My comments are in italics, just because I like to add a personal touch.

DO’S AND DON’TS

TO HELP THOSE WITH MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS

• Don’t assume that just because I look well, I feel well. Looks can be very deceiving. Many days I look great, but I feel terrible. (So true! MS is so deceiving that way)
• Don’t tell me you know how I feel. No one knows how anyone else feels. Two people with the same disease may feel totally different. (That’s why we often refer to it as “my MS”)
• Don’t tell me about your Aunt Mary, her MS and how well she managed in spite of it. I’m not Aunt Mary, and I am doing my best.
• Don’t tell me, “It could be worse. ” Yes it could, I know this and don’t need to be reminded. (I tell myself that all the time anyway, I don’t thimk anyone else has because I always say it first. Heh)
• Don’t decide what I am capable of doing. Let me decide what activities I can participate in. There may be times I might make the wrong decision, and if I do, I’ll know it soon enough. (Learning the hard way is my specialty )
• Don’t be upset that you cannot ease my problems. Just be there for me. That’s the most you can do. That’s the most I expect or need.
• Don’t ask me how I feel unless you really want to know. You may hear a lot more than you are prepared to listen to. (Hmmm I usually say “fine” whether I mean it or not, don’t we all?)
• Don’t assume because I did a certain activity yesterday that I can do it again today. Multiple Sclerosis changes from day to day.
• Don’t patronize me. It is humiliating and helps neither of us.
• Do learn everything you can about the disease. The more you know, the better you will understand what to expect. (I don’t expect my friends to study MS, they’re busy enough! Yeesh!)
• Do realize I am angry and frustrated with the disease and the limitations it puts on me, not with you.
• Do let me know you are available to help me when I ask. I’ll be grateful. Offer me lots of encouragement. (And cash!)
• Do understand why I cancel plans at the last minute. I never know from one day to the next how I will feel. That again is the way Multiple Sclerosis is. (I rarely do this anymore, thankyajeezus, I’m getting better at planning rest days around social/work things and take so many supplements and stuff to help boost my energy! Go me!)
• Do continue to invite me to all the activities. Just because I am not able to bike ride along with the gang does not mean I can’t meet you for the picnic at the end of the trail. Please let me decide. (Picnic! Oh! Let’s have a picnic this summer!!!)

MS is as much a part of my life as breathing. Not a minute goes by that it isn’t affecting me in some way, whether you can tell or not (now who’s being dramatic! Heh. It’s true, though!), so I often feel the need to put something like this “out there”. Thanks for listening.