Can You Hear Me Now?

Today I received a phone call from the youth I met when I spoke at a high school (to tell my story in an inspirational way and discuss how we have choices in this here life). Eric and I met that day and I just felt a connection. He’s a good kid, 17, and lives in a group home. He’s in “the system” and having worked with kids in the child welfare system before, I know it’s not a fun place to be. We haven’t spoken in awhile, although I have been thinking about him a lot. He was supposed to be moving into a new place in June so I figured he was long gone.

But he called me today! He’s actually moving next week, to a place not too far from me. It’s “transitional housing” and he will be living with another Youth In Care teen. There are about 10 kids all together in the complexes and staff live/work in one of the town houses as well. Eric has had a busy summer travelling, doing volunteer work and making presentations about the Youth In Care system… last week he was in Edmonton telling his story to the Government. Kids in the system have to grow up so fast… I didn’t realize that the average age for these kids to live on their own (in transitional housing type places) is 16 and the average age for a typical Canadian to leave home on their own is 26!! That’s a 10 year gap. These kids just want to be kids, yet they are shackled with responsibilities of rent, grocery shopping, living on their own, etc. as teenagers. I left home at 18 by choice so I guess I’ve never thought about it too much… but I do know that when I was living in Toronto during that time and in a shelter for street kids, that the big difference between me and the other kids is that I COULD go back home if I really wanted to. I COULD return to Calgary with my tail between my legs and live with mom again. These kids don’t have a choice. In most cases their parents are non-existent in their lives and don’t care what happens to them.

Eric was away at a camp a couple weeks ago with another group of kids, and they had the best time… no one wanted to leave. For 6 days they were able to just be teenagers before they returned to reality slapping them in the face.

I’m all for playing the cards you’ve been dealt and quit your whining. We all get slapped in the face with reality at times. When I’m in the pool, I feel like my body is pretty much normal and I have almost a full range of motion… I can jog and bounce around. The second I get out of the pool, reality slaps me in the face. Reality slaps me in the face every time I walk into my bathroom and see the big bench in my tub and the raised toilet seat; every time I try to put on a bra or a pair of shoes. From the second I get out of bed in the morning to the moment I crawl back into it at night, I have a whole hell of a lot of my reality slapping me in the face all day. So I don’t necessarily pity anyone else’s reality, because we all have to deal with stuff.

I don’t think it should start until you are at least 18 though!! Children should be children without having to deal with abuse, disabilities, abandonment… teenagers should be teenagers without having to deal with adult responsibilities and wondering what they did wrong to deserve this. (Unless of course they did do wrong, really wrong, like kill someone when they were 16). I just don’t think it’s fair that so many young kids have to pay the price for their parents being idiots. They get tossed into the system and have to grow up way too fast. That’s not fair.

My whole thing is, we have choices in life. We make our choices, and we get results based on our choices. What you eat, what you wear, who you date, who you marry, who your friends are, what you do for a living, etc. are all choices we make and the consequences that result from those choices are our resonsibility to deal with. BUT NOT WHEN YOU ARE A KID!! Parents need to teach their children about choices and how to make good ones, and consequences and responsibilty… so that when they grow up and face their own realities they can do so with confidence. It’s so not fair when you haven’t been given the proper tools and you are thrust into society and expected to just make a good life for yourself.

I’m behind Eric 100%… he is GOOD KID with a bright future. He is smart and works hard and tries hard and I will let him whine about the unfairness of it all whenever he wants.

Until he turns 18